No Sex in the City: What It’s Like to Be Female and Foreign in Japan

“We usually have a tough time keeping female teachers here,” my boss informed me on my first day of work as an English teacher in Tokyo. “They usually don’t last more than six months.” I looked up from studying the roster list of teachers (30 — all male), in surprise.

Vagabondish is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Read our disclosure.

“You mean at this school?”

“No, I mean … in Japan.” He shrugged. “Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … If you’re, you know … a western woman.”

I stole a quick glance at the photos that were mounted on the wall behind him. Four middle-aged White Dudes. All of them were bearded and balding. All of them resembled the aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica. And all of them were pressed up against the model-thin bodies of a heavily made-up Japanese Beauty Queen.

I don’t think I’ll have a problem, I thought.

It wasn’t that I was beauty queen gorgeous. Far from it. Slim, medium-height, with hazel eyes and freckles, I was at best ‘cute’ and at worst, average. But I had something that the competition didn’t: long, naturally curly, blond hair. Furthermore, I was bilingual, well-traveled and college-educated.

But as I realized a few weeks into my stay in Japan, I was also mysteriously, frustratingly invisible.

woman-face-blur-4180145972
© Perfect Insecto

Cute baristas at Starbucks wouldn’t look at me, business men on bicycles ran over me and college students hurriedly backed away from me with mumbled apologies whenever I tried to strike up a conversation about the weather or ask for directions. They wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Literally.

“You’ve got to be assertive,” my Japanese girlfriends advised. “Japanese guys are shy so you have to make the first move.” So I smiled invitingly at men in bars and on busses. I asked for help reading restaurant menus and subway signs.

“Do you have any book / drink reccomendatioins?” was my usual line as I stood near them in bookstores or sat next to them on barstools. But the ‘come hither’ stare or conversation starter doesn’t work if the other person refuses to look at you. If they met my gaze at me at all, it was just to shoot me this panicked look, like I’d just asked them to father my unborn children. My boss had been right. It was hard to be a single, western woman in Japan. But why?

I turned to the Internet for advice and was surprised to learn that the Dateless Western Woman was a familiar character in the expat world, at least judging from the score of postings on expat forums by lonely, single females.

But as wide-spread as the problem seemed to be, it was one that many women avoided talking about. Understandably it was a tough subject to discuss without grossly overgeneralizing fifty percent of a country’s population or worse, sounding like a racist or a man-hating, snob.

The pervading theory though, among expats and Japanese alike, was that Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it. Western women in Asia were like the Jennifer Anistons of the expat world. Strong, independent, assertive and outspoken, they were interesting to admire from afar, but no man would ever dream of striking up a conversation with one. Western women were so different, so foreign, they were virtually un-datable.

Not true for their Y-chromosome-carrying expat buddies though. While the female expats spent Saturday nights alone, crying into their Ramen bowls, their male counterparts drank freely from the dating pool like they owned it. Which in a way, they did.

Woman with a Drink at Cuba Libre Night Club in Jacksonville, Florida
© DeusXFlorida

If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.

Not that I wished it otherwise. For the most part, I was happy for them. These men wouldn’t have been able to score a date at home if they’d been a calender but in Asia they’d nabbed the prom queen. They were true success stories. Who could blame them for taking advantage of a magical loophole that allowed them to date women out of their league? If such a nirvana existed for Western woman, I’m sure I’d have moved there too.

But although the occasional coupling sparked the “Is she really going out with him?” question, it was easy to understand why Japanese woman saw Western men — even the nerdy ones — as attractive dating prospects. They were straight-forward and open-minded, for one thing. And through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes, they viewed relationships as an equal partnership, which was something the more traditional, close-minded of Japanese men still struggled to do. I figured that so long as they treated their girlfriends well and both partners were happy with the arrangement, what did it matter if their peculiar quirks and bizarre comments got lost in translation a little? Even the socially awkward deserved to love and be loved.

But it was hard not to feel jealous. Especially as I spent weekend after weekend, bravely facing the club’s dance floor alone while my dorky expat brothers expertly flirted for phone numbers and first dates. They were like kids in a candy store. The Japanese women were gourmet truffles, while the western women were the three-year-old tootsie rolls melted to the bottom of the barrel. The Japanese men might have been frightened of us but the other expat men just flat-out ignored us.

But as I often reminded myself, I hadn’t come to Asia for a boyfriend. I’d come because I wanted to master Japanese and explore a culture drastically different from my own. But I just hadn’t expected that moving my life to Japan would mean leaving my love life at home. As much as I’d enjoyed my life in Tokyo, it just didn’t seem like a fair trade.

Not that the female dating situation in Japan wasn’t without the occasional success story. I knew of a few women who’d come to Japan and left with husbands or fiancées in tow. But they were the minority. Most western women came to Japan single and stayed that way.

I was walking from work one Friday evening when it dawned on me that I’d been in Japan for nine months. I inwardly congratulated myself for having beat the odds. I’d proven my boss wrong. But as I trudged home to face another evening of reruns of The Office and left-over sushi from 7-11, I wondered at what cost. Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, unfemale. When not even a short skirt or slinky top attracted more than a passing glance and even construction workers, who could usually be counted on for a leer, regarded me with bored, blank expressions, I felt like a Martian. And very, very alone. Perhaps I’d been wrong not to leave when the last shipload of foreign women sailed away to brighter horizons and better dating odds.

Because the truth is that Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … if you’re, you know, a Western woman.

  1. Wow Reannon, this is the most bitter but bloody honest read I have seen for months since I came to Japan in early June. I feel for your lonely experience as a foreigner and a female in this country. Sad thing is although most people realize the problem, there is no hope to change it, especially if you are a foreigner…if you want to stay in the country, just accept their “cultural uniqueness” and accept their values.

    I really hope you have found a better path for your life now.

    1. I find that entitlement attitude about sex is prevalent among all westerns . Western men come to Asia believing that because they are white males they are entitled to sex with Asian women. White women come to Asia feeling bitter because they have to compete against local Asian women for western men attention but look down on local Asian men. Hmm…are we racist there? Why do white people have this superior complex and entitlement attitude.

    2. If the white guys are dating Asian women, they’re not racist. But as for the white women looking down on Asian men, that is likely just hypergamy. White women perceive Asian men as lower in status just because dating an Asian man isn’t hip right now. But if it ever becomes trendy do so, white girls will be flooding Asian countries. Women don’t care about the man. They only care about what the man can do for them. Not racism. Maybe sexism. But it’s how ALL women think.

    3. Why do so many non-whites such as yourself have a racial inferiority complex wherein they deflect their own inner racism and insecurities onto white men, claiming that they’re all in someone conspiracy where they all think they are better than everyone else?

      As if you can read every white guys mind to see what he thinks..

      White men are not going to countries like Japan thinking there entitled to sex form women. How silly and insecure for your to think that.

      They’re simply going to countries like Japan to look for partnees because they’re sick of the entitlement attitude western women have, including white western women. They’re tired of the narcissism on steroids and the unreal standards and shallow nature and sexism that stems from today’s typical entitled man-hating third wave feminist who thinks she’s so inflection be side she has a gender studies or liberal arts degree and a low level government job.

    4. Women. Proof God does indeed have a sense of humor. The only problem being they are a JOKE of epic proportions that stopped being funny a long, long time ago.

    5. Ouch! Do you include your mother in that statement?
      Poor little Frank must have been hurt badly in the past. Did she break your heart, Frankie-boy, or is it just that you’ve never had a girlfriend and are bitter.

    6. That’s so weird that you girls had experiences like that. I came to Japan for the first time 7 years ago when I was 17. Now I’m doing my second exchange in Japan and if you count the 1-2 month visits this is my 5th time in the country.

      I’ve never had so many guys trying to hit on me than here! I mean, last time some total stranger tried to hit on me was like the day before yesterday. That happens a lot of times if I’m hanging out alone (at that time I was waiting for my friend).

      I would say I’m pretty, I do dress like Japanese females though (I like skirts, dresses etc) and I speak fluent Japanese. I even speak the Fukuoka dialect. When I open my mouth, some people start asking am I half-Japanese… but I’m not.

      Anyways, I’ve always had a lot of guys hitting on me here. I’ve had partners and sex friends and random dates here… And I kind of feel myself a lot prettier and feminine here than back in my country.

      Though I don’t know if it’s different in Fukuoka. I’ve been to Tokyo only for a month now… But I’ve already had a lot of guys hitting on me even here though. Maybe it’s because I’m really social and always open for conversations and stuff…? I’m not really trying to find anyone special but just new friends, and then they often show that they are interested. I don’t know. But feels so weird that our experiences are the exact opposite.

    7. Whyra you sound like a total bimbo to me because trying to dress like a Japanese girl and think you are pretty is just shallow. Whenever I see white girls trying to imitate Japanese girls, it makes me think less of them. Be yourself. I live in Japan and my gf is a top model in Tokyo but she don’t go around broadcasting how pretty she is. Go sit down!!

    8. So you are basically a promiscuous person who attracting other people through sex. Not everyone is like you and people who don’t want to use sex to attract other people will find it difficult there. Oh, by the way, for a woman to have tons of sexual partners is not difficult. Don’t brag about it, it makes you sound lame.

    9. Ahahaha…look at the haters here. Interesting how they don’t make the same derogatory remarks about casual sex to the blog author. :D

    10. The slut-shaming is strong in this one.

      “Trying to dress like a Japanese girl and think you are pretty is just shallow. Whenever I see white girls trying to imitate Japanese girls, it makes me think less of them. Be yourself.” She is being herself, hon, because she’s doing what she likes. She didn’t even say she was white, and even if she is she can still dress whatever way she wants. Men are not entitled to tell women how they should or shouldn’t dress. Being confident in one’s looks is not being shallow, and that’s mostly targeted towards women because women are ‘supposed’ to be selfless I guess? You sexist pig. She doesn’t care what you think of her, because you’re a disgusting piece of shit anyway, and women don’t dress for men.

      “Oh, by the way, for a woman to have tons of sexual partners is not difficult. Don’t brag about it, it makes you sound lame.” Yeah, it fucking is difficult, asshole. First, you either have to be born attractive or spend money on overpriced make-up. Then you have to have the perfect body which any woman rarely has. Then you have to buy overpriced good-looking clothes. Then you have to straighten your hair, and get your nails done, and act sexy, feminine, and ‘lady-like’, and be a social butterfly. And men can brag being promiscuous but women can’t? Double standard slut-shaming right there. At least she doesn’t have to deal with you American sexist pigs in Japan, because Japanese men actually RESPECT women, and don’t cat-call them in the streets,and rape them if they’re walking alone at night.

      Men are not entitled to judge women on how they feel about themselves and how comfortable they are about their sex lives. And vice versa. Fuckity bye.

    11. I found your descriptions very reassuring as I am about to go on a three-month trip, financed via filming for an indy movie there. Its my first role and we are all unknowns because that’s how they want it. We were giving the option of staying longer after the shoot ends but I was a bit worried how I might be viewed as a western women alone there. At least now, I have some better idea of how I can dress and act and still have a social life while away. Any other advice welcome!

    12. You sound like a girly girl who is comfortable with her femininity. This is attractive to men anywhere in the world. When you say you feel yourself “prettier”, it’s because you are now living in a culture that still celebrates femininity. There aren’t so many women like you left in Western countries, and it’s very telling that you find a more comfortable environment to be yourself in an Eastern country. It shows how warped Western culture has become.

      It’s tragically hilarious how the author rationalizes the white male / Asian female thing as low-status men getting lucky. The truth is they are only low status in her warped world view, which judges men on very shallow criteria. These women have been well-raised and learned to look beyond the surface for what is truly valuable in a partner, and they consider the Western men to be a good catch. The feeling is mutual – the white Western men who end up with Asian chicks do not in any way consider it a consolation prize, they are sick and tired of the entitled attitude and unreasonable expectations of Western women and regard Asian women as superior in every way.

      The Japanese men aren’t afraid of Western women, they just find them repulsive in their attitudes and behavior. This is the harsh reality that the author skirts around. The western nerds aren’t the low status ones, she is. Western women are widely seen as defective across the rest of the civilized world. They’re good for sport fucking by Chad types, but that’s about it – not wife material at all.

    13. Typical entitled Western Girl, you’re able to date way higher up in your own countries with toxic beliefs like feminism and you can’t seem to hide your jealousy at men that leave their native countries and do the same abroad.

    14. For a lot of eastern women, being loved is more than enough. It’s not like in the west where women are given positions of wealth and power without responsibility, and still they bitch to men when they fail to achieve an equal outcome.

      You could have learned something from Japanese women. Instead you complain like a child and demand everyone change for you. Typical western woman, really.

    15. This article was hilarious. Maybe if she behaved more feminine the Japanese males would desire her, but with how se rambled about ‘strong independent blah blah’ I guess she was open about her feminism, which drove suitors away.

    16. Lol, the entitlement, the self righteousness, the stuckup-his-assness are so blatant and raw that one would be surprised if you had any success at all.

  2. Soooooooooooo true! I lived in Osaka for 2 years and can’t remember a single time any of the Japanese men so much as looked at me. To be fair, I was dating someone (another foreigner) at the time so it was no skin off my nose – besides, like you, I was happy for the nerds-made-king – but I definitely noticed the difference between the Western woman’s lot and the Western man’s.

    “Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. ” – AMAZING QUOTE! Again, so true. Great, great piece.

  3. I’ve heard stories from “the other side”, but I think you articulate it really well. I know you’re trying to stay balanced, but the resentment you must have felt (and still feel) towards expat guys is shining through. For what it’s worth, I personally found this more of a burden than “drinking freely from the dating pool.” Because in any country, there will be members of the opposite and same sexes looking for a relationship with someone from another culture; of course, they’re not interested in YOU, just your foreign features. That hurts. It’s a false sense of empowerment, and it’s not healthy to live that way… part of the reason, I think, why so many guys have trouble dating upon their return.

  4. I wrote this while in Japan last year…at a time when I was feeling pretty discouraged. I was definitely resentful for a while there…but I’m pretty sure the root cause of that was just jealously.

    And in all fairness, it’s not just Japan. I think it’s tough to be a single woman abroad ANYWHERE.

    1. Wow, It is like you think you are entitled to sex, if Japanese men don’t want to sleep with you obviously you are doing something wrong, they don’t owe you anything, and you can’t just write blog posts to guilt men into having sex with you. Considering the way you denigrate ‘nerds’ in your article I think it is probably your personality and attitude that made you so lonely and bitter.

    2. You’re right. Let’s keep it real. Japan is obsessed with youth, fashion,and overall attractiveness. Unfortunately for the author she has none of those qualities. Combined with her arrogance and self entitlement, who would date her? Either she gets with the program and understand that she is average at best and will never pull a Japanese man, or just take a plane to Jamaica and call it a day lol

    3. I understand the article. Clearly ones own experience. Comment either agreeing or not agreeing. Why are people saying she only wanted sex…I didn’t read that…did I miss it…

      Also that she thinks she’s entitled to sex….she never said she was licking necks and stealing men against their wills while screaming only love her.

      And how did her looks get into this? Even if she’s not your cup of tea no reason to say she won’t be for another.

      People relax if you hated this article that bad say so then breathe and relax. Get some tea.

    4. What do you have against Metallica? You’re going to get old too, and you’re already homely. You’ll never accomplish what Metallica has done in their career. You sound like a typical western entitled delusional feminist.

    5. Did some ignoramus tell you that because you were a Caucasian woman with blonde hair they’d all flock to you? Lol. It’s mostly other white men that find that ideal.
      Self-entitled much? You are not the gift to humanity dear. You can ask PLENTY of blacks, Hispanics, Asians, and Native Americans. Sheesh. Overall you look average at best.

    6. ‘H’, would you be so kind as to post a picture of yourself…

      Ive had a shit week and need a laugh.

    7. Hey girl, if you are like me, a western women ,then stick to living in your own country. we truly have the best men, well because women over seas are higher in quality looks wise.

      Us Western women are typically oblivious to how good they have it here. It doesn’t occur to us that we’re essentially guaranteed to land a guy who puts much more effort into himself than they do, and be able to have casual sex with guys in a different stratosphere of attractiveness.

      Reality sets in either when they try to land a man in a region that’s not so skewed, or when they have a brother who’s also on the dating scene. The girls with brothers I’ve met via online dating all say that while they’re overwhelmed with attention, their brother has bad results. Needless to say, siblings have similar genetics and are usually in the same “league” of attractiveness. I don’t think we’re strong enough to rationalize that as anything other than a skewed dating market, but we have to be, as it is the truth.

    8. I don’t think western men are the best like you said. But anyways the blogger is very right and her details are fact. The only thing I can chip in here is that any female over 24 years and not married is considered expired and too old (old hag) to Japanese men. It is the culture and thus is the reason you see the school girl trend in Japan. Old men like very young girls so they work very long or pretend to, just to get away from their old hags(wives) at home so they can pick up the school girl on the street corner or the mall to the love hotels. Also Japanese men fantasize Caucasian women but they don’t want to have them as sex partners because Asian women have a different understanding when it comes to sex. They like aggressive and bizarre sex. My gf is Japanese and I’ve been living in Japan for over 15 years and have a lot of Japanese female friends and know the culture very well. I will never date an American white female in the first place because of the attitude and mentality they have thinking they are better than everyone else, and also the sex starved men in America put the women on a pedestal.

    9. You have basically experienced what it is like to be a man in the western world. Sorry to say that, but making a few smiles at people is not an active approach, nor ‘effort’ as you said. If a guy wrote what you have written all the failure would have been ascribed to him, and I believe you need to look at this from that perspective. You should have taken the lead, you did not, by your own choice. Cultures are different and you simply did not play by their rules, so they did not consider you to be taking part in the game at all. And above that you make bitter fun of those western men, as if after all that you had the nerve to think you are somehow better than them.

    10. Maybe this has to do with either, the toxic work culture in Japan, since people are expected to work long shifts, leavinng them too exaushed to find love or start a family, or the stigma of unmarried women at their 30s (search up “Christmas Cake” on Google)

  5. @ Calvin – Aww…Do I really sound that bitter? Oops. I was trying to be funny but maybe I took that too far?

    I hold nothing against expat men in Japan or anywhere…more power to you!

    I think the problem is the time period we’re living in. Living abroad by choice is still such a new concept that it’ll take a while before people get used to the idea. And for women, it’s even less common. It’s an alienating experience.

    1. Yes, you don’t sound bitter at all going on with multiple adjectives denigrating your white male counterparts as “greasy, rail-thin…”

      Following up with a “not that I’m not happy for them” doesn’t make you sound any less like a jerk. For shame.

    2. Let’s be honest. You feeling undesireable sounds exactly like how average guys over in the west feel. Dating is freaking annoying in this part of the world and no woman will even bother with you unless you hit on her and woo her first.

      Dating over here sounds like what you described your experience. unless you are one of the hot dudes (who end up swimming in women) dating and hook ups are extremely annoying for the guys over here with the later even unlikely to be aquireable at all or on a regular basis.

      I seriously should visit an Asian country for a month or so just to see how it feels like to be as desireable as your average woman.

    3. ” Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward..”
      Yup, that didn’t sound bitter at all.

    4. Hello,

      Not trying to sound like an asshole. Just look how you calling the men nerds and how they could not get a woman back home. How ugly they look and so on. This is the issues with the western women, always going off of looks, how they dress and what kind of car they’re driving. They dog out the nice men and threat the bad guys like kings. There are more women from other countries want a nice man and not the bad guys. A lot of men in other countries treat their women like crap, just like the women in the western countries treat their men like crap. So western men and foreign women have a lot in common. Most western women act more like men than women, they lost their femininity. If they don’t get their own way, they will make your life a living hell. Western women think they’re entitled to everything and you have to fight with them all of the time. A woman can attack a man and if the man defend himself or calls the cops. He will go to jail instead of the woman. If you married a western woman and if you get a divorce she can take %60 to %80 of your money. Then you have to pay the woman in till she dies or get married. The divorce rate is a bout %60 to %70, most the the divorces are initiated by the woman. At the end the man is put into the poor house. I’m in the military and I married a Japanese wife for 8 years now and I’m in shape always go to the gym, I eat right and I’m not ugly. Still have hair on my head. I met my wife in Karate class and we dated for two years before we gotten married. She’s strong and can protect herself when she have to, but she how to keep and maintain her femininity. They are more good looking soldiers married to Japanese wives then western women on base. So when you treat that nice guy like shit and go for that bad guy. Act like the nice guy in invisible. Get into that entitlement more. Just think about your trip to Japan and how you was treated. How you felt about it, then you will know how that nice guy feels.
      All thanks to man hating feminist and for giving more rights to women and less rights to men. I got 5 year left in service and I will stay in Japan just like a lot of the troops before.

    5. That guy, Although I believe the context of your post is mostly accurate, you are very misled to believe Japanese women who chase bad boys don’t exist. In fact, I would bet a years salary (Im not in the military, so that amounts to more than 4 bucks) that around 85% of single mothers are the ones who chase bad boys, and single mothers are on the rise in Japan. (btw if you marry a single mother who wasn’t widowed… ROFL on you) Also, ones who exclusively date foreigners are typically used and thrown away, hoping the next gaijin will be the one to “save them.” Reality sucks, doesn’t it? If you want a good Japanese woman, find one who doesn’t speak English (at all if possible, very little otherwise), who doesn’t know what roppongi looks like at night, and from a middle class or low class income household. In every case I know (myself included), the women I described are far far better off as wives than the women which fit my previous description. Too stupid to learn Japanese or look outside roppongi? Then you have to settle for the used car with 120K miles.

    6. You do come across as extremely bitter. It really showcases why men in the US are seemingly so dissatisfied by American women.

      For me, every time I’ve traveled abroad, I’ve been amazed at how much more attractive the women, on average, are. I’d attribute it almost entirely to their average weight, but their better dress and fewer tattoos don’t hurt.

      That, coupled with whatever exotic qualities being foreign brings, allows expat men to date higher quality women than they can at home. Especially if they are in shape, or rail thin as you put it.

    7. I’m not trying to be a dick but the experience you had in Japan sounds like the experience 90% guys have every day in the US. I’m pretty sure when your friend said be aggressive she meant to ask guys out not be coy and do the old “oops i dropped my pen” bit. Think of all of the lines guys have used on you and use those on the men you want because now it’s your turn to make the first move. And you should not expect to attract attention just because you enter a room, maybe thats a girl thing but I have never heard of any guy being sad that no one noticed he was wearing a his muscle tee.

    8. Well, and that’s where the ‘women aren’t funny’ stereotype comes from

  6. I didn’t think the tone of the article was bitter. I found it interesting and amusing. And for those of us who have lived abroad, male or female, we can all relate to those times of loneliness and frustration when we couldn’t break through our host country’s cultural barriers. At times it can be tough. But that’s one reason why we all love it so much.

    Thanks for article, Reannon.

  7. Ha! This made me laugh because it’s so true! I lived in Thailand for a year and worked with a bunch of creepy Western guys who got tons of chicks while I found it so hard to meet people, even just as friends.

    1. “…with a bunch of creepy Western guys”

      This unfortunate attitude and shaming of men is one of the reasons foreign women appeal to them in the first place.

      When a western woman labels a man “creepy” it means one of several things; more often than not that she doesn’t find him attractive, or insults him when his circumstances don’t please her.

    2. Wow, what a sexist comment. But it’s not unexpected after this grotesquely sexist read.

      “Creepy” is a favorite word of misandrists seeking to delegitimize male sexuality.

      How dare this “sub-value” man pursue an attractive woman! He is “creepy”!

      Of course the writer of this article is not particularly attractive, and wants a date. (Did you read those pickup strategies?!) Was that creepy? No. That apparently is deserving of sympathy.

      But not the male version. That’s “creepy”

      Go away, Lauren. Take your sexism back to the West where it can continue to masquerade as feminism.

  8. Really love the honesty of this article. I’ve been reflecting on these issues a lot after having spent nearly 1 year working in the Philippines– I imagine a similarly difficult place for western women to live (if any move here to find out, we’ll know!). It was great to hear your perspective.

  9. Asia is definitely a tough nut to crack, but now I KNOW there’s no hope for me. I’m Black, and when the White women have trouble getting a guy….I can forget it…

  10. @ Claire – I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be female and GAY in Asia (or anywhere else in the expat world, for that matter). I’d be good to remember that next time I move abroad and start to feel sorry for myself for being single! Wow. That would be so tough…I feel for ya.

  11. @ Lauren – I’d imagine Thailand would be worse because not only do you have the nerdy expat men but the creepy, perverted sex-tourism expat men as well…I don’t know if I could stomach that for long.

    1. Yes, all the men visiting Thailand are creepy, sex starved expats and they will try to molest you at the first chance. Great stereotyping!

    2. Calling men creepy and nerdy is not going to change anything. You lost this time, accept it instead of trying to take everyone else down with you. What you experience there is every mans experience and not only for nine months, his entire life.
      Women in the west have reached a critical point in mentality where they get more satisfaction by rejecting men than being with them. You hate men. What do you get out of shaming men who go to Japan for find a woman ? does it make you any happier, does it improve your life in any way ?

    3. You sound like a woman hating beta male. She was just trying to be humorous while talking about her own experience in Japan. I thought it was interesting. It must feel nice to behave like a victim all the time right? It probably makes it easier to deny the fact that you are the reason that you suck, and not because the world is against you.

    4. @Broseph And you sound like a cringey white-knighting male feminist cuck. I’m sure that the authour is going to start dating you because you are defending her entitled soul from all the negative comments here. What an accomplishment to put in your resume.

    5. “you have the nerdy expat men but the creepy, perverted sex-tourism expat men as well”

      And you wonder why you are single LOL
      I will never date a woman who has the word “creepy” in her vocabulary. “creepy” is feminist speak for unattractive-how-dare-he-even-look-in-my-direction. The fact they have to resort to sex tourism is because of such attitudes in the West in the first place.

  12. I was thinking about going overseas to New Zealand for a bit, I wonder if it would be the same for women there as well. Not that I’m looking for a partner there, but not being a social pariah would be nice.
    Thoughts?

    1. No it’s pretty much like every other western country where women have all the dating power.

    2. Most guys and a few intelligent women have already said everything that needs to be said about this lecherous intolerable sexist article.

      I’ll just add one word to describe this ‘vagaborish’ turd of an excuse for a lady who digitally vomited out this article;

      Vapid.

  13. Great article, Reannon!
    I’ve been in Japan for 3 years, with a pretty open perspective on this, because I have a Japanese boyfriend. Therefore, I’m not bitter nor jealous, but I still look at the geeky gaijins with gorgeous girls, and sigh. Many of these ‘charisma men’ become so ego-inflated here that they look at any western girl smugly, as they pass us in the train station.
    I wonder if they know that we’re laughing at them …

    1. “I wonder if they know that we’re laughing at them …”

      I highly doubt they care in the least. Your opinion has zero weight with them – precisely how it should be.

    2. Just like no one will ever care about a wizard’s opinion who would have to travel to asia to even find someting as vital and simple as love.

    3. ” Many of these ‘charisma men’ become so ego-inflated here that they look at any western girl smugly, as they pass us in the train station.
      I wonder if they know that we’re laughing at them”

      You mean kind of like how the ego-inflated overweight western women look smugly – or completely ignore – pale, thin, samurai-sword-collecting Kevin’s, in America? And then, even worse, when these Kevin’s finally get the courage to attempt to speak to the same ego-inflated women in America, he is called creepy, creeper, etc.

      Doesn’t feel so good when the shoe is on the other foot – does it?

    4. >> You mean kind of like how the ego-inflated overweight western women look smugly – or completely ignore – pale, thin, samurai-sword-collecting Kevin’s, in America? And then, even worse, when these Kevin’s finally get the courage to attempt to speak to the same ego-inflated women in America, he is called creepy, creeper, etc.

      Right on target!

  14. Wow, thanks for the insight, congrats on sticking it out for so long although I’m so glad you’re travelling now (and no doubt having more fun!) I’m in Asia too (in the Maldives) and I love it but being a single white girl really isn’t easy here either, although we have the opposite problem with the Maldivian guys – they are WAY too fascinated by us! The staring and harassment is relentless, no matter how you dress or how much you ignore them. So, no problem getting a Maldivian guy to date, but if you want to date an expat then you really struggle because the expat community is tiny! There’s a massive shortage of eligible men and most expats are already in relationships, so when you do ever hook up with an expat, you have to wonder how much of their interest is to do with the fact that you’re available and you happen to be there, rather than anything else!!!

    1. This is exactly the problem men are referring to. Western Men are happy to experience new cultures and relish meeting foreign women. But Western women are so entitled that foreign men hitting on them is “creepy” and you literally would not consider dating one of them.

      I lived several years in Central and Eastern Europe and have come back and started a family with a western woman, but my partner won’t take my name and won’t marry me, as well as all the other problems that have been mentioned by other commenters. My solution is to move back to Eastern Europe and find a good permanent mate to be the mother of my children and give her a few more. I am healthy, in good shape and just made a bundle of money. Frankly, my feminazi partner can find a way to find for herself. She is pst-wall and totally screwed.

      I really tried with you Western Women, but you really are awful, selfish, entitled creatures and you deserve your fate – extinction.

  15. I find this laughably off target…

    “Western women in Asia were like the Jennifer Anistons of the expat world…. would ever dream of striking up a conversation with one.”

    More likely the Asian men simply recognize that western women have ridiculous material expectations of their men and expect to be put on a pedestal at all times (instead of being equitable partners). Bringing little to the sexless & boring relationship other than expensive bathroom faucets, obesity, credit card debt and demands to work harder to afford undeserved luxuries to fit in with their consumer culture.

  16. I found this to be my experience while living/ working as an ESL teacher in Bangkok, Thailand as well. Your article perfectly depicts some of my horribly low moments of single-hood…. but it was worth it for the journey.

    1. > “…with a bunch of creepy Western guys”

      Yes, you are looking only at NPH, Ryan Gosling types to fall over themselves to date you – not the normal person isn’t it? Have you ever tried to reply back to the “creepy” person? No? Well, then serves you right. And you were wondering why only ugly men tried to approach you. Probably because you were ugly too!

      > “Creepy” is a favorite word of misandrists seeking to delegitimize male sexuality.

      Agree with this.

  17. Great perspective Reannon. I’ve traveled (though not to Asia) abroad and find it almost liberating that I can roam about unheeded; I almost feeling James Bond-ish. I’m sure that would wear off if I went to a place with the intention of submersing my self in the culture and saying for more than a month or so.

    I also think the points you make are interesting for another reason. A few days ago, my sociology prof brought up the issue of Japan and xenophobia. Apparently, its gotten to the point that their population is actually shrinking. Any thoughts?

  18. Pingback: JapanSoc
  19. @ Tommy – I don’t know about that…That might be a stereotype of an American woman but I wouldn’t say that it applies to the ones I met while living in Japan. I think that if you’re a single woman coming to Asia to teach English (a job that at least in Tokyo, won’t make you rich) you’ve got to have more motives in life than ‘material expectations’. Most of the western women I knew were poor and hard-working and were choosing to live abroad for the same reason men did, to escape some of the problems of the West (like the shallow, consumer culture, for instance). And not one of them was obese…

    You should give us a chance! ; ) I bet you’d be surprised…

    1. You know, I could relate to the message that you’re lonely and frustrated with being dateless. However, why are you so insistent (along with some commentators) to be derisive of foreign men in Japan?
      1. I know quite a few good-looking, socially apt white men who came to Japan and are having the time of their life, and I’m quite sad that you don’t mention them at all and instead paint the picture that every guy living abroad is a nerd.
      2. You know that even guys who have socially inacceptable hobbies in the West and maybe don’t have the best body hygiene either (out of years and years of being traumatized by their peers they may just have given up trying) still have feelings? Are you okay with bullying? Because that’s essentially what you’re doing.
      Oh and 3., don’t women generally complain when construction workers holler, or they’re regarded in the street? Or is that just a selectional process? Like “don’t look at me when you’re not up to the standards I have in mind” or “Well, if I’m really on the down low I guess I could use some sexual harassment to make me feel better”?
      Jesus teaches to turn the other cheek, but honestly you’re making it hard.

    2. If my wife and I ever leave each other. I say hell no to western women. I tried to many times with them and I say no more. I rather try to rape a polar bear in Alaska in the winter time. Before I even messed with another western woman again.

  20. Perfect case in point to my comment earlier is the comment by Kelly above. Why is she “laughing” at “nerdy expat men with gorgeous girlfriends”?

    Could this statement sound any more entitled and over-privileged? Judging some guy on the surface at a mere glance and determining him to be “nerdy” and implicitly not worthy of the love of a woman?

    Do I need to point out how shallow and racist this is? And yet it is an entirely acceptable and common statement from the majority of expat Caucasian women?

  21. “Judging some guy on the surface at a mere glance”…Isn’t that what you’re doing each time you write off a western woman abroad as “shallow and racist” or as someone who “expects to be put on a pedestal at all times”?

    Just sayin’…

  22. Japanese guys are alright but to shy. I found dating them a little boring but for white girls if you want lots of attention the caribbean and south america is the way to go. Men in those countries are romantic and fall all over white women. And Tommy we can all tell your a loser! Material expectations! Haha you think white woman are all about money wow you don’t know Japanese girls well.

    1. I cant speak for Latin men… but as a man from the Carib Latin and Carib women are the most exotic and exciting women on earth… The men are not falling over white women … especially Americans who can be rude and racist at times.

  23. I don’t write off western women as shallow and racist, but I will call them out on that behavior when I see it – and I did.

    1. You are so right. By the way, this post is not only sexist but is the epitome of entitlement modern women have.

  24. Funny thing is that Japanese women who date Westerners are not into equality. One of the first problem they encounter after marriage is that Western husband expect his wife to work.

    Main attraction, aside from caucasian fetish, is the perceived superior quality of married life, especially shorter working hour of her husband and more holiday.

  25. @ Tommy – I’m not really sure what to say.
    How did you get ‘racist’ out of my comments?
    ..I’m confused.
    As for ‘implicitly not worthy of the love of a woman’, you couldn’t have misconstrued my comments any further.
    Of course love is a basic human need – I won’t get philosophical with you.
    What I was saying, is that the supposed superiority that western men suddenly assume, whilst living here, irks us western women beyond belief, as we know that it is a circumstantial superiority. If these same men that cast smug glances at us in Tokyo were on the streets of Chicago, London or Vancouver, they wouldn’t dare.
    It’s great that their self-esteem has risen – more power to ’em. However, when the attitude creeps in, that’s when I laugh.
    And Tommy .. methinks thou dost protest too much …

    1. Kelly: Don’t worry about the “sudden superiority western men assume”. It’s a scam.

      Japanese men, in record numbers, have done what western men, so far, can only dream of: they have overcome their addiction to pussy. Once that is done, it becomes clear that dating is a lot of work, ludicrously risky, and offers little reward, except for a tiny minority of people who get lucky.

      This is why Japan has the “grass-eater” phenomenon: a large number of men who are not interested in dating women, and whose only concern is doing what makes them happy. You will likely lob standardized insults at them, like “creepy” or “selfish” or “misogynist”, but since they are no longer addicted to pussy, they have no pressing reason to care what you or any other women they don’t know think.

      Those western men you are jealous of? They are not scoring the Japanese Queen Bee. Instead, they are her prey. And once she has them securely in her clutches, the ugly truth will be revealed to them, and they will regret the choices they made, deeply.

      But then, I suppose that makes it less likely you will find a willing, docile, humanoid utility drone that you can exploit, so I can see how you would be upset.

  26. I never noticed the “pale, greasy haired” white guys who you obviously loathe winding up with “prom queens.” They would wind up with women who were attractive by American standards but only average by Japanese standards. This is not surprising since the impression that Japanese women love white guys is largely an illusion propogated by short-term residents who never leave Roppongi. My impression was that most Japanese women, including almost all of the more desirable ones, would not even consider dating a non-Japanese. The ones who go around trying to get foreign guys tend to occupy the fringes of Japanese society, although there are some nice, educated ones who have an international background and have different tastes for that reason.

    I think a woman just has to assume that if she moves from a place with a relatively low quality female population and high quality male population (e.g., San Francisco) to a place where the opposite is the case, such as Tokyo (although the men have really worked on their looks recently), that she is not going to do as well. Simply by virtue of the fact that Tokyo is a relatively young population, has low immigration and doesn’t have the obesity problem of the US, the percentage of attractive women there is going to be multiple times that of a typical US city. I often refer to the US (and SF in particular) as a woman’s Tokyo. In Japan, you’ll see a not particularly attractive guy with a decent looking woman (say a 6 on a 10 point scale). In the US, I often see decent looking men with horribly obese and otherwise unattractive women. It is simply a different competitive environment. The US is kind of a bubble in that way and I think it creates unrealistic expectation among American women (i.e., that simply by not being fat they will be in the top 10% of the female population and showered with attention).

    I think the dynamic is basically like this. A guy who is a 4 in the US will be a 6 in Japan because of slightly weaker competition. Because he is a foreigner he’ll only be able to get a 5 in Japan instead of another 6. But he is happy because this 5 would be a 7 by US standards, So you see that both sides are happy. The Japanese woman is a 5 but gets a 6 by Japanese standards. The US guy is happy because he would get a 4 in the US but gets a 7 by US standards in Japan. It is all based on a different competitive environment.

    I think that to the extent US women are not successful in finding guys in Japan, it is a result of having more competition and not being used to competing.

    1. I agree with jt: the average competition b/w females in j is higher than at home- I suppose it could be tough to keep up.

      I did find the article racist tho- does being white mean you are somehow unworthy of female attention? Or automatically a loser?
      Perhaps there’s a specter of unsatiated self affirmation in your very wholesome (and much “protested”) motivations for travel.

  27. Great insight to the female expat in Japan. I had a presumption the Japanese were not overly interested in western people (men or women) because we aren’t so well off as they are (in aspects like finance, food, technology, etc).

    Although I will find out for myself when I’m there.

    I think it balances out on a worldwide scale though, to be a white woman in a foreign country and not get attention is less common than the countries where you will.

  28. 3 paragraphs of bitterness? Wow.
    And who’s to say that the “magical loophole” place is not the US ? I keep seeing couples of fit, tall, nice looking men with overweight women whom you’re not allowed to judge because they’re “empowered to be at love with their bodies as it is” etc.
    So it irks you that in Japan men who you call ‘nerdy’ have nice girlfriends. Tough luck, if you don’t like the culture why stay and bitch about it ? Travel back to the place were only women seem to have the right to throw smug looks.

  29. I find I’m having a slightly different problem. I’ve been in Japan for about three years, and while I have no problem getting Japanese guys to notice me(especially when I’m in a bar or a club), I’m having a lot of difficultly getting any of them to take me seriously. I’ve dated a few Japanese guys, and despite what they’ll tell me, they clearly only wanted a short fling, to brag to their buddies about dating a western girl. It felt like I was a novelty, and they only liked me for what I was, not for who I was. I know a lot of girls who have Japanese boyfriends, who are super sweet and awesome guys. But it seems like they’re an exception and not the rule.
    It seems to me that all the good Japanese guys are too shy to approach a western girl, and the ones that do aren’t looking for anything long-term.
    And Tommy, reaching much? Sounds like you’re just looking for a fight.

  30. Great article, and dead on. Thanks for sharing.

    There is a loophole for white girls– countries with heavily Black or Hispanic populations. There is a social inequality in race X gender combinations that has been ignored as sociologists tend to try to focus on economic inequality. Races are engendered to some degree. Asian just happens to be more feminine overall, and Black tends to be more masculine. In this stratified system that persists across the space and time, black men and asian women are on top, and black women and asian men are the losers. Whites are about… in the middle. If you think being a white female in japan is tough, try being black.

    Here is my suggestion for a strategy: Try the friend-first, more-than-friends-later approach with Japanese guys. If you keep it platonic at first, you lower the awkwardness barrier for a lot of them. Other than that, there are a lot of cultural factors working against you.

    Also, at all the bitter white guys with asian girl fetishes who felt that they were called out and responded with their bitter comments (e.g. tommy and poisonelf).. LOLOL. Just go back to your anime and english teaching.

    1. Oh, cut the racist nonsense. If black men are really more masculine than white man, then wouldn’t all white women want relationships with the more masculine black men instead of the more feminine white men? And yet it rarely happens. So your “more masculine” theory does not hold any water.

      You are mistaking masculinity with aesthetics. Some features are just more aesthetically pleasing than others. And some people, for whatever reason finds the Asian male and black female features less attractive.

    2. Most people of any race and ethnicity have a dating/courting/marriage preference for those within their own group. Those who date (or marry) interracially are a minority universally. Brandon’s point/link below is astoundingly blind to the fact that asking people within a majority white society who they prefer to date will tell you that “most people” prefer, guess who, white people, like themselves. And then as close to that as possible. The fact that people would use that to guage the *universal* desirability of everyone to every race and culture is an example of white culture putting itself at the center of the world.

      Regarding the desirability of black men, the majority do not have a preference for white women, so it wouldn’t really matter how desirable they were considered by them. Like I said, most everyone has a preference for their particular group, with a minority who choose to seek out what they consider to be exotic and different.

      Aside from the issues that Japan has with the US for clear historical reasons, it’s silly to assume that one would go to another country, with a highly distinct race and culture, and be the preferred choice there, and because of long, blond hair? Again, that is so culturally presumptuous. The writer didn’t seem to get that she *wasn’t* in white society with its particular aesthetic ideals.

      And as far as American men elsewhere, one can never separate perceptions of Americanness with perceptions of wealth or status or visa opportunities. The worthwhile documentary “Seeking Asian Female” is pretty explicit about that.

      Oh, and there are some good YouTube channels by black American women who went to Japan, a couple of whom married Japanese men. YouTube user names: smartalecky1, miso mauraa, there are others who are searchable…

    3. Edit for the above: Regarding Asian females receiving a higher response rate, I think it has to be taken into account as well that people often use online dating (or “app” dating)–especially men–specifically to seek out interracial relationships. It’s not a standard group.

    4. Bitter white guys are not allowed to respond to an article written by a bitter white girl :) ?

  31. Wow. It would see like I’ve struck a nerve with this…
    Wow. I seem to have struck a nerve here…

    @ Brian – About that link…I’m not sure what the ‘American women are fat and Japanese women aren’t’ argument has to do with any of this…

    Obesity in the US is a definite problem for BOTH genders…but I wouldn’t say it effects the expat population in Japan much. Most of the foreigners I saw there weren’t obese (or even overweight, for that matter). But maybe your experience has been different?

  32. Oops…I also seem to be repeating myself. ; )

    @ JT – Really? Is the problem really as simple as ‘having more competition and not being used to competing’?

    I think that’s oversimplifying things a bit.

    I can only speak from experience, but I certainly didn’t spend my year in Japan sitting around waiting for men to ‘shower me with attention’…I was proactive about it.

    Generally speaking, Japanese men are shy which makes everything more difficult. I think that competition or no competition, there’s no way of getting around that.

    1. I love your article Reannon! As a single woman who has also travelled to Japan (I am Asian, studied in International School and travels for fun, but for mostly work), your story is something that resonates with what most of us single women will get that it’s tough to date in your hometown, let alone a foreign city where cultural difference along with the language struggles combine in an interesting, yet frustrating way. Your article Has the elements of the modern Sex and The City in the social media age and in a different city. Thanks for this read! I would love to hear more of your adventures in the land of the Rising Sun,

  33. @ Poisonelf – I’ve never found the US to be a ‘magical loophole’. Where are all these fit, gorgeous men with unattractive girlfriends that you guys speak of?

    Tell me and I’ll move there… ; )

  34. Yes, I think it really is almost entirely about competition. Foreign men outnumber foreign women by about 5 to 1. And if even a tiny percentage of the Japanese male population had a Western woman fetish, they would exceed the supply by many thousands to one. I don’t think you can really argue that the supply of men isn’t there even if many of them are too shy. It’s the demand that is lacking. Of course, given your description of the expats as dorky and the Japanese as frightened, I guess perhaps no one is up to your standards.

    That said, I don’t think your experience is representative. The non-Japanese women I know in Japan, aside from North Americans, seemed to be able to find men (although they were generally other expats). I am sure their pool of potential dates was smaller than at home but that applies to the guys as well.

    I think if people are used to being expats they shouldn’t have any more trouble finding a guy there than in any other country. Given how tight knit the expat community is in Tokyo, it is in fact probably easier to be an expat there then in most other places.

  35. @ JT – I’m in Hawaii right now, actually.

    My experience is that people tend to attract people of the same attractiveness level, whatever that may be (certain island countries in Asia, excluded of course… ; ) ). So that’s why I don’t follow your ‘ugly woman / beautiful man’ theory…but hey, maybe you’re right.

    I think that you’re definitely right about the dating scene in Tokyo being easier than in other places and there’s some truth to your idea that the people who find it easy to find a date at home will be able to find a date ANYWHERE, no matter how challenging the circumstances or small the dating pool may be.

    But that doesn’t mean that it’s not tough for the rest of us average people. I don’t know if my experience is representative of every western woman in every Asian country, but it was of my time there – and the other western women I knew there as well. And until a giant scientific study is conducted on the subject, that’s all I got…

  36. I guess our experiences differ. It would be rude of me to photograph fat ugly women with average men so I have no way to prove my point. I also didn’t see many white men with significantly better looking women in Japan. If anything, couple of mixed attractiveness is something I see far more of in the US.

    I also didn’t find the white guys in Japan to fit the stereotype. First, a large percentage of them are gay so they aren’t there to chase women. A large portion of the rest are reasonably educated, well to do professionals. I think your experience is based on spending too much time with English teachers.

  37. @Reannon
    Sorry to disappoint, but it’s not so much that you struck a nerve, since I’m European, living in Europe, and NOT dating a Japanese woman.

    It’s that while your article is interesting at first, you then spend 3 paragraphs insulting and belittling men out of spite, jealousy, or what have you. I say bravo to any man or woman who struck gold as you seem to say in the dating world.
    And most comments by women do not respond to the core of your point, but to those 3 paragraph, also oozing spite for no reason. So yeah, it’s obnoxious.

  38. Also, my comments on overweight women and attractive guys are based on many friends from the US (I studied in an American college), sorry but I can’t pin point a specific location.

    And finally it seems that a few people here, both male and female, disagree with whether Japanese men date Western women or not. Perhaps it’s not the culture after all…

  39. Reannon, I think you just struck a nerve, because a lot of western men are super-defensive about this topic – maybe because they know it to be true.
    My gaijin male friends here are cool enough to laugh at their counterparts, and themselves.
    It’s a funny part of being foreign in this culture, that’s all.
    Of course, it is a stereotype, and a lot of men here that I know are educated professionals, a lot of whom are dating western women too.
    @poisonelf, Japanese men do date western women, but they tend to be men that have lived overseas, or at least speak another language. Also, I don’t think that we are responding out of spite – and it’s not obnoxious ..
    Note that the men on this thread have vastly different opinions and perspectives from the women.
    Who’s right and who’s wrong? Who can say – but both genders have the right to speak out.
    And if you think that the women are being obnoxious, I challenge you to read what the men have written above, re: western women being materialistic, overweight, and entitled.

    1. I like how most of the men on here are gloating about how bitter the article is and when the comments from them are 100 times more salty and honestly outright hateful than any of the content in this article.

    2. Well she insulted an entire segment of people, the reaction is justified, she deserves all she’s getting

  40. @ poisonelf- I don’t think what I wrote was any more ‘belittling’ or ‘insulting’ than calling someone ‘obnoxious’ and ‘bitter’ for poking a little fun at a stereotype…

    @ Kelly – Yeah, everyone needs to lighten up! I think this is the case of the pot calling the kettle ‘bitter’. Sheesh.

  41. Well, as you say, no reason to turn this into a never ending series of veiled or all-out insults. Opinions are opinions and this is the internetz.

    It’s just that sometimes I feel Western women choose to only recognize two extremes.
    One is submissive/victimized/hapless woman and the other over-empowered/superiority complex/deserve-to-rule-world princess. I kind of prefer the middle ground of equality, respect and harmony.

    And sorry, you can try to deny it, but comments like “I wonder if they know that we’re laughing at them …” stem off of mindsets belonging to that second extreme I described.

    PS. I never called all Western women overweight, that would be silly. I said, in the US especially, overweight women marrying average or slightly above average guys is quite common, and burn the man who dares comment.

