Vagabondish’s Citizen Of The Week

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Head Up Ass
© SpeednutDave

This week’s competitors: the Wyoming lap-dance counterfeiter, the Massachusetts mom who had her son chauffeur her to heroin deliveries, and the Berlin gentleman who robbed a supermarket on his way to a police station interrogation. We agonized over the decision and after much deliberation, vote-trading, and at least two rounds of structural equation modeling, we gotta give it to the German guy.

First of all, both of the others are kind of icky and we’re all about finishing the week on a high note. More importantly, this Einstein drove the same car with the same accomplice – with the original stolen goods still with them – to a second identical crime on the same day. How magical is that?

Officers were following up a supermarket robbery in the town of Blomberg with detailed descriptions of two thieves and their getaway car when they had to return to the police station. To their amazement, they said they discovered a man at the reception waiting to be interrogated for shoplifting who looked suspiciously like one of the pair wanted for the morning raid. Outside, they said they found his accomplice sitting with the stolen goods in a car with the matching number plate. Now the man faces a second set of charges, police said.

Just by way of completion, the current claims from the other two stories are “not guilty” on the heroin thing and “I made the unevenly cut $50 bills on a home printer but that I planned to go back and get real money for the dancer” with the Wyoming idiot. He had booked a “private dance at the Lariat Motel” but the pissed-off cabbie who drove him there called the cops.

If this Citizen Of The Week thing goes well – and if we can avoid the crushing depression that goes along with contemplating the future of democracy – we might turn it into a regular feature. Hell, we can even embed a poll if you guys hit the table hard enough.

About The Author

Omri Ceren enjoys: solitary travel, magnificent ruins, ancient abodes, zoos, museums, urban photography, nature photography, plentiful wifi, vodka. He dislikes: people who talk on airplanes, people who are friendly in bars, people who strike up conversations at bus stops, people who stand too close in lines, people, people's children. He lives in downtown Los Angeles.

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