Death of a Cliche: Actually, There Really Are Bridges For Sale In England

© Jimfbleak

Finally, an answer to those red-faced salesmen and severe schoolteachers who kill conversations with leaden cliches about buying bridges. Turns out that not only can you purchase said architectural achievements in England, but the Swinford Toll Bridge is particularly nice and old. It’s not exactly being sold under the best of circumstances – the entire region is embroiled in a resentment-soaked fight over property rights and legal protections – but it was attractive enough to command more than a million pounds. And now someone gets to tell everyone they know that they own a bridge:

The guide price for the picturesque stone bridge en route to the university city of Oxford is 1.0-1.25 million pounds (1.1-1.37 million euros, 1.65-2.1 million dollars)… Built in 1767, the bridge carries just under four million vehicles a year with toll charges starting at just five pence for cars — an income to the private owner that is tax free under a centuries-old act of parliament. “It’s highway robbery,” charged Jane Tomlinson, a local artist who heads a “Scrap the Toll” campaign that she said is backed by more than 800 signatures.

Apparently when the bridge was first built in 1767 the British parliament passed a law locking in the owners’ right to collect untaxed tolls. Since then there have been tweaks – more or less all the money has to go into a bridge maintenance fund – but UK residents are nonetheless skeptical of domestic legislation which predates, say, the American and French Revolutions. Why that should matter give how the UK is a different place from America or France has yet to be totally unpacked.

The bridge ended up going for $1.8 million. We send the new owner our best, wish him or her best of luck collecting tolls from the angry commuters, and want it to be known that – whatever the headaches – we’re still intensely jealous. We totally want a bridge. Although now that we think about it – honestly – we probably wouldn’t even know what to do with it. More than likely we’d just keep it in the living room and show off to guests. “Yeah, that’s our bridge. It was for sale.”