  42. @Reannon – Thanks for the article. I currently live in Japan and deal with the frustrations of culture clash on a daily basis. I don’t really like to make hollow inferences, so I will try my best to provide some evidence to my comments. A few things:

    -Foreign languages–and most potently English–are a realm plundered most by women in Japan. This trend is seen throughout the world as well, but more strikingly so in Japan. Men typically do not study foreign languages as eagerly as women; this could be a major reason for why Japanese women are more willing to speak with people of different nationalities and cultures than their male counterparts. There is quite a bit of research behind this hypothesis, but you would have to synthesize several different sources to grasp the broadview. For example, many studies contradict one another, but they draw from different demographics (those who study English, people of certain industries, general population, etc). Good example: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-971X.2007.00488.x/abstract

    – From a male perspective, I can absolutely relate to the anxiety a Japanese man might feel if a foreign woman started flirting with him. It is stressful enough to be confident in public with the intention of getting laid. But when a woman approaches me and she either speaks my language with a heavy accent or a foreign language, my confidence rapidly deflates. How do I be charming? How do I be funny? I know this is a character flaw, but I feel most men take upon this responsibility when they are single and mingling.

    – My advice to any woman abroad in Japan: make good friends with your foreign male friends. No, make great friends with them. They will be your wingman. It is much easier for Japanese men to talk to foreign men. We, as a gender, understand eachother enough to know when they are interested in talking to a woman. We will go up to the Japanese guy and make them feel comfortable in talking with you. I help my female friends here in this way, to great success.

    – In order to make friends with us, don’t make fun of us or patronize us. I am balding, but some women like that! Daddy issues are awesome.

    – From my understanding, it is also difficult for a Japanese woman in Japan in get a date with a good guy. The only men confident enough to approach them are also arrogant and selfish. Foreign men, however, are eager to date and approach women. So perhaps that is the two-headed serpant: Japanese men are not successful in approaching women, so many women (including women of different cultures) experience a much less active sex life. And who is there to pick up the slack? The non-Japanese men, of course.

    – Foreign men also struggle with their sex lives in Japan. It’s not like shooting fish in a barrel. I do feel we have an immediate advantage though. I am reminded of the iconic “Spanish foreign exchange student”, or the “mysterious British guitar player”. There is something about the mystery, exoticism, and uncertainty of a foreigner to a woman that simply makes things easier for men. It is convensional wisdom within our culture, often depicted in film and television, and I believe that attitude translates to Japan. That’s not our fault, it’s just the advantage of any man who stands out in a foreign country.

  43. you can keep the Western women in the west. They are fat, evil and smell like yeast. in addition, they think that everyone should be nice to them. They seem to be expecting some thing that they do not deserve. I say stay away eeeuuuwwww! Western woman black or white. eeeeeww, nasty.

  44. Bitterness abounds. So you were mad that guys you felt were below YOUR standards were somehow dating out of what you considered their league to be? Sounds like you deserve to be alone.

  45. 15 years ago I was working for NEC and took a few of the visiting Japanese sararimen bigwigs out on the town after hours. Around 12 shots into the evening one of them said that a common belief among his countrymen was that western women have big, loose vaginas to accommodate the larger western penises, and that white and black women were seen as less desirable in Japan due to that fact.

    He might have been fucking with me but he seemed a touch too drunk to be capable of deception.

    1. that’s interesting. perhaps japanese males have smaller dicks on average. sorry but japanese males in general are not attractive at all. i wonder what they say about japanese or any asian women who slept with white or black males?

    2. Well, I’m sure Japan is close as Korea in regards to the culture (they are similar) and I lived in Korea for 12 years. If you’re in public with a Korean woman, or asian in general not knowing she’s not Korean (like my ex-wife who is American born Laotian) they will slut shame her in their native tongue. Calling her a foreigner’s whore, etc… I’ve had that numerous times happen and since I spoke Korean would shoot right back.

  46. “My comment is awaiting moderation.”

    In my experience that usually translates to “My comment will see the light of day if it doesn’t diverge too far from the site owner’s views. Otherwise, hello bit bucket! A better solution if you desire non-sycophantic discourse is to make it hard for bots to register via various means like annoying captchas. Add a captcha to this site and I will likely curse it when it rejects my fourth try to match its inscrutable pattern, but I will also not look down on you

  47. Afriad indeed. I meant to type ‘afraid.’ And now Reannon has the power to make me look like an idiot via selective moderation approval =(

  48. In my travels, I saw the same thing from a male’s perspective, and I have a slightly different take on it. The problem is that American women are known the world over as being self-centered and demanding princesses who feel like men should be kissing up to their posteriors.

    Not so in Europe, and most assuredly not true in Japan.

  49. @jeff73 no you managed that all by yourself…

    I think there are a lot of people commenting who have very little or no personal experience of living in Japan. It’s not bitterness that drives the person to write this article… much more likely frustration and loneliness.

    The Japanese have a huge awe for the West… and pick and choose many fashion and cultural elements to blend in with their own culture, but they do not take the culture that have given birth to them- they seem a superficial wrapping on top of the Feudal class system that exists in a very way today in japan. the greasy (not always) foreign nerd however is never allowed to enter this system and remains firmly outside, this is double edged… you can date all ranks of society without the usual “way above your level”, because they all presume foreigners live like the role models they are bombarded with (George Clooney / Brad Pitt etc. (Suntorry time)). The down side is that you will never really be able to integrate deep down…. this is compounded for women as the feudal hierachy dictates that women are automatically below the male, so how do they handle this and why would they want to buck the system of the guys being pampered by their submissive wife, having an opinionated wife/partner/girlfriend in public in Japan is like playing with fire, opinions are not welcome or expected.

    Japan is quite an old fashioned place in many respects, and conformity is rife, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.

  50. “you can keep the Western women in the west. They are fat, evil and smell like yeast.” This is hilarious… I think the same thing was said of bread in the 18th century.

    One last comment, failure is seen as very un-macho in Japan. The potential for a Japanese man to look a fool using a language he’s not familiar with is enough to make the unsure decide to keep their mouth shut. As @JT mentioned… if you have little confidence in your ability to add humour or flirt it’s going to be a very brave guy who heads into the storm approaching.

  51. As an average looking, career-successful, white guy in the US, I felt the same way. I.e. seemingly invisible to attractive white women under 150lb.

    Having then tried expat life in Japan, I am glad there is a place where some of us are more appreciated. :-)

  52. Wow, you guys.

    I feel like this an Elementary school playground and all the boys are telling the girls that they’re smelly and evil. It’s pretty funny how personal everyone seems to have taken it all.

    I also think that it’s interesting that American women in particular seem to be getting the most of the insults.

    Divemedic, you mentioned that American women are “known the world over as being self-centered and demanding” but wouldn’t you say that’s a widely-held stereotype of Americans in general? Wouldn’t you say that quality affects both genders equally?

  53. I second divemedic. American women are a common object of ridicule among the Europeans (as are Americans generally). I never heard them discussed by the Japanese but when I would solicit opinions they were polite but negative.

    @Reannon – you make negative blanket generalizations about an entire demographic (even though it isn’t really that closely related to the point you were trying to make), agree with the catty comments of the equally bitter female posters you attract, but then, when a few male posters disagree in a (generally) measured way, you call them childish? That’s hilarious and so girly. If you’d been that flamboyantly feminine in Tokyo, maybe you wouldn’t have had a problem :)

  54. @ Jt – “When a few male posters disagree in a (generally) measured way…” Dude, ‘measured’ wouldn’t be the word that I’d use to describe some of those comments. I mean, calling all American women fat and EVIL? Nevermind what Jeff said…

    I wasn’t calling anyone childish. I was trying to lighten the mood of this comments’ forum because I think it’s gotten, well, intense. I would say that 90 percent of both the female AND male commenters have had very interesting, polite and intelligent things to say on the subject.

    Stop trying to pick a fight with me! It won’t work…

    Truce, okay?

  55. Honestly… American women tend to have a terrible reputation the world over, and i can only imagine how ingrained these stereotypes and rumours get ingrained when it comes to places as xenophobic as Japan.
    Not to say it’s true, but from experience most Americans don’t really help themselves. I really do hate to generalise, but i couldn’t help but laugh when out of all the reasons you picked for them not finding you attractive, it was because they were intimidated by your western charms and strength of mind.

  56. @ Stu

    Right on. That’s the main root of the problem. What Western Women think is attractive to men is not what men in any other country (except Western Countries) want.

    I have traveled all over the world conducting a multi-billion dollar business, and American/Canadian women are valued about as much as a homeless man in New York City. They are viewed as feminazis, narcissistic, histrionic, materialistic, shallow, and useless.

    Now I am not one to generalize, but even from my own experience, I cannot say this viewpoint is not that far from the truth. Why else do you think America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world? Generally speaking, American women make the worst WIVES, but are known for being great for CASUAL UNATTACHED SEX.

    And all of those things I just said do not come from my mouth, but from the mouths of others. Its sad really, but in all reality the whole feministic/materialistic revolution is probably to blame. I’m all for equal rights and treating someone right, but I think American women have lost their perspective of how to be a wife and especially a CLASSY LADY.

    Sorry if I offend anyone, as I do not mean to attack anyone personally. This is just what I have experienced and heard through my many travels around the world.

  57. I think your problem was how you went about trying to meet people. I come from London, and strangers rarely talk to each other in busses or trains, or in coffee shops. I was once chatted up by a foreign woman, and I didn’t know how to deal with the situation. At time, I was just waiting for a bus. I was just trying to travel somewhere, and wasn’t looking to make friends or anything. I think it might be similar in Japan.

    Instead, you need to go to some kind of social club. I dunno, though. PENIS! Heh heh. And also, dressing up in skimpy clothes probably didn’t help either. It probably made you look ‘easy’.

  58. @Reannon, You said this:

    I also think that it’s interesting that American women in particular seem to be getting the most of the insults.

    Divemedic, you mentioned that American women are “known the world over as being self-centered and demanding” but wouldn’t you say that’s a widely-held stereotype of Americans in general? Wouldn’t you say that quality affects both genders equally?

    Honestly, American men across the world are considered the best husbands and are held on a pedestal as the way a man should be. As I stated in my earlier post, American women are valued on the other end of the spectrum. They are seen as “feminazis, narcissistic, histrionic, materialistic, shallow, and useless.”

    As I made clear earlier, this is NOT coming from my mouth or expereinces, but solely from what other men and women across the earth have told me. But after seeing women from all different cultures, I would agree that it is the blatent truth.

    Looks are rather unimportant, but I will touch on them anyway, since you would think all that narcissism would be a positive influence on outward appearance. American women aren’t far ahead (or ahead at all). With obesity being such a problem, much of the population is already discarded. Eastern Europe has some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Asian women are very attractive and fit too. Latino women are incredibly sexy as well. The main thing that helps the countries in these regions is most DO NOT have an obesity problem.

  59. Wow, FOUR non-Japanese stereotypes in one blog post: mocking of the mythical Charisma Man (which is really a media creation, much like women “cougars”) and the injustice of the Bitter White Woman in Japan, written by the The Permanent Migrant / Professional English Teacher. A pity you couldn’t find something to write that wasn’t a well known cliche.

    Most non-Japanese (referring to the G7/G8 crowd, not the majority of non-Japanese, which are Chinese, Korean, and Brazilian) live, work, and play in the “gaijin bubble.”

    If you had paid more attention to Charisma Man and looked past his beards, baldness, middle age, stringy hair, you would notice that the Charisma Man meets Japanese women inside the Gaijin Bubble and they tend to stay there. And THIS is what makes Charisma Man so popular with the ladies. When foreigners are primarily around other foreigners, they have virtual home field advantage when they meet and socialize with the opposite sex: they talk in their native language (perhaps with a smattering of Japanese here and there to sound not completely bubbled), talk about things that they know about (pop culture, politics, life in Japan as a foreigner), and can keep the conversation from being driven outside of their comfort zone as the Japanese partner is outnumbered. When confronted, every foreigner will always deny living in the bubble because being seen as adaptable, worldly, and able to “go native” is desirable.

    But the reality is that any short term (less than three years) non-Japanese is going to spend the majority of their time in that bubble (whether they want to be there or not) or alone because admission into the Japanese bubble simply requires more time, experiences, and exposure than a year as an English teacher can provide.

    Take away the Gaijin Bubble, and Charisma Man doesn’t do so well (this holds true not just with relationships, but this also applies to the workplace).

    Like the Charisma Man, many non-Japanese woman also live in the Gaijin Bubble. AND THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY MEETING MEN IS HARD. Men, both in Japan and in Western cultures, are not expected to be submissive, despite the advances in sexual equality. They are expected to lead. But it’s very difficult for a Japanese man to lead when the woman spends too much time in the Gaijin Bubble. He’s either going to be a listener or is going to risk looking foolish and looking like a buffoon by speaking in broken English and not understanding the jokes and cultural references. The Charisma Man, on the other hand, can lead most of the time when in the bubble, even though he’s technically in a foreign land. And if the relationship has legs, he can take his relationship back home to his native country, where he can continue to have home field advantage with respect to language, work, culture, and friends. The Japanese man? No chance of a long term relationship, as he knows that 99.9% of foreigners from G7 countries leave Japan within three years (five tops). If he follows, he will live permanently outside his home field advantage. There are a few men that take that plunge, of course. But they are the minority.

    There are always exceptions, of course (some Japanese men love being in the Gaijin Bubble, and most Japanese women actually hate it).

    To summarize: the reason you had a hard time meeting Japanese men is because you needed to live here longer, speak more Japanese, and hang out with less foreigners. (and even then, it’s not easy. But it’s not easy for the men, either)

  60. As an “ugly” Japanese guy, I agree some points that some Japanese girls have weird fetishism with “gaijins”, not necessarily with whites but quite commonly with blacks and sometimes Koreans etc. (recall the popularity of Korean TV dramas) In fact, such naivety is a common stereotype of some sorts of young women. They are merely attracted to something that seems to be “extraordinary” to them because they are sick of their tiresome everyday life and they’re longing fore “anywhere but here”.

    But honestly, at the same time I have a single point I don’t fully agree with.

    “Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it”

    Sometimes yes — I mean, if they are from Hollywood. But in many cases, they don’t care a Western woman more than they care a Japanese woman. They may often give a glance to her in the city, but it’s only because she is visually noticeable from others, because of her appearance, and they cannot help looking at her reflexibly (and evading their eyes at the next moment to become aware that they were being rude).

    Truth is, in my opinion, talking to a stranger is not so common in Japan as you expect, especially among younger generation or in big cities like Tokyo and Osaka (and maybe this is one of the reasons of the growing unmarriedness of the population here in the society going individualistic). Most Western expats seem quite reluctant to mix with local people and always with their expat friends (for instance, they are always complaining on the Web about the “xenophobiac” Japanese society and its people, but as they never do it in Japanese, few of us realize it and the problems will remain unsolved forever). As a result, most guys here, including me, hardly know them personally and are scarcely so interested in them, from the first place.

    To sum up, what is strange is not that Western women are unpopluar, but that Western men are popular.

    Sorry if this sounded “xenophobiac”, which I know is the common image among Western expats here and I didn’t mean to be, but as there seemed to be a consequence of misunderstanding of discommunication, I wrote this.

    Anyway, I enjoyed this post as an essay. Thank you for sharing your feeling.

  61. Women of the Anglosphere are going to have to realize that they have low market value on the global dating scene. As a first generation immigrant here in the US I was shocked at the incredible amount of self-conceited arrogance of the average American woman, acting in ways that would have never flown in the old country, and American men are saints for tolerating them. For this reason I only date other expats.

    If you wanted to find romance abroad it’s best to stick with other expats. I have an Australian friend who was living at Seoul teaching English and had the exact same problems as you. She’s a tall pretty red head who wasn’t interested in other expats and badly wanted a Korean boyfriend but Korean men completely ignored her. Needless to say she gave up after a while and hooked up with the first expat to show interest in her.

    So here’s a tip for all Anglo women, stick to your own kind.

  62. Reannon – First of all I’m impressed by all the bitterness this article drew out in the other readers! And second, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I lived last year near Hamamatsu, and one of the biggest shocks for me was definitely the charisma man effect! But I had a harder time cheering those guys on. Since gender equality really isn’t the trend there just yet, I met guy after anime-loving guy who dated beautiful Japanese women and treated them like servants! I didn’t end up making it as long as you did…I quit after 6 months. How’s South/Central America though? I’m thinking Argentina is next for me!!

  63. Kellytancita: SIX MONTHS?! And you’re impressed that the “vagabondish” writer lasted for little UNDER A YEAR? Are you kidding me?

    With a time frame that short, I seriously doubt you understood much of what was going on around you. As the foreign population of Hamamatsu is approximately 33,000, with only about 10% or less of those being (G8) Western (3,300), and about half being men (1,600 western men), I also doubt, based on statistical probability and the very small population size, that you actually met “guy after [animé] loving guy who dated beautiful [JP] women and treated them like servants.” And besides, the animé otaku are traditionally stereotyped as being reclusive and anti-social and avoiding real flesh-and-blood women. So which stereotype is it? You can’t have it both ways.

    Do you know how to say “exaggeration” in Japanese? How about “I just made that up (based on stuff I read on the internet) to support my opinion?”

    Six months (and less than one year in the case of the author): Not enough time to learn a language. Not enough time to settle into the community. Not enough time to develop a career. Not even enough time to need a non-temporary visa. And you two wonder why you can’t develop a relationship. What a joke.

    Complain again after six YEARS, then people might take you seriously. Real relationships take time. Casual sex? Not so much, but I’m assuming that’s not what you were looking for – and if it was what you were looking for, you should have been able to easily get it even as a Western woman in Japan. If not, well, You’re Doing It Wrong.

    But of course, it’s easy to blame something or somebody else rather than yourself. A bonus if you can blame the Western man (rather than the Japanese man or Japanese woman), because then nobody can call you out for being racist or sexist.

    Anyway, hope you have a better time in Argentina. I suggest you do a web search before you go: Latin America (and Eastern Europe) are also considered to be difficult terrain for expat Western women in addition to Southeast Asia and Japan.

  64. Charisma Man – I agree. If people are so overwhelmed by being an expat that they have to leave after mere months, I don’t think they are adaptable enough to be expats. It is probably best for them to stay home and limit time abroad to vacations or have more realistic expectations and a willingness to make a more serious commitment before they leave. A lot of these complaints read like an 18 year old writing home during his first month away at college.

  65. Wow, thats impressive. Those Japs are weird.

    Move to a latin country. I would say Mexico because thats where Im from and its very beautiful, but the truth is right now I would not recommend it for drug cartel reasons. However, there are many other latin countries, including Spain, that have sort of the same culture of loving the sight of Western women, where the only thing you need is to be blonde to be automatically attractive to most men.

  66. I have a different take on this issue.

    * foreigners, regardless of sex, tend not to go out of their way to become friends with other foreigners.

    Once u realize we foreigners are a small minority, we should spend more time building relationships with other foreigners.

    * Maybe a contributing factor is just not meeting enough people. I run foreigner friendly drinking parties in Ikebukuro (and yes white and black women come too). Grab a drink then come up and ask me and i’ll introduce you to foreign guys that would like to date foreigner women.

    To save time, you should ask me to make that introduction. It breaks down barriers quickly to be direct and honest.

  67. @Jorge
    Wow, thats impressive. Those Japs are weird.

    Yes, maybe, but surely not so much as you, who insult others only for one entry in someone else’s blog.

  68. @Reannon

    In 1995, I visited Japan for a three weeks as part of the U.S. Judo Goodwill team. I had a friend who was 6’2″ and blond and not nerdy at all and the Japanese Girls (we were both 17 at the time) flocked to him like moths to a flame.

    I on the other hand, being of asian decent (half chinese), was completely ignored. I wasn’t seeking a serious relationship, or anything intimate, merely companionship, but it became evident that I was a non entity.

    My point is, that Western Women in Japan aren’t the only ones who suffer from this phenomena that you outlined and that westerners of Asian decent who are far removed from their asian culture (I don’t speak any Chinese at all) are in a similar predicament.

  69. “All of them were bearded and balding. All of them resembled the aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica.”
    “the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy”
    “These men wouldn’t have been able to score a date at home”
    “the socially awkward”
    “dorky expat brothers”

    Why would we want to date you, when your contempt for us is so obvious? We don’t get this kind of crap from Asian women. That’s why we date them and not you.

  70. I have been away from the west for a short while and I with you all the way, I’d say from a somewhat normal males perspective someone like yourself would be like a breath of fresh air… great article….

  71. Interesting article. I am thinking about making a move to teach in Japan from South America. I just want to live in a more modern country with a higher standard of living. I have always imagined that Japanese guys hate american guys or something. I guess I thought this because I read that in Japan they wont let American guys into clubs and bars. I am an american expat in Brazil, and wow do we get attention down here. There are many, many more women than men in general in Brazil, add this to the sad but true fact that Brazilian men have a bad reputation as cheaters. (before I get flamed I said they have the reputation, not that they all are) and American guys, if they are not overweight or ugly, can date girls so beautiful that you can’t imagine. Brazilian are all about looks though, so the nerd is not going to get very far down here. But if you are a good looking American man down here you will literally have model like women STALKING you… this turns into a big problem when giving private lessons… “is she going to keep paying for the lessons after she realises I am NOT going to date her or sleep with her?” you might ask yourself… the answer is… No, she is not.
    ANWAYS>>>> I prefer to date western women even if they are not the long legged super model types we have down here in Brazil… that’s because I find western women to be able to hold a stimulating conversation, and I can simply relate to them on a deeper level because of our shared culture and language. So maybe I should go to Japan and find a lot of dating opportunities with all the single expat babes! If the Japanese guys are too shy to even buy a girl a drink that’s their loss!!

  72. @Gringo
    “I have always imagined that Japanese guys hate american guys or something.”

    Who told you that? As a Japanese guy, I can assure you that’s not true if I am not deluded. I know no one who hate American guys. Of course there exist some people here who hate the American Government, not people, because of their ideology (most of them are ultra leftist, not right wingers), but they are so rare that you can forget them and there would be no problem.

  73. @ Gringo – Wow, sounds like you have a good deal going for ya down there in S. America…Why leave? I mean, super models stalking you…I wish I had that problem!

    Anyway, Japanese men don’t hate Western guys. That thing about them not letting foreigners into bars…that’s really rare these days. I don’t think you should have a problem.

  74. Hi Reannon,
    When I was living/working in Japan I heard foreign women discuss this phenomenon. It seemed to be the trend/epidemic that western guys/japenese-girl coupling was much more common then the reverse. Here’s what i noticed. when i arrived and for most of the time i was there i did get a fair bit of attention from western guys and some from japanese guys i met at social clubs and work. Like you, I am not drop-dead gorgeous but rather cute/average. The attention i usually received, however, was not sincere. I taught at a university where most of the colleagues in my department (English) were western males in their 30’s and 40’s and most of them happen to be married to Japanese ladies. Like many of their Japanese counter-parts, they wouldn’t go home until late but not due to work rather lingering around the office watching videos, playing computer games or engaging in long, long conversations with us, female colleagues or going out with the boys for beer and/or hostess clubs. At social gatherings, they usually sat with each other at one table, rarely interacting with their wives. When their kids approach school-age, they are faced with a dilemma: Sending a bi-racial child to school in a homogenous country like Japan is not easy. However, sending them to an international school is very expensive, especially on a single-income teacher’s salary (wives there usually don’t work there). Another option is to go back home. Many often have to return because the wives whose English is competent by local standards is usually way below what is needed to obtain employment or even survive in the USA etc. Furthermore, many do not have the skills or training to compete in the work force where dual-income households are the norm. This what i frequently observed after the honeymoon is over!

  75. I love how feminists are all convienent biological and evolutionary determinists when it suits them.

    However the second you start discussing intrinsic differences between men and women which serve to explain and further justify the social and economic stratification of society, they shit themselves.

    Hilariously bitter.

  76. American women. The most entitled creatures on the planet.

    And even when reality takes you by the neck and shoves your noses into your shitty attitude you manage to blame everybody else for being nothing but horrible partners to men.

    You may laugh at the nerds you´re feeling so much better than. But they will get laid and make money for their new families while you will end up as cat ladies when the bad-boy cock carousel throws you off for the new hot tweens.

    Karma is indeed a bitch. Love it.

  77. While many of the people posting on this are definitely bitter internet hero’s there is a good point to be made about the American mindset and how it affects this.

    It is true that you don’t look inward to figure out why you weren’t getting the attention that you thought you were entitled to. It’s also true that you don’t appreciate that you are in Rome, and the burden is on you to adhere to Rome’s expectations and not the other way around.

    American women really are pretty screwed up. They are encouraged by their culture and the women around them to have a high set of expectations and a glorified sense of their own self worth, to treat “men” as some unified group and to disregard them as individuals.

    American men get used to being treated very poorly by women and if they talk about it they are told that “men treat women like that all the time” which is not a good excuse nor is it particularly true. Because the women never learn to treat men with respect as equal human beings, capable of the full range of thoughts, emotions and dreams, they live within a framework of rules and expectations when trying to interact with them. This largely consists of sending severely mixed signals and failing to communicate effectively.

    As men from other culture’s are not typically used to dealing with this, they interpret it like any outsider would, as a lack of interest in them.

    Try treating this person exactly like you want to be treated and ignore learned gender rules and you’ll have far more succcess.

  78. Hmm…I am not sure how the view any of this…lol. I think things have changed since I was last in Japan. But when I traveled there a lot back in 2003-2006, I had many Japanese men as friends and a Japanese boyfriend who was pretty cute. And before you even ask, no I am not cute, rail thin, or white. I didn’t go to Japan looking for a man period but I did go to have a good time and a good time was had by all. Yet, I have heard all the stories about foreign women having a time getting a date in the land of the rising sun. Your article was an informative and open look at how you felt about your experiences as a foreign woman in Japan. It took some courage to put that all out there so thank you for sharing it with us. I’m not sure what attracts the opposite sex these days…I’m an old timer by today’s standards nowxD but don’t give up and be positive. I know that sounds like a self-help slogan but it works for me. I am the one who doesn’t expect a guy to notice me let alone buy me a drink and yet the opposite happens. So keep the faith, he or she is out there people. ^_^

  79. Thank you writing this article. I found it very interesting and it was nice to hear of others with similar experiences.

    Some of the comments from the male demographic are very shocking and uncivilized. Asia can sometimes bring out the worst in men, shame they can’t keep their feet on the ground.

    Japanese male-foreign female marriages actually outnumber foreign male-Japanese female marriages. It’s just they are less visible as the foreign brides tend to be Asian (e.g. Filipino, Taiwanese). Maybe it’s just that Japanese guys tend to prefer the Asian phenotype.

  80. I don’t know if it’s just me, or what, but I totally disagree with the author of this article. But then again, I don’t live in Tokyo, so maybe there the situation is indeed different.

    I am married (to a Japanese guy), I’m not pretty, I’m nothing extraordinary (thin, blond, wholly average), and I can’t complain about the lack of attention. I get J-guys chatting me up in konbini parking lots.
    I smile at people (both men and women – not unheard of in the countryside) and men smile back, maybe even too eagerly.

    Going to any festival gets me at least a couple of name cards (phone numbers) and date offers, all from much younger Japanese guys, who are quite sad to find out that I’m married.

    Really, I don’t see how a western bilingual woman could stay single in Japan for more than a month. And I had to ask my resident J-guy for his thoughts on this.
    His answer – attitude. Uppity attitude and a smell of desperation are universal turn offs for guys, all over the world. His words, not mine. So now you have it, from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

  81. good read…it’s one perspective from a women who’s first expectations were shaped with someone saying “Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … If you’re, you know … a western woman.”

    Stop acting like you are all a bunch of human behavioral experts.

  82. You are absolutely right. However, for smart foreign men, I am including myself here, the dating pool is made even more vast by the existence of the dateless foreign women. I have happily (and unhappily) dated foreign women who are WAAAAAY out of my league. This has had a serious ego fattening affect and I will certainly need counseling in order to re-adjust to life back in Canada but, for the time-being, I have super-powers.

    I wish you better luck in love, lust and all the wonderful little human things that make it fun to discover new people.

    Happy Hunting!

    ~Horndog

  83. Just found this web site and this was the first article I read… if all articles are this good, I think I have discovered a new favorite web site.

    I am a little surprised at some the uproar from a few readers… as a western man who spent some time in Japan (along with my western woman wife) I think I can be an objective observer. I thought Reannon was right on every account AND she did a wonderful job of pointing out a very real issue while at the same time being provocative and funny. Great article Reannon, looking forward to the next one.

  84. It’s a very male-dominated society, but they don’t flirt much openly in public. Foreign men are for the most part outside the norms, as are foreign women. Life in the big city of Tokyo is somewhat different, since there are so many foreigners there, unlike many other parts of Japan.

  85. damn, bringing up the Gaijin God topic is always a good way to spark debate and touch on emotions.

    Have to say, as a Canadian white male married with kids to an Asian and living in Asia for 20 years, in general gotta agree with the author.

    Yep, our Western culture has trended in the last 100 years to allowing / giving more rights and equalities to females and to some males apparently, this is hard to accept. These males usually have a hard enough time as it were in this world, so the extra competition and “attitude” posed by Westernized females only makes their lives more difficult – career wise and in particular with interacting with members of the opposite sex. Their anger and bitterness is usually kept a lid on back in their home country but when they come to Asia, where males generally still occupy more dominant position vis-a-vis the genders, emotions sometimes boils over. Coupled with the fact that for some only god knows reason, many Asian women have a thing for White boys – leads to the Gaijin God phenomena. Consequently, Western woman can be a easy target – belittling, name calling, feminazis overtures bordering on misogyny and so on. Yeah, we are top of the totem poles again – lets get our licks in. I’ve seen it in Korea, Japan, Thailand, Taiwan and the Mainland.

    Most reasonable and open minded people however, will understand and agree that gender equality is a good thing and a moral standard all cultures around the world should strive towards. It ‘s a mystery to me how some of us drop our engrained values (and a good deal of grey matter), once we step on a plane to Asia.

  86. Interesting article. I read it and other similar articles on the plight of foreign women before going to Tokyo, and prepared myself for loneliness, and even bought a flexible ticket in case I wanted to leave Japan for a friendlier country.

    My experience has been the complete opposite… I have never had so much male attention in my life!!

    Here is why:

    1. I realised very quickly that Japanese women tend to be very elegant, and my “traveler clothing” just wouldn’t cut it for socialising in Japan. I bought a few new feminine outfits for socialising. (This was very difficult, as I don’t fit into Japanese sizes).

    2. I don’t usually wear makeup, but invested in mascara, eyeshadow, lipliner and lipgloss, to complete my outfit.

    3. I made friends with Japanese girls, who were happy to take me along to social events, and introduce me to Japanese guys

    4. I am working really hard to improve my Japanese language skills, especially pronunciation, so that I can have a conversation with Japanese guys

    5. I smile… A LOT and make a real effort to make people at ease. I also make an effort to understand someone when their English is really bad, and give them positive and encouraging feedback

    6. Also, whenever a Japanese man I liked has asked me whether I liked Japanese men, I have smiled and said “YES” and pretty soon afterwards, we’d swap numbers, emails, or I’d get an invitation for dinner / karaoke

    7. This is so important: I have been approached by sleazy men on the street, but if you want to be approached by a nice guy, you need to go somewhere where he has the opportunity to approach you. For example, a standing bar, a party, or some sort of social or networking event

    I read a lot of comments from posters about overweight American women. I’m also overweight, but lucky to have an hour-glass figure, and smart enough to wear clothes to flatter my figure. I have had a lot of comments from Japanese men about my “nice body”, which is quite surprising, since my Japanese girlfriends really strive to be thin.

    Sorry if my comment appears boastful. I just want to encourage other western women that there is hope here in Japan. Your social calendar can be completely booked if you are willing to be a little open and have the right attitude.

    Anyway, I hope I have given you enough hope: perhaps the ones who think we “are fat, evil and smell like yeast” are a minority!!

  87. Rea, still here?

    Thanx for the story. Was there as well. Most important time of my life. But you know what, I love Japan for many reasons. It helped to grow up. Went there at 21.

    Have never been a date-queen (am shy) and would never go to a club to find love – simply not my world- but one thing I can say is –> if you feel at home in Japan – and that I do- you feel so much better.

    I had the problem, that people looked at me all the time – and this was totally new for me, a shy and pale blondy from the countryside.
    This “they really think I am pretty!?” – realization was striking. Never had that back home. (until I went back there, changed)
    And those people I met realized, that I am a tomodachi-type, not a “Tussie”, not after money at all – not a fan of Vuitton etc. And very honest. Tatemae is not my style and never will be. I cannot recommend anything but “be yourself” and “get your emotions together”.
    You surely can get very depressed in Japan – but only if you let those bad feelings in. Smile at people, be optimistic and don’t ever feel ugly. Mr. right is just as hard to find there as back “home”.
    If you love Japan and it’s people, you will be happy.

  88. Come to Korea. They will hit on you and you would get many dates. The western woman is the shining star here. And Western men get dates too. Korean men aren’t as closed minded but still they have some traditional values in them. However, my Korean boyfriend tells me it is a lot easier to date than a Korean women. Easy in the relationship sense.

  89. Not true for Western women everywhere. Go to South American and you’ll need a stick to fend off men. :)

  90. I can relate to this article. Very interesting. I’m living in Taiwan where it’s pretty much of the same thing. Though in my case, I am happy to not be dating because it’s much less drama in my life. When I’m not being stared at/pointed at as if I’m a ghost (this can get quite uncomfortable), people (women and men) usually giggle and turn away.

    Still, it is always amazing how easily those expat guys get the girl; it’s somewhat humorous though slightly sad.

  91. What’s been going on in the economic sector provides an excellent allegory for what’s happening in the dating world right now. Western women have figuratively “priced themselves out of the market” much like what happened with organized labour in the United States and Canada.

    As the world is becoming more globalized, western women no longer need to fear competition from Susie down the street, but also from some other woman halfway around the world. Oftentimes these women are thinner, better looking and still raised with traditional family values instilled in them. Most women overseas are happy and grateful to receive the affections of a well educated western man from a good family.

    Contrary to the beliefs of many a scorned western woman, not all men that desire foreign companions are undateable nerds, losers or outcasts. Many successful and attractive men are discovering their mates and life partners overseas. I predict that the demographic changes that will occur in the next 20 years will be astounding.

  92. Wow, what an extremely bitter author.
    Have you ever taken into consideration that your problem with dating in Asia may be because you just have a piece of shit personality? Or lack a pretty face? That’s a much more likely cause for your pitiful problems.

  93. I’d just plonk in a comment that a Japanese girlfriend of a friend of mine said about the desirability of having a Western boyfriend/husband.

    She said that all Japanese guy wanted was a girl to look pretty and to open her legs. Nothing else was needed or desired. In the West, a guy wanted a relationship with her: spending time discussing, going out, engaging in each other’s lives, doing things together – her opinion, personality and engagement mattering.

    This is only one person’s pov of course. I have read that some Japanese women are looking abroad for husband material. They love their own men, but want more balance in their relationships and culture – more time to relate and enjoy each other.

    Fascinating thread – some good insights and some scary insults.

    I have to say that I’m a little shocked at the attitude of ‘international shopping’ for a partner, which puts me in mind of a multinational corporation looking for labour advantage in a poor country.

    I’m also disturbed by the advertising of women being ‘sold’ on the internet as ideal housewives, beautiful and highly sexual. Many years ago I knew someone who married a Chinese girl because he assumed she would be submissive – yes she was nice, beautiful and intelligent, but he obviously didn’t know much about Chinese women…they can be tough cookies. Sadly, three beautiful children later, they divorced.

    If you happen to fall in love with someone from another country fine, but this shopping attitude makes me cringe. There are interesting, super people all over the place and often where you don’t expect them – maybe they’re not the size nor head shape nor height that you expect them to be. Stereotyping can be life-denying: there are Neanderthals and Spoilt Brats in my country (Uk) but I don’t have them as friends or colleagues or even as acquaintances.

  94. So basically some chick goes a few months without getting laid and has to write a snarky depreciating blog entry attacking white dudes? Huh?

    If you can’t get laid in Japan that is YOUR problem, not the fault of guys who you deem to be below your standards. Rather than lashing out, your time would be better spent on improving your own negative attitude.

    Also, if you were really as good looking as you claim you are, I’m sure that the Japanese men wouldn’t be fleeing from you like an ornery white she-godzilla.

  95. As expected, lots of bitter charisma men here :) They get so defensive when people verbalize the truth – that Asia is full of loser foreign men. It’s similar to overweight people crying foul when someone outright calls them “fat”. Everybody knows the truth but it’s a sin to point it out.

    Just want to mention some facts:

    1. Sex is easy to come by for foreign women in Japan. Duh. Sex is easy for women anywhere. But having relationships in Japan is almost impossible because Japanese men are too sexist and the majority of foreign males are weird.

    2. Most Japanese girls dating foreign men are average at best. Not many girls here are “prom queen” material. Jagged teeth, unflattering clothes, ignorance, pigeon toes, naive as hell, and minimal social skills are the norm. Perfect for Charisma men :)

    3. Many foreign and cultured Japanese women, who have spent time abroad, feel “unfeminine” in Japan because there is a severe lack of attractive men here. It’s a dating toilet bowl. On the rare occasion that you do meet a so so attractive guy, you’ll have to spoon feed him the opportunity to ask you out because Japanese men and foreign men that come to Asia are insecure and have difficulty making cold approaches, especially if the woman is pretty.

    Ladies, if you are reading this and considering moving to Japan, DON’T!!!! Just make it a short visit or do a homestay. However, if you like Asian guys or you’re a Westerner of Asian background, who wants to get more attention from white boys, and you don’t care about the quality of said white boys, Japan might be the place for you.

  96. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone is going to find american women attractive and not every man finds asian women attractive. The insulting comments were so unnecessary. This article was simply a woman sharing her experience. There was no need for everyone to insult and put each other down.

  97. Reannon, I don’t know what it’s like in Japan but as an Asian male expat living in Bangkok for a couple of years I can sort of relate to your experiences. While it’s true that most local guys are too shy to approach western women some of the things that I’ve observed indicate foreign women living in Asian countries tend to think they are too good for the local guys. How do I know this? From approaching a lot of these western women. Perhaps driven out of resentment of the attention male expats received a lot of these women weren’t very friendly and definitely not approachable. Most have that ‘I don’t care’ attitude and seem to think they were above the dating scene, which certainly isn’t going to get them anywhere with any guys for that matter. The perception is western women are hard to approach and hard to please so most men tend to steer clear especially when other alternatives are available. The truth is if you’re hot, guys will dig you no matter what race you are or race they are.

  98. First of all I’m sorry you had to experience this side of Japanese society. Being a foreigner in Japan is definitely not easy, but then again it can be quite interesting.

    As an average short blonde European girl I wasn’t expecting much attention in Japan, but man was I wrong. I was approached by many guys all the time to the point where it became uncomfortable.

    I truly believe it all comes down to attitude. And this is solely my experience! I’m not plotting down any facts here, but as I’ve got many Japanese friends of both genders, this is what they have told me. I’m not pointing any fingers here either, just ot make that clear..

    Most Japanese guys like “the cute, shy, classy and conservative girl” (and I’m talking about the “good” guys here, not the ones who just want to get laid). I soon realized that the more I dressed and acted like them, the more attention I got. This is a whole different culture, and unless you are willing to change a little to intergrate better, you can’t expect to get a serious relationship with a Japanese guy.

    Again, this is just my view on it after living there myself. I also only had Japanese friends while I was there, so I guess that also made me less “intimidating”. And striking a conversation with a stranger in Japan… well.. that’s usually never a success.

    You’ve got to show some interest and respect for their wonderful culture. The keyword is to understand them. It doesn’t come down to wether they like western women or not, it’s all about wether they feel respected by you or not. And I’m not talking about the sexist kind of respect, but the kind of respect that is the core of Japanese society – respecting who they are. Don’t bash out on Japanese guys just because they’re shy. I for one think it’s quite cute and refreshing from the often too pushy European guys.

    If you can’t handle or even like their culture or their way of being, well, then maybe Japanese guys just aren’t for you. There are more than enough people to choose from in this world. Don’t choose one ethnicity just because it suites you right there and then. Find the right person for you for who he is, not where he comes from (NOT saying that’s what you do!). And don’t look down on people just because they are different, wether it’s the outspoken strong American woman, the nerdy western guy who gets a lot of Asian girlfriends, or the shy Japanese guy who is just too busy thinking about his school/job/career to notice you.
    It’s GREAT that we have all these different personalities and cultures in this world!

  99. A Japanese (male) friend told me that he and his friends didn’t approach Western women because they lacked confidence in speaking English.

    My own experience was that I got a lot of (unwanted) attention from married older Japanese men in their 40’s who were more “nikushoku danshi” and younger, single Japanese men were interested enough to start conversations, or take my phone or email, but never followed through in asking for a date.

    So while its possible for a Western woman to have a string of one-night stands, or affairs with married men, getting a real relationship with a Japanese man is more difficult.

  100. I am a male.
    I am black.
    I lived in Japan as a student for a year.
    I lived in Japan as an eNgrish teacher/voice actor/fake preacher/(insert gaijin job) for 4 years.
    I consider myself otakuish at the time and presently.
    I am not unattractive.
    Did I mention that I was black?
    Though not as easy as my Hitler calendar-boy colleagues (man was he right or was he right?), the girls did come easy. There real relationship unless you are hardcore intent on living and adapting to that culture. I believe this goes for both genders (sorry transexuals) no matter what culture you are trying to flirt with. You are in Rome (eventhough we are calling it Japan this time).
    I actually found it just as easy with girls (various races for you wanna be eugenicists) after I left Japan. Maybe some spark just needs ignition in all of us?

    The bitterness from males and females in these comments should give us all insight into eachother’s dispositions instead of incite flame wars (did i use that term correctly?).

    I think I missed something or got confused from reading all of this.

    1. Western= USA White? Oh crap, my pony express riding great grandpa should have known!(bad joke)

    2. Nerds/Geeks/Dorks and the like are not entitled to the same entitlements as this author?

    3. Western women smell like yeast? I’ll never look at my bread the same way again. Sexy bread!

    4. On a global scale, what is the heiarchy of preference of women by stereotypical nationality anyways? How does it go for men?

    5. Is the internet really a series of tubes?

    isn’t much prospect of a

  101. Well, I’m not surprised, I’m a white male, and I don’t want a white woman. Any takers from other races? You’re welcome to them. Enjoy the stuck up attitude and entitlement. Give me an Asian or Black woman anytime over a white woman.

  102. Rumplestiltskin, I’d love to hear more about the experiences of a black dude living in Japan. Unfortunately you won’t be the man I hear those experiences from.

    English teacher? Damn bro, you can barely put a coherent sentence together as it is.

    My experience in China was that blacks were fairly openly disliked there. Hearing young chinese women blurt out things that normally wouldn’t leave a white families living room was initially quite shocking. They have no problems dealing with people in massive generalizations, mainly because I think deep down even they like to believe that “all Chinese people are the same” therefore “all black people must be the same” something to do with societal harmony I guess.

    Even though they seemed so adverse to blacks, it always amazed me seeing the hottest Chinese girl you’ve ever seen with some African bigwig or ambassador’s son in the club. They knew how to pickup chicks!

  103. Thanks for the thought-provoking article. It seems that the issue does not just involve American women trying to date Japanese (and possibly other Asian) men, American women seem to have a very similar problem with British men. This is borne out by the following BBC news item:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/2194941.stm

    I really hate to sound harsh, but it makes one wonder whether there may be some sort of growing global boycott against American women……….

  104. traveller:
    “And don’t look down on people just because they are different, wether it’s the outspoken strong American woman, the nerdy western guy who gets a lot of Asian girlfriends, or the shy Japanese guy who is just too busy thinking about his school/job/career to notice you.
    It’s GREAT that we have all these different personalities and cultures in this world!”

    THANK YOU!!

    I just read every last comment here, and I was beginning to become very saddened by every’s attitudes and behaviors here. I remember when I was a kid, I used to think adults were all mature, reasonable, and respectful. Little did I know that many people don’t mature much. In these comments I see so much arrogance and condescension towards others that I feel like I’m in high school again. I realize I may come off as close to condescending or preachy myself, but I wish we could just step back and look at what we’re doing here.

    Think about what is actually being said. This was probably the worst:
    ” I wonder if they know that we’re laughing at them …”

    Do we need to be enemies? Do we need to be better than other people? Do we need to put people done for the way they are? So what if a guy is born with less natural social skills? So what if a girl of another culture doesn’t fit your own world view?

    Do we need to put people down? Can’t we be happy for each other and in turn work towards our own happiness without the animosity?

    What if I told you I was a dorky white guy with a Samurai sword? Do you think you’re better than me now? Or what if I’m a white guy who has scored with countless chicks at home and have no intention of ever going to Japan? What if I’m part Japanese and I’m saddened by the generalizations and simplification of my culture and people?

    It doesn’t really matter. Stop living a life filled with even a sliver of distaste in your mouth towards others. I’m not saying I’m an angel myself, but I’d like to strive in that direction.

    Next time you see someone, anyone that you have a stereotype for, try to actual think of that person as more than 1-Dimensional: perhaps as a close friend. Realize that they have their own struggles and dreams, and they are not so maliciously intending or pitiful as you think… we’re all trying to make the best of things and come to terms with reality in our own ways.

    Again, thank you ‘traveller’ for being the ray of hope in humanity that I needed to remind me that there are people that see good in people instead of differences, flaws, inferiority.

    I apologize for this comment being overly sappy, but the anger and bitterness in this thread needs are serious counter-weight.

    Oh, and I’ll end with a question of curiosity: are the white women who come to Japan in no way nerds? This isn’t rhetorical; I actually want to know. Based off the talk here, it seems they must not be dorky (not into anime etc.) at all, or you might think some of them would be acting hypocritical?

  105. I just had to say I loved your article and its humour! I see a few comments coming from readers who mentioned the word “bitter”, isn’t ironic that those readers are male!! Typical! Ignore them!! Your article was funny in its honesty.

    I am a female living in Rome, Italy and I completely understand your experience of coming to terms with a cultural difference, though with my experience in Rome it’s on the other end of spectrum to yours in Tokyo. I am Irish and I too am blonde and here in Rome that translates to that you are obviously foreign, so therefore “easy”. Before I leave the house, I have to second think what I am wearing incase it sends the wrong message and attracts unwanted attention from creeps and sleezeballs. I’d often get followed by creeps walking on the street or in cars so I have to be aggressive and shout “Fxck off” in Italian for them to leave me alone. I reckon that to them it’s a game of trial and error and that out of every 50 girls they follow, maybe one naïve foreign girl might engage their attention.

    When I told this experience to some foreign male friends who had stayed in Rome, they were shocked…of course they had seen Rome through different eyes because they are male and didn’t get harassed. In regards to your article, men don’t know what it feels like unless they experienced it so of course it’s very easy for those male readers to say the word “bitter”. Ps: Every culture has its advantages/disadvantages. I love Rome and Italians beautiful culture, but the way they treat women on the street and how women are represented as strippers on their television is their cultures’ downfall

    1. Ding dong. Who’s there? Nobody. Surprise surprise, Italian men don’t actually give a shit what you think and Japanese men (and foreigners in Japan) don’t give two shits what the OP thinks. You’re both stuck in your self-absorbed center-of-the-universe shitty attitudes and woe-is-me when that reality kicks you in the head. lulz.

  106. That’s an interesting read from a different view point and sometime I have wondered about myself. I’m a white American female moving to Korea in June and wondered what it was like for western women in asia. Although I’m not completely sure I agree with you on the chances of western women getting a date in Japan or in Asia being low. Men are men are men are men anywhere in the world, and you are an ATTRACTIVE, well put together, nice body, big breasted woman from ANY country, getting a date is not hard. I’ve had tons of asian men hit on me, most of them tell me they really fantasize about dating a white girl. However, so many of them are shy and many, unfortunately, think that all white girls think that all asian men have small ***** and don’t find them as attractive in comparison to white men or other races and they also tend to think that because they can’t speak perfect english, we must not be interested in them or they are so embarassed of their abilities. Some are very interested, but are so afraid that’s it’s so “out of norm” that their families will be mad/shocked/unaccepting of what they want. There’s a lot of factors, however I’ve also met my share of asian men who are plenty confident and don’t give a crap about what others think. Different strokes for different folks, but whatever, in the end, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if it isn’t, it isn’t, the right person will find you.

