Detroit Woman Expresses Displeasure At Breakup Via Explosives, Aerosol Tear Gas

2009-12-07 VB - Breakup
© Darwin Bell

There was a Carrie Underwood special on FOX last night, which (a) preempted House, providing yet more evidence that civilization is over and (b) gives us a very weak peg for this story about the worst breakup ever. Or the best breakup ever, depending on where you fall on the “maybe next time he’ll think …” spectrum of relationship dynamics. The short version is that a Detroit May-December romance went awry, engendering ill will in the 29 year old woman who had been dating a 40 year old gentleman.

The longer version involves fire and mace:

Detroit authorities said a 29-year-old woman who was upset because her boyfriend broke up with her has been arrested after she lit his porch on fire. Fire Department investigators said neighbors saw the woman pour gas on the concrete porch and light it on fire about 3 a.m. Wednesday… Police responded to the home Tuesday night after the woman sprayed the man with mace.

The really interesting part is that apparently she was cheating on him, which is what caused the fight in the first place. All things considered, it’s pretty rude to cheat on your boyfriend, then spray him with mace, then light his house on fire. At best we think ladies should limit themselves to two out of the three. And for the record: we were originally going to write “what caused the conflagration in the first place” but there’s only so far we can stretch your patience with our witty little puns.

In any case, this is a less depressing version of today’s story about the guy who killed himself with carbon monoxide over a breakup, poisoning three others in the process. Not to get all emo, but there are plenty of fish in the sea folks. If you can’t find one in the wild, there are plenty of fish farms available to fill in the gaps. Perspective please.

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