  107. Why don’t you join some Japanese dating sites? I’m not in Japan at the moment, still learning the language, but dozens of men contacted me via two sites I was a member. I had to close the accounts since I couldn’t talk and write to them all. All men were quite nice, not very shy, friendly, they liked me a lot… I met one very nice man from Tokyo and we talk via skype regularly. He’s been asking me all the time when I’ll come to Japan so that we can finally meet and spend some time together… This ‘virtual’ Japanese men were quite the same as other men, just needed some time to relax. First they were nervous and talked about weather and food and similar things, but later they opened and seemed to me very funny and enjoyable. Japanese dating sites! :) Put some nice feminine photos. :) Say that you speak Japanese (this is VERY important!) and good luck! :)))

  108. Perhaps since Asian culture is much older than western, theyve figured out the benefits of the so called “nerd” as opposed to the “Me lay bricks. Me bring home just bit more than minimum wage. Me then take pretty girl to move. Then we go to bedroom. okay” neanderthal that so many women in Western culture like. “Western woman” brought this kind of stuff on themselves, what with their sense of entitlement and equally large egos. (And usually equally large asses)

  109. I understand your annoyance Reapwhatyousew (is your name deliberately misphrased?) because of what some people have said, but stereotyping another race or country isn’t helping you or anyone else.

    Do you mean all men here are ill-educated? Or do less educated, skilled men get laid more often? Or that to have a low wage is somehow the fault of the man and not the society that doesn’t respect manual labour? Or that western women will sleep with anyone?

    I’m afraid you are sadly misinformed.

    There are male Neanderthals of course in Uk as well as in the US but it takes a female Neanderthal to go out with them. He might be ill-educated, and poor too, but he might be kind and a good mate for someone, a good father for his children.

    Speaking as an individual western woman and for many of my friends, colleagues, acquaintances, I like intelligent, interesting, honest, kind, authentic caring, sexy, respectful, knowledgeable, preferably educated confident men. I know of no other woman who has or wants any other kind. Confidence and intelligence is sexy to me. Prejudice or the despising of others is not.

    If your objection is thoughtless and random sex, then maybe I’m on your side.

  110. I lived in the Philippines for 20 plus years. In fact I grew up there. Before I came to Canada, I was enamored with White girls. Now, I do not have much interest at them because they feel so entitled, are uppity, loud, arrogant, and act like men. I am talking about most White girls I have met, not all.

    The author of this post is a good example of a bitter, man-hating White woman. Maybe if you relax a bit and have some humility, you will have Asian men come to you.

    Men in Asia do not like uptight women. Also, men in asia are used to women being women, not robots or he-women. Lol. Get real.

    And sorry, we Asian men do not think that every expat that comes to Asia is akin to Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is not even that pretty.

    The author has traveled the world, but is yet still ignorant to the amount of foreign beauties. You are not any better lady. Get a grip on reality. South American women are the hottest and most beautiful in my eyes btw.

  111. I think its hard if you’re a really shy person because most japanese men are very shy, espacilly towards westeren women.

    I have a friend that has a very posetive and outgoing personality. She is very strong minded, smart and pretty. She had no problems with Japanese men. Some was probably afraid of her because she was really outspoken and not shy, which was different from how the japanese girls act but she still didn’t let the negative thing win over the posetive. Now she is married to a japanese guy :)

  112. I hear this all the time from the expat women in Asia. But I have never had a problem with japanese men wanting to be with me in Japan. Maybe its because I’m European? Or maybe its because I’m seen as exotic looking even back in Canada? Its something I don’t even notice(happily married to my handsome European man so not looking ;P) , unless I’m with a friend (Japanese or foreign) who points out the fact that I am being ‘checked out’ or flirted with. Also, as a side note, most Japanese men don’t seem to understand that my wedding ring is not an accessory but means that I am TAKEN, lol (cultural differences I guess) This first part is all based on looks. Secondly, I have a very open personality. People like to be around me cause I make them laugh and happy, but they know I’m serious and would not let them down. I also love cooking and working on my indoor garden……So I’m not sure really. But I do find that what alot of expat women consider taking care of their bodies, and looking good….would honestly be considered sub-par at best in most European countries. Its not wearing 10pounds of makeup and fake eyelashes that make u look good, its taking care of yourself and ur body….unless of course ur dating a guy who could only get 200+ pound women back home. then ur a NATURAL princess, lol…guys r so dumb XD

  113. @Eiry: To clarify, my name was misphrased because I was about 11 hours into a grave shift when I wrote it. (Im an IT engineer, Computers dont sleep so we cant either) The point of my post was simply that from the start of my sex life at the ripe age of 14, until I left the country permanently at 28, Ive observed that western women will choose the “High school jock” type before they would choose anyone with depth. Guys like myself (I admit) who are not sports builds or models, but who have college degrees, a good paycheck, and a personality that is deeper than a childrens pool have to work much harder at getting either meaningless sex OR a relationship due to first impressions. In addition to this, Ive had CLOSE (as in may as well be my sister) female friends who claim the same shit you do. They want a nice guy who is smart, blah blah blah, and they end up with someone who is emotionally abusive, cheats, or is exactly the barbarian dipshit that I described. It is funny though, because even after a difficult ice breaking encounter, their attitude changes a bit after they find out about my paycheck… but thats for another board discussing another issue.

  114. @Reapwhatyousew :D: I think our western culture emphasizes the high of chemical excitement of immediately obliterating romantic sex (or just sex) so much that both genders fall to the ones that obviously ooze that charisma, no matter what their personality or values. It seems to be easier, no matter what their gender, to express sexuality more openly if they are less ‘good’ in the same way it’s easier to express ‘badness’ in creative artwork. The baddies in films are more than not, drooled over by women all over the planet. Good for fantasy, bad for real life. It’s trendy, seductive, rebellious against ‘the good’ and the ‘boring’. It’s also laziness – at root, it’s the desire for immediate and easy gratification of the consumer society. It offers the belief that the promise of ‘unmanageable’ sexual gratification and its overwhelming acquiescence will take them out of ‘real life’. Women are particularly susceptible though the guys get hooked as well.

    Despite our contemporary view of sex and relationships both biologically and socially, I think that the force of sexual allurement is still underestimated, still wildly primitive and likely to remain so for both genders. Attraction for the assertively displaying mate which might also include financial security will always be the bright feathers that attract many, partly because they think that is where value lies – what they should be aiming for, either for status or for subconscious nesting. Not all will be blinded by this, and not just the unattractive and these are likely to be the golden ones. The women that I mentioned have not partnered barbarians in their life (though certainly found a few on the way).

    It may be that it would be easier to find a sexual partner if one’s social group is widened – I notice that male dipshits and female idiots, though they can cross through many layers of social groupings high or low and in between, gather more extensively in certain groupings – their particular society has values and beliefs about life and relationships that I wouldn’t share – a certain cynicism perhaps, conformity to the norm and expectations of their society, easy values in exploitation of others – in short – shallow. The ones more successful in their sexual and partnering hunt find a need to share values, to take some time, for respect. (very old fashioned ;) My own belief is that if you have an interesting, fulfilled lifestyle, then you are more likely to attract and keep an equally matched mate, whether briefly or for long term.

    I do think you (and I) have to work much harder to obtain the relationships we desire. But – when you see the mess many people are in, in theirs – maybe it’s worth it. I’m sure you’re worth it. :D

  115. Googling around the web and found this intriguing post! I find it hard to believe that a blonde-haired woman such as yourself (and from your photo quite attractive) spends her nights alone! I have many western foreign female friends in Japan and I’m often envious that everyone finds them fascinating especially the men. It’s so easy for them to meet and talk with locals because there is so much fascination with them.

    Perhaps times have changed since this article was written! I too am foreign, female and reside in Japan though not in Tokyo. I do visit Tokyo often and find that I am simply not able to converse with any local guys. I go to parties and try to talk to them to improve my Japa
    nese but the men simply walk away from me when they realise that I’m not Japanese! I’m Asian and a foreigner; sometimes I think it’s the worse type of foreigner to be in Japan and other times, it’s lovely because I blend in.

    I’m not here to meet a boyfriend but I do like making friends. It’s just easier making friends with a local girl than a local guy. I was told that Japanese guys don’t have female frinds ; they only have girlfriends or friends of their girlfriends.

    It is indeed a tough light for singles in Tokyo and more so if you’re female and foreign. Everyone tells me I look Japanese but believe me, I have never had anyone try to pick me up in Tokyo! I do try to talk to various people as I am inherently fascinated by many things here.

    But again, there are advantages to looking local at times. I tend to go around being ignored and I do admit that at times, I probably face less prejudice compared with some of my friends.

  116. You deserved to be alone. I noticed how you just stopped responding to the male posts here against your article. Perhaps they are the ones who struck a nerve. (or two)

    The entire article was just amazing. You were laughing at another person’s happiness. All the time while you were spending those long lonesome nights with your vibrator…? I sincerely hope that you and all other white (or any color) women stay far far away from Japan.

    I am not against American women at all. Yeah, some of them are stuck up bitches. But a lot of them are freaking awesome! It’s always a bad idea to generalize an entire group of people. The bottom line is that the author is stuck up and probably glorified at home here in Hawai’i. Although I doubt this because here on O’ahu, we call white people “haole”. She thought she was entitled to whatever naturally without acting like the locals and blending in. Then she writes this ridiculous article to take out her anger/express her stuck-up attitude towards individuals living it up in Japan. Sad part is, though, that you just don’t get it and you surely never will. Your stuck-up attitude is very clearly deeply ingrained and will forever avert you from achieving your true potential. I pity you.

  117. Wow, for some reason your story really touched me. I’m only 13 but I’ve always dreamed of living in Japan; but from all I’ve read it’s not exactly the dreamy land I thought it was. I’m really sorry you felt so alone but I still think your very brave for moving alone to a place with such different culture. I’m still pondering over why I thought that at the end of this post you’d write something like “… But i finally found the partner for me…” or some kind of happy conclution. You do have the right to state your opinion and i don’t think it’s bitter, your just telling through your eyes.
    I hope that one day you will be able to find a partner you can be happy with and thankyou for sharing your story and feeling with us!

  118. Hey, Reannon,

    This might be the first feed back from a Japanese male. I am a Japan-born Japanese male, a descendant of Samurai family, 100 per cents of Japanese. But it was until just 7 years ago I came to the UK. I have been working here in London since then and have found myself became more westernised. Now I have got objective eyes to compare myself in UK context with myself in the past within the Japanese local environment…In fact, before I left from Japan, I was literally desperate for a foreign girl friend just like you! (actually your thumbnail so cute, fascinating me!) After some failure to approach Japanese girls I started believing Japanese girls are too difficult for me to deal with due to their manner of unclear expression. At some point I started convincing myself that open-mind Western girls are more suitable for me. I also believed I am a person who should look for a gender equal partnership rather than traditional Japanese way (Later on I realised my behaviour is highly influenced by Japanese mind set through some experience with European girl friends though…). In addition to those points I have a little bit advantages. I am quite taller than average Japanese boys with long legs and not-thin eyes. I thought OK, this is my destiny to find a Western girl. It is time to carry on my plan! I decided to try any possible ways to get a Western girl friend in Tokyo. I went to a popular club among foreigners, put my advertisements in free English magazines and took a place in language exchange parties. etc. etc. Soon I got a chance to date with a very attractive girl from US, but at that time my English is totally useless to last a conversation more than 5 minutes…
    Therefore, language! This is one of very crucial issues obstructing us to develop sweet relation with foreigners. Many of Japanese guys who want to seek for romance with foreign ladies are usually not brave enough to confront this problem. There is another issue coming from nature of our society. We hardly have a frank communication with others on the street. Even though you are a Japanese looking for a Japanese – Japanese combination of partnership, you barely pick somebody up from outside of your own community.
    On top of these issues as you may know we are too shy…The combination of those makes the worst result…But please do not forget there are many motivated Japanese guys like me. After while living abroad I feel much more confident of English conversation. You just need to know where to find somebody like me. Not everywhere so you need to know some clue.

  119. I don’t think dating “leagues” have any merit in Asia, where male/female physical attractiveness ratios are skewed by Western standards. I think it boiled down to what I call “default hotness”- that by default, Asian women are generally more attractive in terms of figure, demure attitudes, and clothes style than Western women (meaning Canada, USA, and England… Asian women fall short compared to European women IMO). Take ten random young Japanese women off the street and they will most likely be more attractive to men than ten random young Western women. I’m not trying to be offensive, I’m just calling it like I see it, and others may disagree, and that’s fine.

    Therefore, if someone comes to an Asian country, and finds a girlfriend (which is pretty likely, given the number of women in Asian countries), then that girl will most likely be hotter than the girls the guy could have chosen back in his home country. But that’s not because he got the cream of the crop when it comes to Asian girls- that cute, made-up, mini-skirt-wearing pixie is NORMAL. Nearly all guys, Western and local, will find one, but that doesn’t mean the guy is special or has extra charisma. It’s like this: you don’t see people in Germany driving around in their Benzes or BMWs going “Yeah man, check out my sweet ride.” Why? Because it’s Germany, and Benzes and BMWs are everywhere. Likewise, a guy comes to Asia and finds a super hot girlfriend because that’s what’s available. And you can’t blame a guy for going for the “gourmet truffles” when they’re easily within his reach.

    What is lame, though, is when the guys get a big head about it, like “Yeah man, check out my sweet little cupcake. I’m the man!” No, you’re just an average dude who happens to have the good fortune to be in a country with lots of beautiful, available women.

    And in the end, and this is going to sound “fetish-y” but oh well, the exotic allure of Asian women for Western guys is hard to deny. I live in China, and I know plenty of cool, jock dudes from the West who had no problems getting chicks back home, but they still go for the local girls and largely ignore the white girls. It’s just how it goes. This whole “hot/not hot” fixation we Westerners have is a tired game, and it needs to stop.

  120. It’s fifty million times worse for men in America. Why do you think we go abroad? Because we get treated like shit in our own countries unless we’re mega rich or male models.

  121. As someone who is half Latino and half Caucasian, I think I can throw down my race card (It’s like Magic The Gathering – except not awful) and say these three simple words about most white women in Japan:

    “BITCHEZ BE CRAZY”

    In the 3 years I lived in Japan I met many women like the author – In Japan they’re as much as a dime of a dozen as the charisma men are. Laughably high self-expectations (Jennifer Anniston? Give me a break. She isn’t even attractive in the first place!), undersexed, condescending to their Japanese rivals (Yet they can’t even compare), and possibly mad. Also, why date a self centered, self-absorbed American women when you could have a sweet and caring Japanese girl?

    I’ll leave this comment with some wise words from my Abuelo, who grew up as an orphan with a 3rd grade education on the mean streets of San Salvador (Now there was a man with some real street cred): “Gringas is no good. Es muy loco.” I think I’ll stick with my J-girls, Grandpa had some great advice!

  122. Wow, I’m truly saddened by all the hate that’s thrown at North American women here. Please stop generalizing Japanese women and NA women. The author is talking about her experiences in Japan from her point of view. That doesn’t mean she has laughably high expectations or is condescending.

    I have lived in Japan for 5 years and I can tell you that it IS in fact, easier for a white male to get a date then a white female. The probable reason for this is that women in NA tend to expect to be approached. Whereas, in Japan the current trend is for the women (including Japanese women) to do the confessing. Also, I find that culturally speaking, the dating process can be a lot more old-fashined and slow. Women are protrayed in the media often as delicate and sensitive, even “scared” of men and many men hesitate to seem too aggressive.

    For example, one time I was in the classroom grading some papers at my desk and I happen to be surrounded by 6 or 7 high school males looking in on what I was doing. I jokingly said in Japanese “Why are you all around me? Scary.” You would not believe how fast they apologized and backed off. I didn’t understand why at the time, but now I am more culturally aware.

    There’s just a hugely different cultural process to dating. It is expected that serious dating will take longer and be more how shall I say “innocent” in its expression than the NA cultural counterpart.

    In my opinion, if you want to date someone you should join clubs or go to your work parties “enkai”. Your co-workers, fellow club members will often try to hook you up with someone else who is single. In fact, it is very common to introduce yourself at these parties to new co-workers or whatnot by saying “Hi, my name is Leah. I’m single. Nice to meet you.” My co-workers were always trying to set me up with the single members despite the fact that I already had a boyfriend. lol

    Also, this is going to sound crude, but it really helps if you have big brests and are a teensy bit curvy. If you ever watch Japanese porn or glance at porn mags in the convenience store, the girls tend to be a bit curvy (not fat, but soft looking) and have big boobs. lol

  123. I loved the blog post and have read most of the comments. Having lived in Tokyo for 7 years most of the dialogue here is all too familiar!

    Rather than add anything to the age old debate on charisma man vs gaijin woman all I can do is tell it how it was for me.

    I arrived in Japan in my 30s, and dated (mostly) Japanese men for the entire time I lived there. The two longer term relationships I had were with a European and J-guy.

  124. Great article, and the comments reflect the ongoing debate I got used to during my seven years in Tokyo.

    I love Japanese men, it took about three months to feel that way, just as soon as good old Mother Nature got to work! It’s inevitable that most people will develop a preference for the people they see around them all the time.

    Being in my 30s and divorced when I arrived may have made a difference to my experiences. I wasn’t looking for a life partner, but I did date three guys long term. (Two Japanese and one European. )

    I’d say I felt everything from invisible to fetishised over the years, but it was all good. Some people are way too shy to speak, and that language barrier is a major factor as others have said. Some guys want to tick something off their sexual bucket list, as do many foreign women too of course.

    I met several Japanese men looking for a serious relationship, others who were confirmed singletons. I also dated mostly younger guys, which was an interesting turn about for me!

    Most of my female foreign friends from that time are now married to J men, so that kind of cmmitment isn’t something I find unusual.

    I could ramble on about this topic forever but now is not the time. Thanks again for posting your experiences.

  125. This is an awesome read which mirrors every day of my invisibility from the age of 16 until now as a man in my home country, the US.

    I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that what you’ve written feels excrutiatingly familiar.

  126. Well, I’d say this is surely an interesting topic! Like some others, I read the article plus all of the comments and I’ve come to the following conclusion: I believe anyone intending to live in a foreign country long-term (and also some shorter-terms) should expect to truely learn about a different culture and respect them. Learn their language, do what they do, and everyone will be better for it. Then I think the lovin’ will come naturally. XD

  127. I notice a lot of people on the net advise western women to dress and act more ‘attractively’ to Japanese men in order to get a date. By that they mean looking and acting more like Japanese women.

    Reasons I think that’s a bad idea, at least for people looking for a serious relationship – if it’s not what you do normally, you’re going to:

    1) Tire yourself out – You might get the date, but you’re going to have to put on the fake cutesy personality and the hours of make up products you’re not used to every time you see him for the rest of the relationship, and you probably can’t keep it up without going mad (unless you’re particularly flexible)

    2) Attract the wrong men – Be yourself, and you’ll attract the kind of man that’s right for you. By my experience, changing to accomodate the local taste wastes your time in fake relationships with no spark, and being used / taken for granted. There ‘s someone out there who’ll love you for who you are, may be cheesy but it’s true. There just aren’t many of them, but it’s worth seeking out the rare right relationship rather than putting up with a slew of the wrong ones. The best relationship I had happened because we were already a great match, there was no need to force it.

  128. I must say that I’ve never encountered such loneliness here, neither have I felt that kind of feelings while here in Japan. But again, despite my very Western (‘white’) looks, I’m half Japanese, and I’ve spent most of my life here. Yes I look foreign, and I’m bilingual, but I also speak fluent Japanese, I’m shorter and thinner than many Japanese women, and people say culturally I’m more closer to a Japanese person than a Western person (despite looking like a white woman, being bilingual, and having spent some time in the US), so maybe that’s why I don’t have much relationship problems, whether at work, among friends, and among men.

    I suppose I’m sort of exotic enough to be interesting, but not too ‘foreign’ to turn off Japanese men.

  129. Have you single ladies ever asked yourself why Japanese women have different standards than American or Western women? Hint.. it’s western women who are the anomaly in the world.

  130. I lived in China and Korea and can’t say that the dating scene was much better, although in Korea the men were definitely more persistent, sometimes too persistent. The biggest problem is the social structure and the inherent chauvinism. Most Western women I know aren’t down with being talked down to or expected to bend to their partner’s will on every subject just because they are female. That doesn’t apply to all of the men in these countries, but the overall atmosphere is one of extreme chauvinism. Most of the foreign women I knew ended up dating other expats, from anywhere from Europe to Africa. A few dated the men in Korea and China, but mostly that didn’t happen, not for being invisible, but for not being able to overcome that patriarchal cultural barrier.

  131. @ Jorge Good point. In my travels through Latin America, I have had to work hard to not be in the center of male attention wherever I go … not successfully, mind you, because foreign women stick out. And it doesn’t seem to matter if you’re blonde or not. It’s how pale you are.

  132. wow at people automatically feeling she deserves attention because she’s’ blonde…unplug yourself from what the media is stuffing down your throat about beauty for a bit…

  133. Reannon – I read your interesting article. I am Asian-American, living in Michigan, married to a White-American, with 3 kids. Our family friend is an expat single white female in China. It is almost impossible for her to get a date.

    Note this: your experience exactly matches those of Asian men in your situation…when they visit America that is. Coming to a foreign country (from their perspective) they find it almost impossible to fit into your western culture, and quite frankly, no American white girl wants to date them, no matter how persistently they approach them. They’re too short, too small, too shy, not muscular enough…everything that American culture (or perhaps Western culture generally) is programmed to devalue. I surmise your experience is simply a reflection of the same thing in the opposite direction…you are a foreign white woman in Asia, and there’s a stark incompatibility with the Asian men in that country. Unfortunately, this kind of stuff just proves to me that love between an Asian man and a White female, whether in Japan, America, or any other place, is so rare that you might as well not even bother.

    By the way, Asian men absolutely adore White women. But they know better because they’re keenly aware of how white women, generally speaking, reject the advances of Asian men, in real life and in the social media. Given those circumstances, can you really be surprised that Asian men didn’t notice you? My other Asian friends gave up the interracial dating scene a very long time ago, when the 30-50th rejection got to be just too much to bear.

  134. wow, your article is very well written and it really made me laugh a bit. for me, a gay man living in toronto, not my home country, I find it very hard to meet people in this anti social and unfriendly city.
    hard not just for having sex, but even being friends with. cultural barriers and many others, not the language though, which is no longer an impenetrable mystery.
    i had read from a brazilian model once that japanese men don’t find western women attractive, and i was taken aback. being a gay man who’s not attracted to asian males at all i used to think all sexes western were sexier, even according to asians.

  135. these silly japanese women are dating people that are not good enough for them and it is ridiculous

  136. the comments of some white women on this board are so pathetic.
    i think they’re actually at disadvantage, they are only picked by western men or eastern men when these are abroad.
    whereas western men are picked by eastern women abroad and non abroad and by western women non abroad.
    they wouldn’t pick white women abroad though.
    so, clearly their making fun of whites luck abroad is pure jealousy.
    i’m a bit biased though since i’m a gay male.
    besides, to the idiot that said south american men fall for white women, well, smarty, i’m from south america and i’m white. you should have said, north american or european women. south american is not a race, is just an ethnicity, in the sense that you can be white in race and ethnically latino.

  137. forget my last post, ethnicity and race are synonymous. latinos can be white, but not all whites are latinos.
    not all latinos are white.
    americans can be white too, and are not latino.
    some blacks and browns are also american.
    in other words, you can find white people in both north and latin america, so referring to north america as white and south american as latino is not a perfect division or definition of races.

  138. I completely agree with the author’s points. I have lived in Japan for two years and it IS easier for Caucasian men to get dates than for Caucasian women. Now, how about when you’re of Asian descent? You get no attention at all! You also look very unpolished compared to the dolled-up Japanese girls… yikes!

  139. you said “These (White) men wouldn’t have been able to score a date at home if they’d been a calender but in Asia they’d nabbed the prom queen.

    So I guess you would be the White women that cant score a date at home if you had been a calendar, but for you can’t even nab a man in Asia. I think its just you sweetheart you cant get a man back home and in Asia.

  140. Wow! Look at these responses! Ms. Roth, welcome to the feeling of being unwanted and unattractive. Many guys in
    the U.S. get to feel like that, and we are expected to make the approaches to women who see us as nerds ( with no Japanese girlfriends, at least not yet). Welcome to the club!

  141. This is my third stint in Japan and I’m considering a fourth. The dating rules and culture are very different here. Plus the prize of Japanese boyfriend may not be what you were expecting. Honestly, I’ve given up on the idea of falling in love with a Japanese man (and being fallen in love with at the same time by the same man). There are masses of hot young Western men in Tokyo for me to choose from. If you use the internet. I may still be surprised one day by developing romantic feelings for a nihonjin but i the meantime they’ll probably be another five gaijin guys. Kevin, you’ve said something nasty and unneccessary. Are you a Charisma Man perhaps?

  142. I’m American white man, I’m good looking and did well dating woman in US. I came to Japan for business I meet a beautiful Japanese lady the first day in Japan we fell in love and got married and now I live in Tokyo. You say you are average or a cute lady for US. Well then forget it in Japan you have no chance in case you haven’t noticed the Japanese woman are very beautiful, lady like, well dressed and well mannered, an average looking woman in US would not even be noticed here in Japan except for how fat she is and how she dresses like a peasant from a third world country. Your chances of getting a date are nearly zero among so many beautiful desirable Japanese ladies. Its true I got a more beautiful wife here than I had in US, you call it a dating loop hole, reality is US is a dating cesspool, I always thought I was way to good for most American woman, I dress well, work out a lot have a great education and good job, most US woman dress like slobs or sluts are fat and lazy, if they have a college education its useless like french or something. Woman around the world are much more desirable thinner and lady like than woman in the US. Trust me your large and in charge attitude and your belief that your better than everyone else just wont take American woman very far in Japan. Take it from a man that’s been around the world and been with many woman in different countries its not a dating loop hole in Japan, American woman have just been to spoiled and they couldn’t compete as a lady in most countries especially Japan where there is an abundance of thin, beautiful, lady like single woman all looking for a white man that will love them spoil them and treat them great take it from my wife and I we really don’t care what some fat avarage loud mouth American chick thinks.

  143. It didn’t work out because you went out, felt disheartened, then gave up and wrote an article complaining about it instead up trying again. I am a western woman in Tokyo, been living here for years, and I have never really had trouble finding dates. Western women here just need to be willing to go out and be daring and not get discouraged if you come up nill after only a few tries.

  144. You wrote this with insulting comments towards American men, sprinkled with conceited comments towards Japanese men and women.
    It’s very disparaging.

    And now you wonder why people respond in kind?
    You set the tone with your own judgmental attitude.
    You can try to take the words back or claim you’re just misunderstood, but it’s not a very convincing act.

    Allow me to underscore some of the issues here.
    1. You thought 9 months was a long time. You never even got past the first stage of living abroad before you gave up.
    2. Women in Japan make the first move. It’s not America, you have to play by their rules. That means you have to swap roles with the American guy and take the initiative.
    Giving “come hither” looks don’t count. In fact, it’s a laughable attempt. That’s what you do to encourage an American guy to take the initiative.
    You have to do what you’d expect American men to do. Start with buying a gift, it need not be expensive. Valentines is to your favor in Japan.
    3. All Japanese know foreigners, especially the women, are only there for a short time. As a result, it’s very rare the other party will seek a long-term relationship unless you go the extra mile.
    Your method of approaching men somewhat randomly with “come hither” looks only encourages the view that you’re looking for a fling. If a fling was acceptable and you failed, well… you’re doing it wrong. Try again. Choose a target, and keep trying. You’ll succeed eventually. Undoubtedly much faster than an American man trying to pick up girls… we have to try to many more times. Get used to it if flings are your thing in Japan. In fact, I’d say get used to putting yourself on the line and learn to deal with rejection if you’re a woman in Japan.
    4. Does hitting on random guys work for long-term relationships in America? I know when girls randomly hit on me in America, I’m not thinking long-term… just the possibilities of the next 12 hours.
    Long-term relationships the world over are began through connections. Be it a common social group, work, or mutual friends. The latter is the rule in Japan. So much in Japan is done by word of mouth and mutual trust. The worst thing that can happen to anyone in Japan is to be ostracized.
    Generally speaking, you need to meet people in serious settings to find people interested in serious relationships. This goes for any country.
    5. For the previous to work, you need to make friends with local females. They will be your best resource to local males. You have to leave the comfort zone of the gaijin bubble. Your coworkers should be your first target for friend-making. Give them presents and show them respect, chances are you will be accepted.
    The key to making friends with Japanese is showing honest consideration — not in words, in fact almost never in words. It must be done in small acts of kindness, with a smile. This is actually much easier for women in general. For a guy to gain acceptance is a little harder. We can’t just show up and be cute and hand out presents. It’s not appropriate behavior for a male (in any culture.) So use this liberally, make local friends. Leave the bubble.
    If you can’t leave the bubble, you’re not interested in a serious relationship to begin with.
    6. Your condescension towards Japanese men and women is very obvious. Japanese are very sensitive to condescension as it’s their primary means of insulting eachother (Americans tend towards sarcasm and facetiousness.)
    Even if you say you’re not condescending, a lot of people here have picked up on it.
    Other people clearly think you’re condescending… and if we think that due to a short blog you wrote on the internet, I guarantee you people will get that perception in real life.
    It doesn’t matter if you’re not condescending — if they get that perception, you’re done. Work on it.
    7. Carrying on with the perception issues, another is that Western Women are high maintenance. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, that is the world-wide perception going in. You need to beat that perception.

    Ultimately my theory on why JPN female – Ame male works and is so prevalent is very simple:
    – American men are expected to spoil women. To take all the responsibility and hand over all the spoils.
    – Japanese women are expected to indulge men.
    It works because *generally speaking* each party goes in expecting to give more than they get, and are thus pleased when they both receive more than they could otherwise expect.

    On the flipside, the 2 cultures teach that Japanese men expect to be indulged and American women expect to be spoiled. American women may not realize this, but Japanese men are aware of it. This goes back to #7.
    One of you has to give. In Japan, you have to play by their rules. So if you’re trying to figure it out — ask yourself “What would I expect a guy back home to do for me if I was in the local guy’s shoes?” If you want some perspective on how you appear… imagine you’re in America, and a Japanese guy with broken English and a weird accent hits on you in the same manner. Can you see why asking random guys for recommendations and giving come hither looks didn’t get you anywhere? That would get you ignored in America too, maybe even perceived as creepy or inappropriately forward and unwanted attention.
    Our culture teaches us American guys that we’re expected to hold the door for you, treat you like daddy’s little princess, treat you like “equals” when decisions are made, listen to you for as long as you like, and take all the responsibility when it’s time to pay the bills or go the extra yard.
    I don’t say this to be demeaning or rude, just so you can maybe get some perspective of what’s expected of you in Japan. You’re expected to go the extra yard in Japan.
    You can call the situation in Japan sexist, but then you would be admitting the situation in America is reverse sexism by extension. I suggest you don’t dwell on the politics and do whatever is necessary. If you find a guy worth going the extra mile for, it’s not a problem right?

    For a guy to seriously date Japanese women, we have to also get accustomed to different expectations. The difference is that, the expectations in our home country largely exceed those in Japan.
    Secondly, we don’t deal with all of the perspective issues that American women have. Again, it doesn’t matter in either case if the perspective is true — what matters is that you understand the perspective exists and can cope with it in one form or another.
    That might mean you prove the perception wrong. That might mean you win your partner over so they don’t mind if it’s true. You will want to take steps to mitigate those perceptions in the early stages, however. You may also express to your local friends your concerns. If they are considerate, you won’t need to ask them to put in a good word for you on those accounts.

    Japanese, regardless of sex, are likely to treat Americans, regardless of sex, as play toys. Many of the American women seem to be very upset about this fact, as a lot of the expat guys don’t have a problem with such an arrangement. Thus you guys appear to get very jealous.
    But I believe it’s fairly difficult for there to be a meaningful relationship across cultures. American men also have a lot of negative perceptions to work through and a longer and more difficult road in establishing local friends. The reality is that not a whole lot of Japanese want to move abroad permanently.

    Finally, I’ll leave all the women with 1 thought here.
    This thread has a lot of complaints from women abroad that they either get no attention in country X or too much attention in country Y.
    You bounce between stereotyping men as “shy”, “intimidated” and then if they do pay attention you paint them as sex maniac perverts. It seems like no matter what, you take issue with how men treat you outside of America.
    With this kind of attitude and stereotyping, how do you expect anyone from the opposite sex to take you seriously? To make a cross-cultural relationship work, it takes a lot of work and flexibility by both parties. The rewards are high, but it requires commitment and trust.

    So long as these kinds of stereotypes are your perceptions of men abroad, you will never be able to establish the trust for such a relationship. The women who didn’t harbor these stereotypes are probably finding men in these countries and happy.

    1. “It seems like no matter what, you take issue with how men treat you outside of America.”

      Oh it’s not just outside…

  145. Great post mcc. Informative and useful. It’s been getting a bit depressing reading so much hatred and lack of respect here.

    I am a little aware of the cultural differences in Japan (to the west), but I suppose I have a bit of a hard time understanding that women in the west are spoilt, indulged and patronising because I don’t recognise that in the women that I know, either English or American or any nationality.

    I do see a change in culture amongst the younger women in the Uk, some of which I find distasteful, but any young women that I know seem not to behave that way at all. They are not overbearing, are feminine, intelligent, are fit (sometimes not so fit!) and dress beautifully though I would admit they would not be quite as accommodating as I believe women in a Japan would be.

    I can understand that there is a perception though which clearly needs to be taken into account and that is really helpful.

    I do wonder, because of the social changes over the last 50 years, that many young women in the west find it hard to imagine how Japanese men might possibly view things because of the changes that many western men have had to make since the 50’s. I am almost old enough to remember that culture. I used to think it was bad, and I’m not saying it’s healthy exactly, but I think there is great misunderstanding in western women (and men maybe?) about that kind of culture. Reading only what is on the surface is a terrible mistake. Reading any culture, any race, any person on the surface is a terrible mistake. We’re too easily led by the media which wants us to envy, berate and damn others – reading only what is on the surface.

    The blanket ideas on any side about others – male, female, Japanese, American, Western, I find rather upsetting and a bit frightening. This is the reality of many people’s thoughts and feelings and I’m sure they’re made from being stereotyped themselves, but it would be nice, if we’re talking about relating so closely to another culture and our own, to another gender as well as our own, that we had a little more compassion and a little more subtle understanding of each other.

    Perhaps I should change my name to ‘The Old Bat’ or something. :D

  146. Eiry… shutup please. The comments here are largely criticizing the author of this ridiculous article. The fact is that women in North America need an attitude adjustment BADLY and the arrogance and conceit shown by “Rheannon” are exhibit A in the case of common sense vs the irrational and demanding white woman.

    She spent 2 blog entries and a total of 6-8 pages whining about how nobody wanted to put up with her nonsense overseas. SURPRISE! In a dating environment where men aren’t forced to put up with rich little white girl nonsense, they typically don’t choose to put up with rich little white girl nonsense. Mind blowing stuff, I know.

  147. Shane – I don’t really see why I should shut up – even with a please. Do I not have a right to have an opinion or speak? And why should I not read or respond to other people’s comments? Is there a rule here that forbids this?

    What you say may be rich about ‘rich girl nonsense’, I don’t know, I’m sure there are many – I didn’t say there weren’t – but there have been intelligent posts that recognise that there is a great deal going on culturally and socially that explains some of what is going on and (although maybe the minority) in support. Those like mcc have given good advice about how she could improve her attitude which was useful and informative and said with calm logic without branding every western woman as sluts/fat/ugly/greedy/arrogant/demanding/irrational.

    Criticising one person seems fair to me since she has posted publicly, but the hatred of one race/gender and lauding another race/gender as if they were perfect, I assume must come from someone with a blinding sense of personal vengeance. Someone I wouldn’t want to associate with.

    Yeah. I know, I know it’s the internet, all prejudice and viciousness has the right to be spewn out. Anyone who says something else must shut up.

    But I think you’re right in one way Shane – I think I might end reading these posts, since I’ve already read many interesting ones and these majority juvenile posts are not inspiring me enough to continue.

  148. You enjoy dancing around the issue and pointing out the imagined flaws you see in me and others who have posted here but you fail to make any new or interesting points about the substance of this article.

    Essentially the argument comes down to this: Why can’t white girls (or this white girl) get laid in Japan?

    Reannon provided us her take on the subject: All foreign men in Asia are losers, she is just too “sassy” for local men. BLAHBLAHBLAH nothing is my fault let’s lash out at guys who don’t pay any attention to me.

    Many men came on and expressed why they felt this was happening. Many women came on and spouted the same tired cliches about oppressed this and “submissive” that. Rather than listening to the men who have come out and TOLD her in black and white why she had problems getting a date, she instead wrote another blog entry incredulous at being told the truth.

    “Surely we North American women aren’t THAT bad?” she stated. The reply was a resounding chorus of “YES, you are.”

    Listen, if you want sugar coated replies and people to agree with everything you say, find a cuckolded North American husband who will tell you everything you want to hear. If you want the truth, raw and unfiltered, ask the internet. Just don’t get indignant when the truth hurts.

    Peace!

  149. Eiry
    You are entitled to your opinion but you are wrong. Western women particularly American white woman, are corrupted and spoiled to a point beyond any value for a man. Not all men are aware of it yet, just as you are not aware of it, but for many men who have traveled to other countries and dated other woman particularly Japan and other Asian countries, the contrast between American white woman and Asian woman is startling. American white woman are completely ruined to men by an amalgam of philosophies, including, Feminism, Princess-ism and Christianity. Although this is to short to explain in detail what I mean, American woman choose the worst of these three concepts to justify any behavior and demands, with no limit to how horrible they look, act and behave. They are poisoned beyond any value to men and any man with any sense would avoid Western women particularly White American women at all costs like they are a plague.

  150. I’ve been dealing with this issue for many years now. My experience is don’t try to argue with or persuade Western/American White Women on how to become of value to a man because its a waste of time, in keeping with their training these creatures will argue endlessly in the face of truth and logic for no other purpose than to take a combat stance against a man. Rather, in good conscience, just try to reinforce the convictions of our fellow man, especially American white men of the dangers of these unpleasant creatures and to inform those men who don’t know, that if they choose, there is an out for them, there is freedom and happiness for them in Asia with an Asian lady who will be your best friend, partner and lover for life with great care and love.

  151. @ Andys
    How bitter and twisted can you sound, Andys?
    I’m not surprised that lots of Western women are combative around you. Have you ever considered that you’re the common link in those experiences?
    By definition, an opinion is neither wrong nor right. You have failed to provide any meaningful reasons and examples to back yours up, though. I’m betting you’ll try now. The angrier you become, the more difficult it is to use language and logic. Now that is a scientific fact.
    I’m a naturally shy expat woman in Tokyo and I’ve been asked out quite a few times by Japanese guys. Like one of the ladies said earlier, some of that may have been the novelty factor and bragging rights rearing its comic head. Western men seem very interested in me, but Tokyo is a big city and big cities have an aloofness to them that all expats can struggle with. Japanese culture teaches people to not interact with strangers and most expats pick this up unwittingly. I have taken to using my unique status and my curiousity to start conversations with new people on a daily basis. Mainly to practise my Japanese but it also seems to help ward off the loneliness – its tough being human and away from your tribe. The wonderful sideaffect is that I keep getting asked out by some widely inappropriate men – in my opinion.
    Now you can get all hot and bothered about the idea that people of similiar attractiveness being together, or you can just see it for what it is. It a well-noted phenomenon across every culture and continent. The problem for some people is that attractiveness is measured both personally and culturally. For example my skin is really pale and freckley which I don’t value so highly but generally Japanese men love. And Indian men. And African men. Who knows if the attraction for them is purely personal or more culturally influenced. All I know is that I go through buckets of sunblock and get hit on – by them – a lot. I remind myself that its not personal. Until they know me, its all very superficial and nothing over which to get an inflated ego.
    The writer of this blog, Reannon Muth, was not the first person to note the beauty and the geek couplings here between not-so-attractive Western guys and gorgeous Japanese women. It may offend some of the people who have benefitted from this change in attractiveness by crossing a border or two to have this pointed out. Its not personal but its hard not get a boost from it.
    Western cultures and Japanese culture are different. Sounds too simple to say out loud? But, no. Different does not mean better. Or worse. You can try to spot the differences all day, every day or you can just get on with being here and enjoying what you can. You don’t have to love everything about it. You don’t have to accept anything. Life’s so much easier here, though, if you don’t take it personally until it really is personal. Make it personal when you need it to be.

  152. Seems like a LOT of men on here have some unresolved mommy issues. I’m sorry that you hate your mother because ALL western women (as you state) are: “lazy, fat uncaring,ugly,rich from daddies money, princess mentality,spoiled, stupid, whores (did I miss a stereotype?)”. Please do not push your unresolved issues with your mothers on the rest of us.

  153. Oh and another thing she implies these white men aren’t good enough for the Japanese woman. Because these Japanese woman are prettier than she is (aren’t they all) but maybe Asian woman have a different standard for men, maybe Japanese ladies prefer a tall smart white guy with a good job, education and money even though he speaks a little dorky to a gangsta rapper just out of jail that cant speak intelligible English at all. The definition of a desirable man is different in Asia than in the USA. Even in most 3rd world countries an uneducated, criminal (gangsta) man with felony arrest records is not considered desirable but in USA he is a prize. So that’s what I mean USA is a dating cesspool.

  154. I don’t agree that all western women, or even most of them, are like what’s being described. Don’t get me wrong, the entitled spoiled type are out there — but it’s a stereotype.

    This all plays into there stereotypes of “western woman” and “charisma man” which have been hashed out ad nauseum.
    What people like Reannon Muth don’t realize is that by lashing out at the **imaginary** “charisma man”, she simultaneously provides definitive proof of entitled materialistic stuck-up “western woman.”

    I have a few more thoughts to add.
    This subject does indeed hit close to home for me; and I assume a fair number of other guys. Without having any grudges with any of the women I’ve dated in America, apparently I became persona non grata to some of those women — and other female acquaintances — by marrying an Asian.
    It seems that, unbeknownst to me (or my wife), that the common knowledge is that marrying an Asian girl means you’re a woman-hating chauvinistic pig.
    And of course this is backed by the presupposed fact that the Asian woman is subservient and demure. I’m absolutely certain that these prejudices* arise from people who I thought were friends being threatened by her.
    I can assure you, my fairer half is in no way subservient. In fact, she has a career job that most women in the US would probably kill for. Most of them don’t know that, however. They just assumed she was a mindless Asian woman who existed for no reason but to please me. Utter bollocks. This article seems to play into that train of thought — that Asian women are just trophies. Material objects that nerds can attain only in Asia. It’s very insulting and given the fact that I (and probably other guys here) have to put up with such nonsense probably explains a lot of the negative responses here.
    I’m not usually a fan of HuffPo (they’re no better than Faux News), but this article hits it dead on.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jaemin-kim/lets-call-it-what-it-is_b_163698.html

    The second half is a theory. I suspect Japan is a society streamlined for introverts. “Reading the air”, “Kankeinai”, etc. all play perfectly into the hands of introverts. As does the prefabricated small talk, greetings, etc. An introvert just has to learn the rules and follow them. Learning through casual observation is easy for an introvert. Furthermore, being a good listener is far more valued than being a smooth talker. There’s words for people who talk too much in Japan, especially about themselves or their pet interests. I’ve never understood people who claim Japanese are inscrutable — I suspect those people just aren’t good listeners. I imagine extroverts feel very limited in this environment. Like a fish out of water.
    And I’m sure all those “geeks”, as mean-spirited extroverted Americans like to label introverts, feel much more at ease and able to move around the social environment in Japan. I know I do. How I feel in America, is probably similar to how the author felt in Japan. It’s tiresome dealing with talkative waitresses and barbers — being judged as “antisocial” just because I don’t want to share my life story with every swinging dick in town. In Japan, extroverts are likely often judged as unable to read the situation and crass if they can’t reign in their outbursts.
    It’s just unfortunate that the author couldn’t get past her judgmental look-down-her-nose viewpoint at other people to realize that different cultures are suited for different personality types. Instead, she’s established right from the off that she’s above it all and Asia is the only place these sub-standard introverted guys could get a date. America may treat thoughtfulness as if it’s a social disease, but we tend to do quite well post-college-education in America too. I can’t say if that’s true for eikawa, but a lot of opportunities open up with advanced degrees. Including financial success and confidence — 2 of the most important factors for American women.

  155. Expat Cougar
    Nope I don’t argue with American white women (they have been trained in vicious combat tactics you know battle of the sexes and all). I don’t have anything to do with them ever… bye please don’t speak to me!!
    You can be right about everything I don’t care, I just don’t want anything to do with you or your type, I just want to encourage all men to date Asian ladies its a million times better!!!
    But I will say Ive been in Tokyo along time, I never see Japanese men with American white woman or any men here for that matter. But whatever you say you are right because you are white and your a princess and you are better than everyone else I acknowledge that so just go away leave me alone!!

  156. I’m currently a single foreign woman living in Japan and am currently experiencing EVERYTHING you wrote. lol It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling. Thanks for a great article. ;)

  157. Cindy
    ok thank you for telling us how great you are and how everyone else is wrong! In keeping with your training you are taking a great combat stance good job, we are proud of you little soldier!!! You are woman I can hear you roar!!! You are without a doubt a woman any man would go to another country to avoid!
    (god I dated a couple of monsters named cindy back in the bad old days before I came to Asia and became free from you creatures)

  158. OK You loser women have encouraged me to write all my thoughts on this subject in one place like in a book or blog
    The title
    “The combat princesses training manual”
    How to do battle with all men and not let anyone know you are a lady until the perfect prince comes along and gives you everything you have coming to you. (He is a man that does not exist and even if he did exist, he is too stupid to have anything to do with you because he doesn’t realize you are even more perfect than he is, after all you are a beautiful princess hence entitled to everything and he is supposed to give it all to you!!)

  159. This will continue to explain.

    How culture, laws and justice system are custom designed to support the white woman, and encourage her to use, abuse and destroy men through dirty, vicious, combat tactics while on her quest to find a prince that does not exist, the whole time playing, sweet, helpless and innocent and blaming everything on the, mean, evil, selfish, stupid man. (especially if he is a white man)

  160. The purpose of this is for all men of the world to read and understand the training and support of the cultural, legal and justice system for white women and why western civilization during its collapse is uninhabitable for any man with any sense. There are still many parts of the world where men and women live together in love and happiness for a lifetime, but its impossible in the USA for any extended period of time with an American white woman so just give up on that idea. After reading the men will understand why its impossible in the USA but very possible with women from many other countries. This book will provide a complete description on how to find Asian women for love and happiness in other countries while avoiding American white woman like the plague on earth that they are.

  161. American White Women get used to being alone. My brother married a Mexican lady!! All my friends have married Mexican, Indian, Black or Asian ladies. Around the world no men want American white women, American men are now starting to see it too!! My goal is to encourage every man to not marry a white woman. GO AWAY!!! Even Black American woman are getting good careers and working hard to be desirable and please men, the way Asian woman do! Many black women are becoming very lady like, attractive and pleasant. Trust me white American woman are finished they cannot compete with any other woman. You can sit alone in your tshirts and sweat paints with all your cats and tell the cats how buetfuil you are, how great you are and how stupid men are, for not bowing down before you!!
    To all American White Women
    WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO FOR US MEN? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PLEASE US? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SAY “HEY MAYBE I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM, HE HAS MANY WOMEN TO CHOOSE FROM, I AM NOT A PRINCESS, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE MYSELF MORE PLEASANT AND DESIRABLE FOR A MAN”?
    You will never say it or think it that is why you are all fat slobs, with the behavior of a drunken construction worker and you will die alone with your 10 cats, thinking you are a princess and men are just screwed up with a mommy complex, god your stupid!!!

  162. Andy….I think we can all safely say that you have some seriously deep rooted issues with your mother. I’m sure her being an unloving fat slob with 10 cats must have destroyed your childhood, but please try to be objective with your sweeping comments.
    Also, I do believe we are all thinking that it is VERY good that somebody has taken a bullet for the rest of us decided to love you. You seem like a very hateful person with lots of baggage loving individual that we would be very lucky to have.
    I also notice all you ever mention is dating. From my experience the story seems to change after marriage, but if you are such an amazing catch that I am sure it will happen sooner than later.
    It comes down to people individually. I`m skinny and very likable, but you are probably blocking `my lies` out. Im also married to another foreigner who has dated many Asian girls of different nationalities before he married me. And he says Im the best he ever had (In all aspects: loving, caring, attractive, and a best friend). It`s not an issue of race, but of personality. Or do you simply ignore the overweight, ugly and overbearing Asian girls you met, as well as the attractive and caring foreigners?
    But again, we all wish you luck in your new found `dating` success. Maybe one day, one of the girls will REALLY like you, and agree to marry you. Then you will have children. Hopefully all boys so that they are not forced to be half white and women, which by your definition will make them have to fight their evil, lazy, ugly, fat, and snobby halves. 

  163. Me Me Me Me Me
    thanks for taking a combat stance! I really miss it!
    thanks for reminding us that you are a princess!
    And of course you are much better than Asian women that’s obvious!

  164. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME
    Not to argue with you because I know your a combat machine and I dont want anything to do with you.
    But I would like to point out to others that

    1) you are either stupid
    2) or you are employing a standard combat tactic right out of the “The combat princesses training manual”
    What is that tactic? Discredit everything a man says by associating him with a socially unacceptable concept, for example racism.
    you imply that I am very stupid and you begin to regurgitate simple racial concepts to me
    but Its clear that I said American White Woman (or Western White women in general) so actually, I am saying the reason American white women are of no value to men for the long term is a cultural phenomenon associated with the collapse of western civilization. But I understand your programming so well I already knew some stupid woman would write a comment like this. In fact, I think Russian white woman are some of the finest women in the world for dating and marriage.
    (but it doesn’t matter if you are lying because remember the goal here is to take a combat stance against a man, truth itself doesn’t matter because you are a soldier and a princess)

  165. Wow… Andys is one bitter guy along with some other bitter guys who have probably never left the US.

    I spend approximately 6 months a year for work in Europe, Asia (including Australia) and South America. The grass always looks greener, but I have to tell you… there is nothing better than American women (Australian women are VERY close second). Every country has its best and worst, but on the whole American women are more confident, engaging and enjoy being women. If you like the subservient attitudes of many women in other countries, you might just be that kind of old school guy… its just not for me.

  166. MeMe

    In case you didn’t know most of Russia is in Asia,
    Which is largely white and Eurasian mix due to the invasion of the area by Attila the Hun, and Hungary was his furthest staging area which served as a base for his raids into Rome itself. (its named after him meme)
    your knowledge, intellect and experience is so feeble and limited please don’t ever speak to me again!!! It really is an insult to me for a creature like you to address me!

  167. Ok Grover your probably an American White Woman no one else would say anything so stupid. If your really a man and believe that sissy foolishness grow some balls dude no wonder America is collapsing.

  168. Most western women are so unattractive, most are overweight by 50% or 60%, most are bitter, many drink, are loud and agressive,so many have tatoos, smoke, swear, and are angry that even western men dont like them.

    If you are none of these, are pleasant, intelligent, slim, healthy, un marked from metal spikes or ink, then you should find a western man with no problem. In the meantime you cant compete against Asian women.

  169. I agree with you most western white women are disgusting in appearance, but they are even more disgusting in attitude, personality and behavior. The modern expectations, the role and the demands that American white women have for men, have been forged during the collapse of the civilization, many of these communist Ideas have destroyed the United States and any chance for a positive relationship or family with American white woman so don’t even think that is possible!! You will pay and you will suffer. even if you consent to being a complete slave and giving her everything she wants, its never enough for her trust me.
    If a American white woman is somehow attractive, still avoid her like the plague, maybe even more so. Sure she can be nice and sweet at first, or even ok while she is getting what she wants out of you but Please Please for the love of god never make the mistake of thinking an American white woman is different from others or that this one is ok, you will suffer great misery, you will pay endlessly and suffer extreme abuse for many years. You will be hated, you will be a slave, you may be thrown in jail (for doing nothing) she will steal every thing you ever earned and worked for, its not just my story look at a post from a friend of mine here. This is a typical relationship in the US today with these monsters called American white woman. Its a nightmare from which escape is nearly impossible she will use the law and courts to torture and punish you for years if you try to get out.

    from my friend
    I’m a StepDad of 3 still hanging in the relationship trying to give my all, despite all the insecurity issues, time, affection, appreciation, even sexualness I don’t get. I still stick around for her and the kids. We both work but I make about 4x as much as she does, my check goes on her the kids and bills. All my time is spent on them but not at all reciprocated. Everything and everyone else is her priority, ie. Birthday parties (for children) all parades, holidays, anything she can take the kids to or do she does which makes absolutely no time for us or me. I still send her flowers to work for special occasions but most times just for the heck of it to tell her I love her.. I try relieving any of her stress I can just so she can focus on me a little but It never works out that way.. other than what I do for her and the kids I am pretty much an inconvenience to her. I love them to death but I am really asking myself if I could live the rest of my life as an OPTION for her.

  170. LETS HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE AND PRAYER FOR ALL OUR FRIENDS, BROTHERS. FATHERS AND SONS AROUND THE COUNTRY SUFFERING GREAT MISERY AT THE HANDS OF THESE MONSTERS!!

    I of course advised him to lose weight get in shape, dress nice, dump that loser and get an Asian or Russian lady and don’t ever look at, speak to, or acknowledge the existence of an American white woman again as long as he lives.

  171. Everyone around the world knows all this is true about American White Women, except American men. Its hard to see the forest through the trees for American men, But outside of America its easy to see these are the reasons why Japanese men in General or any other men from all other countries wont have anything to do with American white women. But When American men go to other countries they are valued for how kind, accommodating and loving they are to women.

  172. I am surprised by some of the negativity here. I am also an American woman living in Japan who has felt frustrated with her sex life, or lack thereof, in Japan. This is my second year living in rural Japan, and sex life aside, I am having the time of my life. I have met many wonderful people and made many good friends. I am so grateful for having the opportunity to live here, and will carry these memories in my heart for the rest of my life.

    The first year I was in Japan, I had a boyfriend (American). It has been a year since we broke up and in that time, I have only had four dates (with Japanese guys) with no prospects for any type of long-term relationship and for the first time in my thirty years on this planet it is starting to affect the way I feel about myself.
    I am probably not like most American women in Japan because I am half Japanese/half Black. That and I am 5’10” (178cm) and 135 lbs. (61kg). Talk about standing out!
    I have always had good self-esteem and my mother (Japanese) has always taught me to be humble and think of others first. I am quite traditional, and extremely outgoing and friendly. I am also athletic (was a semi-pro mountain bike racer), attractive (was a model/actress) and smart (majored in Computer Science) with a touch of nerdiness (I can beat anyone in N64 Golden 007, and have played many RPGs from Zelda, Dragon Quest, Seiken Densetsu, Chrono Trigger to Final Fantasy). I can speak Japanese, and through my mother I have adopted a sort of Japanese mentality in that women should do and be “this way” and men should do and be “that way.” I am non-confrontational and have been told by many of my American friends that I am way too nice and accommodating; often going way beyond what I should to appease others – but it makes me happy. (笑)
    I like nice and simple, unpretentious men who care about hard work, family and stability. However, the only men who approach me in Japan are the guys that use alot of hair gel and wear tons of cologne and just want to sleep with me. (Westerners and Japanese) I realize that is probably because most of the guys that I like, who also live in the conservative countryside, have probably never even thought about dating a foreigner, let alone marrying one. So I keep on keeping on…..let’s keep up the faith girls. (even though, I know its hard…..)

  173. Keichan
    You sound like a great lady and you really have nothing in common with American white women. Just the tone of your writing shows a huge difference. You are not arrogant, condescending or delusional about your importance. In other words you seem like a really nice lady. Any man would be lucky to know you.
    Gambatte

  174. @Andy

    “even black women are becoming very ladylike and pleasant.”

    There have always been ladylike pleasant BW. More non-black men are at long last taking notice.

    “Even Black American woman are getting good careers and working hard to be desirable and please men, the way Asian woman do!”

    We have quietly worked diligently and acquired careers for quite some time. Again, thanks for noticing.

    No need to compare us to Asian women.

    Please

    As one of the educated black women with a great career you are speaking of, (thin attractive and happily dating wonderful men across the rainbow), let me gently and ever respectfully suggest you make your point about western ww without denigrating us? Your verbiage though meant as a compliment is insulting to us as black women.

    Thanks.

  175. This might not be an issue of foreign women in Japan, but of the state of dating in Japan in general. Many foreign men I know also find it hard to find a Japanese girl that wants to commit, not just play with her foreign boy toy. And my co-workers say that they are weary of dating a foreigner, because they don’t want a weird-o with a fetish, or simply a guy to leave her after a few months/ years in Japan. Gaijin hunters/ and guys with yellow fever are fun, until you want a sincere relationship.
    I think a big question is being missed here. How is it like to date in Japan as a WOMAN period? I work with many Japanese female co-workers that I would consider either cute or pretty, and they haven’t had dates in years. They complain that all men their age are working long hours to develop their careers, and most older men are married and only want one night stands. Many of my co-workers state that “Japanese men are no good”(not my opinion), because of outdated social roles and expectations, example “working 12hour days, cheating being ok, one night stands being the norm, and not being very affectionate in general”. These women are under 30, so I think it’s a good sample of current attitudes to dating in Japan. I also don’t think anybody has much chance of a love life if they live in the Inaka. Many people I know have significant others that live hours away in different cities.
    Most of these women tell me that they will either get a match maker or let their parents set them up with a potential husband when they are ready to get married.
    This is just my 2 cents from coffee talks with my Japanese female co-workers

  176. Lenajoy
    I agree black women, are becoming more desirable
    you admit

    We have quietly worked diligently and acquired careers for quite some time. Again, thanks for noticing.

    And yes I notice it, I notice everything about women!!!

    I have dated black women, made a compliment to you and black women in general and you attack me because I didn’t make the compliment nice enough!!
    Sure black woman have come along way, but dont make the mistake of the white woman in US
    your not gods, we have many other options, be our friends work with men and leave the combat for the battle field.

    So anyone can see clearly here that you are taking a combat stance, you just cant handle a strong man. So my point is clear any foreign woman is preferable to any American woman.
    American white woman are the worst in the world, the best you can do as a black woman is not to try to be like them, trust me on this try to be more like Asian woman you could have many happy years with men or a man of your choice rather than years of brutal combat.

  177. Women here is a chance to redeem yourself come before me and say ” You are right I am a brainwashed American woman, feminism, Oprah , Cosmo etc has created nightmare relationships between men and woman, woman view men as enemies to attack, this has resulted in unhappy and lonely people, relationships and high rates of bitter divorce. I don’t know anything about the real world, I am selfish, spoiled, demanding self centered and delusional about my own importance, I act like a child, I don’t really care about anything but myself, I am too proud to try to please a man, I don’t want Ophra, Cosmo, Hillary or any of those crazy maniacs to advise me, I want a real man of strength, intelligence and knowledge like you to help me become a better lady, to help me to learn to live with men with a strong bond and working together as a team as nature intended”
    I know I know F U you blah blah SOB

  178. Working in Japan
    there are many extra beautiful ladies in Japan, an American woman just has no chance to get a date, she is just to arrogant, ugly, fat and feminist so just forget it, and the Japanese women that hung around with you are likely not very desirable either, I’m not surprised they cant find a man.

  179. Hi Reannon, I am actually a little surprised to hear that.

    I think it is difficult to be a single women anywhere, but here it doesn’t really seem particularly problematic here.
    You may have to have a slightly more forceful approach, but once it is done, guys are more than happy to respond.

    The Japanese men I’ve dated have said that it is actually the independent streak that is so attractive, although I know this is not true for all guys here.

    I hope you still enjoyed Japan though!

  180. Interesting conversation, I think Tommy hit a nail on the head. In the west, women have very high expectation yet offer very little. They have a cold heart and only deserve the same in return. Why do you even worry what “skinny nerds” do and who they date.

  181. I think it all really depends on luck, or much of it….

    Ive lived in japan about year and a half now, I’m a finnish, light brown haired (blond to foreigners) , green eyed girl. I guess Im not too intimidating since Im 160cm tall so not too tall for japanese, and quite small sized… (Im 21 but thought to be 17 in Finland and other western countries…)

    I really get lots of attention here, people admire my eyes and white skin..some girls n boys wanna take pics with me at bars and school kids stare at me and say im so cute.. sometimes im hit on on the street by guys many times in a week.. I dont wanna sound conceited (which I know Im sounding right now :/.. but, Idk why I guess my outlook and maybe the fact that Im short idk, but it makes me less scary to japanese, i dont know.. But, I dated couple japanese guys first and it was just really hard, they didnt take me seriously and I never felt properly connected with them,

    But couple months into living here I met my bf who ive been with 1,5 yrs now and live together with.. I think I was just lucky to find him, since hes a japanese (havent lived abroad) but very into american and asutralian n other foreign bands and has loads of foreign friends. So, I think thats the kindof japanese guys who will suite western women best… Yet it might be hard to find them..

  182. ^I’m Finnish and the same age as the person above, only that I’m a tall blonde with blue eyes :D

    This is the second time I’m living in Japan, and can’t say I’d complain! I get a lot more attention from good-looking young men than I would back in the home country.

    Mostly it’s nice, sometimes embarrassing… It’s nice that guys compliment my looks to each other, but to do this next to me, not so silently (prolly thinking I wouldnt understand…) in a public place is a bit too much sometimes :D

    Also, from my pov Japanese guys can get a bit creepy with their shyness. I’ve had guys following me, discussing about whether they dare or not to ask for my cell phone mail adress.

  183. Very interesting article, well written and quite funny as-well, although my experience here in Japan is quite different.

    I’m a french girl (24 yrs), I’m employed by a large advertising agency here in Japan. It’s been 1 year and close to 6 months now since I’m enjoying my new busy life here. I have to say my experience is drastically different from yours. Also, I spoke fluent japanese even before I came here, and I believe that was/is a huge help to expend my social life. I made foreign friends and japanese friends fairly easily. As for the japanese men here : I’ve never had so much attention ! In my country I’ve never had a problem, but here the intention I get is really crazy in comparison. And I really have nothing special, they are tons of women like me in France (I’m 168 cm, skinny, blue eyes, dark hair, very fair skinned). I really think that the problem for a lot of foreigners here (and specially foreign women) to built a solid social/love life here is the language barrier.

  184. Things you will never hear an American white woman say.
    And I really have nothing special, they are tons of women like me in France (I’m 168 cm, skinny, blue eyes, dark hair, very fair skinned).

    American White woman would say
    I’m a big beautiful woman and I’m a princess too,

  185. Of course western women get little attention. A western woman in Asia is like a ham sandwich at a banquet. Want to solve the problem? Go home.

  186. The odd thing is though that the American women I have met so far were far more feminine and lovable then many European women. Particularly Dutch or British women (the latter being absolute disasters) who are just spoiled to the core. I must say that the author is drop- dead gorgeous (and obviously intelligent) but for what I have seen in this blog she also has that nasty sense of entitlement that seems to be so characteristic of Western women. A shame though because if they wouldn’t behave like spoiled princesses they would be actual princesses. They have the looks for it.. what’s lacking is the proper attitude. Which is something I have
    found in some of my Asian friends. Maybe those men that go to Asia and find someone there do so because they are sick and tired of the condescending attitudes of their female compatriots.

  187. God I went back to the states to visit for thanksgiving. Somehow those monsters called American woman have got even fatter, holy mother of god!!! The dress like peasants from a third world country, act like men on steroids and think they are the greatest creatures in the world that own the planet.
    God I feel sorry for the men in the US if you have never left the US you have no idea of the misery you are enduring and how much better things are in the rest of the world. Thank all that is holy that im back in Tokyo, where the ladies come up to touch my arms and shoulders in the gym. They are so sweet, they dress and act like ladies they are trim and beautiful every where there are trim pleasant Japanese ladies, god I feel sorry for men in the US.

  188. GOD If your an American man evacuate the US its a nightmare of fat, nasty, hateful, vicious women. Go to a different country, eat fresh foods, get some exercise, you will have a great life dating many trim appreciative beautiful pleasant ladies. You will then wonder why any man would stay in the US

  189. I lived in Asia and Europe for several years, so I’ve seen all perspectives of the dating field in every part of the Globe… What you wrote is true. White men definitely date a few standards up from their usual range when living in Asia. However, I’d like to add a personal observation that you touched on: “If such a nirvana existed for Western woman, I’m sure I’d have moved there too.” Such a place already exists for you white women; its called “the West”. I really enjoyed reading about your frustration, because that’s the daily reality of frustrations experienced by an ‘average’ guy living in “the west”. In fact, if you really want to move to a country where the roles are totally reversed in your favor, you should move to Germany. Its miserable being a white American guy dating in Germany. I think the women’s lib movement swung way to far along time ago in the West. Now men are demonized and vilified as horny moronic slugs that must prove their worthiness to any female they wish to pursue by writhing through a series of superficial trials and tribulations. In Asia the playing field is more even keel. Men can just ignore the BS and just be themselves; not having to go out of their way to prove anything or grovel for a woman’s attention. Also Asian women are less selfish in relationships that Western women. Seriously, If you want dating nirvana for a white woman try Scandinavia or Germany. Your Tokyo experience will be turned on its head.

  190. Robby
    I too lived in Germany, I had a great girlfriend in Germany. I think the states are much worse than Germany I lived there 3 years. Now where in the world has women as bad as the US, If your near a base there could be lots of extra men, so that could be a different experience.
    I did have 2 beautiful wives in the US, but god it cost me I would still be paying if I didn’t evacuate the country for Tokyo, The first wife left me for the neighbor while I worked 15 hours a day to give her everything she demanded and the other I dumped because she was such a monster. About your comment “White men definitely date a few standards up from their usual range when living in Asia.” I think its the opposite every man dates down in the US because women control the country, from laws to culture everything is against men, its all about abusing the man,
    Where else can women take everything a man has worked for his whole life his house, money, kids everything he will earn in the future, cut of his penis and all the woman laugh and say he deserved it? F— those monsters. The women in US are fattest nasty most spoiled rotten creatures in the history of the world!!! Any man that’s speaks to looks at or dates one is insane!!
    American women are the McDonald s of women rotten crap that makes your stomach sick if you like it you just don’t know any better.
    They barley qualify as humans and they delight as being as mean vicious and condescending to men as possible. Although I agree its white western women in general I think if you had a perspective in foreign countries other than military then you would see clearly the woman in the US are way worse than anywhere else in the world its not even close.

  191. Go to Mexico and the whole of South America again you will see you are dating down in the US, because the women in the US are fat, spoiled, horrible, rotten creatures. there are very few nice looking women in US, even if the are pretty they act like men dress like slobs, and treat men like garbage. And once a US white woman is over 25, there are almost no pretty ones left. The rest of the world is full of many pretty women well into their 50’s of course all of Asia and South America but also including France and all of Eastern Europe,

  192. Andys, please be fair here. No, before you even inquire, I’m not white. I’m just your average everyday black girl who tends to be very polite. I only know a few people who are these “horrible american white women” as you say. I suppose you haven’t met many white american girls, have you? I’m sure that france is a beautiful country with beautiful people. Hence, I refuse to judge everyone in france by you being rude on here. See how that works? Please calm down and discuss this rationally. If white Americans were so bad, they wouldn’t be so well off in this world now would they?

  193. I’ve been living in japan for ten years now. born in jamaica, but lived in the US and Uk before japan. and yes, I’m a rice king. I came here because yellow is my favourite color. i find it ironic how “hot” anglo women come to japan and get completely ignored. They may’ve been babes in toronto or LA, but here, they may as well be nuns. im one of those who is very guilty of taking full advantage of my status as a black male in japan. its quite a feast. love it and will never leave

  194. Adina I will gladly speak to you, if you love American white women so much then you date them, Ive already dated many of them and married a few too, and compared to all other women they are at the bottom by far, even the few good looking American white women are so conceited spoiled selfish and self centered, no man could get along with them for very long no matter how hard they try sorry its just the facts the rest of the world knows it, so why would they want to date them when their are legions of beautiful sweet Japanese women everywhere in Japan. Its not rocket science. But the typical white woman assumes she is the most awesome person trust me I know this I have dated many if men don’t approach her they must be scared because she is so beautiful haha what a joke and there is something wrong with the whole world and everyone else but nothing is wrong with her, she is perfect and the most desirable creature in the world. Other people are just too stupid to see it. typical white woman!

  195. black passenger
    why would anyone hate you? Men and women should enjoy each other for friendship, sex, love marriage they should have healthy positive relationships, Japanese woman and many women in the world understand this. But American woman want to do combat with men you know “battle of the sexes” the man is always a jerk no matter what, they want to take from men, use men and punish men. especially the American white women. Thats why men in the world dont want American women did i mention they are fat slobs too, ITS NOT MY OPINION THE LADY WROTE THE ARTICLE AND ASKED WHY IM TELLING PEOPLE WHY AMERICAN WHITE WOMEN SUCK THEY ARE BY FAR THE WORST WOMEN IN THE WORLD THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS IT AND AVOIDS THEM” They are selfish self-centered spoiled corrupted by feminism refuse to please a man, they just want to take from the man what can he do for her what does he have to offer, they think they are great its beyond ridicules. I for one im happy for you, men and women should have positive healthy relationships just try not to hurt others while having fun. Most of you have probably never left the states its amazing how ignorant you are its shocking how ignorant

  196. AMERICAN WOMEN WHITE AMERICAN WOMEN SPECIFICALLY SHE CANT GET SEX IN JAPAN AND ITS COMING AROUND THESE OTHER WUSS MEN DON’T HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL YOU!!!
    START ACTING LIKE LADIES HELP YOUR MEN DO SOMETHING TO SHOW HIM YOU WANT HIM, YOUR NOT THE CENTER OF THE WORLD YOUR JUST A PERSON LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE AND 4 BILLION OTHER WOMEN IN THE WORLD HAVE A PU- – – Y TOO YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. START ACTING LIKE HUMANS AND LADIES OR SOON NO ONE WILL TOLERATE YOU ANYMORE. YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE AND THANK ME I HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH YOUR F-IN BITCHES. LOSE WEIGHT TRY TO DRESS NICE, ACT LADY LIKE GOD HOW STUPID ARE YOU?

  197. SHE ASKED THE QUESTION AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU HATE ME FOR GIVING THE TRUE RIGHT ANSWER ITS NOT MY FAULT IF YOUR TOO IGNORANT TO UNDERSTAND ITS THE TRUTH
    AMERICAN WOMEN (ESPECIALLY THE WHITE ONES), YOUR SPOILED ROTTEN, LITTLE MONSTER BRATS AND NO ONE WANTS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU WHEN THEY HAVE OTHER WOMAN TO CHOOSE FROM
    ITS SIMPLE

  198. Im almost 50, I was a child in the late 60;s early 70’s America was a much different place, there was no divorce, mothers didn’t work, they cooked cleaned and took care of kids, every child had a mother and father, we would go to different kids house for lunch and a nice sweet slim mother would take care of us for awhile then send us all back out to play. Father would come home at 6pm or so and the family would sit down to dinner that mother cooked and served. I’m sure there must have been some bad families but everyone I knew and saw were very happy. I remember this well.
    For those of you who weren’t alive the people in charge decided that they hated this world, they said it was unfair to women and then started to change it, this is what they did. The started with little kids in school, tv shows, movies and magazines. They directed women to battle with men, The said they need to empower women, they did this by making all the laws in their favor for divorce etc, The went on a mission to increase womens self esteem and to encourage women to dethrone men in the work place and at home. from childhood these white women were implanted with an exaggerated sense of self esteem, confidence and expectations, that they would rule the world and still have the most beautiful rich man in the world on his knees telling her how wonderful she is.
    So America became an artificial environment an experiment where women have an exaggerated view of themselves, their confidence, ego and self esteem is inflated to a point to allow them to battle and dethrone men. little boys were taught in school to accept this that good men support women in this mission. The result is there is no expectations for the behavior of women they can act as badly as they want as long as they don’t act feminine, there is no expectation for there appearance men should love them the way they are big and beautiful, they don’t need to lose weight or dress nice. The culture was changed to blame every bad thing for all time on men, now the assumption is men are bad and wrong and women are perfect.
    OK so now a man steps out of this environment into any other country in the world, the goal of women everywhere else is to find love, marriage and be a partner with a loving man. These women are not part of this ridicules experiment they are just women, She makes herself desirable by behaving and looking her best, she cares about how she makes the man feel she cares about his life, for the first time in his life he hears a woman say something other than ME and MONEY
    You may curse me now but I hope someday the truth comes out, I don’t hate American white women I feel sorry for them if I could tell American white women something this would be it, what is important in life is your family children and love with your partner. Even though you think your awesome you are not special you are just a person like 7 billion other people in the world. Even if you think your smart and beautiful your not, there are millions smarter and more beautiful sorry that’s just life grow up. There is no beautiful rich prince charming that will put up with you so just forget it, find a man you love and he loves you and be grateful you got that much out of life not everyone gets that much. You will have to work to keep that man even though he is not prince charming and you think you deserve much better reality is he probably has more options with other women than you do with other men and he maybe able to get a woman better than you at anytime just look at Japan think about that while your in one of your tirades you cant focus on yourself all the time, YOU REALLY ARE NOT IMPORTANT. Thats why there are so many divorces. I’m sorry they ruined the women, families and country, I for one know it was a much better place for everyone I was there!!

  199. You hit the nail on the head with this one! ><), have told me they were nervous when they first met me because they thought I was so pretty. I don't think I'm pretty, but I do think I look interesting in a — this will sound odd — appealing sort of way.

    But it doesn't work, being "pretty." You could probably be a beauty queen in the West, and it won't matter in Japan. I remember Taylor Swift on Music Station one week, and nobody blinked an eye at her!! -__-

    I don't care about being a beauty queen or being viewed as such. But the loneliness is too sad. What can we do to change that? Show Japanese guys we're not quite as intimidating as we apparently appear?

    And I'm writing this at 3 AM, so none of that came out quite the right way, but…well…at the end of the day, I just wanna thank you so much for this post. m(_ _)m So so SO true… (;___;)

  200. As a Japanese-born, living in the US, I think it’s normal for single women to look for a boyfriend/girlfriend. True, I know what you are going through. I’m still searching… and feel unattractive and jealous of women who have a boyfriend. And yet, when I travel, I go for the experience, trying to talk to people, and seeing sights.

  201. All of this was interesting but I’m really curious as to how Japanese people react to foreigners especially black foreigners in general?? I’d love to go there to teach English but I’d be alone and foreign. I know a white male who went there and met and married a Japanese girl but he was obsessed with Japanese culture. They now have a baby. I also know a Japanese woman who married a German man. This post was amusing because although I understood the author’s frustration, I felt she was a touch to condescending and resentful of the so-called charisma men and the women that choose to date them. Why is it so important to date a Japanese man? I doubt I’d be thinking about that on top of working, being abroad without family or friends and trying to learn the language. The dating scene is probably just vastly different as anyone go has glanced at a Manga would know.

  202. Sunny, I’m a black man living in Japan. I live in Nishinomiya, a suburb of Kobe, been here for ten years now. If youd like to know about the experience of the black male in Japan, I have written a book just for you. It’s called Black Passenger Yellow Cabs: A Memoir of Exile and Excess in Japan. Its available everywhere. Check it out and let me know what you think. Japan is a compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetly opposite experience for the black man to what it is for the white woman. next to the white man, we are worshipped here.

  203. So, basically, this Reannon Muth got to experience what it is like for the average male in America? Right?

    In the US it is the mediocre women who party it up, leverage relationships out of hot guys and wade through hundreds of eager men like they’re doing laps at the community pool. Meanwhile your average male gets his soul raped in an exhausting job then gets to sit at home alone feeling “unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, un-male” by serpentine US women.

    The fact that tons of expat guys are chided for not being good enough bald spots and all is indicative of the fantasy dating matrix females have created in America. News flash, those guys you feel are inadequate are the guys you. should. be. boinking. If you don’t believe me all you have to do is look at a female’s life cycle as evidence. A female blossoms to her peak beauty between the ages of 16-22, ask any guy. The purpose of all that beauty is to enchant the boys around her into catering to her needs while they appropriate the scars of adulthood. Her offering of concentrated beauty ensured that the female will have male caretaker(s) when she goes barren. Not to mercilessly claim one of the jobs for herself, force the men to take up the slack, then accept the toil from one worker and hand the payment over to another. And if things were more balanced the guys would go through you and your sisters like the geisha girls you despise. The way the japanese females treat their men, with deference, respect and access to their bodies, is the nirvana that Western women like you have gracelessly withheld. The upper class white western woman is probably the most desired female in the world. However there is one problem with her that makes men vomit. Her use of casual sex to deliberately create a sexual caste. Casual sex is on the table at all times in our contemporary era, but the western female has used the modern dowries of her youth, employment and of course welfare to give respect to a few fantasy males while shunting all the other guys into a video game riddled basement in hell. Men who in a just society would be given free samples of her moss growth like everyone else, are expelled by the western female to a cold penalty box until her 30th birthday. These gifts given to her by the western man pump up her ego and inflate her worth at what cost to the male? Well now you know. Isolation. Bitterness. Self-doubt. A purgatory of frustration.

    Most western girls leave Japan because the tide turns in the social scene correct? Don’t you wonder what would happen if they were forced to stay? For years even? Wouldn’t they start to see Japan as a type of prison? A nightmare place where their sexual urges are so repressed they question their sanity?

    Of course this all could be avoided if the girls simply lowered their standards. (Kinda like what dating gurus lamely tell guys here.) In your case it would be to provide casual sex to the natives without the constraints of a beta “relationship.” But that’s impossible in the entitled western girl’s mind aint it? There are no Caucasian frat boys they can select to drape on their arm like what they are used to when they go, well, anywhere in the US. And you even dare lie to us that you were interested in a Japanese guy. Please. Western girls don’t stoop. You made that clear in your description of the expat males.

    These chumps have found a sexual paradise in your eyes. As if they’ve won the lotto. No my dear. They’ve won their self-worth as men. Back from you.

  204. geisha groan, very long winded indeed. can’t believe i read the whole thing. you sound disgruntled. what you need is game, aka social skills. forget about dating gurus, you need interpersonal communication skills. if you got that, even if you are as ugly as a rhino, you can have beautiful women. here in japan, all a western man needs to be bedding an army of super attractive women, is the ability to cast a shadow. and if you have advance interpersonal skills (like i do) you will screw yourself into a coma. i was once like you: ugly shy and awkward, especially around women. then i went to therapy and started taking some speech classes in college. there is hope for you. stop being bitter. rule no 1, hyper beautiful women are easier than regular women to get, because they are usually insecure about their looks, not being sure if people like them for their looks or for who they are. moreover, many of them were molested as children, so they are usually not aware of just how beautiful they are. while you’re taking some speech classes, take some psychology classes too. you’ll clean up in the US and in Japan. but japan doesn’t count, because its like fishing in a japanese sized bathtub with a wok. good luck and if you have any questions, check out my book about japan: black passenger yellow cabs: a memoir of exile and excess in japan. matte ne.

  205. Mediocre looking white girl believes she should be treated like royalty due to her race and then becomes bitter when she is not.

    YAWN

  206. I read the article because I enjoy getting the viewpoint of others’ experiences in the world. Reading the comments I realized that maybe they were more important than the article itself.
    Generalizations, stereotypes, harsh words, and overall discouragement flows out from every few posts. In fact, if this were published for prospective tourists to read chances are tourism will go down drastically.
    Every nation, ethnic group, etc has their snobs, their beauties, their nerds, the uglies, and all sorts-that is what makes the world a diverse place to live. Among all this people develop their own wants, needs, likes, and dislikes but never will everyone understand what others find appealing or unappealing. Beauty is subjective-it depends on how you were raised, were you were raised, and what your personal mentality is-noone can choose to make you have preferences.
    Every person in the world has a right to their opinions based on personal beliefs and experiences. No person can say they know about any group in its entirety because there will always be a section that is different. Yes white western women can be bossy bitches but they can also be caring and giving. Same is true for Asians, Africans, Europeans, and all others since that is part of the diversity.
    If you want to find a person for you then look. Don’t let someone else’s perspective blind your eyes. If you want to know how people will be, then talk to and visit them-don’t depend on stereotypes. If you want to try to live somewhere other than your home country-do it, not because of an article but because you want to. Be yourself and you will meet people who will like you for you, not you for an image.
    People just need to quit thinking about how others view things and look for themselves. It’s called being an adult, spreading your wings, having an open mind, and accepting that people are different everywhere in every culture.
    Peace and blessings.

  207. Reannon: I don’t know why you call yourself average – you’re quite cute and sexy. Bet you’d have better luck with an expat here in Tokyo!

  208. For me, it’s not the Western woman’s looks that are horrible, it’s their attitudes and behavior. They really are just little girls who refuse to grow up and expect everything to be handed to them simply because they were born female. American women are the worst possible choice for dating and marriage. They won’t think twice about screaming ‘rape’ or ‘sexual harassment’ as a way to punish you if you dare to displease them, and unfortunately the laws seem to give them the benefit of the doubt.

  209. There certainly are some rather misogynistic comments on here. You can meet spoiled people of either sex everywhere in the world. People who have been raised with wealth and privilege, particularly in their youth, tend to be more demanding and selfish, but with luck they outgrow it. You’ll find that to be true whether you’re in LA, London, Omotesando, or Katmandu.

    Sweeping generalizations are never healthy.

  210. i think you guys bagging on western women are just a bunch of pimple faced beta males, who couldn’t get a date at the prom. but thank your lucky stars, theres japan

  211. I think the guys bagging on western women HAVE dated them and have concluded that they’re not worth the time or effort.

  212. The reason foreign men ignore Western women (unless they R seeking a green card 2 immigrate & steal), is because WESTERN WOMEN R GARBAGE! All they do is lie, cheat, & steal. & if U R unlucky enough 2 ever marry 1, they will innevitably turn 2 witches (if not already), get fat, gross, &/or divorce U, then steal your property & children (if U were unfortunate enough 2 breed with them). That’s reality, & THAT is Y Western women R ignored in other nations. The only men on Earth stupid enough 2 think Western Women have value R Western men, & they only think that when they have not had the opportunity 2 learn that there R in fact REAL girls out there – Not just Western junk.

  213. @Albert Dead on.
    @Blackpassenger you mean as opposed to the jailbird uneducated drug dealers who are getting all the idiot, and usually obscenely overweight, western women, right?

    I always find it interesting that the people from the outside looking in assume that men who date asian, specifically Japanese, women cant get a date back home. Through high school and some of my college I saw my fair share of ass, but all the issues discussed here are the same experiences I had. Ive not bought my wife a birthday gift in 2 years. She doesnt care because she doesnt measure love by the gifts she gets. She has a very comfortable lifestyle and has everything she needs. In return, I get lots of time to myself when I want it, no questions when I want to go out with friends, and a hot meal when I come home from work. Those 3 things alone trump nearly every western woman I KNOW, much less dated. You people like blackpassenger can keep the bloated princess-sydromed femenist man-women in the western world. Ill keep my lovely, feminine, asian woman.

  214. @whatever888: dude, just an fyi: l live in japan, been here since april 18th 2001. my wife is japanese. i dont do western women, i am a rice king. but i can tell you, as opposed to you, i don’t need a hot meal from a woman. Im jamaican, i can make that hot meal myself. unlike you, i need a wife with a brain. thats why i had to make sure my japanese wife is educated and travel extensively. you guys sound like you’ve all been burned by women in the west. you all sound like you have mother issues or something. get over it already!

  215. I don’t understand why there aren’t any more comments on what I’m about to say right now.

    I’m a black female, to kick it off.

    And labeling all western women as slutty, dumb, rude, and gold-digging is as unfair as labeling all western men with Asian women as desperate assholes who can’t get laid.

    It’s not only unfair, but hypocritical. If you can say these things about us without even meeting all western women, then don’t complain when some women take offense and return the favor. Us bigoted, ugly and rude western women can’t be that bad if so many are married to guys who appreciate them.

    If you like Asians, fine. That’s your cup of tea, go for it. And in turn, I’m not going to bash the crap out of you guys for saying such horrible things about people who you’ve never even met. Do you know why? Because that would make me no better than you all are being right now. Please develop some maturity and handle your prejudices against western women by moving to Asia and minding your own business, alright?

  216. @Blackpassenger who said I NEEDED anything? The only thing I NEED from a woman is sex. I stay with my asian woman because I enjoy being with her and she WANTS to do those things because she returns the love I show her. Very few western women do this. Mother issues? Youre gonna have to explain this, I dont see any connection between wanting a feminine woman and mother issues. If I had mother issues, I wouldnt be here in Japan. (Longer than you I might add, since you decided to bring that up)
    @lotusflower Heres an easy way to understand it: Imagine there are 2 ponds. You spend all day fishing in pond A, and you pull out nothing but shitty fish like bluegill, carp, and other fish most people wouldnt waste their time eating. But, you see some people coming from pond B going home with delicious looking bass, salmon, and trout. (Nevermind the logistics, its a point) The next day you go to pond B and you pull in nothing but fish that taste great and kept you busy all day. Sure, there might be some good fish in pond A, and there might be some lousy fish in pond B, but given that scenario WHY THE HELL would you EVER fish in pond A again?

  217. Ive read all these comments and can’t actually find 1 that nails it on the head.

    1. Asian men are, in general, less masculine than western men
    2. With a choice, girls like more masculine men
    3. Western men usually aren’t as shy as Japanese men

    This is the only correct answer and is the same Asia over.

  218. Well written article. I am a petite and short female that lived in Japan for three years in my early 20’s back in the early 90’s. I was at my cutest ever, and did have two boyfriends during my stay (at different times) however, they always wanted to go back to their own women. I mean, I could not blame them, Japanese girls are cute, skinny and petite and although I was also, I had a tall nose, big blue eyes, blonde hair. I think they just love their women that much. Many that liked me just wanted to “see how it is with a white girl” but none of them wanted the forever thing. It is sad for me in particular because I have a son who is half Japanese. His father left me when I was pregnant. I was not worthy of him working his butt off for me because I was just a white girl from America. I still like Japanese men but probably will not ever date one again, besides, I am in my 40’s now and most Japanese men my age want girls in their 20’s. I would have to date a 70 year to be worthy. Sad they are how they are, and I always felt as you did about the white guys, thinking, how did they score THAT PRETTY GIRL? But as you said, they have more to offer, the attention, the respect, the conversations, things a Japanese man would not include them in. Live and learn.

  219. I am a Japanese-American and have been to Japan about a dozen times. I am currently living in Fukuoka. I totally understand your feelings. Being an American, I am often frustrated with the “unwritten rules” of Japanese inter-sex culture, especially when it comes to foreigners.

    In Japan, I foreigners have been treated poorly for decades. I can remember bringing my friends (who differ in race and creeds) to Japan, only to find to be stared at awkwardly. I believe that Japanese people still suffer from overly aggressive stereotypes of Americans and foreigners. Usually, the only foreigners Japanese people encounter will be on the silver screen or on their TV sets at home.

    Also, hitting on women in Japan is considered a extremely bold move and it is usually frowned upon. In Japan even touching a woman is a pretty big deal. Kissing and holding hands in public is a taboo. This country is very prude. I got yelled at for asking a woman out by a total stranger. It is part of their culture, unfortunately. However, I do understand your feelings. I went through the same issues in America (sort of) and in Japan.

    Growing up I was a typical All-American kid. I grew up in the suburbs, went to a private high school, played American football, basketball and baseball, etc. However, no matter how many female friends I had, I only had a handful of girlfriends. Why is that? Because I am considered an outsider in my own country. Look up any dating statistic in the US and the least desirable partner is an Asian male. Similarly, in Japan, I physically look Japanese, but I am culturally American. I have no idea on how to initiate contact with Japanese women, because I begin talking with them like I would back home.

    In conclusion, Japanese people are prude and do not know how to initiate conversation, especially with foreign people. They are more than likely intimidated. I am sure it will all work out. Just try and learn the cultural nuances and it will get better. I will let you know if I learn any good tips.

  220. I don’t understand these type of articles. I’m an American woman living in Japan (permanently). First prefecture I lived in was Tokyo, then I moved to Chiba with my [then] fiance, and now I live in Ibaraki with my [now] Japanese husband. In all three prefectures I had men piratically throwing themselves at me. My husband complains that he gets worried when I go out alone because someone “might kidnap me.” The problem is many foreign women here don’t understand the fashion and sense of beauty in Japan. When you come here, you really need to amp it up, which is simple since Japan has a lot of great fashion, make up products and items to help all type of women out. For women who are a bit larger coming to Japan, its really easy to lose the weight here with plenty of walking, bike riding, and healthy food choices, all of which actually taste good (well, usually).

    As for the guys coming to this article AIMED AT WOMEN; most of you raging at this girl and playing “keyboard-warrior” with her are probably being overly sensitive because it more than likely apllies to you. The ones bit*ching the hardest were probably geeky no-attention-getting cherry boys throughout their time spent in their native country. Nothing wrong with geeks, or geeks getting some in Japan, but from what I hear and read, the foreign men here let it go to their head and speak down about foreign women, which sounds like a Wapanese loser, who, instead of being humble and gracious toward the fact that he’s finally getting some “loving,” he, instead becomes arrogant and racist toward his own people (specific: the women). Strangly enough, these type of men (the arrogant, racist ones) forget that their non-Japanese mother birthed his enormous head out of her much smaller… “parts”… for God knows how long. Ironic!

    Women, step it up, and Japan can be like freakin’ Disney land for you too.

  221. Women in general have it sweet comapared to men employment wise however. Six out of the eight million who lost their jobs in the recent NA recession were men.

  222. Reannon Muth and commenters,

    Today a close Japanese male friend that lives in Ota-ku, Tokyo, Japan inboxed me this question, “Asian men; particularly Japanese men, hear that they are not popular among American women. Why is this?” I honestly didn’t know how to reply at 1st so before offering my reply, I decided to do a little reserch and that is how I came across this blog. Thank you for posting it.

    I was saddened to hear that you were told , “Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … If you’re, you know … a western woman.” But then I read on as you described the guys as; “aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica”, “pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy” and “underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin” and I must say that this was definitely stereotyping that understandably offended a many of the male readers that replied.

    Before I completely respond, let me tell a little about me. I’m a 36 yr old Native American (Shoshone Mother) and Asian (Malaysian Father) born to military parents in Asia but raised in the U.S.
    I was in foster homes and adopted a few times before losing family in my early teens. This lead to me being on my own since I was 13 yrs. old. I’ve traveled to many places (including Asia) as a teen and in doing so I’ve seen a lot and learned a lot about different cultures. I now speak; French, Spanish, Korean and some Japanese. After much hard work, I’m a business owner. I was married for 15 years (Caucasian) and I have 3 wonderful children that also speak Korean, Japanese and English (homeschooled).

    I’ve taken the time to read several comments on this post. I cannot begin to describe how offended and saddening it was as the daughter of a Native American woman, as a sister and a mother of 2 American daughters. We are not the women that many of these men are describing. I’ve spent my whole life stuggling just to live. I’ve come from nothing to be able to walk with my head held high.

    Am I a woman that is spoiled? No. For 15 years I was in a relationship were as; I was neglected, abusively spoken down to, shoved into walls while I was pregnant just because he was having a bad day and taken for granted by my spouse because there was nobody around from my family to challenge him. He wasn’t the High School bad boy; in fact, he was one of the smart and quiet ones that started out really nice. Care to know what he thinks of American White Women? He disliked them because they always passed him over for the “black guys”. Sadly, I became the “punching bag” for all his frustrations.

    Was it because I was fat and ugly? I don’t think so. I’m 130lbs., 5’7″ and I have never smelled like yeast a day of my life. I love my showers, baths and perfumes. I may not be a “Beauty Queen or Princess” (http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/419077_222762997815324_100002448767541_441614_1964929091_n.jpg) but if that’s what they are calling women that wish to be treated with an ounce of respect, possesses a certain amount of self-confidence and isn’t afraid to approach people for friendship in a strange distant land then call me, “Your Majesty” or better yet…Combat General.

    I enjoy being a loner and can have a blast no matter where I am but it never works out that way. I seem to attract friends everwhere I go. A lot of my friends are Asian Men (Chinese, Japanese & Korean). I don’t go out of my way to meet them, I’m myself. I’m bold, honest and possess a “I could care less” attitude.

    We all only have one life to live and I wasted 15 years trying to “Please” a man that didn’t deserve it. Best believe should I date or marry again, it will be to a man that does deserve it. He will be a man that respects who I am without judging the color of my skin or stereotying me along side every other woman that’s done him wrong. I could easily say that in light of all that my “White Husband” put me through, that ALL men are one and the same but this only cuts down all the ones that aren’t.

    I’ll be returning to Asia this Fall (Seoul, South Korea and Japan). I hope that the guys and the ladies here will live their lives with every bit of happiness they can find. My advice to those planning a trip to Asia for the 1st time, visit some of the Asian social sites and make friends before you go there. By establishing your social network ahead of time, you could have a much more enjoyable experience. I know of at least one that is especially for Asian people wanting to befriend, date and even marry outside their race.

  223. …oh and the reason that I couldn’t answer the question and had to do research is because I’m open-minded about everything in my life. To me, Asian men are no different than any other man is capable of being. Our relationships are what we make of them. I can’t easily say what reasons others have for decisions they make. I can’t say why a whole race of people are more or less in the eyes of others, I can only answer for myself.

    For the record, I’ve had a few issues myself with white women but I would never judge the whole race of women as evil monsters because I’ve also know a few that were worth knowing.

  224. I had a different experience living in Japan. In my time there I was 23-24, and I am a white woman. I was frequently given both wanted and unwanted attention, and I never quite understood the complaints that Japanese men were distant to Western women. Men were curious about me and frequently invited me out. I was given gifts frequently, including three dozen long-stemmed red roses from one older gentleman. Men would take the time to sit down with me and help me with my kanji studies. One man gave me free karate lessons for a year. As for the unwanted attention–well, I was groped a few times, both under and over my clothes, by persistent perverts. And I received almost daily comments on my looks and build. I am tall (5’9″) and have a slender-waisted figure with full hips and bust. Very different from the average Japanese lady, obviously! It was distressing to have so much focus on my body, yet it wasn’t so different from the attention I receive in the U.S. I was told I was beautiful quite often–I have very fair skin, blue eyes, and dark hair with delicate features and full lips.

    To be honest, the Western women who were not able to attract Japanese men tended to behave in a harsh or aggressive manner and/or tended to dress sloppily. I was raised to dress in feminine, tailored clothes, to groom myself carefully, and to wear cosmetics to emphasize my natural assets. The women who were complaining about being lonely often wore overly casual clothing such as baggy crew-neck t-shirts and generally didn’t care much for their appearance. Is it fair that men still primarily respond to a woman’s looks? No, of course not. And I’m sure it was irritating to see slovenly overweight Western male doofuses easily pick up women far out of their league, but Japanese women often desire relationships without all the baggage that comes along with a traditional one. If they marry a Western man, they won’t be their mother-in-law’s slave for the next 40 years.

  225. This gives me a new insight.

    There are several reasons, I guess, for fewer couples of western women/Japanese men than the other.

    – Japanese men are short on average – not many prospects for western women

    – Fewer western women than western men

    – Western women prefer western men

    Above all, the biggest reason, I believe, is a communication.

    In English, Japanese men cannot converse well and moreover cannot amuse and entertain western women!

    If Japanese women don’t speak English well, foreign guys regard them as Kawaii!

    This doesn’t apply to Japanese men.

    What do you think?

  226. I think it could work if both couples make an effort to learn each others language. All of my Japanese boyfriends I had in the past, and my [now] husband could all speak English. Many of my [male] Japanese friends who could speak English also date non-Japanese women. My one Swedish female friend can speak Japanese. and she married a Japanese guy who knows only his native language. gugu

    I think you’re right about the language, but as for the height; height has nothing to do with it since we come to Japan knowing most Japanese men will be around our height, and in some cases, maybe a little shorter. I also think women who come to Asia single are probably open to dating Asian men, and in many cases prefer them.

    Asian men have a stereotype of being more well-educated, and therefore go further with their careers, in this they end up making more money, and therefore can take better care of their family instead of living paycheck-to-paycheck. They’re also stereotyped as being more family orientated, divorce rate is lower, the man doesn’t expect the woman to work and earn as much as him or risk being considered “lazy” or “worthless” like many women would be considered in Western society if she dare chose a route that was more traditional and less modern.

    Then there’s the more shallow look at Asian men, which is the same garbage Western men spout about Western women and how much better Asian women are in this regard, so here goes: physically, Asian men stay lean longer, look young longer, live longer, their minds stay sharp longer, usually dress better, their faces look better, they make an effort to do their hair, I’ve also read that Asian men stay potent for many more years, and also make better lovers.

    So this is what I think in regards to the previous comment ;)
    I hope to see many more non-Japanese women find a Japanese man when they come here, otherwise they’re really missing out ;)

  227. Thansk for your comments.
    I sometimes offer matchmaking to my friends in their thirties.

    One thing I notice, maybe in Tokyo, is that Japanese single women consider foreign guys to be partners even if they don’t speak Engish much. They say, ‘no preferece, whether foreign or Japanese , I am ok. It comes down to a person,’ while Japanese guys say, ‘I cannot speak Engish enough to date with foreigners.’ Japanese girls are global!

  228. I have just read the “article.” The best advice I can give the author is to communicate via printed whitecards in Japanese. That way, when you don’t open you mouth with, “I’m so hotttt!” or “Oh my gawddd,” or “I’m educated!” or “Men are threatened by my empowerment..” you might stand a better chance.

    The reason I avoid white women like the plague here in Korea is because, well, I am afraid that I will be eaten by one!

    They are gastropods!

    True story… I saw three roomy white women cry in anguish at the closure of dunkin donuts.

    Get some dignity, put down the diet coke and actually take a break from your travelling lecture series and actually listen to man.

    The author is nasty and bitter. Thats why you dont get a date sweetheart.

    No go away… The end.

  229. I agree with everyone!! and i agree also with Japanese girls getting hooked up with geeky japanese or americans, and they can be to much in themselves.

    I had a american white geek who worked with me in a job here in the united states, it turns out he was teaching english in Tokyo, and he married a japanese girl(she cant speak english) but this guy was such a ass, he tought he was better then anyone there and he even looked wrong at everyone!!

  230. I avoid American women like the plague because I am afraid they might eat me!

    Nom nom Im so hottt nom nom Oh my gawddd nom nom whateverrrrr nom nom slurp

    I can help all the American women out there. Put down the Diet Coke and cancel the worldwide lecture series… No one cares about anything you have to say.

  231. You American women love to talk about your feelings… Ohhh will you ever stop talking????????

    This is why no one respects you!!!

    Stop talking…… Stop talking…. Stop talking…

  232. @Seouls’-greatest-douche bag-survivor

    Let me guess, you’re some pimple-faced, pale-skinned, rotten-toothed Limey, am I right?! Just a little FYI, your people are now voted the third fattest in the world, and are becoming the stupidest after the Americans you talk down about. Time for your people to put down the tea and crumpets and start hitting the books and the treadmill, otherwise you won’t be able to use the only two insults you have towards the American people anymore. What a shame it would be if the world could no longer read the bitter remarks of a once great country now living in the shadow of the youngest and most successful country on the face of the planet. Boo-fucking-hoo.

    And by the way “Seoul Survivor,” you sound like a Koreanphile, so here’s a good definition for someone like you:

    Koreaphile

    A Koreaphile is a fag that thinks that he/she is Korean because he/she can say “Kimchi” “Saranghe” and “Jjang!”. Its really just another Japanophile but with Korea. Koreaphiles begin evolving when K-Pop was introduced into the Global Music Industry after as early as 2005.

    Koreaphiles are also annoyed retards that dresses like a Korean, listen to a load of K-Pop, annoy Korean Companies by auditioning even though they aren’t Asian and they know it, learn Korean so they can “understand” the songs, would like to move to Korea so they can find a hot girl/guy randomly right off the street, and believe Korea is better than Japan and China.

  233. Koreaphile Continued:

    Lots of Koreaphiles were once Japanophiles or haters of China. Sometimes Koreaphiles aren’t ONLY white or black people; they can be over obsessed Asians who aren’t Korean (such as Phillipinos, Indians, Thais, Vietnamese people, etc.).

  234. Seoul Survivor–Trust me, it is a dear happiness to Western women that you find them unattractive.

    I lived in Japan for a few years myself and never had one date. But then, I was in my mid-thirties, and I get the feeling most Japanese men feel a woman past her early twenties has dried up and flaked off. I didn’t mind so much, though, as I was there to have an adventure of my own and not to find a man. However, a fellow Western female friend not only dated Japanese men, she got married to one and is about to give birth to her first child any day now. She’s also model-gorgeous and outgoing, which might have something to do with it.

    I did find that traveling alone in Japan as a Western woman has some unexpected benefits. People were very helpful and friendly, even if they didn’t speak English and my Japanese was bad. I never worried about my safety. Some of my Western male friends reported getting stopped and questioned by police. I think it’s because the Japanese generally see Western women as being basically unthreatening. Whatever the reason, I had a great time. I miss Japan and hope to go back one day.

  235. I’m a 5’10” skinny blonde chick, spent 3 years in Japan. 2 of them with a partner. Got way more interest when I was partnered. I think there was this idea that the white chick is OK to party with, but there’s no way you’d take her home to chi-chi and ha-ha. I sent ’em all packin’ because I’m not interested in a fumble with a j-boy when I’m partnered. No sir. But yeah, that first year, pretty much two offers, neither of them appealing, completely open for business but no customers. So either you cave in and cry yourself to sleep over it, or you get on with it and focus your attention elsewhere.

    The gender stereotypes that exist about “Japanese” and “Western” people were pretty strong from the conversations I had with my gaijin and Japanese friends – from both sides! And wrong, mind you, as all stereotypes tend to be: J-girls are cute, codependent, quiet and submissive, happy to iron your shirt while you go off and slave away your 12 hour work day at the office. White chicks are bossy, independent, loud, promiscuous, and demanding. Japanese men are shy, they are slaves at work and rubbish at home, they are never romantic, and they don’t clean up after themselves. Western men are sensitive and romantic, they are handy around the house, and you can have cute ‘half’ babies with them (puke puke puke). A lot of these stereotypes are continued in the media, and people believe them. But they’re bullshit. You just have to be able to figure it out for yourself.

    My recommendation is that you should listen to crust punk and seek out open minded individuals. They exist. But you probably won’t find them in Gas Panic Roppongi on a Saturday night.

  236. Limey – I am not english ha ha guess again racist, certainly not a Koreaphile I absolutely agree with your view on apologists and ergo hipsters.

    However it still makes my day that you are so upset… Ha ha ha Put the diet coke down….

    Kyasaran – You also fell for the bait.. Ha ha ha

    You have both proven how stupid you can be….

    He he he he

    Rolled…

  237. L-O-L at survivor
    I find it ironically funny that a racist is calling others racist. Are your parents related? Daddy is also Uncle Billy-Bob, amiright?!

  238. @E
    You are clearly an idiot. Stereotypes exist because said stereotype usually fits the bill for said people. My Japanese wife fits what you described almost perfectly. Co-dependent, happy to iron a shirt, etc. The western women I dated until I was 23 were just as you said, bossy, bitchy, etc. You say to seek out open minded individuals, yet you puke at the thought of half babies. You are proving what all of us have been saying here… thank you.

  239. Actually Whatever888, you’re wrong. I’m a white western woman, and have no problem doing the house work for my Japanese husband as long as he does his “gender role” and be the bread winner in the house, which is usually not the case with WESTERN men who want you to submit to their every whim and then have their wife work 40+ hours a week, otherwise the wife is at risk of being called “lazy” or “worthless” by their husband.
    Also, If you were attracting “bossy, bitchy” women, then it was probably your rotten attitude that was attracting them.

    But really, if you want to play into stereotypes, say for example, comparing white men to Asian men, then I’d like to point out the stereotype that white men are considered to be less educated, underemployed due to said education, less responsible, have bad attitudes, are more likely to be involved in drug use, and are considered much less family orientated just to name a few non-superficial big ones. Not very nice to stereotype the women of YOUR race since the same nasty things can be said about the men.

    Anyhow, as the other girl stated, these are all stereotypes. Instead of blaming your failure to find a decent white girl on all white women, instead look into yourself and ask what YOU did wrong, and why YOU were attracting these type of women.

    One last thing, the reason why Japanese women are the way they are is because they had decent parents teaching them self respect and to also respect OTHERS, very much unlike the venomous shit-slinging I see western men doing here. Could it be that some of these men commenting and blaming their failed relationships on western women will end up creating daughters who are just as “bitchy” and just as “bossy” as the women they speak against simply because these men can’t change their negative, no-responsibility-taking attitudes!? Maybe these “bitchy” western women these men speak of had fathers like all of the men commenting on this post.

  240. Actually you are absolutely right. I will take your advise and illustrate what I did wrong:

    1) I thought you actually had known stereotypes you were working with. Ive actually never heard any of the stereotypes of white men you list, other than wanting their woman to be flexible. After working in a bank for a LONG time, I can safely say that nearly every customer was Man = money maker woman = money spender/complainer. Now that Im in IT, I see a massively disproportionate number of white men to any women in a global company with many vendors. Hmmm… I guess it must be just me and my perceptions.

    2) Im not offended by stereotypes. to be honest, despite not having heard them, I agree with yours. This is yet ANOTHER reason I left the states. Idiots (in general), tubs of lard, and no responsibility = fail. Ive got a college education and a good job, and my wife is exactly what I want her to be, so im not exactly sure where I failed… BUT on to

    3) The thing I did wrong in the states with women was be nice. I was the friend. I was the buddy. The person they loved so much but never wanted to sleep with. Then I caught on, was an asshole, and got more ass than a toilet seat. I wasnt happy. Over here I can be nice, and not have to constantly worry about my manhood being challenged by stupid women who want to fistfight with a man because she knows the law will allow her to do it with no consequence unless it is videotaped that she acted first, and then your still fighting an uphill battle.

    My attitude towards women in the was WAS at one time very good. You can claim to be the exception all you want, but my experience (and im sure many others, ever hear of Tom Lykis?) and many others with the MAJORITY of western women soured us. You did it to yourselves. In Japan I can be nice, educated, do whatever I want in my free time, and not spend 5 hours at the gym to prove my masculinity. Now I have a hot wife who I bang regularly even with kids and living the life every man wants, even if they are too Feminist brainwashed to admit it.

  241. First I’d like to point out that it’s not solely the fault of “western women,” it’s the fault of society in general. A mother doesn’t raise a daughter on their own, a mother and father do, and therefore it’s the fault of both men and women as a whole. I’d like to also point out that there’s a lot at fault with western men as well, not just western women as you’re making it seem.

    I think we can both agree that a lot of what’s going on in the west; a spoiled attitude being fed by media/shows that supports whorish, indulgent, narcissistic pieces of shit like Paris Hilton, the people on Jersey Shore, the Kardasians (spelling?) and that’s just to name a few. Then there’s cartoons and commercials that pander to immorality, adultery, placing beauty and wealth before anything else. This has helped make western society the garbage it is today, for both western men and women.

    To mirror your point of happiness; I can finally live the life I want here in Japan, with my hot husband who, in his late 30’s looks like he’s (and is mistaken for) about 25-28 years old without an ounce of fat or a wrinkle to be found. I can finally take it easy and work a part time job and take care of the home or any kids we may have in the future without being shamed into working 40+ hours a week or else risk being called “lazy” if I don’t, and “worthless” if I want to be more traditional like my grandmother and less like a she-man like the women have been forced to become in the west (Note: what I mean is, after WWII a large group of “liberated women” started working, then by the 60’s and 70’s, the women who didn’t want to “wear pants” had to due to social pressures and the economy changing). Outside of my part-time job, I’m glad the only thing I have to worry about is what meal to make, and if it’s going to rain once I hang my clothes out to dry. I’m glad I have a husband who wants to know more about me day after day, makes an effort to try and help with some chores on days I do work (without asking him), and tries with every effort to make me happy if it’s humanly possible simply because he loves me.

    I’ve dated western guys who were deemed “geeks” by society, I dated them because they seemed more humble and better suited for a stable relationship than jock assholes or Mr.Perfect-on-the-outside, guys who think the same as some of the men commenting in this section, guys who look down on women for dating assholes; I dated them, the geeks, the “nice guys,” but guess what, they were the same type of asshole as the people they spoke against, only more bitter, more pretentious, more condescending because of their experiences with women and society.

    As for everything I’ve written so far, I’m not trying to brag, but I just want some of the men here to see that there are married/coupled Western women in Japan who feel the same as some of Western men residing here.

    -My first point is, everyone has flaws, not a specific gender, or “type” of person, especially when your raised in a slowly degrading society.
    -My second point is, western women can have the same experience here as Western men, they just need to take the liberal stick out of their ass, and (sorry ladies but…) learn to dress it up a little, especially if you’re living in Tokyo which is one of the fashion capitals of the world.
    -My third point is, Western women can find the same type of “great, hot” and “better,” in a Japanese man as Western men find in Japanese women.

    OK, I made this post too long already.

  242. Me, Look at some statistics before you rant about ‘it takes two’ and ‘a child has 2 parents.’ More than 70% of divorces in the states are initiated by the woman. Why? Well, this is speculation, but media and stereotypes would inidicate it is because they know they can get away with it legally, with nearly no negatives TO THEMSELVES (note, the children suffer greatly) because they will get the house, the car, vaginamony, and child support, and then shes free to play around on the field again. In MANY of these cases, she will put negative images of the father in the childrens heads, and sometimes flat out refuse to let them see him. This is ONLY the divorce cases. There are MANY MANY MANY women who think they can do it all alone, they need no man, and they either lie about birth control to get pregnant, or flat out leave with the kid once they have it. While it would take a great crime by my wife to make me want to seperate, I dont think I would for the sake of my son, as I love him could not let him be without a positive male role model. Why you ask? Well if my reasons above werent sufficient, my sister is one of the people I described and ive seen how her kids turned out. Know what else I saw? Around 5 of her friends from school she hung out with all got pregnant around 16. Those were just her friends, not including others from the school. Why do they do this? Well because the government will take care of them even if the man doesnt. Where is this all going? Well, as girls grow up in the western world they are shown disney movies with princesses and told they are special and every bit of media shows it is okay for her to act any way she wants towards men, but men should suck it up if she does the same. Then the legal system backs it up, by always giving favor to women who turn on the tears. In a nutshell this has created irresponsible, stupid, selfish, whorish, useless women that no one should be forced to be in the same room as. And, in response, a lot of men have seen this. This is why chivalry is dead. This is why men have also become less responsible, etc. Look back 50 years. Divorce was a disgrace. Men who didnt work and make a family were a family embarassment. What changed? Feminism for one, and all the reasons I listed above are enough for me, and many men, to not touch western women. THIS IS FACTUAL. This is no opinionated. Go read some facts, then come back. I have no doubt as western influence reaches Japan that some day either 1) Japan will realize what a ridiculous thing the feminist movement is and reject it, or 2) Japanese women will be spoiled into the next gen Paris hiltons. I sincerely hope it will be 1, but my experience tells me its just a matter of time. Enjoy it while it lasts, guys.

  243. Furthermore, I already conceeded there are exceptions. If you are one of the few, great. But if that is the case you are by far in the minority. While im happy for you that you found who you did, while you were dating the geeks I doubt that you gave them a fair shake or really tried to understand them. Im a self admitted geek, insofar as I value intelligence more than ‘me go gym now’ type, but I dont look it. Even with my bitterness towards early life women, I gave every bit of attention to the ladies I dated before realizing they didnt want nice guys. If they were bitter, you seem to understand why, so that shouldnt have bothered you. Most geeks are logical people, so if you did have problems with them being ‘assholes’ im guessing you didnt tell them what was wrong. And by asshole, I assume you mean being verbally/physically abusive, or something else like pissing in the potato salad at the family picnic. Most women in the western world I talk to refer to ‘being an asshole’ as they went to their friends house to play games on a saturday night instead of taking you to the club, despite inviting you along. (aka you just dont want to do what he wants to do) Just making sure thats the case, because if you are calling them assholes for trivial shit like not feeding your inner attention whore, thats YOUR problem not theirs. Lastly, youre right, everyone has flaws. My wife dyes her hair and I hate it. My wife cant cook western food worth a damn. My wife refuses to learn english despite all my family wants to talk to her. My wife has issues with her dad. So the f*$& what? These issues are a drop in the bucket compared to ‘Ive had a bankruptcy’ or ‘ive got 2 kids and am single’ or ‘I didnt go to college and am receiving disability because ive got some bullshit im claiming’ or the classic ‘I dont need a man, I got this’ 350 lbs hippos who want to get in a physical fight with men. (Mcdonalds beatdown video on youtube, thank god for cell phone cameras, I praised this man for standing up to the system)

  244. Whoa, don’t make assumptions about me. As for what I consider to be an “asshole.” OK, let me try to make this quick. I dated this one guy who was a scientist in the military, we were both geeks, we played video games, and watched the typical nerd stuff with him, the likes of which you would find on CN late at night 7 years ago. We had a lot in common and felt we were more than one-dimensional, unlike so many no-brainers who asserted themselves above us simply because we were “different.” I was always verbal about what was bothering me, and I was as honest with him as I’m being with you. So yeah, I told him what bothered me. What was my thanks for opening up to this bitter, pretentious person? (which he was). Online, through Myspace (7 years ago), he found this lesbian chick who used to go to the same HS as him from a different year (she was 4 or 5 years younger than him). He discovers his personality is similar to hers through yahoo chatting, finds me not so independent (I lived with him), too needy for love and affection (no, NOT attention-whoring as you say!), and leaves me in hopes of “straightening” this lesbian… who ends up staying gay in the end anyway, are you kidding me!? I know what you might be thinking, and no, she was very girl-next-door, a normal looking girl, Scott wasn’t about the outer appearance anyway. So this wasn’t purely lust driven.

    Anyhow, that’s just one example.

    But it doesn’t matter anyway, I shouldn’t waste my time writing, it seems like you’re so bent on assuming all western women are the same, and we’re all evil. Again, I just want to let you know, it goes the other way around as well. It also sounds like you grew up in a seedy town. I myself know some people like you say, but they’re in the minority, and I’ve lived in many states back home.

    As for looking up facts from 50 years ago. I already know; I grew up with grandparents, or rather, raised by them. I’ve heard the stories, been told what not to become, was raised with values and morals, which is probably why I’m more “traditional” than some women, thanks to my grandparents.

    Anyhow, I don’t think you sound like a bad person, just hurt, and given a bad impression. I just want you to know, more than likely the western women you see here in Japan have probably gone through similar situations. I think a lot of us here are geeks and/or have geeky interests, as well as having been hurt by our own countrymen, thus making us a little more humble, and a little more appealing to the Japanese as a whole. But again, women have to polish that “shell,” a little more, which is something men in general don’t have to do.

    Also, it wasn’t a “rant,” since ranting usually connotes aggravation and aggression.

  245. and yes, I agree with you about the feminist movement. The only thing they did right was letting women vote, and paying women a fair amount in work, and I mean for the ones who had no choice (widows, etc). Other than that, the feminist movement was a lie that has helped destroy a once great country.

    I also think about when it will reach Japan, and hope it doesn’t happen. I don’t want to be in the same type of atmosphere as I was in my native country.

  246. Ah ha, for some reason, I got caught up in the rest of the comment and missed the “exceptions” part. Anyhow, keep upbeat about the western women in Japan anyway, at least friendwise, since as I said, they’re more than likely seeking the same as you. Something more stable, more old fashioned. The females I met in Japan (the ones that stayed here for years, single or not) are usually the same type of geek-meek, and also seeking better pastures as the rest of us here.

    NOT all, but most I’ve met here so far.

  247. Great article.

    I can say based on conversations with my Japanese friends here, that Japanese guys who are interested in English are often _very_ interested in foreign women, but regard them as unattainable. They have low self-confidence in approaching Western women.

    However, in the past three days on the street in Tokyo I have seen at least one Asian male/Caucasian female couple per day.

    Most Western foreigners here are frankly losers who are just looking for easy sex. Once you eliminate them, the majority of the remainder only consider dating Japanese girls because they are obsessed with Japan.

    Only speaking for myself, as a single Westerner inside the sometimes alienating Japanese system, having a non-Japanese girlfriend would be great.

    Most of the girls I knew in the U.S. who were interested in Japan were unattractive and lazy. However, the Western girls I see on the streets of Tokyo are smoking hot and look very intelligent and witty. I am sure there are tons of men who wish they had the guts to ask out these women.

    I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I’m sorry the author of this article had such a tough time here. Japan is a tough place to be for non-Japanese, male or female.

  248. I believe that this story is very true. Me, living in new Zealand find it very hard to find a Japanese boyfriend.I’m 14 and Indian, I am pretty good looking, never had a zit, but all the Asians hang out by themselves or with other Asians, and are only interested in Asian girls. They all feel very awkward around me, and I feel left out and excluded . btw lurrvvee your story, and really hope you find a nice, decent Japanese guy ^_^

  249. Welcome to the life of an asian guy in a western country. We are often under represented, stereotyped and made to feel invisible.

  250. Im sorry but I dont believe a a shit of all these bitter women…I am a western women myself..and I know for a fact..If your a attractive woman in japanese wheter that be white black indian or whatever you should be having no problems getting guys..Also how do you dress? what do you do with hair/make up I as a western woman from europe think that a lot of european girls are lazy 98% of them have a bun on their head with a dirty jeans and uggs…how attractive! :D I have heard both sides now western women going to japan getting crazy of all the attention from japanese men,and the ones that no one looks at..I really think its your looks andc your attitude..ands eriously western men whining women shouldnt be femenistic..I am a 18 year old female whos ”drea,” is to have a nice family and take care of my men and be a house wife what do I get from western society I ALWAYS GET LOOKED DOWN UPON cause I am a woman in the 21st century I should be dying to go to college and be stripper to pay my college money..I dont even date western men cause they dont nderstand these kind of ”ideal family housewife” anymore..Pretty much only asians(real asians from asia not western asians) or middle eastern guys understand this. so please stop whining about not getting attention from japanese men its not them its you..a attractive women doesnt have trouble getting guys no matter were she goes or what her ethnicity is.

  251. Phoebe,
    This is exactly what I’ve been talking about! Any woman who dares to strive to be a housewife, or just a part time worker is looked down on by western men, and western society as a whole. Asian men seek out women who want to take care of the home, them, and any children who will be born to them.

    Also, myself and friends who actually dress up and care about our appearances get men here. I’m married now, and so are several of my western female friends (to Japanese men). Like I’ve been saying to the women on this board, you guys need to take it up a few notches if you want to find a man. Even Japanese mothers tell their daugthers to take care of their appearance so they can find their “future husband.”

    The truth is, people are shallow everywhere, yes, this includes Asia. Just because you’re non-asian, doesn’t mean you’re going to instantly attract a guy without caring for yourself.

    Don’t be discouraged. Anyone can find a man as long as they strive to be a good person who attends to the outer shell to a degree,

  252. Wow. With your open hatred and contempt for Whites (“white boys”), and your entitled attitude you must be a real catch. It’s a mystery why you get no attention from men.

  253. ” Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, unfemale.”

    Most western men experience these exact same feelings on a daily basis in the States.

  254. Well, Reannon, I don’t want to insult you in any way, but judging from your picture, you are not exactly a stunner or, let me rephrase that, a woman that would attract a lot of looks from men in any country.
    As you have seen for yourself – there is an abundance of very beautiful Japanese women in Tokyo, so the reason you had a hard time finding someone was probably that you never had a real chance. You describe western men in Tokyo to be with Japanese women “out of their league”, which is revealing an embittered, cynical, and worst of all, shallow mindset you have about the way attraction works.
    I wouldn’t blame your inability to find a partner in Tokyo on cultural differences – more on the fact that it’s hard for a woman with average-at-best looks and a shitty personality to find someone, anywhere.

  255. Wow… Such anger and bitterness. Welcome to the world of the average guy in North America. Not surprised to see so many men tune out from western women.

  256. Wow, so many bitter and angry Western men who are posting about this. You must have struck a nerve or two!

    I think a new country can be a different experience for everyone, it just depends. I had white girl friends who had a hard time and I had other friends, myself included, who were fighting them off with a stick on a daily basis. How this distinction came about, I really could not tell you, because my friends who didn’t find dates were very nice, smart and pretty girls who found plenty of dates back home and two of them are now married to Asian Americans.

    I found an amazing Japanese man in Osaka and we’re living in the US. We’re getting married in June! :)

  257. Hahaha.. loved the blog but so much negative comments^^;

    Chill ppl… leave the girl alone she’s just writing what she felt

    (can’t believe this blog was from 2 yrs ago and still having new comments)

    Anyways, I think you are very pretty Reannon and I would date you anytime^^ …but I’m sure you will not date me. (See the dilemna here? lol)

    I think one of the reason is the image that we get from the movies, where when you look at an american woman in a wrong way (even in the very slightest way) you would get a “pervert!” shout and a slap in the face^^;

    So the more confident you are, the more intimidated we get.

    So sorry you had a bad time here.. hopefully next time you’d have a better time. :)

  258. Wow…how annoying.
    People persist on putting the black females at the bottom of the ladder….In your effort to generalize, you forget that a lot of these experiences are subjective.
    I am a world traveler…I never have an issue dating wherever I go. As a matter of fact, I oftentimes I have to discipline myself and to say no to dates. So puh-lease enough with the idiotic comments the generalize.

  259. People might be looking at you the same way as you look at those “greasy haired” whatever dudes you mentioned above.

    That’s one thing from traveling I notice about American women. They are often say a “5-7” at best on the 1-10 scale and act like they are complete knockouts. Sure confidence is sexy but it typically is arrogance, not confidence that you see.

    In addition to Western Women being overly masculine, which most of the world doesn’t particularly find attractive, they are often not even the most physically attractive despite your notion that you have a leg up on Japanese women.

    Sounds like a typical article written by an American, from an American point of view, that truly misses the reality or subtlety of the dynamic and situation.

  260. Wow! So many negative comments indeed! I don’t know what the other people’s problem. I’m Japanese and I actually thought the article was pretty spot on.

    First thing, I think you’re totally gorgeous. I for one is pretty honored to have such a lady like yourself be even interested in us.

    Yes we are fascinate and at the same time intimitaded by western women, or beautiful women in general, so to speak.

    And there’s the fact that we automatically assume you’re not available, or even if you are, your interest only goes to the same foreign guys.

    Hence nobody asks you out in the clubs because we know you’re going to turn us down anyway or worse, you’re with someone, and the last thing we want to do is hit on a foreign lady with her foreign bf. (Yikes!)

    Maybe put on some shirt that says (日本人彼氏募集中 – Nihonjin Kareshi Boshuchu – Japanese bf wanted!)
    Haha- I actually see some gaijin guys (charisma men?) wear those stuffs, pretty hilarious but I think it works! XD
    (Most people would probably find it funny/adorable.)

    I’m sure you’ll have a long long looong line of j-guys in front of you!

    Anyway, again, you’re gorgeous! Loved the post! Hope the negative comments doesn’t discourage you to write more! I for one is looking forward to reading from you again! Thank you! :)

  261. Hmm, I can understand what you’re saying, but I’ve been here for a while and haven’t had any trouble (other than the usual dating issues). Saying that I don’t look too exotic (dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin), so maybe not so… foreign??

    And you do see men who, for whatever reason (wrong or not), wouldn’t normally be seen with a hot hot girl in their home countries with hot japanese girls. Not saying it’s not shallow and wrong to think that the girl is hotter than them, but you do see it.

    Let’s face it though, in a western man/japanese woman relationship it’s win win. Japanese woman gets exotic man who gives her more freedom than a Japanese man might allow and the western man gets a woman who is far more submissive and forgiving than a western woman would be.

  262. pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy

    bearded and balding

    aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica

    peculiar quirks and bizarre comments

    dorky expat brothers

    men wouldn’t have been able to score a date at home

    The article seems more interested in insulting non Japanese men in Japan than exploring why Japanese men are not interested in the author.

  263. Well then, I seem to be one of the few exeptions, here?
    I’m not sure, where you are now and whether you finally got your encounter with a Japanese guy or not.
    But I can just tell you, if you want to date one, you have to think like him.
    That’s a difficult one, I know!
    But, if you don’t start to think like a Japanese, you won’t be able to get a boyfriend there.
    So, it’s not only about being able to speak the language, but to be able to behave like them.
    You should not forget your foreign roots, of course. Because this difference they will like about you. But if you don’t adapt at least a little bit, you can scare them away.

    Be humble and nice and not too straight forward. Forget your self confidence for a moment. Think about, what a Japanese girl would do, when she’s interested in a guy and tries to get in touch with him.

    Taught to all of you by a girl, who has been together with her Japanese boyfriend for already 3,5 years and is still as happy as on their very first date.

  264. Anyone who thinks that an Asian woman is more submissive than a non-Asian woman doesn’t know the first thing about Asian, or non-Asian, women. Sorry, folks, but you’re way off-base. Non-Asian women (and Asians who are raised outside of Asian countries) are so much calmer, more laid-back, give their men space and freedom, don’t try to control him all the time and keep all of his money, don’t try to change everything about him, etc. They’re so much nicer, it’s not even funny.

    More and more men are starting to wise up to this fact and once they all figure it out, shit is going to turn upside down.

  265. I’ve read through so many hateful comments on here in the last hour that it’s baffling. The racism, misogyny, sexism, classism, nationalism… it’s astounding.

    Cultures vary, sure, but a culture is not made up of clones of the exact same personality. There is no such thing as “all Japanese men” and “all Western Women”, etc.

    There are arseholes in every race, gender, culture, religion, and country, and there are wonderful, beautiful, caring people in all of those categories, as well.

    I will happily stick to finding my romantic partners by looking at their individual characteristics and to hell with race, country of origin, and colour.

    What’s important is what kind of integrity and character a person has, how they treat others, and how well their weirdnesses “click” with your own. Everything else is unsubstantial.

    It’s sad to me to learn that Asian men are the “least desirable men” in the US. I could have sworn that the least desirable men here surely were the ones who treat people like shit.

    But then… I care about character, not about race.

  266. @Chuckling: your entire post sounded like some hippie love everything babble, but this line sealed the deal: “I could have sworn that the least desirable men here surely were the ones who treat people like shit.” This single statement clearly shows that you have no grasp of reality. The Least desirable men are the nice ones. If you dont know why, or dont understand this, go find a group of TRULY nice men, and then go find some total assholes in the same income category and ask how they do. The assholes, Im SURE will tell you they get more ass than a toilet seat, while the nice guys will tell you that they are the ones that the women they want come to and cry about their asshole boyfriend. Not going on about this as its not related to the topic.

  267. There’s nothing “hippy” about it. It’s logic that there are assholes in every category and genuinely good people in every category.

    Also, my group of friends are all TRULY nice guys and most of them are happily dating, engaged, or married to intelligent, above-average-looking women.

    The nice guy I’m dating I’ve been with for two years, and he’s always been wonderful to me. No need to go “crying about my asshole boyfriend”.

    Perhaps we’re looking at different demographics, because I’m fairly deeply submerged in the “geek/nerd culture”. My friends are scientists, professors, game creators, code monkeys, etc… and the ones who choose to stay single… they ~do~ “see more ass than a toilet seat”.

    Perhaps in high school, they were rejected by the “popular beauty queen” types, but now they’ve got their pick of the cute, sexy, educated ladies and not one of them is complaining about that.

  268. This paragraph is why this post gets so many reactions:

    “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

    So poor little western woman goes to Asia and hold and behold suddenly realises that no, the white western girl is not hotter and worst, she sees that what she considers to inferior men from her “dating hell for men of a country” are attractive for other things besides looks.

    Evolutionary law??? wtf! What about brains? Charisma? Sense of humour? Does anything else counts besides skin for this poor excuse of a woman?

    I have spent a lot of time in Asia for both leisure and business. And yes, Asian women are easier to deal with. They are not as shallow for one thing and are infinitely more spiritual.

  269. Woah! Some of those samurai-sword collecting guys are my friends! I take offense for my bros.

    I’m a 40 year old Canadian woman. In the 12 years that I’ve lived in Japan, I’ve been treated like gold by my Japanese male colleagues, dated a few awesome Japanese and foreign guys. I’m very picky, and have taken a long time to find a community of people, Japanese and non-Japanese men and women, who respect me for my brains. And I’m often told that I’m beautiful and complimented on my dress sense.

    Sure, I made some missteps early on – not recognizing when a Japanese guy showed interest in me – but I have come to understand the culture gradually and read the signals better.

    Flirting with strangers in public? Ew. Women don’t do that here. People are much more private than that, and find connections through shared interests and shared friend networks. Japanese culture is based on ingroups and outgroups. You need to find a place where you’re in.

    You can meet people in groups, through shared hobbies, local events and hangouts, friends of friends.

    FYI, I’m in a relationshp.

  270. I read the article and a couple of the comments. Interesting to see that western woman suffered the same loneliness and rejection that I had to put up with in Europe.

    I suppose this is because I am one of the ‘geeks’ she talks about. A western man simply written off by women in my own country. Only when I visited asia did I actually realise there was actually alot of warmth to be found from women. I opposed to my pretty rubbish experience in England.

    For the record I probably a geek because I studied maths at Cambridge. Then my dating wasnt improved by the fact I ended up in the military as an officer. Though I should say being able to pass military training does require a man to be in reasonably good shape, and being an officer you have to hold your own in social situations.

    But alas I have just been completely shut out of the dating world in Europe in the same way she was in Japan. I will admit that its good to know that I woman has actually experienced the same as me.

  271. Once you’ve been over that magic bridge to the East, you aint never goin back to those noisy fugly demanding frog-skinned over-analytical white gals! Nuff said…

  272. Hmmm, Clearly Ironic is one of those “career women” from the west. I can tell this because shes an idiot.You see, idiot, if you cross that magic bridge to the east, youd find all of us with bachelor degrees +, who are likely living a much more difficult life in japan than our home countries, seeking QUALITY females. So living in a foreign country, likely learning another language, with a college degree, and working sure sounds lazy and uneducated! The looks are up to you to decide if you like them or not, so no point going there. Lets take the reverse of this situation. Hot Japanese girl goes to america for 5 years. What happens? She is ruined by the disease called feminism, and further ruined by entitlement and the beasts called western womans influence. Only a small percentage will retain all of their desirable qualities and not pick up any of the unwanted ones. Try again, you Failed.

  273. Gotta love how you assume I’m an idiot and right off the bat and insult me, that’s a pretty intelligent move right there. LOL!

    Oh, by the way, I live in Japan without a degree and therefore debt free; yet, I have a job in Education that pays me 4,000 yen per hour thanks to my hard work, skill, BRAINS, and spouse visa. So enjoy eating that crow-pie for dinner. Also, you sound like one of those typical self-hating-weeaboo-racists, good job with that :)

    When you get spat on, called out by Japanese as racist as you, or arrested by the Japanese for just being foreign, remember, it’s simply Karma hitting you in the ass :)

    My husband is a Japanese man, well educated, humble, kind, good looking, lean, youthful (in appearance), and not pushy whatsoever. I believe I have it better than a lot of you men here, especially since I have the freedom to quit my job anytime I want and become a house wife, which is perfectly normal in this country. So good luck supporting your wife when she becomes pregnant and can’t (won’t) work anymore with your mere 2k per month job, which is more than likely a low paying public school.

    Oh, and one more thing, You’re obviously the user ‘CrossedTheLine,’ glad my comment pissed you off enough to drag you out from under that rock.

  274. And with your mere 2k per month job, in which you can’t possibly support her while she’s pregnant**

    Japanese women realize (as time goes on) that they should have married a Japanese man (or at least another Asian) since most of the white men here make crap for money in comparison to well educated, har working Japanese men.

    I’ve never been happier to be a woman in my life :D

  275. Thi guy probably doesn’t have the brain cells to sit down a read everyday I’m going to submit to this comment, but here goes:

    When you’re a feminist, you get used to misogynists trying to challenge the necessity of your politics. “Feminism’s finished! Women are equal now and there’s no use for all the hairy arm-pitted rubbish! Quit your yapping! Embrace your curves!”

    But misogynist isn’t a very fashionable kind of word – I mean, no one saunters into a room proudly pronouncing, ‘My name’s Don and I’m a misogynist!’, unless it’s the latest Charter Meeting of Online Trolls Monthly, or Channel Nine. So because people know it’s not really kosher to be a codified turd, they try and hide their misogynist views under the guise of legitimate arguments.
    Advertisement: Story continues below

    If you’re not trained in the spotting of smug, self-satisfied misogynists, you might not know the general thrust of their shtick. Luckily for you, I’ve become somewhat of an expert in the field since they all started following me on Twitter. So to help novices and outsiders, I’ve taken the following five popular misogynist arguments and parsed them into some kind of legible (if not logical) format for your benefit.

    1. If you want to see real oppression, go to the Middle East.

    The problems here are threefold. First, it implies women in the west should be grateful for the benevolence of their natural overlords. Who cares if 1 in 3 of you will experience sexual assault in your lifetime, while also enjoying the privilege of lower pay than your male counterparts and the symbolic annihilation of yourselves in literature and film? In case you didn’t know, women in Afghanistan are being stoned to death. So why don’t you just go ahead and submit your complaint to the STFU file known as my PENIS?

    Second is the accusatory tone. Now, I’m no statistician, but I’d estimate that 98.76% of people outraged over feminism’s ‘failure’ to ‘protect’ their brown sisters from the oppression of their Muslim Male Masters (because let’s not forget, this is about racism too) are doing exactly zero to agitate for women’s liberation anywhere, let alone in the Middle East. But even though they hate feminism and all who dwell therein, they still think they know how to do it better than you do. This is because misogynists see themselves as Upper Management – which is precisely why we need to get more women into executive roles.

    Finally, liberation and change aren’t beholden to hierarchies of need. It’s possible to seek the liberation of oppressed groups everywhere, at the same time! Asking comparatively privileged women (many of whom also live in the Middle East – it is not a vacuum) to be satisfied with ‘good enough’ just reinforces the patriarchal hierarchy of power that needs to be dismantled.

    Besides, I don’t hear anyone accusing working families of selfishness for complaining about their rising electricity bills just because some slum dwellers in India don’t even HAVE working Playstations.

    2. How can women expect us to respect them when they won’t respect themselves?

    When Sheik Al-Hilali compared scantily clad women to uncovered meat, we were rightly outraged. In Australia, we yelled, we don’t treat women like that! Except that we do. We use clothing and behaviour to provide excuses for sexist everyday, be they rapists or simply the kind of people who think a woman’s right to be afforded a basic level of dignity is contingent upon how much of her skin she’s revealing. The fact that we criticize other cultures for it doesn’t make us champions of women – it makes us both sexist AND racist.

    We’re not protecting women – we’re protecting our property. Asking women to respect themselves in order to ‘earn’ the right to be treated like a human being is total horseshit. But suggesting that you have the right to treat her exactly as you please because she didn’t adhere to your archaic views of feminine propriety is misogyny, plain and simple.

    3. Stop criticizing domestic servitude! Some women are proud to look after their families.

    This one’s a misogynist favourite, especially notable for the fact it’s the only time you’ll find them advocating for women’s rights in the workplace. Specifically, a woman’s right to iron her husband’s work shirts instead of her own. Misogynists who use this argument like to wax lyrical about things like choice, pride and sacrificial love. But what they’re really defending is their belief that women belong in the home, performing dull domestic tasks for the primary benefit of everyone other than themselves (and mainly their husband). Despite the fact that these dudes wouldn’t devote even an tenth of their lives to it themselves, they’re invested in outwardly maintaining the nobility of unpaid domestic work – because ascribing false honour to drudgery is how you reinforce invisible social power.

    The thing is, women can choose those things if they want to. There’s nothing more tedious than the status quo trying to pit stay-at-homes against workforce broads. But the fact is, these people aren’t advocating for or defending a range of choices. How do I know that? Because if they were, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

    4. It’s a science thing

    “Look, men and women are built differently. It’s biological. Men are more visual, women are more emotional. That’s why more men are in executive roles. It’s about merit. If women were better, they wouldn’t be so crap. I didn’t make the rules.”

    So goes the argument. Basically, it’s the kind of pop science spouted by the readers of such noted academic journals as NW Magazine and the Herald Sun. Whenever you hear someone say, ‘women are just better at washing up’ or ‘men are just better at being the leader of the free world’, ask yourself this: would that sentence be as benign if we replaced gender with race? Would we stand by, nodding sagely as mainstream pundits discussed how white people are just better at empathy than black folk? I sure hope not.

    So why is it okay to say that women aren’t as good at stuff ‘because biology’? The biology argument is a Trojan horse that does nothing but sneak sexist propaganda into the castle. The only biological difference between a man and a woman is the difference of a Y chromosome – and even then, there’s a bit of wiggle room.

    5. Men are oppressed too, therefore women aren’t! Or something.

    ‘If feminists really cared about equality, they’d be addressing all the inequality that faces men. Like, why do feminists only care about breast cancer and not prostate cancer? Why aren’t feminists advocating for single dads? Why won’t women sleep with me when I’m a really nice guy and I’ve made a particular effort to be nice to them, particularly? Until feminism can answer that, I’m afraid I don’t really see it as being legitimate.”

    This is the last bastion of the misogynist’s argument – their self fancying checkmate, if you will. What these people are basically saying is that, despite the overwhelming evidence of entrenched sexual, physical and ideological oppression of women, the only way feminism can really be fair is if it first identifies and solves all of the ways in which the patriarchy also oppresses men.

    To be more specific, women who agitate for their own liberation are only allowed to do so once they’ve fixed all the things that make men sad, thus making them stronger and even more powerful.

    There are probably a million ways I could tear this argument apart, but I think this says it better than I ever could.

    To paraphrase the great Sarah Connor, a bitchin’ kick ass broad who saved humanity from blistering annihilation at the hands of the Terminators: if a stick figure, an animation, can reject the stupidity of misogynist rhetoric…maybe we can too.

    Go forth and rebut, my friends.

  276. Okay Ironic, try reading before trying to play sherlock holmes and figure out who I am. Ive posted a number of responses with this handle and have not changed it. Having said that, I find it amusing that you sarcastically call me intelligent for making assumptions and then do the same yourself. I make more than double the national average income, while getting 3 days off a week, and I dont ask my wife to work. She has MY kids to look after. I dont want to quit my job, you see it as freedom, I see my job as freedom. I dont have to be stuck in a house all day. I have co-workers with whom I have a good relationship with. I have a degree that you dont. You may claim its your brains, but if you research at all you will realize that many companies will hire foreign WOMEN in this country because there arent many of them that stay. Foreign Vagina= in demand in many fields in Japan. 4000 yen an hour sounds like an english tutor’s wage, but I wont assume that. you could be working at a pink salon or some other shady job. I dont understand what the point of your comments about your income/debt was for, but for the sake of comparison, I am also debt free, but I DO have a degree. As already stated, I make more than double the national average. I also live in Japan on a spousal visa, which I might add I received PRIOR to me being in a good financial position (something western women nearly never do). I have 3 days off a week while still earning said income. My Job is low stress and I have tons of free time. (Writing at work now) So you enjoy your uneducated, married into a way to weasel out of working, unlikely a steady job lifestyle. Ill enjoy the one that clearly is better.

  277. Too long, didn’t read!

    Look at that, my gmail shows you submitted this message at 1pm, and judging by the size of this overblown message, it probably took you at least 20 minutes to write everything out. So I guess you don’t work on a Thursday afternoon!? All while the hard working Japanese men are out busting their ass at that time! Pathetic! So, is it 3 days or 4 days off from work? Do you work at all!? Don’t you feel embarrassed staying home while the real men are out making a living?! My husband told me, when a Japanese man loses their job, they’ll at least get dressed and look as though their going to work, and stay away from the home for 8 or 9 hours to save face. I wonder if your wife feels uncomfortable or embarrassed when she speaks with her neighbors, I know I would. Maybe she regrets marrying a lazy foreign man, after all.

    Ok, I did read the first line you wrote in your last comment. How do you assume I work at a pink shop when one of the first lines in my comment is “and therefore debt free; yet, I have a job in Education,” take note on the word “EDUCATION,” so how is it I work in a pink shop when I clearly stated otherwise? I suppose with your reading comprehension you more than likely work at Sukiya or Yoshinoya and definitely not in the educational field! Also, your misogyny is showing; so because I’m a woman and possibly make more money than you then I ‘must’ be a whore sucking cock for a living instead of a well educated and hard working woman in a legit job! No wonder you couldn’t find a woman in the west, you’re a misogynist, and probably as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside. You state that you wanted a woman more traditional woman, but the reality is, you came here because you couldn’t get laid, OH, and because you wanted a servant, which is why you thought to come to Asia as opposed to Russia or some other non-Asian country.

    When your wife starts cheating on you, divorces you, and steals your kids away, and when the cops don’t allow you to see them because 1. You’re not the Mother and 2. You’re a foreigner and they don’t give a shit about your “rights,” then maybe you’ll rethink that hateful, racist, weeaboo attitude of yours.

    This is the last time I’ll come here, and your last comment will be the last one I [don’t] read (lol). However, I know you’ll write back because you obviously have nothing better to do, but I, unlike yourself, don’t have time to argue with nameless-faceless people over the Internet like you do judging by the frequency in your posts, as if you’re somehow going to change the world with your bitter comments, and as if anyone gives a shit about what a self-hating weeaboo has to say, anyway. Get a life!

    Bye~

  278. For someone who is so critical of someone else’s reading comprehension, you sure dont have much yourself. If you have so much to do, why write such a long response? Youve done nothing but prove exactly what I said to be correct, and what nearly every other man here has stated about western banshees. But its all good. You can enjoy your part time eikaiwa job while complaining about someone elses great job schedule by stating japanese men would do this that and the other. And good job going straight to the one arguement that proves youve destroyed all of your arguments, the “well youre ugly” argument. Lets assume that I am the ugliest man in Japan. Guess what that makes me? The ugliest man in japan, with a wife I WANT to be with, kids I WANTED to have, a job I like that pays quite well, and tons of free time. I hope you enjoy your “education” field work. (Read: Eikaiwa tutor) And, lets also assume that my wife leaves me and takes my kids. Unlikely, but it could happen. Already planned for it. Shell get no money, and nothing from me. And you know what else? There will be a hotter and younger version to replace her.

  279. To the author: Did you try going for average-ish looking Japanese guys or only the handsomest? If the latter, then you lack of success is no wonder. Those chaps might be actually charging for banging young Japanese women in KabukiCho!

  280. OK, since these tard mods aren’t letting my comment through, I’ll just quote my favorite meme here:

    “OH WOW! You really going to fight her over the internet, what’s the worst you can do? Caps-lock her to death?”

    Haha!

  281. I am an American girl living in Japan currently, in the Toyko area, and I am so glad I found this article. I have been feeling this way myself. Yes, I do get attention from Japanese men here, and while I do think that Asian men are attractive I am just not interested in dating one. I AM interested in dating some of the Western men though, but can’t get a date as they are all into Asian girls. It’s a bit rough for me as I have never had issues getting dates before.

    I have read most of the comments on here, and they are really upsetting. I’ve traveled a bit through Asia, been to the UK, and lived in the Middle East. I can tell you without a doubt that no country is really more attractive than the other. It’s all about personal preference. Are Asian women more attractive? No, not really. There are a ton of ugly girls here. They have bad teeth, they are pigeon-toed, and they are skinny to the point of unhealthiness. Some other girls COULD be quite pretty but they ruin it by bleaching their skin, wearing contacts that mess with their eyes, and lightening their hair so much that without the extensions they’d be bald. Not to mention the surgery to widen their eyes and make their breasts larger. Japanese women have a different body type that is less curvy and some find that less attractive. Oh, and the fashion…some of the girls here dress like prostitutes. On the other hand, Western women can be really overweight, dress sloppily, and can be pretty trashy as well. I’ve seen both Japanese girls with attitude and Western girls with it too. The point is that neither race is more attractive or ‘better’, you are going to have shockingly gorgeous people from both races.

    1. >>skinny to the point of unhealthiness

      classical ‘murricunt landwhale speech

  282. Yeah, Japanese wonen are superior in beauty… until they take off their 2 kilos of make up! Totally ‘tako’ faced!

  283. Blogger living in Japan for 20 years here. This is an outstanding article, and all I can say is, I’m glad I was born male. I remember when I was single this one American girl who’d just arrived was clearly interested in me. In my own case I was like, but I’m here to learn Japanese, it’s what drives me, and you’d never understand that like a Japanese GF would.

  284. Meh Peter, I think that’s a pretty crappy excuse. If you aren’t interested in dating someone, fine, but don’t decide you can’t date someone because you want to learn a different language. Living in Japan, you were perfectly capable of learning Japanese without finding a Japanese girlfriend. In any case, all I have heard from guys who do actually date Japanese girls is that rather than helping them to master Japanese, the language barrier prevents them from forming a healthy relationship. The only guys in successful relationships here that I know of, are guys who are dating girls who spent significant time in Western countries and who speak English.

    The thing I think is funny is how guys assume Asian girls won’t be bossy. HA! It seems like every time I go out with my male coworkers there’s some fight between themselves and their Asian girlfriends, mostly because the girls are nagging and bossing their guys about quite rudely quietly under their breath, if not out loud in front of us!

  285. Gaijin Girl, you will find bitchy women in any country. The men you speak of sound like they need to grow a pair, or get a better job. Growing a pair will either give you the thick skin you need to deal with typical female whining/bickering and the ability to tell her to cut it out when it is enough. This is of course if the bickering isnt warranted. (Such as you want to go see your friends and she whines about it) Getting a better job will literally grow the balls for you, because NEARLY every woman doesnt want a human wallet to leave. Take your pick.

  286. Excuse me but even though it’s late, I really need to answer this one.
    I am Italian and I have been married to a Japanese man for five years. I live in Japan and, two years ago, I became a Japanese citizen. My impression is that you really went to Japan expecting to find people who act like Europeans or Americans.
    Maybe being “college-educated” might seem to you like something that is supposed to make you look more attractive, but it’s really not a point in your favour if you are a woman who is trying to date in Japan. The other day I was talking to two Japanese friends of mine, one who’s already married and one who’s looking for a husband. The married one told the other the reason why she is encountering difficulties is that she is “too-educated”. All the Japanese men I have known are scared of women who go to college. They fear they might want to follow the “Western model” and demand that their man does some of the housework after they are married while they keep their jobs. Here in Japan, a woman is expected to leave her job once she marries, and she’s expected to do all the housework. Being independent and educated is not something that is going to work in your favour if you are looking for a Japanese guy.
    Then of course there is the completely WRONG way of presenting yourself. I have seen Western women wear high heels, open dresses and typically Western things like that and their Japanese date did not appreciate it. They don’t like the idea of a powerful, beautiful woman. They prefer a cute one who looks less threatening.
    When I started dating my husband, I knew this and it was the reason why I changed the way I dress. He once looked at pictures of how I dressed and acted when I was back in Europe, and later admitted that if I had acted like that when we first met, he would have never pursued a relationship with me.
    It’s funny that you would mention asking to a waiter which dish he thinks is the best, because I did the same thing some years ago, while dining out with some Japanese girl friends. He just looked very uncomfortable and later my friends explained that I did something that was considered very rude. Here in Japan, being polite is really important, and acting towards a waiter in a way that might seem a bit too personal is just not the way to go. It’s even worse if it comes from a Western woman!
    Also, I can only imagine how intimidated the guys were to see you dance by yourself in a club! I do understand that you come from a country where you are encouraged to put yourself out there the more you can, but in Japan the more you act shy and docile, the more respect they will have of you.
    The language barrier is a huge thing too! I already spoke perfect Japanese when I came to Japan, and it would have been a lot harder for me to date if I didn’t.
    Also, the kind of relationship you want doesn’t seem like something very popular in Japan. I have seen some Japanese men date Western women because it’s like a status symbol for them, but that’s not the kind of relationship one wants.
    Otherwise, when the relationship is something serious, marriage is expected. I married my husband three months after I met him. The notion of dating for years is not really that common here.
    Really, don’t flatter yourself by thinking Japanese men don’t approach Western women because they think they are too good for them. They honestly do not like women to be independent, assertive and smart, that’s all. There are always exceptions, but I have lived here for a long time and I still don’t see many strong, “college-educated” Western women going very far here (unless they are willing to change themselves, of course).
    I am not saying you should change your way of acting or anything, I’m just saying that if you wish to keep being the independent Western woman you are, you should go live somewhere else. Somewhere where that is actually appreciated.

  287. Hm, I’m studying Japanese at the moment and considering moving to Japan somewhere in the next few years. I’ll be going there for the first time this summer so I can’t talk from personal experience yet.

    I don’t get the amount of attention you’d have liked to get here in Belgium either. That’s not to say I’m ugly; I’m a decent enough looking skinny girl. But I’m also a very nerdy girl that’s to lazy to put on makeup or to put in some lenses or spend more then 10 seconds on my poofy blond curls. (I sometimes feel like I should get myself a T-shirt made that states that, I mean, allot of Asian girl, girls anywhere really, spend an awfully long time on their looks. Sure you can get guys like that, but at least no guy will ever have to be shocked when they see me in the morning)

    You also make it sound as if you went looking for guys in bars and at parties. That’s also not me, I go to parties if there’s funky disco music or even older. I prefer spending my week-ends at home with friends playing boardgames all evening or practicing medieval re-enactment (yes, that’s how geeky I am.)

    So I’m wondering what it would be like for me because I’ve never been the one-night-stand type of girl and I’ve never had guys throw themselves at me.
    I don’t expect or want that in Japan either (sure the attention would be nice there’s no denying that). I just want a Japanese guy that’s ok looking who loves Star Wars, still has his pokémon cards, doesn’t mind my stuffed animals, will play video games with me, will think I sexy in my pikachu cosplay outfit that I made and will support me in my dream of either becoming a concept artist or a Disney Princess working in Tokyo Disneyland.
    So will I be able to find a guy like that in Japan I wonder? Or is it the same for all Western girls?

  288. (Also on a side note)

    Oh wow Peter Payne commented on your article!
    I love finding the regular J-List blog in my mailbox, super interesting!
    Just makes me which I knew a female foreign blogger in Japan like you and Danny Choo that I could relate to.

  289. I too have traveled an extensive deal due to my work. But I have not experienced the same dilemma as the author. I’m not drop dead goegeous, but instead average looking, with olive skin, combination of Malay-Chinese-Spanish blood. I’m not the kind of person who likes being looked at or being the center of attention. I would rather look average, or covered up with minimal make up, wear no jewelry, etc than look too made up. I would rather look simple. And in case you are wondering, I’m Asian, but educated in an international school. Went to uni and graduate school where the vernacular is English, and am more fluent in English than my native tongue. Even so, people are able to tell that I was not raised in the States because my English is too… Formal. So, everywhere I went, I didn’t exactly fit the stereotype of my countrymen, nor was I considered Asian-Western. Still, I found men from different races show interest and I have often wondered why. As I said, I am not extraordinary looking and would rather look plain. But a friend once said that this is perhaps why men show interest. It’s because at some point in our evolution as a species, maybe even up to now, men are traditionally hunters. They can admire you from afar but have to believe you are attainable, otherwise it is too much hassle. And because they are hunters, they find it a greater achievement to ‘catch’ someone who doesn’t present herself so easily. Sure it’s probably a great achievement too to nab a pretty girl, or many pretty girls, but what a boost to the ego to also get the girl with whom it took some work to do so. This isn’t meant to be scientific of course, but just as someone else already said here previously, people can smell desperation from afar. Trying too hard to look special or different forces other people to look at your ‘flashiness’ than who you really are. Loosen up, don’t look too hard, don’t try too hard. You are pretty, but most people look for more than that. Don’t make it so obvious that you’re ‘seeking’ and don’t think of men as prospects all the time. Go out to enjoy company, not to look for men. Make friends not for the purpose of hooking up, but for the purpose simply of making friends. Sometimes if you don’t seek that someone, that someone willingly comes to you. Put a little bit of mystery about yourself and make them wonder.=) ee

  290. By the way, my boyfriend and a guy I was seeing before, whom I am now goodfriends with, have said the same thing, it was because I was pretty in my simpleness that drew their attention. They are both foreigners. They knew I was intelligent (we all work in the same field so they are familiar with what I do), educated yes, that was probably a given, but I didn’t flaunt it and in fact would rather talk about some silly thing than what I do, or would rather hear someone talk about themselves. I was very low profile and it made them wonder what I was really about. You don’t get to know someone really well in parties, at a bar, etc. You may attract attention, but to really dispel the loneliness, you need a relationship and that takes time to work on, time to get to know someone. Like I said, not just to the author in particular, just meet people without stressing about whether or not you’ll attract someone sooner or later into the night (or in the coming days). Enjoy your time, enjoy yourself and it will show. ee

  291. @mcc,
    Your post is well thought, do you have expertise in psychology or sociability or you just know Japan very well?

    About the author, I can tell that she is a bit spoiled, she want the best of both worlds and the best of both sexes.

  292. I’m a Japanese man. And sorry, let me be honest here. If the photo Reannon is posting here is her real face, the reason is clear.

    She’s not the type Japanese men like.

    I know what kind of girls most Japanese men prefer.

  293. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, Fon, but several other Japanese men have commented on how cute she is. She IS cute to many people, Japanese or not, and you are not the voice of all Japanese men, I’m afraid. That’s obvious from the other positive responses that she received.

  294. Japanese men are smart. They built electronic, mechanical and scientific empire with a land of no natural resources.

    Does this Author thinks smart men will ask girl out just because she is forign and blonde?

  295. hint for western ladies who likes Korean Japanese men

    if Korean Japanese men starts brag about his wealth, intelligence or achivement.

    ask him

    ‘I want to know who you are rather then what you are’

    he will start dropping tears.

  296. I came to this website in search of how life would be if I spend a year abroad for a school program. I was born in Africa but spent most of my life in America. I do speak Japanese but it’s not as fluent as I want it to be. One of the main reasons why I want to make the trip. All my life I have been fascinated by Asian culture. I am an avid reader of manga and I love anime, k/jdrama, as well as the music. How do you suppose I would cope?

  297. I am a blonde-haired, 5’6″, slightly muscular (not skinny skinny) Caucasian woman and when I went to Japan to study this summer, I had a lot of Japanese men coming on to me. When I went to clubs with group and some of the Japanese boys, I was grabbed at and Japanese men I didn’t know tried to dance with me and I was even offered drinks. Even when I had my Japanese boyfriend with his arm around I still was given “the eyes” from other men. And when I was walking around Ueno I was cat called and whistled at. I don’t know if it was because of the locations I was at, but I didn’t experience ignored by Japanese men. I find your article interesting because of this. Even the other white girl in my group had two Japanese college boys after her! And apparently a lot of the other boys said we were cute.

  298. i really liked this and honestly i have been wondering about dateing and i dont think i will have many problems in that area ( i am half white half native american, i have pale skin but native features that get mistaken for asian ones ) but i dont think that you did a very good job flirting with japanese men personally. in my expierence i have noticed that asian men respond well to shy smiles, quick glances, even pretending to ignore them then “accidently” catch their gaze..hahha it may seem kind of stupid but it works well enough when i am intrested in someone. anyways, i hope you have better luck!!

  299. LOL,

    I’m sorry but this article is funny, when you consider it’s premise.

    I’m a white woman and I think I’m attractive why can’t I get a date in Japan?
    Maybe you’re ATTITUDE is the problem.

    AT NOT POINT DURING YOUR TIRADE DID YOU ONCE QUESTION YOUR OWN ATTITUDE….WHICH IN ITSELF IS TELLING.

  300. I don’t want to lecture, buuuut….
    It sounds to me rather than this being an unattractive issue or ignored problem all related to Western women, people didn’t like you because of either how you dressed or your facial features. Certain features are more attractive in Asia and it is absolutely not true that Western American and European women are disliked by Asians. In fact, it’s the opposite for me and many young men and women I know of. One athlete guy I know plays tennis on the ATP with constant compliments from Asians. I know of very typical looking though cute women who are thought of as cute by Asians. It comes down to values like having clear skin, taking care of one’s appearance, looking healthy, not dressing like an American slob stereotype off Family Guy….stuff like that… Perhaps you came across as too aggressive and loud. Many Americans want to yell in someone’s ear, and that’s not how you roll elsewhere.

    No hate meant here. I’m only saying you have the wrong idea here. Said as a true to the Midwest, cornfed child.

  301. Duh.. I understand your feelings very well. I am an east asian. Well, from japan’s view, it’s still western, right. And i dislike it when people say asian, they only mean japanese chinese korean. Come on, asia is so big!!

    It’s okay to not have a japanese boyfriend/ husband. They’re sucks most of the time, for me. Only a japanese girl could cope with japanese men, i think. Japanese girl is very cute and act cute, admiring the men so of coz men like them. And japanese wives can understand the japanese husbands “ignorance” of the marriage/ family.

    As for me, i always being warned by my japanese husband that my attitude is bad. In japan, like you, i feel unattractive, i feel like i am not a female at all. Unless i can become a japanese girl which is impossible of coz. Strangely, when i went to my home country, the feeling disappeared.

    Initially, i like japan and of coz i like to become friends with japanese girls. But having experienced “traumas” like partner turns to japanese girls, makes me feel intimidated by japanese girls. I dont want to hate them, but i feel i’m not worthy of a woman here, makes me hate japanese especially the girls and also the men, more and more, especially if they have something to do with my spouse. Actually i dont hate my japanese friends.. It’s just i feel intimidated by young and looked-young, cute graceful japanese girls.

    I just want to be myself, a lovely girl. Which seems impossible in japan, alone. I miss my family, my friends, and people from my country. And also foreigners who live in japan.

  302. Very interesting. I am a Japanese man who has lived in the US and Australia, have been married to my American (white) wife with two kids. And I’d like to make a comment on this topic from a Japanese man’s perspective plus a good understanding of western culture.

    I did not read all the comments written by other people previously. If any of what I say is a repeat, I apologize in advance.

    It is my opinion that in general Japanese men are somewhat more serious about dating than western guys. What I mean is that Japanese people tend to think long term more than western people. When long term is the norm, of course they want to have an ideal partner. I’m not saying that western women cannot be ideal. But for most Japanese men who have little experience with western women, there are just too many unknown variables and it’s too risky.

    Another factor I think of is the modern history. I think it’s natural that men want to feel superior to women (whatever that means to each man). This comment probably offends many women. But I think it is in men’s nature to want it. If you think about the power relationships between the east and west, the west has been dominant ever since Industrial Revolution. Asian men often do not feel superior to the western counterparts. Having lived in western countries for so long, I now realize that this notion is laughable at best quite wrong at least. Because I think that there are as many Asian men who are husband and boyfriend material as western men. But you see, some Japanese women share that false belief too, and they fall for the ugliest and the dumbest western men (no offence here). In order for men to win women’s attention, they sometimes have to conjure up confidence and superiority if they don’t have them naturally. Many Japanese men are not up for that challenge when it comes to dating western women. As for western men wanting to date Japanese women, they are in an advantageous place from the beginning.

    I would say, despite all those things I wrote above, that western women should not be discouraged if they are truly interested in Japanese men. If they are wanting a husband type, Japan is a pretty good place to find one. Because Japanese men tend to think long term, once they make a commitment, they tend to stick around. The world is changing too. Japan has been a developed country for a long time. Korea is not too far behind. And now China has become an economic monster. If this trend continues, it will not be too long before the world power balance tips toward Asia. Historically speaking, powerful men always won the most women. I don’t think that has changed. There will be more and more Asian tycoons, celebrities, athletes, scholars, and war heros, and before you know it, western men will be wondering where their past glory went.

    I didn’t mean to sound like I’m holding a grudge against western dominance at the end. I’m just simply trying to analyze the situation we are in. I think it’s sad actually that history has been that way. I wish we were all equal and frineds.

    Lastly, an opinion from a man. Women of all races and ethnicities are beautiful and attractive. I want to say to all foreign women living in Japan that you’ve got what you need. Just show off your femininity in your own way, and you will find someone you like.

    Good luck.

  303. 「
    Blogger living in Japan for 20 years here. This is an outstanding article, and all I can say is, I’m glad I was born male
    」

    lol, Charisma Man has arrived

  304. I agree with this. I was only in Japan for 3 weeks for vacation, because I really love the Japanese culture. I did find a few guys staring at me now and then, but when I’d smile at them, they’d just look away hurriedly. After a few days of this, it gets old. I WAS feeling unattractive.

    Well, this won’t scare me away from my love of Japan, but it was something I found odd.

  305. I think most asian men especially in Japan want thier own women plain and simple. You rarely see asian men and white women together in the US or Canada. You do however see the t opposite of course. Think Japanese War Brides etc………..

    Being blond and western is not the most desired thing asian men want to date and marry. They seem to simply prefer thier own women like many Indian and Arab men I think.

    If you went to an African Country or the Carribbean or mabey south america etc your chances are better but of course those places are not as desirable as Japan and other asian countries are.

    note corrected email to moderators

  306. Sunnygirl- I hear this a lot, and you’re wrong. Asian men adore
    white women. I’ve preferred and been attracted by white women
    since junior high. What happened was that by high school and college
    I noticed that white girls in particular, gave us the cold treatment
    whenever I approached them. They did this to my friends too, both
    my Asian and Asian-American counterparts. Sometimes their reactions
    to my polite expressions of interest ranged from shock, to laughter, to
    borderline racism.

    So I just stopped asking white women out, or even
    giving them any regard. In my experience, it was the caucasian
    woman that shut us out.

  307. sunnygirl -> NorthEast Asia(Korea Japan China) is conservative and much more collectivist. Gender Role and stereotypes are accepted, self-criticism is more valued then confidence. Because of this aspect, NEA men and Western women arent good match. Especially when Western women are liberal and unwilling to accept Japanese gender role. The reason Southeast Asian mail oredered brides are numerous in Korea or Japan is that not because of physical attraction, but they want somebody to accept traditional gender role. Racism plays a role. East Asians who thinks Southeast Asians as inferior and thinking they are giving honor to live in Japan and Korea to these women so obviously they should answer back with accepting harsh gender role. That’s why most of these marriages breaks down.

    Give it a try in Philipinne or Vietnam where it has been colonized by the west so they are willing to accept western gender equailty but I don’t know if they are desirable as Japanese men

  308. Wow, so much racism and bigotry towards Japanese in that post. Just goes to show liberals are as racist as conservatives in the West.

    You bemoan your incorrect perception that Japanese love to stereotype people — then proceed right into stereotyping and belittling every aspect of Japanese people. Ridiculous.

  309. NEAunited made a valid point, I think. It is mostly true that Japanese men prefer their wives to play a female role in the house, among relatives, in the neighborhood, and in the larger society. Some Western women try hard to fit into that role once they marry a Japanese man and live in Japan, but it’s not a natural or easy process for them. Japanese men know that it’s not easy for them. Therefore, western women are not good candidates as a potential spouse.

    But this is changing too. Young Japanese people nowadays date without the prospect of getting married. And some young Japanese men are open to more western style of marriage (more equality and flexibility).

    Seems like different factors are playing roles to lead to the phenomenon of western women having hard time to get a date in Japan. I certainly disagree that Japanese men think western women are not as attractive, though.

  310. “western style of marriage (more equality and flexibility).”

    Laughable.
    The issue with both your bigoted posts is that you presume West = equality; and East = inequality.

    Let’s review gender roles in America vs. Japan.
    America – girls are indulged and men are expected to give more than they receive in the relationship.
    Japan – boys are indulged and women are expected to give more than they receive in the relationship.

    Naturally [J]boys and [A]girls that can’t break out of their societal roles will be a hopeless match because they’ve both been brought up to be selfish and spoiled. Even if one of them is able to break the mold, their partner is likely to seem ingrateful because it’s expected.

    Naturally [A]Men and [J]Women are a natural fit because both expect to give with little return — and when they receive more than they could have expected in their home culture, a deep bond and gratefulness occurs.

    This sense of entitlement from [A]girls pervades both the original post, all the comments afterwards, and especially the hatred towards [J]Women and [A]Men.

  311. Wow. KJ, YOURS is the most biggoted post of all!!! I live in Japan, and while the Japanese have been pushed into societal roles they do not correctly fit into them. Men are not brought up to be selfish, and Japanese women are not by nature kinder and gentler than any other kind of woman. To begin with, they may seem so because they are trying to fill their submissive roles, but this does not last. People are people, and some are naturally giving and some are not, and despite their societal role, their natural inclinations will come out. For example, most men in relationships with Japanese women – that I know personally – report a lot of nagging, lack of understanding, and refusal to have sex. It is not uncommon to start dating many Japanese women once arriving in Japan, and then becoming frustrated and more appreciative of Western women.

    American girls are no more entitled than American men. If anyone thinks American women are more entitled, then they haven’t paid attention to the plethora of information about men taking advantage of women, cheating, refusing to communicate, etc etc etc. AMERICANS in general are entitled. KJ, you obviously have woman issues.

  312. kj,

    You may be right. I am a Japanese man who was born and raised in Japan. Was I spoiled by my parents and my culture? Maybe, I was. I was never expected to brew tea when guests came to our house. I was never expected to learn how to cook. My parents never told me that I was going to university just to be more desirable for men who were looking for future wives. My parents never told me that I couldn’t study at a graduate school because that would scare away guys who have only a bachelor’s degree. (This actually happened to my ex-girlfriend)
    But because I was a boy, there were so many other expectations on me that were quite heavy on my shoulders. My typical daily life as a junior high school student was: get up in the morning and go to school by 8:20am, study in classes until 4:00pm, do sports in a sports club at school until 6:00pm, come home and have a small snack and go to a “cram” school and study some more from 7:00pm to 9:30pm, come home and have dinnere at 10:00pm, maybe watch some TV until 11:00pm, and go to bed, and repeat the same thing the next day. My parents told me that I had to study everyday to get into a good high school and good university so that I can get a good job. I rebelled against that a few times unsuccessfully. I left Japan because I did not want to live a life like so many other men there.
    So, kj, When you say that Japanese boys are spoiled, I understand what you mean. We are not taught (in general) to serve our wives like Japanese girls are. But we are taught to serve the society by competing against each other and be loyal to the system (whatever it is).
    As for American girls being spoiled, I cannot comment much except that my wife is American, and I don’t get the impression that she was spoiled. There are so many children in America who are more neglected than spolied. Yes, I have seen girls AND boys who are spolied in the US. But I’m not sure that American girls are more spoiled than American boys.
    Anyway, going back to the original thought, kj’s theory that Western women can’t find a Japanese date because American women and Japanese men are spoiled may give us some insight. But I think it needs to be refined some more. How about saying that Japanese men are taught to take the leadership role in a relationship and not to be understanding. On the other hand many American women are taught to fight for equality in a relationship and some women actually take it too far sometimes.

  313. Re: struggle of daily life, I think that goes for all Japanese. Japanese society, in general, is much better at teaching discipline and hard work. I’ve seen it in early development at elementary schools — at first sight, it looks like total chaos because the teachers don’t try to *force* the kids to pay attention or behave like is done in the US. Rather, the children are slowly taught how to regulate themselves so that the whole class can benefit without the need for an overtly strong authority figure.

    Anyway, I’m getting off topic. I believe you took my quip about “selfish” a bit farther than it’s meant to. I was making a generalization to begin with, and careful to note that these are gender norms within society — not individual characteristics.
    As an American that’s dated both Japanese and Americans, I felt like I was always giving more in domestic relations than I was getting out of it. American girls preach “equality” while simultaneously expecting the man to pay for the dates, drive them around in a nice car, and make all the logistical plans and arrangements. And to make occasional gifts “for no reason”. That’s not “equality” — it’s having your cake and eating it too.

    On the flipside, I discovered when dating Japanese women that they would actually buy *me* gifts. Very welcome surprise. They would have active input into what our plans should be… makes it much less stressful to plan a date. When I drove 3 hours to see a girlfriend, she insisted on paying for meals to share some of the financial burden.
    These kinds of things are *VERY* uncommon in America for a girl to do.

    You can also see these reflections in both culture’s mainstream media. Women in Japanese tv shows almost always woo the men. Whereas Men in American tv shows almost always take on the job of asking women out.

    My point is simple — one set works extremely well because the 2 partners go in expecting that they will have to take responsibility for the relationship. It simply makes for a healthy relationship.

    The other faces difficulties because the parties are less likely to take on responsibility for the relationship.

    I’d also point out that as much as you certainly found my post insulting, imagine how insulting any American man or Japanese woman must feel reading this tripe. The author, and most of the agreeing comments, are very disparaging towards Japanese women — stereotyping them as sex objects and inferior. I can ensure you that Japanese women are not the “subservient trophy wives” that these bigots wish to paint them as — and just so they can feel better about their own deficiencies in personality.

  314. Actually, kj, it’s you who is making assumptions about people. I haven’t seen much of any disparaging comments towards Japanese women. It isn’t about them at all, honestly, and when you ask non-Japanese women how they feel about this, they either haven’t noticed because the numbers of these relationships is very low… or they really just feel sorry for the Japanese women, who get tons of American leftovers showing up and and beating their chests in their home turf. That sounds like it would be an incredibly annoying experience. If a bunch of low-quality Japanese men showed up in the US, throwing themselves at American women, Japanese women would feel sorry for us, too.

    The problem isn’t Japanese or American women, truly. It’s about spoiled brat American boys who are socially incompetent and can’t manage to date their own women. So they go halfway across the world to use huge language and cultural barriers, along with (false) stereotypes that favor them, to get with women they more than likely don’t deserve, nationality being irrelevant.

  315. And you wonder why you can’t get a date.
    I’m sure it has nothing to do with your attitude at all.
    Thanks for making my point for me, and continuing to disparage inter-racial relationships between American men and Japanese women.

  316. I came across this post randomly but it really touched me as I was female, lived my mid-20s in South Korea for three years, an am American of German and Italian origin. I lack the stereotypical looks of the sort: I 5’4, green eyes, light brown hair. I am organized like a German and curvy like an Italian, but to each their own.

    I chose South Korea over Japan as it was easier to save money for my law degree and the language was easier. After having been single for a year prior to coming to Korea, I was looking for the exotic experience of the East, more Lost in Translations lines, and not for love. My one year ended up being three as I had a Korean boyfriend for a year. In that time, I dated three foreigners (UK/US/CAN) and about five Korean guys. Strangely enough, I rarely date in the US and have dated mostly in Europe, Australia, and Asia. I never liked US football, but soccer always appealed to me, so it’s one of those born on the wrong continent I guess.

    I lived in Seoul and another city and I met men through almost all avenues: Friends of friends, TaeKwonDo & Language classes, bars, and even through students. (I taught adults.) Korean men are shy but have a rep for being romantic. I never met a man at a store in any country, but with Asians, if one lets you into “the group” others will see you. Sometimes you are seen as just an exotic sex toy, other times they want to practice English. Other times it is because they think you are interesting, simply new or personally. I think it really depends. It is a lot rarer when an Asian man marries a Western woman, but it is seen as more respectable than the opposite. I went to Itaewon with my ex, like Roppongi in Tokyo, and he commented on the attractiveness or lack thereof with Korean women and the foreigner men. I have met some biracial couples who love each other for themselves. A lot of men have no shame in saying they prefer “more traditional” women to care for them. But most of the K-guys I dated had lived abroad for a few years, could speak English well, and dated me for long periods of time before any intimacy.

    While I am sorry your experience with Asian men hasn’t been rosy, I know there is a pub in Shibuya I think that has a lot of people. (I met some guy there, not my type but he was a decent Western guy. )

    Relationships come in all sorts and happiness is relative. If you ever have time, see the film Antonia’s Line. It’s a Dutch film.

    Whenever I live in another country, I try to learn the language and something else. It will deepen your connection to that place, introduce you to friends, and make you a better person.

    Aja Aja Fighting!!!

  317. Sorry my post was long. And for any typographical errors. It’s difficult to check in a short box. And I do tend to ramble. That is why I am a nerd.

  318. This is ridiculous. I just spent the week in Tokyo, and the Japanese men went crazy! It was unbelievable, even when I was with a Japanese man, it didn’t matter what the situation was…

  319. FYI, a Japanese man paid for my ticket from the US. He was a tourist I met at the beach in my little town Hawaii… For those who keep saying that the Japanese don’t talk…I’ve never encountered a more friendly and charming, but shy, group of people….

  320. Its not that people dont like white women….its just that bad news travels fast, and im sorry to say white women are bad news, the men in north america/europe have no choice….there arent a whole lot of options…..western women have this princess/entitlement attitude… i dunno where it comes from…its just there..plus dont even get me started on marriage in the western world…poor schmuks are left without their wallets or their balls after divorce court is done with them…..you know how high the divorce rate is in the old country? i dont even know,…thats how low it is…probably in the single digits probably Close to 0%

  321. There is some sort or another bad news in every country. It’s not just western women. Abortion is illegal but is carried out quite often with women who are pregnant with daughters or without being married. In every culture, you will find shallow people.

  322. Dear Shesh,

    This article doesn’t include japanese who has been to foreign countries. Of course they have no resistance towards foreigners coz they too, were foreigners in other countries!

    And i think that we can’t understand/ experience the downfall as a foreigner in Japan, by only living in 1 week!! Besides, Japanese treats their customers as first-class, but they don’t necessarily think of you as friends or someone close, it’s just their job, the culture. When you live here longer, then you might understand.. Of coz this doesn’t true for all, maybe for some.

  323. “Abortion is illegal but is carried out quite often with women who are pregnant with daughters or without being married”

    You’ve clearly never been to Japan and are using Asian stereotypes you’ve overheard as if they’re fact. Abortion is legal and I’ve never heard of any woman being pressured to have an abortion because of the sex of the baby.

    Just more bigotry.

  324. CMW,

    Where can I research that? Do you know of a trustworthy website or book? You say you lived there, but really, did you live in Japan? Which part of Japan was it? I’m just curious to learn about a side of Japan that I’m not aware of. I’m a Japanese man after all. I can’t help it. Please help me. Probably kj would like to know where to research it too.

  325. boba,

    What I’m going to say here mostly comes from impressions that I got, from my experience living in the US for 12 years and Australia for two years, from looking at statistics, from talking to other people, etc. Some have supporting evidence, and others don’t.

    You say “western women have this princess/entiltlement attitude.” I bet some do. But I also bet that some Japanese women do as well. Which culture has more women like that? How can we know for sure? I don’t think I can find a rigorous research evidence that tells us that. If you know a good source to look up, please let me know. Otherwise, we just have to go with our impressions. As far as my impression goes, there are as many women in the western world who are abused/not cared for as women who walk around with the entitlement attitude that you are talking about. I personally know of multiple American men who have gotten women pregnant and walked away. I don’t see any regret in them, but they only complain that they have to pay child support.

    It is my other impression that masculinity is understood differently beyween Japan and western world (Let’s just say the US). Here are stereotypes that I have. American men drive around their huge pickup trucks in town where they don’t need it, wear a baseball cap, a T-shirt, and a pair of jeans, and has a bumper sticker that says “An idiot is missing from a small town in Texas.” or “I’m no racist. I don’t like his White half either.” In America, you want to be tall and muscular. Some fat is ok around the torso, and weighing over 200 pounds is the norm. Their favorite thing to do is to watch footbal on 42-inch screen, drink beer and eat pizza with other guys when their wives are busy taiking care of their children or they don’t have wives.

    And here is my stereotype for Japanese men. They wear suits even when it’s 100 degree fahrenheit and 95% humidity. They drive a car that looks like a box for Christmas present, or they don’t drive at all because their wives drive them to the nearby train station where they have to catch their 7:00 am train and ride it for two hours to get to work. They quietly stand still on the train being careful not to accidentally touch a young woman standing right next to them. Every time the train shakes and they bump into someone, they have to give that small bow and say “excuse me.”

    So these are the stereotypes . Many people would say “that’s not true.” And yet, many people would say “I know what you are talking about.” These stereotypes help us have some insight into a topic, but hardly ever are good enough evidence to come to a definitive conclusion. I think this is the reason why we need to have a conversation and exchange ideas.

    There are nice western men, nice Japanese men, nice western women, and nice Japanese women. Some are attractive, other are not as attractive. Some would make good spouses and parents. Others don’t. But I think from my experience that we see more western men-Japanese women combinations than Japanese men-western women combinations. I think there are reasons for this. One reason could be a statistical illusion. If there are more western men than western women living in Japan, that would at least partly explain it. I think there are other reasons though.

    So in my message to you, I count your opinion as one possible answer. And I think we need to listen to one another.

  326. Yeah, i agree with Just My Thoughts that we better listen to each other. As expected from a Japanese man, always humble and polite in front of society.. Not like some people who always want to win.. ;P
    By the way, Just My Thoughts, i believe you are loving towards your wife, i hope so.

    It’s fun to get to listen to many perspectives different/same as my own. Thanks for sharing, everyone!

    By the way, is getting a date and sex with your date is so that important? In my country(south-east asia), it’s better to keep your chastity, protecting your dignity. I guess it’s really different from the western, where they have the culture of ‘blind date’, going to pub, etc. i dunno, this is just what i see in the tv & internet okay..

    Back to the topic, if this article doesn’t appear to be true to you, it doesn’t mean that it’s not true to anybody else. Although i’m not western woman, i can relate to the author’s feelings. Hey, come on, this is just the author’s feeling. You can’t deny that she’s feeling like that.

    Yeah, we better learn to listen to each other. Sharing is caring, right? (^^)

  327. “Probably kj would like to know where to research it too”

    There’s nothing to research.
    This person claimed abortion is illegal and women are pressed into having abortions because the child isn’t a male.

    One can easily verify all over the internet that abortion is legal in Japan. So we have a lie right there off the bat.
    The second claim is complete nonsense that takes rumors about Chinese (which has more to do with 1-baby policies), and applies them to Japanese. Because, you know, all Asians are the same.

    Why the need to make this kind of nonsense up?
    Spreading nasty rumors about other cultures, and thinking you can get away with it because some people might believe it, is bigotry.

  328. @Just my thoughts
    Your stereotypes are useful, but I’d point out that there’s a class issue inherent in them. My impression is that you’re comparing “blue collar” Americans to “white collar” Japanese. In that sense, it’s somewhat misleading.
    You could get that same comparison w/o leaving either country simply by comparing Japanese working class to Japanese salarymen. Or by comparing Americans without 4yr degrees to Americans with degrees.

    The same is relevant with women. Most of the stereotypes being discussed apply to upper-middle-class women. The kind of Americans that live in Japan for any extended period are predominantly of the upper middle class. It requires a 4yr degree just to get into JET — and JET is at the bottom of the totem pole for Americans in Japan. It’s the least prestigious thing you could be doing in Japan, and yet requires a minimum of a 4yr degree.

    I also think an underlying issue in this discussion is that, while it’s of course true that stereotypes aren’t always applicable, there’s an original post here that we’ve all read.
    And there is no doubt that the author certainly fits many of the negative stereotypes. Which is probably why they’re mentioned so prevalently and repeatedly throughout.
    The author makes it quite clear she has a sense of entitlement. She also looks down on American men for shallow reasons without getting to know them. She stereotypes their Japanese spouses as trophy wives and sex objects. She has this sense of “equal” marriage that is in no way equal. This gets further highlighted in her humorous attempts to attract guys — she thinks just wearing a skirt should get her a date. Or asking for recommendations. Those aren’t attempts to start a relationship, but that’s her expectation – because the male is expected to take on all the responsibility in America (and it doesn’t end in the social risk/reward aspect, but also financially, materially, and emotionally.)

    Honestly, who would want to date the person writing the original topic? I wouldn’t.

  329. Hi kj,
    First of all, thank you very much for sharing your genuine thought. It’s always good to hear an opinion from someone with a sincere attitude.

    I think you are right. I was mostly comparing American working class with Japanese white collar. It is not fair to do so, I realize. So, you’ve made a good point to discuss. Do you think western people living in Japan are mostly of an upper middle class upbringing? I know it’s hard to generalize. Can you speak for just Americans? Most western people living in Japan teaching English may have some kind of 4 year degree. And if having graduated with a 4 year degree means middle class or higher (most of the time), maybe we can say many western people living in Japan ARE of middle class upbringing.

    Now we have a focal point. Here is a question to everyone who is reading this. Do many women who come from middle class (or higher) have an undue princess/entitlement attitude? Why or why not do you think so? And finally, do you think that is making dating difficult for western women in Japan?

    P.S.

    My wife is from a working class family in the US. I am from a middle class family in Japan. My wife is the only one who got a 4 year degree in her family. So, I have to admit I don’t have an extensive experience observing middle class households in the US. However, my wife has extended families that include a doctor, a dentist, an engineer, and a teacher. And I have to say, I did not get the impression that girls in those families were indulged/spoiled had princess/entitlement attitudes. But they might have been exceptionally “good” for middle class girls.

    And kj, I know about JET program. My wife did that for two years in Japan. She had a four year degree plus a certificate in TEASL. But what she actually did in her job was much less than exciting, fulfilling, or advancing. It is the Japanese government’s and general public’s fault, I think, that they still see English as something “foreign” and not the international language that can open up someone’s world a lot by learning it. In fact, they wouldn’t hire me to work for JET program because I’m not foreign born although my English is pretty good including my pronunciation.

  330. Thank God I don’t date, lol. Won’t feel lonely at all. My problem is getting guys to leave me alone so I can go on with my intense fear of intimacy. Sorry you had troubles hon, love your article, very interesting read.

  331. @Kelly

    “but I still look at the geeky gaijins with gorgeous girls, and sigh. Many of these ‘charisma men’ become so ego-inflated here that they look at any western girl smugly.”

    Riiiight….. so guys who were lonely out West who find some one outside their own country make you sigh? you don’t like that their egos are being inflated, as opposed to being brought down?

    Any dating website will tell a shy man that the key to success with women is confidence, something shy men don’t have, and our society puts them down for it. so said western shy-guy hooks up with and Japanese girl who instead of bringing him down for his faults, starts building him up for his strengths, and his confidence too.

    Can you blame these “geeky” guys for choosing a culture and women who is more accepting of them? where their girlfriend inspires confidence in themselves rather than eroding it, where they will take chances they would never attempt back home.

    Given what you have written about these guys I can tell why they were eager to leave home, though I don’t why you even fret about men whom you would’ve rejected at home anyways.

    Peace out

    DAn

    1. “instead of bringing him down for his faults, starts building him up for his strengths”

      As old as this blog is, and this very comment I am replying too, this quote is something that resonates a lot. Western women certainly do not do the latter. Everything must be perfect from the get-go, and must stay that they. God forbid they have to put any effort into making it better.

  332. I came across this post as I was looking for info on living in Japan. I am moving there next week, so obviously interested ^_^ I understand the feelings of loneliness. I got that when I travelled. I am not going to Japan to get a boyfriend. Judging from the comments that is a good thing! I will have no hope! White, fat, PhD educated… Still, I hope to have a great time.

    The hate and vitriol in the comments in very disturbing.

  333. I could not have said this better! I’ve been living in China for nearly 2 years and it is exactly the same way. When I realized I wouldn’t be dating in China I felt very hopeless and very lonely. It took a while but I realized taking a break from dating was exactly what I needed inorder to work on myself. Since I was 16 this hasn’t happened. I always find someone to be interested in. I’m so grateful I’ve had this time just for me. I’ve grown so much as a person. I’m clearer than ever about what I want in a relationship. And actually it’s been a relief to let go of the dating pressures I’ve put myself under.

  334. Well, I am a western woman living in Japan. I date a lot though. I am an American woman, but Japanese men find me attractive, and so do many western men. Usually it seems that a lot of western men come to Japan, date a few jgirls, then either continue or decide it’s not for them. Both of these types of guys are normal – they are merely figuring out what they like and going with it. However, there is another type of guy here and this is the type that seems to be commenting on this board. There are definitely men here who have a hate on for western women. These men are just as selfish and entitled as the women they crap all over, but instead of realizing their complaint is really of western culture, and that they share in that, they point a finger at the women as if the men have somehow escaped it. Thankfully these men are few and far between, and they are well-known. The average western men in Japan know these types and call them LBHs, or Losers Back Home. These are the men who failed to attract women back home, and instead of looking inwardly they find it easier to blame and hate. They also are quite smug at any western woman, as if that particular woman has personally rejected them. MOST men in Japan are not like this at all, despite what it seems on this board.

    Also, while Japanese women are pretty and stylish, there are plenty of downsides to dating them. Physically, some men are just not into the body type. Intellectually, there is often a language barrier to get through. Emotionally, while there are many nice Japanese women, there are many not-so-nice ones…especially the girls that target foreign men. Which is why it is so funny to hear from guys on this board that western women are so terrible! I have many male friends here in Japan, and many tell the same story – their Japanese girlfriends cheated on them or had a boyfriend the entire time, that she didn’t find them attractive but liked the status of dating a foreigner, and she made of them behind their backs, that they drank too much and went home with other men, that they refused to have sex after a few dates, that they were only interested in men with money and dumped a guy if he couldn’t pay for everything, that the sex was terrible because the girl just laid like a dead fish every time. I am not saying these things to dump on Japanese women. There are plenty of women that do not fit this – however enough of them are so that most of the men are aware of it and can tell stories about it. Japanese women are the same as any kind of women – some are good, some are bad, some are ugly. ;) This is the same with men. Don’t let the guys who obviously have woman issues get you down because it is NOT normal, even here in Japan.

  335. Ever think that it may be due to a cultural difference and preference that these stunning Japanese women prefer the men you repeatedly bashed?

    Aint it funny how in university all the fembots take these “cultural diversity” classes and then when they get into the real world and a bit of cultural difference smacks them in the face they just can’t deal with it? Spin hamster spin.

    Also funny to see the reality of what happens when the fembots leave the bubble of feminism (in this case America) and get out into the world and see that with all their “you go girl attitude” and “empowerment” that nobody wants them, that they can’t compete with these stunning, smart, and feminine Asian women.

    To all the young girls out there- let this be a lesson to you. Do not fall into the trap of modern feminism, of self- absorption, and of the entitlement that a lot of older women have fallen into. Take pride in your appearance, embrace your femininity, be smart but not snarky, don’t view men as things which you are at war with. I’ve lived in Asia a long time time and can tell you that you WILL have a very tough time there getting ANY attention unless you are open to those things.

    Unfortunately, modern feminism teaches young women that being feminine is weak. And when they swallow the posion and then arrive in a place where femininity is very much alive (and to their surprise, very potent and powerful) and soon begin to suffer the consequences of being a she-male, they don’t know how to take it.

    Of course, they could never say the true reason for why and how they’ve allowed themselves to be deformed and for why they’re not wanted (which is their embrace of femi-nazism), so what do they do? As the original author of the post did, they attack the white males who are having a very good time indeed, as well as attack the native men of the country by saying they’re not strong enough to deal with such “real women”. And when people call them out on their bullshit, they say ” hee hee, I was just joking.” No, you’re bitter.

    Young girls, pay attention to what you are seeing. You have a choice here. Good luck.

    1. I think it has to be said, Jay, that there is no reason these young girls would want to go out with men like you. Listen to you policing their behaviour and never looking at your own. I agree a lot of young women are doing feminism a disservice, but the guys with your arrogant: listen to what I tell you attitude…you are making it sound like, if the girls act as you want, they catch a guy like you. But guys like you arent worth catching. You are always either trying to be the provider or being very demanding in some other superficial way…and it has to be said, guys like you tend to be lousy lovers.
      lets face it, Jay. Nowadays women can make their own money and have kids alone. Can do anything. so if you want to take your wonderful self off to pester Eastern women, its not really those girls loss, is it?
      No. Because nowadays, its mainly about sex. Are you a good lover. Or are you not. and those men policing women are, by definition, not. Never. You cant be. Because you are too bust telling women how they should be…so you arent going to listen to what they would like in the bedroom…guaranteed..its all about serving you.
      I notice more and more women are getting better at casual sex..I put this down to vibrators and manuals teaching women how to be orgasmic, so they can tell the guys how to go about it..lots of women seem to happily hook up with other women!
      Hmmm…what are men for, I wonder? because my security guard just showed me a trick to open jars…
      Only kidding, Jay. Only kidding.
      I cant open jars…..

  336. Serving tea and strutting to attract males is not weak! Must.Bow.Down.

    *young girl corrupted by Jay’s comment*

    I can’t believe you guys are taking this crap so seriously. Why in the world do people feel the urge to bash people when they obviously mean no harm?
    You expect me to be in this sort of environment that you are contributing to, and when I come out a rotten egg, you’ll just blame it on the other guy rather than yourself.

    I just saw a women writing an article for herself while unnecessarily censoring it for others, yet others, who all strangely seem to be bitter males, found areas that had obvious disclaimers about them, ignored the disclaimers, and dug in like savage beasts.

    Now I wait for a comment dissing my usage of the phrase “savage beasts”.
    No, I did not generalize anyone as a savage beast. You can only be one if you felt the urge to belittle someone online. You just know you are guilty if you’re doing it.

    Now, turn on your filter and choose to ignore whatever you like! That’s the only way you can sensibly start an insensible argument, anyway.

  337. kj,

    I’ve been happily married to a Japanese man for years and we have three awesome kids. I had a great time dating in Japan and I left my White American boyfriend for my now husband many years ago. It was one of the wisest personal choices I made as a 20-something American woman. A lot of American men are spoiled brats who think they are the top lovers in the world. It’s funny to watch their faces when they see my tall and handsome Japanese husband and my gorgeous kids.

  338. I had a different experience in Tokyo. I am a white woman, skinny (wear xs Japanese size) with dark hair and green- brown eyes. I was working as a model in Tokyo and studied in a Japanese language school.. I had many expat friends and some Japanese friends (guys), never a girl. I had so much attansion from both Western and Japanese guys like never in my life. I lived for 5 years in Tokyo and that were the best years of my life. I think Western girls have lots of attention in Asia, because we are rare there (not much different from Western guys). To correct myself a little, I am from the Eastern Europe side, where women are traditionally not as emansepated as women from the US, but still very independent and more equal in gender than Asian women.
    Sadly I married an American guy and moved to Singapore with him. I became an expat wife in a very boring country where I am not working anymore ( it is harder to find a decent job or even a modeling or acting job here (since I am now in mid 30-s). I am a second wife ( a trothy wife?) without kids and luxuries of expats here (since we still have a lot of debts in business after financial crisis and huge payments for his ex-wife and 3 children from his previous marriage.
    If I could make it over, I would not marry and move to another Asian country as an expat wife.
    The grass is always greener on the other side. Living alone in a country where you want to be is great! There is so much freedom, work experience and dating opportunities there! It is great to be on your own. Don’t even need boyfriends, or it is definitely better not to rush with desisions to have one. I envy the author!

  339. I’m another girl who had an opposite experience in Japan. I lived in Japan as a child for a few years and returned later on. I’m about 5’9″, dark blonde hair, I get told I am good looking often but I am not rail thin.

    In smaller towns in Japan I almost felt like I was being treated at though I had some sort of celebrity status. And, I got so much male attention from men of all ages that at times it was bordering on creepy. Actually, more than creepy at times. In Tokyo, obviously the attention is less as it is a major city.

    I can’t say that I have any advice for expat females out there. I’m generally fairly shy and dress fairly modestly. Perhaps that even helps?

  340. I am a western man that has dated quite famous models in my home country of Canada, that moved to Asia a long time ago for the adventure of it all, not the women. So although I understand the stereotypes you talk about, this is not always the case.

    Asian women are easy for western men, and they are very womanly and lovely. Western women have taken to wearing pants and walking around like men and it become unattractive compared to the cute, short skirt wearing, bowtie in hair stereotypical asian hotties that are around and easy prey.

  341. A very interesting read, but not a little disheartening.
    I don’t mean the article, I mean some – many – of the comments. Either people are willingly misreading the article and its points, or… well, they just aren’t very bright.

    I will say this: I wonder how many of those who are extolling the virtues of the nice and “caring” Japanese women actually have an inkling of what to expect if the marry them.

    I am not Japanese, but I do have Japanese (female) friends or rather, acquaintances, because in my experience many Japanese women aren’t really familiar with the notion of female friendship.

    Some of them I’ve known for ten years.
    From my experience, many seem to be very naive (regardless of their age), but at the same time very dismissive of men in general. Their venom against men – and specifically their husbands – is almost unbelievable.
    They mock them, and compare (unfavourably) them to others all the time, just like they compare themselves to other women all the time.
    Yet when you see them together in public – before the marriage – you would never guess it.

    I don’t like that sort of relationship. I think it’s demeaning to both sexes. My life is too short for that sort of crap.
    But hey, to each their own.
    Just know what you’re getting into.

  342. @Melissa:

    That sounds very much like most of those Japanese women I was talking about in my previous comment, including the lay-there-and-let-him-do-his-thing attitude to sex.
    And this, believe it or not, is an actual quote.

  343. Reannon, you write very well, and given the time span over which this blog post continues to be heavily debated, one thing’s for sure… if you wrote a book on this topic it would sell like hot-cakes. Particularly in Japan.

    Would you consider doing that?

    You’d probably make a tonne of moola. And you’d probably go from being a lonely western woman in Japan to ridiculously popular. But most importantly, you’d bring this important conversation to the fore.

    I think it is important that the shy Japanese men you describe above are aware of this.

  344. As a British Indian girl moving to Hong Kong this year, do you feel that I may encounter some of the problems the author of this article experienced? How are indian people regarded in Asia?

  345. I’m old enough (very old in fact) to have seen many people and places. From the wisdom of my age and experience, I can say that all people get old, all people feel loneliness, all people feel loss, and all people suffer. You may be the most beautiful and desirable woman or man on earth, but in the end, you will not be. That is true for us all. That is the human condition. For those who visit Japan, I would suggest an appreciation of Zen Buddhism. In Japan, old, stricken trees are held up with stilts. They are considered to be even more beautiful. I believe that much of the anger and loathing here would fade away with the wisdom that can be encountered in Japan if one is open to it. If one is to really appreciate the core of Japanese spirituality, one would not be ranting at groups of people anywhere.

  346. Yeah, that ugly shrew Kelly isn’t in a relationship or has ever been in a relationship with a Japanese man. She’s just some jealous shrew who has and will remain single during her time in Japan. She’s obviously jealous of gaijin men getting play when she and her fellow, ugly gaijin women, like you, remain unsexed and loveless.

  347. I read your article, but I live in China and it is somewhat that way with western women here. However, white women tend to be more picky, or have different standards, than the local women. I know of one tall, good looking Chinese man who routinely gets rejected by the white women he does ask out. This perplexes me since I have read similar stories from women like yourself in China that they can’t get a date with a decent guy. But when a decent guy does ask them out, they say no. What?!

    1. Hi juan I know this is two years old but the discussion seems to be ongoing. Re: white women and the Chinese men they dont date. I live in HK and it’s true…or at least it used to be true…that white women hardly ever dated Chinese men.
      I have often wondered about why, too. When I first came here I saw so many men of the type I like: about 5’7″and brown and wiry, no body fat but not over-muscled. Yet they left me cold. Laos and Thailand had many good-looking men, but somehow: no. I dont know why. Many women say that the men look feminine…its true that David Beckham is the one Western male admired by Chinese women here, because he isnt like a hairy barbarian.
      The exception to this is Korean men. They do have the right…vibe. I dont know what it is. Koreans are so much more like Westerners: willing to fight and riot and get dirty…they will join in a tug-of-war over a mud pool, when the other Asians are squeaking in horror at getting so dirty.
      However things are changing! Chinese men are getting to look very broad-shouldered and weirdly enough, they are developing square jaws…they look hardly any different to white guys now. Actually, a lot of them are vastly handsome, but more, they are sexy and they now have white girlfriends. I keep seeing it.

  348. Great article, thanks! And regardless our status (or lack thereof) within our own cultures, it probably wouldn’t be such a bad idea if we all occasionally received a ”reminder”, that culture, beauty and social standards are all very ”relative” thangs! Humility makes a good teacher.

  349. Great article. But I have some things to add.

    From personal experience (I’m currently in Japan), I think Tokyo is kind of a world in itself in Japan. It’s far more “cold” than the rest of the country. It’s true that if you don’t make friends fast, you’ll be alone all the time.

    But for me, I don’t think it’s true that people don’t look at us expats. In fact, they look quite a lot. Most of the time, I feel like an animal in a circus (I am not that pretty either. And I have brown eyes and hair).

    Before coming to Japan, I thought (like everybody else) that japanese were very shy people. Well, it’s a lie. Of course, it’s not the same as boys in our countries. But the japanese are not as shy as they pretend. In Chiba, a friend introduced me to her japanese friends. I met a lot of guys that flirted with me, even when they knew I had a boyfriend at some time. I was very surprised.

    So I think the key is to be introduced. Maybe it’s true they wouldn’t have talk to me if I was alone in the bar and started talking to them out of nowhere. But being introduced breaks the ice. And after that, I swear, you won’t feel invisible at all.

  350. Interesting article. Shame about some of the comments.

    My view. I’m coming at this as a 30 year old, white Englishman. With 8 years in Japan. Married to a Japanese wife with a half English/Japanese child. I find there to be many pretty women in Japan, but the only thing that ever gave them a real advantage over my countrywomen was that even the average looking j girls were slimmer. Despite this I have no preference regarding race and have fancied women from all ethnic groups lol. Most of the relationships in my life have been with white girls though as they are the ones I met most of in the UK. I had most success with American girls in Japan though. My accent maybe.. And they were easier to talk to, I found the Japanese girls a bit shy at first.

    Difficulties in dating the western girls though in Japan were that the pool was small. Even smaller when you took out the girls who were fat (don’t like fat) or dating/married, three of my favourites were all with a western lad. Also little prospect of anything long term.

    Are all the western men dating Japanese girls losers? No. Not at all. And you do you Japanese sisters a disservice there I think. Of course there are MANY weird foriegn people out here, working for big companies or as teachers. But from what I’ve seen guys who can’t talk to women STILL can’t talk to women and get little action here also. Most of the guys I’m friends with are normal blokes who had British Gfs in Britain but just ended up with Japanese ones in Japan.

    Why do Japanese men shy away from western women? Mix of reasons not least that they are probably not sure of how to approach you. They are foriegn and the standard Japanese methods probably wouldn’t work. Add to that he doesn’t want the public embarresment of being rejected, or failing because of language skills. He’s probably used to girls who, publicly at least, act coy and shy. A western girl appears more confident and forward. That can intimidate some men. Also add on top of that baggage he has about what he thinks most non Asians think about Asian men (wimpy, small cocks, girly skin) and he’s probably convinced himself you wouldn’t be interested anyway. Generally white girls are still considered sexy and exotic though. The Russian and Polish models out here certainly seem to have no lack of attention from Japanese men. And white girls, blondes and red heads especially, are popular as fashion models. Black girls have it the worst out here. Seem neglected by everyone… Though I’ve seen a couple with white boys and Japanese boys in recent years. Worked with this stunning and petite Trinnidadian girl, who was begging for anyone to date her. Nothing. If I’d have been single I’d have fought 10 blokes for a chance with a girl like that!! Crazy sometimes.

    Finally some other things the western girls have against them is the perception, I stress perception, that they are bossy and demanding. Not true of course but that’s the perception.
    Also for the guys, especially the guys who may have left 100%white or black communities the locals are exotic and different. That’s always a turn on. “That pretty blonde girl at work might be great, but you know I’ve dated/bedded/loved plenty of white girls before. I’m going back home in 11 months why come all this way and chase a girl the same as what I’m used to? I won’t have this chance again! ”
    I don’t blame them. Living in the country doesn’t help either. City folk are very Bohemian but country people can be a little Victorian regarding sex and romance I think. Also you have the prevailing Japanese taste for young girls as a womanly shaped girl some men my find you look/act to grown up for their tastes and they prefer women/girls who look 13-16. Of course Japanese males tastes are broad but it will factor in there for some of them.

    All that nonsense about Japanese girls this and that though. That’s all bollocks. I’ve far more experience with western girls than Japanese ones but enough with both to draw some comparisons and western girls generally seem to be more fun in the bedroom, they definately seem more willing to let go and enjoy themselves and just have fun. A lot of Japanese girls will just lie there and want you to do all the work incase you think they are a slut. My wife is an exception but she had lived in Germany and the UK so is quite westernised. The Japanese girls are more happy dressing up sexy for you though lol. Based purely on my experiences and conversations with friends. Western girls are always better kissers aswell. Not a very kissy people the Japanese. So yeah. The articles basic premise, that western girls have a hard time romantically out here is right. Many factors work against them.

    Western blokes don’t have it all easy though. Though they clearly have it better than Western girls. We can still get dismissed by girls we like because we are foriegn/family disapproval/ poor/ automatically a man slut who is steadily working our way through every fanny that we can. Many girls (people in general) will abjectly refuse to sit by us on the train lest we nampa them infront of the whole carriage. Though yes. Those are made tolerable by the fact that if in a bar a smile at a local girl she will at least smile back and not break into a cold sweat or freeze in terror.

    I still maintain though that the charisma man myth is a load of shite. Freaks out are still freaks and they get next to no action. And the implication that the Japanese girls are too naive or ignorant not to work out the nice guys from the crack nuts is daft. And a little racist. Talk to them and they will laugh and giggle about the freakish loser teachers/workers as well. The Charisma man shite is just a hackneyed cluche used by people who get no sex to lambast someone who does. If the guy (or girl) is able to keep a Japanese girl happy (way harder than keeping a western girl happy) chances are he is more than capable of pulling a western bird. He just is in a target rich environment.

    Rambled a bit there. But an interesting discussion.

    1. Um no, I’ve seen plenty of really really ugly and socially awkward white guys with very hot asian women.

    2. good, that means they don’t have to put up with your crap

  351. I figured by being an African American woman, I would be unattractive to Japanese guys, especially if I tried to make the first move. I did get a little attention from one guy in a club I’m in (I’m an exchange student) but other than that, nothing.

    Last night I read an article called “No Sex in the City” that says the reason foreign women have problems (especially Americans) is because we’re used to the men pursuing us if they’re interested. And because Japanese guys don’t/are afraid to, we feel like we’re unwanted. The author made it clear that he has no sympathy for women like me who don’t put forth a lick of clear effort.

    After reading that, I finally got the courage to go out to a bar, and I actually was able to flirt with some guys! One guy even approached me! I was so surprised.

    Putting forth effort and being a little “carnivorous” didn’t make me seem masculine, and I was really happy about that ^_^ Now my biggest issue is the language barrier.

  352. This looks very obvious to the fact that white women in Japan or in Asia in general, have the same problem as white men in America have. Too often men have to go through all kind of c*r*a*p* and pathetic pick up lines just to strike some kind of conversation. Bravo, Japanese men or Asian men in general are smart enough to figure out why should they go through all the trouble to be noticed or start a pick up line with a woman when instead let the woman do all work. I couldn’t help but laugh at the woman who wrote the article. Now she knows how it feels to do all the hard work and perhaps next time she would have a better appreciation of men in America. White men in America and Europe should definitely adopt the style of Japanese or Asians in general. Time to turn the tables. There is nothing worse than a woman who tries to play hard to get. And for what? Its not enough that I had a long hard day at work but now I have to have a hard time with a woman as well? Why? So she could feel better about herself and boost her ego. Low self-esteem issue anyone? The sad fact is women in America don’t even realize how much nonsense men has to go through just to meet a woman, be a bar, club, mall, on the street, supermarket, etc. But with globalization and better technology American men can have closer & faster connections with Asian men and learn from them. It already started with Wall Street guys. Lets see you ladies how well you can manage to get a phone number from a rich wall street guy. You will need to have the best package to just a get a number from the wall street guy.

  353. “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world.”

    Wrong! If it ever happened (and it can happen) then pretty much, many white women (and jealous men) would
    jump and attack the “pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy” and call him a pervert, or woman-hater and
    all kind of nonsense verbal attacks. This is a sad fact. Why is he a perv? Because he chooses to date some like her instead of you? Something is really wrong with women in America.
    And they hate Asia because it doesn’t conform to their ways as in America? What a joke. Here is the truth,
    women in America are unique comparing to the women of the rest of the world. Majority of women around the
    world do not behave, act or have the attitude that American women have. Its true, American women do have a
    bad reputation. Foreign men who came to work in America and when back to their respective country have told stories about the attitudes of American women and its horrible. You don’t believe me.
    Go and check on google about a coverage story made by CNN when they hired 5 sexy men models, well dressed, and instructed the men to go out and ask women on the streets, in the mall, in coffee shops and ask the women for their phone number in New York City. The results that CNN found was horrible.
    The success rate was less than 5%. That defies all logic.

    “But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

    Wrong Again! In America dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary laws. Its already obvious to men around the world that trying to find a date with a woman in America its getting harder and harder and its no wonder why all those kind of dating websites and speeddatings just flourished.
    I tell you what defies all logic. When suddenly there is a need for speeddating or dating websites just to meet women. Its crazy! It should be simple enough to just ask a girl for phone number and if she likes the guy then she should give him the number without playing hard to get or come up with
    idiotic stuff like “but I don’t know you”. So what if you don’t know me? That’s the whole point of
    why I am asking for your number. Lets meet and have a coffee and get to know each other. Did your mom and dad knew each other when they met the first time? NO!

    Go in Brazil or in Eastern Europe or in Asia (except for Muslim countries) and see if you can find any speeddating or dating websites as sophisticated as in America. You won’t find it. Why? Because men who lives in those countries don’t need those things because its so much easier to find a date
    anywhere. Lets face it, dating in America has gotten stupid and more complicating. Meeting people supposed to be simple.

  354. Regarding the article, its very obvious that white women in Japan or in Asia in general, have the same problem as white men in America have. Too often men have to go through all kind of nonsense and pathetic pick up lines just to strike some kind of conversation. Bravo, Japanese men or Asian men in general are smart enough to figure out why should they go through all the trouble to be noticed or start a pick up line with a woman when instead let the woman do all work. I couldn’t help but laugh at the woman who wrote the article. Now she knows how it feels to do all the hard work and perhaps next time she would have a better appreciation of men in America. White men in America and Europe should definitely adopt the style of Japanese or Asians in general. Time to turn the tables. There is nothing worse than a woman who tries to play hard to get. And for what? Its not enough that I had a long hard day at work but now I have to have a hard time with a woman as well? Why? So she could feel better about herself and boost her ego. Low self-esteem issue anyone? The sad fact is women in America don’t even realize how much nonsense men has to go through just to meet a woman, be a bar, club, mall, on the street, supermarket, etc. But with globalization and better technology American men can have closer & faster connections with Asian men and learn from them. It already started with Wall Street guys. Lets see you ladies how well you can manage to get a phone number from a rich wall street guy. You will need to have the best package to just a get a number from the wall street guy.

  355. “The pervading theory though, among expats and Japanese alike, was that Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it.”

    Japanese men are too intimidated?? Did you really need to invent this? Seriously, this is Japan, a very patriarchy society. They are not as sissy as men in the west have become.

    Here is the real truth. Japanese men are well aware of the nonsense that American men had to go through when it comes to dating or meeting a woman. Japanese men are not stupid and they know a lot about America. They do talk. Ladies, you have to face it, Japanese men just choose not to bother with American women. Why should they? So that the American women should play hard to get with them? You think Japanese men need all that nonsense from you? I know this because in my line of business, I meet many men from Asia, and they told me so. They even asked me how can I possible put up with your nonsense and I told them that I don’t do that anymore. I am 30 years old and learned many valuable lessons. Now I am laughing at all the stupidities that I find in dating scene in US. That kind of dating scene in US should not even happened. Perhaps I should open an article here to really put some sense into you ladies when it comes to reality and dating scene around the world. You think Japan its hard. Try China, Indonesia, or Saudi Arabia, Dubai or Russia, or Spain. Lets see how much you are able to survive in those countries. Those are real men, they are tough and their local women truly respect their men. This is exactly why women there do not behave the same way as women in US.

  356. Somewhere in the reply posts, a woman named “Lauren” on September 10th, 2010 made a sick comment:

    “Ha! This made me laugh because it’s so true! I lived in Thailand for a year and worked with a bunch of creepy Western guys who got tons of chicks while I found it so hard to meet people, even just as friends.”

    Did you see what word Lauren used to describe western men? She called them creepy. Did you see how she already attacked the western men? Why does she feel the need to call these men creepy? What right does she have to attack men? Has she no respect for her co-workers? Perhaps she is the creepy one. You don’t think that Japanese men or any other Asian men sees this and is aware about such attitudes that women like Lauren has? Calling men creepy, pervert, and weirdo will never get you anywhere. If you don’t have any respect for men, then why should men respect you? Or why should they bother to look at your or talk to you? So that you can call them creepy as well? to boost your ego? This never happened 50 years ago. The overall problem is that women in US have become too spoiled in dating scene. They don’t go up to men to say hello, they don’t start with clever conversations with men, and too often they call him creepy or perv just because he bothered to talk to her. Hey ladies, how would you feel if you walk up to a guy you like, and he looks at you with an attitude and calls you creepy or perv? How would that make you feel? So like I said, Japanese men are not stupid and they are not intimidated. So stop inventing stuff because you can’t seem to get it. They know who you are, and what you are: women like Lauren with attitude.

    1. Because they ARE creepy…the biggest losers, pedophiles and guys who can’t find jobs in their own country are infiltrated throughout Asia. It’s a fact and one you can see first-hand if you live in Asia. And yes, these creepy men get many Asian women who don’t know the difference, or don’t care because they just want a white skin.

    2. I’m in a relationship with a normal guy from Canada! I would never be interested in ‘most’ of the guys hiding away for years in Asia. I somewhat feel happy for them when I see them with an Asian. At least they were able to find someone.

    3. I can sense the butt hurt is strong with in you. For your information it’s not easy to get a job working in Japan. Unlike most western countries, japan’s standards are very high and they don’t bend them for no one. For you to say that Japanese women look like little girls are an insult to them and other groups Asian women. Your racist views and anger only proves that most western women are not mother or wife material. You are very sad

    4. They’re called LBH (Loser’s back home) look it up! It’s not jealousy, but a fact.

    5. Ok, if you wanna talk about facts then here’s one for you;

      When humans are rejected or hurt by other humans in some manner, they feel bitter, sad, and angry. They either lash out at others in pain or retreat into their own hobbies in fear of rejection again. But either way, both don’t solve the problem of loneliness. Anyone trying to insult or humiliate someone is only doing so because of their hurt feelings. They will deny it because it makes them look insecure, but it’s true.

      Your comment, a lot of these comments here, and this post are all great examples. You all sound like that 6/10 quiet girl who suddenly turned into a feminazi because Alex from the football team rejected you back in high school. Now you are parading around with your arrogant heads held high acting like perfect 10/10s who deserve a 6 foot 10 inch tall body builder with a six-pack because somewhere deep in your heart, you believe that if you act bitchy and entitled, you will get what you think you are entitled to.

      Now I know what you’re gonna respond with; “LOL YOU’RE ONE TO TALK YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN A GOOD-LOOKING GUY EITHER”. And your hypothetical assumption would be correct. However, the value of men is not based off attractiveness. Women are. Each sex is judged differently by the other.

      Stop using facts to try to insult people. And before you go “HEY YOU ARE USING FACTS TO TRY TO BELITTLE ME TOO” then I suggest that you read my comment again, please. I didn’t directly insult you, and if took offense at anything then the fault is with the offended. I’m merely pointing out the hidden motives behind your comments and bringing them to light.

    6. So, according to your logic, if these guys are “losers back home” or losers anywhere for that matter, why do you care? Isn’t a gene pool without losers a better gene pool? Seriously, if these guys are so ridiculously unimportant that they don’t deserve to be humans, why bother writing about them? They’re gone… They’ve found love in other parts. Are you actually angry that some woman might find them to be attractive?

    7. What I find sad, and particularly pathetic is that ANY loser, regardless of what he looks like or social standing, can go to a tier 2 city in China for example, and find a Chinese local. A foreign women could do the same if she were so desperate. But most women don’t have that same desperate need.

      And then there’s the fact that the local woman doesn’t care about the foreign guy she’s with either. She’s with him because he’s white, she’s trying to ‘get ahead’ she thinks he has money. It could be him or any other guy for all it matters to the woman. Yet these guys are so desperate they don’t care. They are just happy they have someone, regardless if the women is only ‘using’ them. I see it happen all the time and I actually feel sorry for them, but that’s the life they chose.

      Trust me, I have no interest in most foreign guys overseas. They don’t have much going for them….at least not the ‘lifers’.

    8. Well you must understand that “back home” things are out of balance. A normal, average looking guy with a good job, perhaps a little shy..is completely scorned by women.
      Whereas a woman, even ugly, have literally hundreds of desperate worshipers telling them how beautiful they are, esp after social media emerged. As a result the women become so entitled and spoiled AND picky that it is no longer possible for a normal guy to get with a normal girl..
      He can COMPLETELY forget about the beautiful girls, but now, even normal range girls are out of his league.
      You are calling them losers, I”m calling it society being out of balance. Anyway, these “losers” (I dont think they are losers though) have two choices, die alone and virgins, or move to a place where they actually stand a fighting chance.

    9. Good for them then, if they’re happy. But the point I’m getting at is that these Asian women don’t necessarily care on any deeper level about these men. While there are some exceptions, many Chinese can be quite vapid, superficial, and money-hungry. So these Asian women are not with these ‘average’ foreign guys because they love them. Far from it! It’s what they can get from them. A guy can go across the world to a 3rd world country to find someone, but it doesn’t mean the woman cares anymore about them than a woman back home would. In that case, it’s kind of sad.

    10. Also, it’s a bit ironic you claim Western women are ‘spoiled’. Have you been around many Asian women lately? Have you been to South Korea? Unless you like demanding women who expect you to hold their handbags, I’d say Asians are quite high on the ‘spoiled and princessy’ spectrum. Not to mention ‘look-obsessed’

      So if guys somehow think they are getting an Asian women with a higher quality personality, good luck to them!

    11. Creapy?
      Rich guy to a girl: You are beautiful. (OK)
      Poor guy to a girl: You are beautiful. (Creepy)
      “Creapy” is only label which women use to demote man.
      Just a label, which don’t tell anything about a man.
      But tells a lot about a person who says that, what felings that person have abaut somone, how it is thinking.
      So for me if somone tels me that, I say: “Thank, you for showing me yours true colors. Now, I’m no longer interested in you. Bye.”

      p.s. Why is bad to go abroad for sex tourism? Women do it, also.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_sex_tourism

    12. I was referring to 2nd and 3rd tier cities in China. Many of these plain-looking guys who luck out with Asian women, luck out by going to lesser developed countries (Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, China..etc)

      Not sure entirely about Japanese women, but I’ve spent a lot of time with Chinese women and they marry and date guys for practical reason, NOT for love. If the guy has a pulse and they get a long with him alright, then ‘that’s reason enough to marry him’.

      So Chinese girls will basically use these foreign guys. They will date them because their skin is white and they think he has money…not for any other real interest. I imagine Japanese girls are similar in wanting the novelty of a foreigner.

      But, if these guys are tired of Western women, why not go to Europe? Why not go to Spain and find a Spanish woman? Because they would NOT have success with these kind of women either! A Spanish women is not going to be falling all over themselves to date one of these nerdy, LBH men who have success in Asia. That means Asia is literally the ONLY race/country of women where they luck out! And there is a definite ulterior motive behind why these Asian women date them.

    13. “I was referring to 2nd and 3rd tier cities in China.”
      Oh but this article is actually about Japan so…

    14. Melanie You are very misinformed . The European countries you just named are western countries :-). When men say they don’t want western women, those countries are included. As for the Japanese women, most of them make their own money and don’t really give a damn about going to the USA. If they want to go to the USA, they don’t need no men from the USA to helped them get here. It’s very easy for Japanese people to come to the USA, get a job and a green card. Japan infrastructure, technology are 10 years ahead of the western countries. Reason why a lot of Japanese women are starting to date more western men, is not because they want to leave Japan, it’s because the most of the Japanese men don’t want to have sex, get married and have kids anymore. These women wants to have kids and going outside their race and country is the only way most of them can make this dream come true. It’s not easy to date a Japanese woman as it is a western woman, you have to have everything in order. You have to have a good job, no bad credit, no kids, etc. These Japanese women have very high standards. A misinformed person like yourself talking junk about them, in fact about any Asian woman, just makes me sick. Every Asian woman that I know have a college degree, no lower than a Masters. These are more Asian women with college degrees than western women, if you look at the pay scales in western countries, they make more money than you white women.

    15. Funny,
      The way you describe asian women as being social climbers is also the way I would describe many western women ! Maybe you just don’t realize this because you don’t have the perspective of a man.

    16. In the west, even below average looking women believe they are movie stars and think most men are beneath them. Desperate men shower them in attention, and their egos skyrocket. Still that is not good enough for them, even the men they scorned out of sheer malice and to receive cheap self satisfaction, must know their place: how dare they go look somewhere else when they princess deemed them not worthy of having a life.
      Once you ego gets bruised when faced with hard reality, you can’t handle it. You were not a movie star after all.. Look at yourself. Had you been a man you would have most definitely gone to Japan haha.

  357. hi there, just wanted to say that having japanese boyfrd isnt impossible. i have a j boyfriend for 3 years now and im a white girl from europe. he has never lived abroad but i find him very open minded. he is really sweet too.

    on another topic, i do get nampa’ed often when im alone. usually in the station idk why ! also i met many guys in the past via internet. they arent shy there and once you talked a bit they ll ask you out!

    so girls, if you are reading this, you have all your chances to date in japan! go for it!

  358. The collective amount of negative comments toward women is quite astonishing to me. Jeez. Did we have to make it an us vs them issue? Truly – every country and society has its snobs, it’s nice people, as well as its attractive, athletic, and grossly overweight individuals. It is ratht inaccurate to completely generalize an entire nation’s men or women on your own (proportionately small) personal experiences.

    With that said, I will be very careful in what I say.
    Japanese society and methods of socializing are pretty different from the west; life is quite a bit more reserved. If you feel a little discouraged by the lack of assertiveness some people have toward you, well just keep at it on your own end. But, even for men (yes, even western men) meeting people and making friends isn’t so easy. Put yourself out there! Go to parties, the bar, and out with your Japanese coworkers. You will meet the opposite sex and somebody special. Tokyo can be a lonely place for a lot of people, not just “single western women.” It’s about social skills and making connections. Those hot guys/gals from the west with good heads on their shoulders will have all the more success wherever they go. I don’t think it is simply the issue of having “no luck” or being ignored because or some kind of x-factor.

    As for me, I am the “nerdy” guy you describe. I like anime, video games, and Japanese culture and well, I guess it is easier to talk to women here. I have no disrespect toward any country’s women, but sometimes it’s just a lot easier to relate to Japanese girls, as they often will understand my “nerdy” topics more than their western counterparts, and maybe that’s why we(um, western otaku?) do have a bit of success in Japan despite our looks. Our nerdy interests and skills and suddenly seen as somewhat charming and natural (ie many Japanese people like One Piece, Dragon Quest, etc). Additionally, being a foreigner in many countries will bring with it a level of exotic allure, ie the European exchange student visiting the USA everyone in you class was interested in in high school.

    Outside of taking a jab at the “nerd” stereotype many of us “average” men fall into, I don’t think this blog post is much to get offended about. It’s just the rant of a frustrated person who has probably now made her peace.

  359. Hi. I sometimes find forum western women talking about struggling with finding a partner in Japan. I feel sorry to these western women. I am a Japanese man and facing hard circumstances finding a love. As well as her, I often feel lonely because of beng single. I like western women because they are open-minded, friendly and warm – I want a woman who has good characters. Opposed to majority of Japanese men, my ‘future girlfriend’ doesn’t need to be a ‘fashion queen’. In my perception, Japanese women are too obessed with fashion and many of them don’t maintain their character well. I love speaking English very much (even I wish to speak English 24 hours seven days a week), so I would love to have a western girlfriend. Hug is another reason – Japanese women don’t hug (those who have lived in a western country might give me a hug but they are likely to want a western boyfriend). I live in Sapporo and find here is not a good place to find a western girlfriend as there are not many western women. I am considering going back to New Zealand or starting afresh in Melbourne or Perth in Australia.

  360. Lol @ all the white guys commenting and trying to insult American women because they are butt hurt about the author’s comments. I see a lot of white guys who are saying that asian guys just don’t want to put up with white women. Now let me comment from an asian american guy’s perspective.

    The author is correct. Most asian guys are not going to approach a white woman. It’s not because asian guys don’t want to put up with them or don’t find them attractive. The reason why is because most asian guys know that most white women are not into asian guys. If you’re a guy, and 9 times out of 10, if you approach a woman, you’re going to get rejected, are you going to do it? Most likely not. That’s why most asian guys stick with asian women. It’s a safer bet. And that’s asian american guys I’m referring to. Now imagine if it’s an asian guy who’s from asia and has that additional cultural and language barrier thrown in as well. The chances of him showing interest in a white girl would be even less. So for a white girl to get an asian guy, she’s going to have to approach him in most cases.

    Anyhow, the white guys in this thread who are butt hurt need to chill out. You guys have it the easiest out of any race out there when it comes to dating. So what if a white girl makes fun of the nerdy and creepy guys who go to asia to feel like kings and get dates. At least you guys have that option. Try being an asian guy in the western world where pretty much every woman sees 100% of asian guys as nerds. Where asian american women bash their own men with some even going as far as saying they’d never date an asian guy. Where do these “nerdy” asian guys go? There’s no “magical loophole” for asian guys to turn to. No country they can go to to feel like kings.

    1. You know that using a male name as a nickname doesn’t automatically makes you male, don’t you? You’re a lousy troll, gtfo

  361. Reannon wrote “The Japanese men might have been frightened of us but the other expat men just flat-out ignored us.” A few ponderences to consider.

    Is Reannon irritated because these nerds didn’t ask her out or is she irritated because they didn’t give her the opportunity to turn them down?

    After all, Reannon also wrote “These men wouldn’t have been able to score a date at home if they’d been a calender but in Asia they’d nabbed the prom queen.”

    Reannon later comments “And in all fairness, it’s not just Japan. I think it’s tough to be a single woman abroad ANYWHERE.” I would agree with that.

    I am a single man from Southern California, land of plastic attitudes. I am balding and what is left is graying. Women here at home don’t give me the time of day. However, when travelling in third worlds, I have no problems picking up local women. What western guy that can’t find out what time it is would pass up on these easy pickings?

    I also lived in Japan and I can state that Reannon is perfectly observant. Closing question: even if Reannon ‘would’ date me in Japan, why on Earth would I want to when I could experience the thrill of an erotic, uber-sexy Japanese woman?

  362. This essay was about how Reannon felt and what she thought about her situation. In that sense, it’s valid. Period. It sparked a lot of comment, with some excellent give and take. But some comments were pure stupid. American women want to be treated as princesses and put on a pedestal. What a load of tripe. Some of you accused her of being bitter, but your own comments smacked strongly of wanting to put someone down to make yourself feel better. Certainly, YOUR world would be a lot better FOR YOU if we women let you be the boss of us, but you can give up the idea that particular antediluvian notion will come back into vogue. It won’t. Live in the past if you want to, but most of us would rather be single than join you and the world is slowly coming around to the same viewpoint. If you’ve had an experience where a woman treated you more as a cash machine than a partner, then I’d say you picked the wrong woman to get involved with and better luck in the future. But to state that all of us are fatties with a huge sense of entitlement is not only statistically impossible, but makes you out to be the whiner you accuse Reannon of being. Call me a feminazi if you want to – I’ll own the term gladly – I’d rather be a feminazi than live under the yolk of YOUR sense of entitlement.

    1. I think that what sparked the anger was when she said:

      “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

      And here’s one for all the times I’ve heard women cry about physical standards and how unfairly society pushes unreasonable expectations on them. The word hypocrisy comes to mind. It will always amaze me how some women feel they have the right to decide who should or shouldn’t be allowed to have a relationship.

  363. Beeing shy is even more common amoung japanese girls than japanese men,
    at least until u get to know them.
    Bad jokes get lost in translation or even get cool, since english is cool in Japan.
    Shy gentle guys get apriciated since they dont feel intimidating.
    Being a nerd, genuinly interested in something, is beeing appriciated and takes the focus away from akward intimidating social situations.

    As a european that have travelled both in Japan and USA,
    I must say that people both places are very polite, much more than I am used to.
    Around here it can go weeks between every time I hear the word please,
    and then it usually comes from tourists or children.

  364. Very good article and must be true for many women but I don`t really see myself into it. I have been in Japan since only a year and I have had many dates with both foreign and Japanese men. However, as I still have 4 more years to go which means that I ll soon need a stable relationship, I begin to ask if it will be that easy for me to get a boyfriend…Anyway, I cross my fingers… We ll see how it goes! Well good luck to myself and to all other western women waiting or searching for a soul mate in Asia!

  365. Frankly the reason foreign women (i.e., the author) are dateless is because they are exceptionally lazy when it comes to picking up guys; they simply don’t, they expect men to come to them instead of actually making a real effort to connect with people of a different culture (asking directions or talking about the bloody weather obviously doesn’t count). Furthermore, what is considered attractive in one place is not in others, the obvious cultural etiquette matters here more than elsewhere, but the author ignores this completely and expects to club someone over the head (with a glance or weak conversation starter) in a bar and then get dragged back to some guy’s cave.

    And when the “‘come hither’ stare” or professing an inane ignorance as what to read / drink to a stranger in a bookshop / bar doesn’t work, foreign women (or at least the author) blames it on positive traits and blames her target like some jilted male steroid freak at the gym (I’m/we’re too confident, perceived as too beautiful, and this intimidates the cowardly “closed minded” Japanese men) while cursing the success (real or imagined) of foreign men (who she’s already dismissed as essentially greasy haired or middle aged, without considering that perhaps it’s only her who sees it that way). It’s pathetic.

    Perhaps, instead of trying to smash the round peg into the square hole, like an oafish expat who expects society around her to conform to her conceptual frame work, the author ought learn how Japanese women ‘date’ (another foreign, predominantly American, concept) and take it from there. After 9 months you’re out of excuses not to know you are an immigrant, the onus is on you to conform to the reality around you. Or you can expect the same success of a new female immigrant from China or Africa belting out loud, broken English to a random guy in London – none. If this is too hard for you then stay home.

    BTW, just so you know, I’m a foreign guy and I wouldn’t date you after reading this bitter diatribe that blames everyone but YOU, “not even a short skirt or slinky top” would get a glance from me, and many others by the sounds of it. Perhaps that’s your problem.

  366. I can’t speak for everyone but I get leered at just as much as I did back home. I have a boyfriend so I’m not actively searching… But in bars guys do approach me.
    I’m not a beauty queen – I’m a little chubby and have stubborn adult acne – but I think that wherever you are confidence goes miles. If you want to date a Japanese guy (I’m one of the ‘rare’ ones I suppose) you kind of have to have a similar set of values – and I don’t mean to be submissive and demure I mean open and willing to accept other cultures into your life. I speak Japanese, I try my best to be culturally sensitive at all times and I’m not one of those loud gaijin that pretends I don’t know any better and talk loudly on the phone on trains or commits other such faux pas.

  367. “Strong, independent, assertive and outspoken”
    Starting a conversation out of blue in public place??
    Gazing at guys?????

    Gosh.

    Sorry to say so but you’ll stay single.

    It’s exactly the OPPOSITE to the behaviour that Japanese men find cute & sexy.

    It’s not about the language you must be able to command to have a social life & love life in Tokyo.

    It’s the culture, darling CULTURE.

  368. @ AnnaTrouble:
    “Uppity attitude and a smell of desperation are universal turn offs for guys, all over the world”
    EXACTLY

    @ Sande:
    great 7 points!

    @ traveller
    “Most Japanese guys like “the cute, shy, classy and conservative girl”
    right to the point!

    …. stopped reading the comments there,
    ことを分かる人もいるんだなと見て安心しました^^

  369. Wow. I absolutely, simply adore the hatred for “strong minded women” in this thread. Lots of gender-inequality being served up in these comments. Even more disheartening that Japanese women are being favored over any other ethnicity because of a desired “submissive” personality. Go figure, seems like none of the male attitude on this thread would ever subject themselves to the fact that women and men are both equal human beings. I feel truly sorry for the women dating men who don’t respect them as equals.

    Not that it should at all matter, but I’m a white American female who clearly has no problems with asserting my equality with men. In fact, I’m what most of the commenters on this board would call a “feminazi”. That being said, I love men and I’ve never, EVER had a problem getting a date in any country (have lived in Tokyo, Europe and America), and furthermore, I have never had a problem with my partner respecting me 100% and forming an amazing bond based on friendship, chemistry and equal respect. You can be a feminist and also be a fun, intelligent and nice fucking person. You can also be an intelligent, self-assured feminist and be attractive, a loyal and caring partner and awesome at sex. No part of me is bragging in any department related to physical appearance, but definitely in the realm of being a level-headed, understanding person capable of asserting my opinion AND serious relationships.

    This whole argument is absurd. I was not offended in the slightest by the author’s post, in fact I found it quite funny and interesting, but offended as fuck by these comments. Particularly those shaming NA women for feeling entitled to gender equality. Are you uneducated cavemen? People are people, men are people and women are people. Some people have chemistry and some don’t. Dating is not a mathematical equation. Yes, entering another country requires some cultural acclimations both small and large, but I surely have never changed myself entirely.

    And as for a response in advance, I’m not sorry that this post came from an independent white american female. And before you negate everything I’ve said because of who I am, know that I truly pity the extent of some of your ignorance here. Deepest apologies from the deepest, darkest pits of my cold, scary feminist heart.

  370. Here is the problem with your analysis of the commentators, or “Cavemen”, as you in a most sexist fashion have put it: You cannot legislate sexual attraction, or logically argue sexual attraction.

    None of the commentators asked to rescind women’s rights, despite you attempting to make it seem that way; In fact, it’s a good age for democracy, because we’re voting with our PENISES by choosing not to sleep with you, date you, give you the time of day etc. when we’re abroad, because you’re absolutely unnecessary at that point; A true Darwinist relic, slowly waiting to die a victim of Natural Selection.

    You have nothing we’re attracted to: You’re not feminine, you’re usually not as well-kempt, you swear like men, you act like men, and the problem with that is, we’re not gay: we all want a woman, and I’ve never met a “attractive” feminist in my life, but the thing is, all of your other points: “Loyal”, “Caring”, “Understanding” “bond based on friendship”, etc. are useless if YOU’RE NOT HOT ENOUGH TO SLEEP WITH!!!

    All of that stuff you mentioned we can get from male buddies: the one thing straight men can’t get from men is a sweet, sensitive, physically attractive, submissive, nurturing personality, and when you’re in a place like Roppongi, Hibiya, ANYWHERE in Japan, surrounded by beautiful women who see and notice what a catch American men are in terms of their social status, wealth, kindness, masculinity, etc. (White American Males are the most sought after and desired men in the world, easily), they seek us out. Do you know how refreshing it is to have sweet, nurturing, beautiful, feminine girls throwing themselves at you? They’re physically attractive to us, and we’re physically attractive to them–if you ask a Japanese girl, they almost always think their American man is the more physically attractive one! And you know what? Japanese femininity and the traditional qualities of vulnerability, calmness, domesticity and softness is a paragon in the dating department, and will win more points than pantsuits and Eat Pray Love ever will.

    (P.S: I never met a foreign woman who could get a date in Japan, except for maybe in Kabukicho, Shibuya or the general Ueno area…if you know what I mean, LOL)

    1. (White American Males are the most sought after and desired men in the world, easily)

      Haha – no you aren’t, because if you were, you wouldn’t have this group presence on the internet lambasting your equally as precious, conceited and nauseating female equivalents as ‘feminazis’.

      The problem with American women can be found amongst their menfolk – who seem to think that they are entitled to hot looking women, non committal sex by the bucketload despite the fact that plenty of them are stupid, dress badly, boring and have no social skills.

      Young American men and women are two sides of the same coin.

      The author of this piece has serious entitlement issues, seemingly ignorant of Japanese dating culture, the fact she is over 25 and unmarried, the fact she couldn’t speak Japanese, the fact she was only there a year… but there are plenty of me like her, monolingual, entitled sex tourists with a superiority complex. Sure, there are Brits, Aussie, Kiwi, Canuck, Ziff Iffrikan, Spanish, French, Belgian douchebags but the Americans are king and queen douchebag of the expat world. Sorry to break the news to you.

      And no – most Japanese, Taiwanese, Chinese, Korean etc women would not be seen dead with a white guy, most women in the Far East date and marry their own.

      Where American men are sought after is the Philippines, but most Filipinas would fuck an Alsatian if it paid her enough dollars.

    2. I don’t think he means to say white American males, but white men in general are highly sought after (see OkCupid data, for example: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/race-attraction-2009-2014/). Let’s be honest, most of the white men that find themselves becoming an expat in Japan are not representative of what the average white guy looks like, so your perspective is perhaps colored by the type of men you tend to see in East Asian countries.

      Can we stop with the “most Japanese, Korean, or Chinese” women wouldn’t be caught dead with a white man when it’s not true at all? Of course the vast majority of asian women living in asian countries where the racial homogeneity of the population reaches ~97-98% are going to end up with *gasp* asian men. White men, however, are not unattractive to asian women. In fact, white men in general are taller and look far more masculine than asian men on average. Asian women even tend to prefer white men in Western countries (again, see OKC data above). The problem is so prevalent that you have a bunch of asian men complaining about how asian girls date outside their race when they’re young and settle down with a nice asian man with a good job when they’re older.

      When I went to Tokyo on business awhile ago, I got over 100 matches in just a few days on Tindr. Picked up a few chicks at the bars in Roppongi and brought them back to the hotel. Japanese girls were insanely easy to bed. All the girls I met in Japan were complaining how Japanese men had a weak character and how they weren’t attractive. But keep telling yourself that asian girls aren’t interested in white men tho, or maybe you want to change the narrative and say “attractive” asian girls aren’t interested in white men which is something laughable I see floating around forums like this. Sure bro, whatever helps you sleep at night. But if you actually think that, I think you need to get out more often. Women (in general) of all races like tall, strong, masculine looking men (you know, like a leader). White expats don’t typically fit that profile, and your average asian man doesn’t either. This is why if you’re white, take care of your body and are taller than the national average of the host East asian country, you will do insanely well for yourself dating wise. But if you’re unattractive in your own country, you’re not going to be that attractive abroad either. Yet, it still seems like these nerdy guys can still find women in Japan. Good for them.

    3. The OP specifically stated ‘white American males’ thus, we have to take it that he thinks white American males are top of the tree. We don’t have to assume what he means when he states it so explicitly.

      Secondly, when it comes to Asian women in Asia, there are more factors that are apparent than just race, there is culture, social norms, dating norms, acceptance from family as well as class structures. If you can show me any famous Asian actress, singer or model who isn’t married to an Asian man then you will soon discover the percentages are in single figures if we are being generous. Now, these women travel the world and would be a good choice for any eligible, rich, successful white man, however, they marry their own kind. That isn’t to say there aren’t Asian women who aren’t attracted to white men, but they aren’t the majority.

      Again, there are more factors that just attraction on why an Asian woman (in Asia) would not date a white man, factors include the differences in culture, family expectations and of course language. A lot of Chinese and Korean families are very racially aware and would forbid their children to marry a laowai/waygook.

      Then you go onto Asian-American women, who, because of their culture, are American first and foremost thus, it isn’t surprising that there would be more of them attracted to white men based on the fact it is mostly white men who are seen as the alpha males of American society, most men in America are white. Comparing Asian-American women to Asian women and intertwining their individual social outlook is ridiculous and weakens your argument.

      As for me and what helps me sleep at night, I am a white man of Greek heritage. I am 188cm and 98kgs which makes me bigger than most white men – the difference between my experience and your experience is that I have lived in Asia going on for near ten years whereas your experience are business trips to Japan fucking prostitutes, meaning – your experience is one of a tourist whereas mine is one of a long term resident, you haven’t a clue what you are talking about.

      Bottom line is this ‘Anon’ women wherever in the world prefer their own to men of other races, the great thing about Asia is that there are so many women, there are enough to go round for us all.

  371. Funny, I lived in Japan for one year and my experience is ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE. I’ve never been too popular back at home (rather average, plus very shy, which made everything way more difficult), but in Japan I felt like I could have just a n y guy I wanted. They picked me up on the street, my classmates offered to show me around all the time, and if I went to a concert, some guy was SURE to talk to me and beg for my phone number afterwards (and phone me and ask me out whenever I obliged). I was complimented almost everyday, learned that I “look like like a supermodel” (never would I think that myself), my friends would point out that guys were staring after me on the streets (something completely new to me). I had a boyfriend in Japan and dated several other guys for a short period of time, including a well-known musician.
    One thing that is different from your story – I don’t have blond hair. My hair is very dark (almost black), as well as my eyes. I am often told that I look a bit Asian (although I’m not). Several Japanese friends actually told me, that I kind of look like “haafu”, which means half-Japanese. I’m also very skinny – though rather tall – and have very pale complexion, which is apparently considered attractive in Japan. Maybe that’s the reason why guys liked me – I’m not different enough to be considered a total outsider, yet I am different enough to have slightly exotic look. Plus being shy and quiet and overly polite (something I am bashed for constantly in my country) is actually an advantage too.

  372. Do you know how racist this sounds? Let me lay it out as simply as possible:

    Can you imagine the uproar if instead of “greasy haired ugly white guys” you would have said something like “greasy haired dirty black guys”? Not to mention how you degrade these “white males” at every corner?

    Just proves that in this current state of society everyone is free to hate white people without any repercussion. Everyone is OK with it because they are “privileged”, right? That you feel you haven’t been racist at all just clarifies my point.

  373. No offense, but you’re not that good looking. I’d say you’re a 5/10. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have the confidence to strike conversation. Men have to do this all the time.

  374. I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but there’s a far bigger reason the native men weren’t interested in you nor were the foreign men who had moved there.

    The fact is you and most western women have been ruined by modern feminism.
    You no longer act like women. Instead many of you behave more like men aggressively pursuing sex for its own sake and not looking out for your long term interests or even your family.
    You can’t be counted on to run a household or even provide the most basic of common courtesy or even care. It’s a miracle these days if a western woman can even cook for herself let alone cook for a family.

    So western men go to places like Japan and suddenly for the first time in their lives find actual women.
    They can cook, they can run a household, they’re not looking to open their legs to the whole town, they’re loyal, they are actually capable of love and they actually want to start and care for a family. By whatever god you care to name it’s a miracle for the love and wife starved western man.
    They end up on foreign shores and discover what they have been wanting their whole lives. Real women.

    So you shouldn’t be surprised that nobody wants you. The western men are too busy finding themselves a wife and the Asian men don’t want anything to do with you in the long term but really aren’t too comfortable with the pump and dump relationship you want from them.

    Japan is a great opportunity for you to learn how to behave like a woman. Take those lessons back with you to the west and you will have your pick of all the men in the country.

  375. Why does this story exist? You’re describing what its like to be a young male…So you had to deal with not being desirable? Diddums. Get some real problems and get over yourself.
    Being female doesn’t automatically mean people are obligated to find you attractive. THIS is female privilege.

  376. Hi Reannon,

    Such an honest and interesting article! Well done for saying what most of us are too afraid to say because of the backlash. You are such a martyr!

    I showed this to my friend who is married to a Japanese lady and he laughed because he thought it’s so true!

    He said there are too many western morons like the guys commenting above, who give everyone a bad name by just going to Japan to date as many Asian girls as they can. It’s embaressing. The same guys look down on western women. Again its an ego thing. They have an unhealthy attitude towards women in general and that’s why so many of the comments above read like a battle of the sexes.

    Most western guys I know in Japan were interested in the adorable japanese women before they were interested in the country, but they also have some strange need/guilt to justify this preference and thus they do western women bashing, as in most of the comments above, to try and reason and demonstrate why they are not going for their own.

    No doubt I’ll get loads of abuse for simply pointing it out. Western women aren’t going to be upset if they just told the truth that they don’t fancy them for whatever reason. There is no need for bashing western women!

    Just be aware there are more morons on the internet than sane people, and the majority of comments you’ve had, have been from egotistic morons. The decent guy would simply say, you can’t help who you fall in love with and unfortunately most guys tend to have an advantage in the dating scene overseas because asian girls are more open and confident with expat men than asian guys are with western women. There is also the element that guys make the first move, western guys are more confident, asian guys not so much. You’ve covered this anyway. Don’t know why people are so up in arms.

    Meeting a guy overseas and then dating is never easy for a girl, however there are a few good ones who are not going to bash you for being honest and admitting that sometimes you get lonely and feel jealous looking at all the people who have it easy. Those mature guys exist, there just aren’t so many of them these days.

    I have been seeing a supergeek, as i am a closet geek chic myself, and we are able to discuss this subject so honestly and openly. He certainly wasn’t offended and said those who got offended are simply angry schoolboy bullies so please ignore them. I think he’s right as is my friend and so I suggest you ignore the trolls.

    I know this article is old but I hope you will keep writing on the subject as it is one that women do want to talk about! :)

    Kind regards
    Moonlight

    1. Well, I just found the most retarded comment in this comment section and it happens to be yours, mooncrap

  377. 3 years late to a debate won’t stop me for putting in my two cents :)

    Japanese guys do not find western women attractive. I am rare male gaijin that has several very close Japanese male friends. It took a long time to win their trust and inner circle. They speak to me like they would speak to their close Japanese friends. It’s not that they are just too shy, polite, or “I have no chance so why bother”. That’s their Japanese way of saying “not interested”. Japanese are unique in that they lie to each other all the time with compliments. It’s their way of telling you they don’t want you but yet do not wish to hurt your feelings directly. 50% of the time a Japanese says “hai” it really means “no” or a negative. 70% of the time a Japanese guy says “I’m too shy” or “I have no chance” it means “I’m not interested”.

    Then there is situation to consider where Japanese women are not dating as much as other cultures because perhaps half of eligible men don’t date. So there are a lot of guys who don’t want you simply because they don’t/can’t want ANY woman (for whatever reason). That leaves the men who want to date. And my Japanese male friends are the types that Japanese women desire. They are surrounded by amazing Japanese women. Their perspective is much like an old saying in America: “Why go out for hamburger when I can have steak at home”. It’s a country that (right or wrong) seems to value petite, very slim, kawaii, demure, shy…all the things most western women are not. In a country where perhaps half adult men don’t have a woman, why would the other half go with you when they are highly sought after by the Japanese women who want to date? And given the fact you’d never act like Japanese women to get a man… that doesn’t leave much room for you at the dating table. There seems to be a stubbornness in westerners that Japan isn’t coming around to their ways. Why bother dating western women when Japanese women are kind of awesome while also already knowing the culture perfectly?

    And Japanese women are not submissive “sucky sucky” like many westerners (especially western women) arrogantly believe. Western women only see certain behavior and certain voice pitch and go “no way…never…I have too much dignity.” But is it dignity? In America a female has sort of become a new version of a guy or a dude. Many couples in America called each other dude at some point especially early on dating. What’s so dignified about that compared with the way you see Japanese women go about romancing and dating?

    And who is the center of attention in Japan? Women. It’s not men. Who creates world economies before the rest of the world catches on? Japanese women. Who are some of the world’s best solo female travelers? Japanese women. Who takes the paycheck and controls home finance? Who controls the home? Who gets the child should their be separation? Japan’s entire culture is actually based around Japanese women. It’s called s0ft-power in military and business strategy. To simply call it passive aggressive is juvenile and not at all accurate. Yet western women see Japanese women as submissive and not quite equal to western women. They see Japanese women dating and only see “that’s kind of pathetic”. They never seem to grasp that Japanese women are in total control of dating and how things will progress. They never see that many western guys are quick to pick up on this and go along with Japanese culture rather than put a hand up and go “no way…never”. Only drunken Japanese women go out to drunken gaijin bars and spread legs. And so do American women in America and all over. Bar flys are not unique to any nation or gender. But to date a Japanese woman outside of the party scene requires being a bit of Japanese or at least trying. A western woman would rather drown in tea than pour tea for a man. Yet it never occurs to them that nearly everything in Japan is ceremonial. Things are rarely what they appear to be from the eyes of foreigner no matter if they’ve put in a decade with “I KNOW Japan” confidence. Ceremony is in every detail of Japanese life to the point they don’t even realize it. Just leaving and coming back has ceremonial words that are rarely thought about as much as just uttered due to tradition ingrained. And this low level ceremony includes dating. If a japanese woman is doing something a western woman would not approve of, it typically is the exact opposite of what western women think is going on. If there is a power play, it is the man getting played. It is the man taking backseat. Japanese women will make all decisions as to how things proceed. Men in the west enjoy a greater control of how dating goes as well as relationships. Rarely is a woman put first in the west when dating or becoming closer. She is usually the one twisting harder to make things work to please him emotionally or keep him interested. Typically does what he wants to do. Japanese women please in very simply ways that honestly don’t require as much submission as western women believe. Making bento box or sewing a new date’s button is ceremonial as much as doing to be nice. It’s to find out more about him and how he handles himself. Pouring beer when he can easily do it himself is not an act of submission. So is some of the high-pitched kawaii and giggling. It’s all a test. And it’s also a power play. If he accepts his role in it, she takes her place as center of attention. If he doesn’t she will likely move on. And boy, can a Japanese woman move on! (It’s why many gaijin consider Japanese to be cold down deep). Japan is a place where I almost feel sorry for Japanese men. They may be leaders in titles but they aren’t really. They are not coddled to by their women (a BIG myth many dopey gaijin learn the hard way over time).

    I could go into NYC any night of the week, buy drinks, be friendly, and have sex. And meet a quality female not a bar fly. That’s not the case in Japan. It is VERY hard to get a quality woman into bed with a 3 date rule or even a 10. It’s not as if western women are more virtuous than Japanese women. They are pretty free and not hard to get into bed is the truth. Many have a 3 date rule that would have utterly shocked their grandmothers. This notion that Japanese women are easier than western women I’m sure as been perpetuated by western women as much as anyone yet see no hypocrisy their judgement. This blogger likely has had casual sex back in America and probably has friends who has had sexual escapades that required nothing more than a guy buying a few rounds. Western women are perhaps the easiest is the honest truth yet many are quick to see Asian girls as the one being that way. NOT true at all. The gaijin who comes to Japan and doesn’t drink or have something a bit interesting going is going to be one LONELY gaijin. More gaijin come to Japan and don’t get laid than do.

    Western women refuse to play along in Japan’s ceremony. Ceremony is just ingrained so much Japanese don’t even realize it. Everything is ceremony. That’s how they socialize and find a spot in life. There are many things a western man has to do right if he expects to kiss a Japanese woman. Bar encounters don’t count. That can be done anywhere in the world. Drunk does not qualify as dating. It’s drunk. It’s viking. It works for men and women. But if you want to date a Japanese woman you had better leave your western guy routine back home or the hotel. Many western guys who don’t come to drink like a viking with Japanese female vikings find themselves scratching their heads with “what did I do wrong?”. Well, the smart ones learn that being Japanese is something worth a try. To have success having a meaningful relationship with a japanese women requires an honorable attempt at their cultural ways. They don’t mind the mistakes or mishaps as long as they see a decent attempt. I would suggest western women play along a bit like Japanese woman would do. They might start pissing off Japanese women since they could be quite good at it with the added flavor of foreign spice tossed in.

    Finally, I’ll mention the main point (and should have rather than this LONG comment)… Japanese women. They’re not the best, but nobody else is better. It is a harsh truth that must be said more. For too long western women have been seen as the best. It is simply not true. That myth should begin to fade. The evidence is overwhelming.

    Japanese women are known the world around by global economists to be cosmo, cultured, fashionable, global minded, trend setters, and well rounded. Tokyo women are FAR more cultured, graceful, well rounded, than the women of any major western city especially America. It’s not even close. If you toss in a touch of redneck, ghetto, hip hop, latino, goofy, large, clueless about the world outside of their area…you get a large percentage of very unimpressive western women. Japanese women are studied by all major corporations in the world. Their impact on fashion, media, food, tech is second to no other female demographic. Most New York women have no idea that some “new” trend came right out of Japan 3-5 years prior. Japanese women create a world economy without even realizing it. They often are the ones who make ideas/products mainstream before anyone else in the world. Most can draw, sing, dance, play a musical instrument while they are adamant they cannot or just so bad at it. They have an amazing appreciation of music, art, culture, current events. They are very creative. They are interested in other people. Japanese women are extremely polite, gracious, and keep themselves as well as any woman on the planet. They are the cleanest women on the planet that’s for sure! All of these qualities are not just valued in relationships but also in business. Many cultures have embraced gruff, vulgar, mediocre. Many western women are like this. It’s not attractive in Japan at all. Japan is unique in this way even amongst Asians.

    We could have this debate forever but the cold hard reality is many western women are not as attractive as they think they are while not properly recognizing just how attractive Japanese women are on many levels. They only hear the high pitched voice, see the “kawaii”, notice the bows and shy demure. They refuse to try and behave as Japanese women do in the Japanese dating scene. It’s Japan…”when in Rome”. The comments prove that they believe many western guys in asia are losers and thus the asian women with them must be too or stupid or clueless. What if you were to date one of these guys in Asia and go along for their ride? Maybe you’d see a side of them you never would allow back home. Maybe you’d realize just how shallow…and overrated you actually are. But perhaps it hurts too much to realize these guys get a level playing field here and the idea of dating you instead of a Japanese woman is ludicrous to them?

    Finally, I know western women who date well in Japan. Why? They’re up for changing. They’re not hypersensitive to doing things that are seen as submissive in the west. Adapting. It’s not selling out. It’s not giving in. It’s living within a culture that recognizes things that the west does not. Western women often have to act “dude” in the west to be with a guy initially. Is that really better? Isn’t it just another form of flirting which people have to do if they are to meet someone? As a western man in Japan, you have to play along and be polite, bow, show deference if you expect to survive outside the bars of Roppongi. If you show no regard for Japanese etiquette you’ll be frozen out in a second by a Japanese woman. It doesn’t come natural but you will have to do it if you want to date a Japanese woman. And if you refuse to go along with a culture’s way…you will lose out. If you’re the one in Japan who wants nothing to do with the Japanese way of dating, flirting, romancing…then you’ll be the one looking outside in.

    1. You have to resort to Japan because no western woman has ever wanted you. You’re ugly.

  378. Somebody’s bitter. I laugh internally every single time a Western expat woman tries to strike up a conversation with me in Asia or in Russia… you can see and smell the desperation. Never happens at home, but here… you can be a troll and one of these “feisty & sassy” specimens will eventually try to get your attention.

    Yeah, good luck with that. I’m sorry, but my very feminine, very cute, very gentle 21-year-old girlfriend wouldn’t like that. Although she very much enjoys my tales of Western women scorned, although she thinks I’m mean. (Yeah, you deal with these bints first, sweetie, and then report back.)

    Aw, sweetie, are you lonely? Good. Just desserts. Too bad you’re too self-obsessed and spoiled to consider it a lesson and do some soul searching, and instead choose –as usual–to blame somebody or something that isn’t you. It’s always something ELSE with Western women, it’s never THEM.

    “It’s the men.” “It’s the women who are whores.” “They’re rude and their culture should accommodate my absurd demands.”

    Get out.

    They don’t understand how much they fucking, totally, completely suck. They literally, LITERALLY don’t understand why somebody wouldn’t give them a round of applause when they walk down the street. Even when they KNOW they’re alone, and nobody cares about them, even when the DAMN FACTS scream “THERE A REASON AND THE REASON IS YOU FUCKING SUCK, YOU VIRUS WITH A BACKPACK” they don’t get it.

    Jesus.

    Both locals and expats don’t need a tankgrrrl who thinks she’s hot and so cosmopolitan and awesome.

    Why should we stick our wee wee inside your stripped three-decades-old vagina, when we can have a young, unspoiled, feminine local girl? Why should I suffer minutes, hours of listening to your high-pitched self-congratulatory caterwauling when I can find a local girl who’s a doll and won’t nag or be sarcastic & sassy and won’t try to shove her useless opinions down my throat?

    You cannot compete, ever.

    Have fun with your cats. Get a Magic Wand while you’re there.

  379. Japanese women are slender with feminine features. Western White women of Northwest European extraction are fat (even in the rare case these days when they are in shape) and masculine. Blonde hair is not enough to cover that up.

    Japanese men are short. Western White men are generally taller (but get shorter the closer you get to Moscow) and have more muscle mass.

    The main reason Japanese women go for western white guys is because they are taller and muscular than the average Japanese man.

    Japanese women will like western white guys because they provide the ultimate in physical attraction for women and western guys will like them because except for a small fraction of western women, Japanese women will be more physically attractive

    Japanese men will not like western women because they are fat, except possibly slender white western women of Eastern European extraction. The few Japanese men tall enough to appeal to white western women will not want anything to do with them since they can get much better Japanese women.

    Japanese men were not intimidated by you. They simply were not interested.

    Take a trip to Toronto or Copenhagen. You’ll be able to compete there quite easily with some of the tallest and best looking men in the world. The guys in Toronto will be extremely good at game aka the Charismatic Arts and work very hard to keep you with that. You’ll be much more happy.

    Avoid Washington, DC. It’s just a bunch of bitter dorks on both sides.

  380. What u went through in japan is what most american guys feel like at home. You get no pity and I’m glad u suffered.

    Go give american guys the come hither look fir easy hookups and get messaged 20 x a day on online dating.

    No pity and I’m going to japan fuck american women.

  381. “Cute baristas at Starbucks wouldn’t look at me, (women) on bicycles ran over me and college students hurriedly backed away from me with mumbled apologies whenever I tried to strike up a conversation about the weather or ask for directions. They wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Literally.”

    Now you know how it feels to be an American man — in America.

  382. To say that men are attracting Asian women despite being sword-collecting, underemployed losers is quite a stretch. How many guys living in the western world are not dating despite being over-employed, owning their own business, etc?

    When I didn’t like a culture – the United States – I left. If you feel the same way about another country, you should do the same. In the western world, you can enjoy being desired.

  383. Based on your looks you are at best a 7 on the 1-10 scale. As are those expat guys that you hate on in Japan.
    Yet you find it totally acceptable that YOU get showered in male attention in the US and totally UNACCEPTABLE that these guys get any attention at all.
    Like you somehow is better than them.
    Did it ever occur to you that the magic loophole (for women) could be in the West ? You indirectly say that the “real” place where the rules of nature is being followed is in the west and no other place.
    You cant accept the fact that perhaps your worth as a woman is grossly inflated and some places you would actually have to adapt and –GASP– COMPETE with other women for men..men who used to throw themselves at your (probably too large) feet.
    So instead of adapting you blame everyone else, even PRAISING yourself in the process. “Oh I’m so strong and independent that they dare not approach me !” Talk about self delusion.
    Even the little success these men have, after being scorned for years by women like yourself, have to put down. Its not enough that armies for desperate men always were willing to throw themselves in the flames for you back home..
    No, you must have that power everywhere you go, meaning, men must have no alternative than to obey your slightest command. That is really the problem isn’t it ?
    The loss of power..the possibility that one day men will no longer hit on you in flocks, they will no longer worship very ground that you walk on..and that is a hard one to swallow.
    The world is big now. It takes less than 10 hours to travel to Brazil, Japan, Thailand or anywhere else in the world. Of course you’re scared shitless that this will spread and more men will know about it.
    Of course you still have your shaming tactics. All men going there are losers and dorks. But..it’s like equipping the Titanic with lifeboats, it just isn’t enough.

  384. Oh this thread is good! I just stumbled across it and so many people here have it the key issue on the nail. The article says more about America (and the rest of the Anglo-Saxon world) then it does about Japan and the “Gaijin” expats.

    Yes – the author of the article now knows what it means to be a typical white or Asian man in the US or Canada or the UK or Australia. In a word “ignored” or despised or labelled as nerdy, geeky or creepy.

    White American women will disagree and say they are looking for the “nice, intelligent, stable” guys but the reality and what they won’t admit is they want the loud, obnoxious, tall, muscled “bad boys” – often with tattoos and a criminal record. They want what they perceive as the dominant alpha male and are taught to despite the reliable beta. That’s why many men these days waste scads of money on demeaning and unnatural “pick up” artist material so they can become the loud, arrogant a-holes so desired by today’s modern, feminist American girl. Or else they just give up and retreat to video games or look outside the country all together. And these fembots are not exactly prizes themselves. While they look down on “scrawny” white geeks, short Asian-American boys and balding providers, they are not exactly prizes themselves. They so often are fat, narcissistic and intolerant. While they enroll in “diversity” classes and extol the virtues of “equality” and “rights” they so often treat ordinary men as despised members of an underclass if they don’t fit the physical look or have the attitude of the ideal “alpha” male.

    As an example, I was at a speed dating event recently and some average, underemployed white chick was rudely putting down one of the male participants. She was dissing him for being too brown (I think he was originally from the Middle East but educated in Canada), too short, too bald, too nervous and speaking with an accent. She forgot to mention that this chap was incredibly bright, wealthy (he must make $300,000 per year and was actually a very caring, well known doctor. Of course if he was a loud mouthed, muscle bound, “confident”, “gangsta” he would be a celebrity. Only in North America, would this happen.

    I can’t blame any of the males for saying the truth on this forum and I think the writer of the article is getting an amazing education as to what most single men in North America must put up with every single day.

  385. Whole purpose of this article was not to talk about you not having any dates, but to smear the men in Japan because they burst of out the female controlled sexual bubble that exists in the west. Nice try. Red Pillers dont buy it, and we’re increasing in numbers.

  386. I can understand why you might think this is the situation if you’ve only been here a short time, but its not quite right. I am yet to meet a normal western woman who couldn’t find a boyfriend within a year (though often it take about a year and for many guys too, finding a date is easy, but someone who is marriage material is more tricky.) I know many western women who have married Japanese men. Yes more western men marry Japanese than women, but it’s mainly because many western women don’t want Japanese husbands as some Japanese men can be a bit chauvinistic, I think some western women are also intimidated by Japanese women and don’ t want to compete, but I have seen many success stories.

    I think the main barrier for men and women is a lack of understanding of Japanese culture, the kind of understanding that only comes from experience interacting with people.

  387. Another article about foreign women not “getting any”. Perhaps the author should realize that, unlike most western cultures, Japan doesn’t place much stock in the hurried hook-up via the bookstore or the bar. Most men of worth meet their girlfriends when not throwing back shots. Try writing an article about dating rather than hooking up. Try living in Japan longer than a year. Or perhaps the men in Japan steered clear of you because you are the type to see fellow ex-pats as “nerds” or their Japanese girlfriends as mini-skirted, made-up dolls.

  388. “you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world.” Can she not be more stereotypical ? I came to Japan not because I couldn’t date women back home, i had numerous girls in the US, but i chose to come to Japan because I love the Japanese culture and I just happen to find Japanese women attractive. This article should be taken down due to stereotypical comments. I cannot believe you actually posted something like this. It gives western women a bad name (which by the way they are not, they are also great lovers). Now i know to never buy any of your “novels” that you might be working on.

  389. Western women need to be given a map in Japan and this would stop being a problem. Name a type of guy that you would like to date and I can go outside and find him in 5 minutes. If you are a single western women out here and can not even find guys to hit on you then you are doing it wrong. You live next to an area filled to the brim with single American guys of all walks of life. They even fly new ones in every week so you wouldn’t even ever get bored with the selection. Hell I could let a woman loose at work and if she dated a different guy every night she would still have single men left over.
    I can not speak for Tokyo because I try to not play over there to much but with a simple train ride an hour south you could be flirted with most of the night. A little bit further and you would be the most hit on women in the country over the course of a night. Hell you could be shallow, unattractive, and poor and still feel like you are the prom queen for the night. One of my favorite past times is watching the western females in my area that are unattractive get treated like they are the hottest women ever. I personally think that it is awesome that they get to experience a chance to be so desired by men that judging by looks alone are well out of their league. That is how far out of wack the numbers are down here. You have easy 8’s and 9’s that are happy to pull a 4 or 5 for the night.
    I guess maybe I need to get a map of Japan. If I found a mythical place that has single western women that don’t even get hit on I would be in high heaven.

  390. LOL! A very generic MRA linked to this site from bust.com, so I’m surprised to see that this is actually a pretty good article; generally MRAs only link to their affiliated sources. Anyhow, this is evidently a purely anecdotal piece, but if I must nitpick, I’d say you tacitly abused a stereotypes a little bit at various segments. The whole scarcity of Western sexual availability for “nerds” is pretty insipid. Although I consider myself much closer to being a homeless/presently almost homeless thug that happens to me quite a bit smarter than most ostensible nerds, and have to actively eschew relationships, I’d say that the apparent disparity in sexual activity between self-professed intellectuals and others has quite a bit more to do with their pompous, misogynistic attitude (which most Asian women are probably even more accustomed to than their Western counterparts, to the extent that complete apathy is considered an inevitability) than any intrinsic predispositions toward social or kinesthetic incompetence (something that actually tends to correlate very positively with most other areas of hereditary intellectual capacity). Also, let’s not apologize for Japanese ethnocentrism, for fear of political incorrectness. Irrational contempt (as opposed to our well-documented philosophies of popular representation by our media and government) Americans/westerners is a staple of the contemporary, preponderant political identities of pretty much all first-world countries that aren’t American/western. Hell, Europeans are the ones that perpetuate most of the formalized antipathy; why can’t we just accept that almost everyone is a stupid asshole, not just white Americans? Virtue of comparison is, of course, valid, but constitutes a piss-poor basis for turning superficial, nationalistic shitflinging into an archetypical dichotomy between good and evil.

  391. Lol this is how it is to be a Western male..not only for a mere year but your entire fucking life ! Ya u heard me, FROM CRADLE TO GRAVE ! This is probably why some of these guys go to Japan in the first place.
    And now were supposed to feel sorry for you ?

  392. Perhaps, having success with men or not in Japan as a western woman kind of has to do with how you represent yourself. Ok I will stereotype a bit here, but in overall Japanese like “cute/feminine” whereas Westerners like “cool/sexy”. It’s something quite noticeable in fashion. I think that in a country like Japan, it would already help a lot if you’re more the cute/feminine type of woman, in both fashion and behavior. Some western women, like me, happen to be like that in the first place. I dress in cute/feminine fashion, and I’m a pretty shy/reversed person just like Japanese women also are. I got plenty of attention in Japan, if not more than back in my home country, the Netherlands. I guess this is also because a lot of Dutch men seem to prefer assertive and cool women, which I am totally not. If you are that type of woman however, this might explain why you are more popular in a western country than in Japan. I also noticed how Japanese girls in Roppongi dressed more cool/sexy, probably because they know this is the style that Westerners prefer. (again, this is just stereotyping, there are probably plenty of exceptions)

    Furthermore I have seen so-so western guys with pretty Japanese girls, but also so-so guys with so-so Japanese girls, handsome guys with so-so Japanese girls and handsome guys with pretty Japanese girls. Actually, it’s kind of frustration when you meet a handsome western guy in Japan that’s only interested in Japanese/Asian girls. I happen to half White/half Asian, but that’s not enough to suit their taste, I guess. On the other hand, being half White/half Asian does give me an advantage when it comes to modeling, since ハーフ seem to be popular these days.

  393. So after all these complaining and whining from women about “sexism” and “rape culture” because men look at them with sexual desire… now it turns out you actually WANTED men to look at you. Female hypocrisy exposed.

    Western women in Asia look so pathetic, desperately trying to get all the attention they are used to in the West.

    Hurry up, ladies, because the day that ALL Western guys find out how the real world works (no, getting constant attention from men is NOT the real world. That’s only in the West), there will be no men left there in the US or Europe.

    Oh I cannot wait to go back to Asia again…

  394. What an interesting read from both sides. From my experience it is not only in dating that the issues arise. It’s in every day life. To walking down the street, to social interactions, to the workplace. I was brought up not dragged up. I was taught basic manners by mother along with my 2 brothers. My experience in Asia is that some people seem to lose their basic manners when they have been here for a while. All I can think is that these people had issues before they arrived and these are now magnified! Maybe you didn’t get to date the cheerleader at school or you only dated the quarterback or maybe you are just someone who wants to enjoy the fantastic opportunity and its being ruined by a select few who don’t know any better. We are all people just trying to make our way in this world. You don’t know what my journey was like and I don’t know yours. So try and respect each others choices and differences. There is so much bitterness and resentment on both sides and it does you no favours. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2358988/Dustin-Hoffman-chokes-tears-says-dressing-woman-Tootsie-realize-brainwashed-female-beauty.html
    Don’t get over excited, women do it too!

  395. I am a western female living in Osaka. I personally have NEVER had a hard time finding men interested in having a relationship with me. I do not consider myself to be a knock out beauty, nor do I consider myself to be thin. I am a size 12-14 in the USA and about 5’9. I think its all about confidence, and finding guys who are looking for the same type of relationship as you. Osaka is however, known for having friendlier people in it than Tokyo.

    I am currently happily dating a japanese man, who is studying to be a doctor. I feel very blessed and lucky and would love to stay here forever, if I am given the chance.

    I think a lot of wester girls aren’t as “open minded” as they claim. Especially ones that haven’t been with an Asian man previously… If you know who you are, are proud of it and project happiness- the right men will find you. No matter where you are in the world.

    Also, online dating is perfect if you aren’t getting favorable results in bars or bookstores. I am a big fan of OKCupid.

  396. American women i am surprised that you still don’t get it.

    Rest of the world (especially Europe and Asia) finds you least desirable because of your lack of personality, common knowledge, promiscuity, lack of interests and skills, constant and regular faux pas in any country of the world and “daddy’s little entitled to everything beyond reason princess syndrome.

    And regarding the author of this text i can give you my own personal opinion: you just don’t look very attractive. You just look like ordinary plain freckled Kansas corn American girl. Maybe that is the problem that you will have on regular bases during your travels.
    My advice is hear us out, get of the pedestal and be real and normal. Meet people, take some time and learn about mores, tabus and social conventions of country or society you are in, and believe me you will go a long way. Stop blaming everyone else, especially men for your own failures.

    PS: some guys like American women because general consensus is that they are easy. We call them cum buckets (roughly translated to English.)

  397. How do you think many men feel in the United States? The real question is what did you learn overseas? Plenty of decent looking and decent minded men get shot down all the time. A big part of the problem in the USA and the UK is obesity. As noted their are plenty of guys in the USA walking around with women shorter but yet weighs more than him.

    Women deserve a fair shot at the American Dream and equal pay for equal work. That being said there is a reason guys like me go overseas. I wasn’t the class clown or the class nerd. I was the starting forward on the basketball team.

    So what you should take away from this is that you have it good in the USA. Men will kiss your butt and tell you what you want to hear. Some poor bastard will likely end up in a sexless unhappy marriage with you were you are always pushing for more. I want those expensive shoes. I want a big mortgage on that mansion.

    I could be wrong. On the micro level I may very well be wrong about you. But on the macro level young American woman are not at all prized on the world stage. So this is a reality check for you. This is real life outside your feminist studies class in California.

    You are so stubborn and so set in your ways culturally that you’ll never really get it, but you will adapt to the reality that you’ve got it great in the USA.

  398. Now you’re probably back in the states, basking in attention from desperate men..That didnt stop you,though, from being bitter at the happy Western men in Japan and the defeat you suffered there. Just..low.
    But at least now you know that the situation you enjoy here is fake, and another reality can creep in on you at any time.

  399. You are empowered and beautiful, Reannon.
    No need for a man in your life – you are all the woman you need!

  400. No sympathy for you. Entitled western women getting what they dish out? No sympathy at all…

  401. *sigh*
    I’ve got to admit, if the blokes in this commentariat are the expats I’d be sharing social spaces with I don’t envy the author of this post one bit.
    I’d like it to be known that most of these guys are probably anti-feminists and wingnutty MRAs (sorry, “MRHAS”), and such boobery like “Blah blah ‘merican women r satan waaah” and “omg why r whit women sooo entitled how dare they have opinions on dating in Japan stop having silly opinions u women.” Are common, um… positions? They take on women. Honestly? This post is pretty f**king rad, and all the whining and moaning and personal attacks waged at the author is really gross.

    PROTIP to the manbabies- The more you say you don’t care about western women to western women on their blogs proves that you are really quite bitter and really just want to prove how “over teh western women” or whatever you are. And honestly? Good riddance too you, if you do decide to date women from different countries actually do it, get on with your lives and leave everyone else alone! We really don’t see your disinterest in us as a loss and there are much nicer, less gross and abusive guys out there that we will date. That being said, I don’t envy the poor women you *do* end up dating, and truth be told, the guys who deride western women for being assertive/driven/career-focused/sexhavers/not grovelling at their feet for attention/whatever sound really creepy and abusive. Dudes, you do know that women are people right? And that we aren’t baby-making, food cooking automatons but people? It’s usually a major warning sign for sociopaths/psychopaths to demand women be “submissive” and “traditional” in the barefoot and preggers sense. :P

    I’m sick of seeing these guys come and derail comment sections and threads and make something as simple as dating advice or thoughts about dating into “lets bash a lady for having an opinion” doucheparty. Good for Reannon for having a say! Thanks for this article, I hope less hopeless creepy losers visit your page and more cool people do because this was a pretty dang good article. :)

  402. I am an Asian female but not japanese. However, I have worked in Japan as well though I didn’t come there to look for a boyfriend, I lived there for half a year because of my job. However, I do agree with you.

    I have japanese friends from both genders and have talked to them about the issue of marriage and these are the responses I got from them.

    Japanese Men and Women: both genders said they might date a westerner but would think twice about marrying them. The difference in culture and upbringing frightens them. They also said that their families wouldn’t like to have a foreigner join the family (doesn’t matter what country they are from).

    I guess these are just some of the reasons why most japanese are not into dating foreigners in general.

    American men find it easier to get girlfriends in Japan because more women in Japan are more open to dating non japanese men and they feel that foreigners are more romantic lovers. My japanese girl friend told me that she is ok with dating white guys since they are romantic boyfriends but she still prefers to marry japanese men.

    As for American women, I think a lot of japanese men find them intimidating. A lot of japanese men can’t even start a conversation with japanese women when it comes to dating. What more with a foreigner? Just some thoughts.

    I never got a boyfriend in Japan though some japanese guys did have a crush on me (I know because some office mates told me and it was a bit obvious). Fortunately or unfortunately, I prefer my own race so I wasn’t really interested in any of them. Plus the fact that I knew I wouldn’t be staying there for long, dating wasn’t really an option when I was there. But I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I just think, instead of saying japanese men don’t give a damn I think it’s more like some might have been interested but were just too shy to ask you out.

  403. “That being said, I don’t envy the poor women you *do* end up dating.”.
    Japanese are poor ? thats a new one..

  404. Hmm i think , who cares whatva white woman with a western sense of entitlement thinks, especially the ingrained perverted sex in the mindset that keeps them wasting their lives away in the US and wasting a man’s time and resources.

    You know why western men dont care for western women? Tired of constant arguments over trivial matters, and yes disgustingly superficial materi as listic attitudes.

    Another difference asian women actually appreciate a man that treats them well, while American women in general do not. Who needs,that headache. I think asian males stay away from western women in Japan bc they are not.masochists

  405. It may be hard for American women abroad but its hard for American men PERIOD, UNLESS WE’RE LIBERAL FEMINIST WHITE KNIGHTS WITH NO LIMIT CREDIT CARDS ABS AND EXPENSIVE CARS, AND ARE TREND SOAKED CORPORATE PARASITES!

  406. Blame The Media Run By Racist & Anti-Male Sexist Misandrist Zionists Mofos! The reason why the white woman are lonely in Asian countries, is that the only type of white woman that Asian get to see are the ones that are portrayed in Porn, judging men by their wallets, their abs, their dicks, and being promiscous by cheating on their husbands. Asian dudes are generally about having having lesser amount of women but good quality meaning wife material, something western white women tend to not have. Whereas western men are more about getting laid with huge quantities of women and only judge more based on looks, than having wife material woman. Plus the media has brainwashed white women to reject Asian men in the west because of the small dick myth. So why do you white women expect Asian men to approach you, when your own racist porn media has portrayed you and asian men this way? Plus white women are more likely to accuse me or any other guy of false rape accusation than any other race of woman out there. Asian guys don’t want to take that risk by fucking their educational life because of one redneck trailer trash Ku Kunt Klan whore accusing him of false rape, just like many cases out there.

  407. I think what you wrote is only true in Japan; if you hop over to china, you will find that the men are much more aggressive and open minded, because sudden odds are in your favorite (men to women ratio: 1.2:1).

  408. I’m a normal guy, not nerdy and not a sex tourist. I date many women overseas because they are sweet and caring and I don’t have to be perfect to get and keep them.

    Now you understand what it feels like to be an average man in the west. I just hope that you are back home enjoying (and finally appreciating) your female privilege in the matriarchal west!

  409. Don’t make me laugh…so you felt like a pariah in Japan?
    Welcome to the life of an average man!!!!
    That’s the way we see life everyday and we don’t have to travel to Japan to feel the loneliness and sadness…we feel those same things living in our own countries.

    So let me get this straight: IF NOBODY TAKES A LOOK AT YOU, not even the smallest glance or glimpse your whole world collapses is that right? That’s what happens every single day to most men in the world.
    The things you have written are really preposterous when you read them with the eyes of a man, you say you were brave enough to go alone to dance and nobody paid you attention, well that’s exactly what happens to me when I go out on friday or saturday night, nobody looks at me but I don’t care, I’m used to it because I’m a man and what you feel as something extraordinary bad and weird is simply NORMAL for most of us, men.
    It’s really ludicrous the part where you write that even if you were wearing your best and most provocative clothes all you could get were just a few glances, hahaha that’s hilarious and women say they hate being watched by men, at least now we all know that’s just a huge amount of bullshit and hogwash, thanks for letting us know that…it looks like the things a man has to deal with everyday are suddenly something extraordinary and astonishing when a woman has to face them… I guess someday we will just have to pay women a lot of money for breathing and walking, because, you know, those are really hard, difficult, troublesome and tough things to do.

    1. Don’t make me laugh. So you felt like a pariah in Japan?
      Welcome to the life of an average man!!!!
      That’s the way we see life everyday and we don’t have to travel to Japan to feel the loneliness and sadness: we feel those same things living in our own countries.

      So let me get this straight: IF NOBODY TAKES A LOOK AT YOU, not even the smallest glance or glimpse your whole world collapses is that right? That’s what happens every single day to most men in the world.
      The things you have written are really preposterous when you read them with the eyes of a man, you say you were brave enough to go alone to dance and nobody paid you attention, well that’s exactly what happens to me when I go out on friday or saturday night, nobody looks at me but I don’t care, I am used to it because I’m a man and what you feel as something extraordinary bad and weird is simply NORMAL for most of us, men.
      It’s really ludicrous the part where you write that even if you were wearing your best and most provocative clothes all you could get were just a few glances, hahaha that’s hilarious and women say they hate being watched by men, at least now we all know that’s just a huge amount of bullshit and hogwash, thanks for letting us know.It looks like the things a man has to deal with everyday are suddenly something extraordinary and astonishing when a woman has to face them. I guess someday we will just have to pay women a lot of money for breathing and walking, because, you know, those are really hard, difficult, troublesome and tough things to do.

  410. Actually, you are wrong. As angry as you are about these “greasy white nerds,” (which the rest of the world calls “nice guys”, the ones you American women refuse to date), the fact is that Asian women are not obese, angry, bitter, and arrogant like American women. American women, even the average or fat and ugly ones, think that they will never date anyone unless he is a gorgeous, rich lawyer or the President.

    Well in Asia, women look for real qualities in men, like kindness, strength, ability to provide, and did I say kindness? So take your angry, bitter resentment at men and go back to America. We “loser” men, as you think, are quite happy in Asia with our real Asian women, who appreciate us for our personhood, and not because we look like Brad Pitt or are millionaires.

  411. WOW. Mother of God! The amount of butt-hurt American guys commenting on this is staggering. Enjoy living out your wank fantasies while it lasts. Hope you all end up marrying a Japanese woman who will stop having sex with you the second she has the desired amount of children. Maybe that’ll shut you up about “fat” American women.

    1. But the the author herself is being very angry and butthurt at men because they didnt give her attention..she even wrote an article about her butthurtness :)
      Could imagine a lot worse than finding a Japanese girlfriend, that’s for sure.

  412. It is all about double standards and sex to you girls..

    You just don’t want to accept the truth. And I am not surprised.

    The thing is that you think peak of your life is in high school. And you never outgrow it.
    Next you have some twisted view on men and on quality.

    Only in America you call smart people nerds, nice guys geeks, you call fat beautiful, you wear baggy clothes not to stand out but want to be one of a kind, you are lazy to take care of hair and you cut it short then call it “pixie” instead of ugly and butch, you have 2 or 3 failed marriages and god knows how much children with how much fathers before 30. etc.

    Or you find some sucker to pay for you being a stay at home mom and endulge your perverse seek for happiness which you cant find because other women think of you as lame and dumb.

    What to expect of a person that thinks being a prom queen is more important than be intelligent or well red.
    You even pick college by amount of fun, sports or some other stupid thing instead of curriculum and possibilities that it gives you later in life.

    Your whole youth you try to fit in then you hate life because you are nothing special.

    Everything with you is upside down.
    But you can call me women hater or something that will let you sleep at night.. :)

  413. Couldn’t put that any better. I came to Japan to work, learn the language, make some friends and never really thought about the love life. But after being here for several months I felt like meeting somebody. I’m quite attractive and back in Europe and while living in States had many guys approaching me, never really enjoyed much attention, it was a little bit too pushy and rather not subtle. But in Japan, I feel like a different looking flower at which they will look with curiosity but I’m not treated as a human or as a woman, just like another gender. I mean the people at work are nice and talk to me a lot, but if I ever suggest having dinner together or drinks or anything, even if they say OK it’s more like a pity-ness for my little person. It’s hard and yes, the foreign men they well, the one I met are rather not likeable, not for the look, that really doesn’t matter but they were just very arrogant and from what I have noticed they tend to have two faces: nice one is left for Japanese people, while the other side is seen by me and other gaijins. So I just stopped to even look at them and took similar attitude towards them. Obviously this is only generalisation and I was probably unlucky meeting these kind of foreign guys only, or was I? Wonder how I will be and live while moving back. It’s kind of scary because not that I want but i start to behave in some ways as people here, shy, reserved and often shocked at some foreigners’ behaviours.

  414. When North American women leave North America they always experience this.

    I have dated American women successfully for just over 15 years. I dated white girls, black girls, you name it, but ALL were American girls (except for one who was an exchange student)

    Recently, a friend of mine who has been dating Ukranian girls introduced me to Eastern European women and women from other parts of the eastern world.

    I can already say with certainty that the character qualities and internal beauty in foreign women put their American counterparts to shame. And for the outward beauty? I have to say that I find European women to be far more beautiful and as an added bonus European women are magically averse to being obese. The majority of these women abroad do not get obese even at age 40, 50. I am really amazed.

    I am not dissing my American sisters, I am just saying the truth as I have observed it for the past 15 years. I am a man who has dated American girls with little effort and could continue to do so. But no more. I owe it to myself to date and finally marry the best woman I can find. To find the best wife, and find the best mother for my future children. … and Amerian women are not the best in any way shape or form. I’m truly sorry but this has been my observation. And I owe it to myself to date better women from now on.

  415. The come hither look ? wow, that’s some game you’re spitting there. All the game books out there you just rendered useless with that awsome move.

  416. A very interesting and honest read, though I always found it bitter. Not that I thought the author was bitter, no, I mean that it was a hard truth exposed. I haven’t read through all the comments, but I wonder if it ever occurred to the author that this is the experience of many of those “nerdy” men in their own culture? She felt lonely and unwanted, unwomanly, did it give her any empathy for the lonely men in her own country? How the author felt in Japan is how I’ve felt at home for the most part. Invisible, unwanted, unmanly. Above all, lonely.

    That said, I don’t know that I’d enjoy Japan either. I do sense that many women there, if they were interested in me, would only feel that way for shallow reasons. I wouldn’t enjoy that, and yes, I can empathize with how many attractive western women must feel when they’re being chased by men at home. Still, it might be better than being ignored.

  417. An interesting read, and I do feel for you a bit. Why? Because I am one of those nerdy white guys you keep mentioning, albeit not balding and without stringy hair. Everything you went through in Japan, the isolation, the neglect, being ignored by your preferred sex, these are things I go through every day of my life while living in America.

    I’m an average at best, white nerdy male, and honestly, stories like this have made me consider moving to an east asian country, if only so I could find someone to actually give me the time of day. It sucks being ignored by the opposite sex all the time.

  418. “But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law”
    Ha, Only a white woman wants to believe this. I have to say that when a woman goes to Asia or South America, she will begin to live in real dating world and away from fantasy dating she had in America.

    Perhaps its best if you ladies can get a perspective from a Caucasian male who has been living in NYC and several other countries.

    In my years of business travels in Eastern and Central Europe, Middle East, Asia, and South America, in my years of talking with my friends who have been working and living in these countries, I have to say that it’s in America where the dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary laws. In America, after graduation and college years, the dating scene is so bad, and I mean really bad, that they had to come up with online dating sites and speed dating. Really? Do men really need to fall so low, in order to find a date online or go to a speed dating event and jump from table to table every 5 minute looking like an idiot. And at the end the chances to find a date is close to zero. I have never seen in my life where US men fell this low. Its pathetic. A man should have no difficulty to go on the street, sees a nice lady and ask her phone number and meet her later for drinks. This should be the norm and easy. But if a man with good manners, clean cut, well dressed with a good paying job regularly gets rejected then I have to say that there is something very wrong with women in US. Something is wrong with the female mind set. And based on your article that I have read, I can see why.

    I asked several men from Brazil, Thailand, Japan, Argentina, Russia, Mexico and Dubai if they ever masturbated and they replied that with so many bars and clubs around and so many nice young women willing to get to know the man (if he is decent looking, nicely dressed and have job) they don’t need to masturbate. What for they asked. When I told them, that American men have become the biggest masturbators, they were shocked and asked what happened to American women. Indeed, what happened to US women.

    So, with such widespread shortage of available female dates, American men had to relegate to masturbation. In US, masturbation among men is so rampant that there is nothing logically or evolutionary about this. Please don’t ask me for sources and links. Go and find relevant sources online yourself and see what are the most widely search words in Google in US by men.

    However, in other countries, people don’t need to go online dating sites or speed dating because women are easy to approach, easy to ask them out and most of the cases, they will say yes. In America its just the opposite. Most of US women will automatically say no, like a robot, even if you are good looking, good manners and educated. This is a known fact. The CNN news made a study in NYC, by hiring 5 sexy male models dressed nicely in business suit and asked the guys to go on the street and try to ask women for their phone number and meet them later for drinks. These men asked about 500 women, and their success rate was 1 out of 10 meaning that about 10% of the time, women said yes. That means 90% of the time men were rejected. And for what? Because women were basically mindless robots just saying no without to even consider if these guys are worthy or not. And how do you considered them worthy or not? By meeting them for drinks and talk to them, duh. But say NO upfront just kills everything. I am wondering if women ever plan to have a family and children because the marriage rate in US is in serious decline. Its lowest in 35 years. Many wedding agencies all reported a steep decline in their revenues and they all pointed to a deep decline in marriages. Divorce is high and marriage rate is low. This is a social disaster that is happening in US and includes high rate of masturbation. So I tell you ladies that there is nothing logical or evolutionary about it. This is a disaster.

    So basically this has turned into a numbers game, because if the guy wants to increases his chances of success, he has to start asking more and more women and eventually he will get some phone numbers. But this so called numbers game is just a true reality of how badly women had become and how awful the dating scene is. This numbers game does not work in other countries because if a guy ever attempt this, his phone number book will easily turn into a yellow pages phone book and would not be able to handle all those phone numbers.

    Here is the real kicker. Men from other countries are well aware of the dating situation in America. People talk. Men talk. And they are well aware of how bad US women can get when it comes to asking them out. I met a nice good looking white guy from wall street at a bar in Dubai. He was sitting next to me, we chatted, talked about women and at one time, I asked him, why doesn’t he ask that beautiful blond girl across the bar. He told me what for. She will just say no and to prove the point, he walked up to the girl, asked her out and she said NO. So why should any Japanese, Brazilian, Russian, Polish or anyone bother to look at you or even say hello to you? They are just wasting their time. And with globalization, internet, and latest smart phones or iPhones, these kind of gossips reaches every corner of the planet. Ladies, you don’t have a good reputation at all. Trust me when I tell you this.

    Why should any guy in Japan, or Thailand or Russia or Brazil or Poland even bother to approach you when the first thing that will come out of your mouth is NO. They are not interested to feed your egos. And that’s exactly what happening to you. Think about what I said. And think hard why online dating sites and speed dating are so popular in US but almost non-existent in other countries. Welcome to real world!

    1. Totally agree with this one: I’m french,and with everything Ive read about US women over the years there’s no way I would date one… too many horror stories ! And why do they insist on ‘strong and independent’ ? wtf does it mean ? (Ive read this only written by US girls !!!) Men just want feminine women, that’s simple. We dont care if they are ‘strong’.

  419. Imagine just for a second how this article would appear if it was a man complaining that he went to Japan and didn’t receive his waifu (what is wrong with Japanese women?!)

  420. Dont like Rail thin men huh?
    Well now you know the problems we rail thin men face in the western world regarding dating.

  421. Best thing is to ignore these western entitled bitches, because that’s all they will ever give you, even if they like you. To receive attention from men and reject them has become their drug and is much more important to them than to actually meet someone.
    So it gives me immense satisfaction that men in Japan was able to enact the exact same punishment to her that she herself has given to so many.

  422. I wrote this in response to the blog post made by ken Seroi (I think that’s how his name is spelt) but I thought i’d place it gently here as well.
    It’s rather interesting to have read what you wrote and what Jasmine wrote, but I will have to go with what the lady said. The only reason I even stumbled upon these rantings is because, I too, like so many other foreign women are getting no sex in the city. Initially I thought it was because of where in Japan I was located, and as I watched the months slip into one another, and the seasons change, my blood started to slow boil until it drove me mad. I MUST MOVE! I declared….so imagine my chagrin when I realized that this was a widespread issue.

    Needless to say it can be very frustrating when you realize that the most action you have gotten in nearly a year is that one time that guy stalked you one night when you were walking home from work. Oh and that one time a guy was bold enough to ask you for your LINE ID and then immediately text you to say he wanted to see and touch your outside human body<———-P.S this really did happen and I am quite ashamed to say that for all of 5 seconds I considered it. Thankfully I started to smell the desperation wafting up out of my pores before I could go along with it. I started to talk to myself, like I do most of these days while in Japan,because really who else is there to talk to? All your fellow male gaijin friends are indeed boasting about the ocean of women they are swimming in, the women they have had the luxury of turning down because they have a newfound power that enables them to pick,choose and refuse. Me on the other hand….I only get slapped with the afore mentioned 2 encounters which if you are truthful enough is just really the wrong kind of attention, potentially even the dangerous kind. Most days I do forget that I am a woman who has the ability to catch, hold and maintain the interest of a man. The only stares I get are the creepy kind or the viscious looking kind. Old men on the train obviously wondering what the hell i'm doing in their country and the occasional game head glancing up long enough from his iphone to see if it's his turn to get off the train,but he has to look past the gaijin standing at the door first in order to read the signs. There is no balance, I either stick out as a sore thumb or I seem to blend into whatever color the background is.

    I too have tried to hang out at bars, go to places and be sociable. Heck I have even approached men. Just the other day I asked the guy that lives upstairs if he was on Facebook or Line, you know…so we could talk. I was sure to ease into it so I wouldn't frighten the poor boy off. I saw him a couple of times,smiled,said hello, then on separate occasions I introduced myself and made small talk and maybe after a month I decided "yes! It's now time to offer my number, it should not be too weird now"
    Can you believe he had the nerve to still be freaked out that I would want to be facebook friends or Line contacts? I clearly made the poor boy so uncomfortable That I was embarrassed for us both-me for thinking he would not be, and him for….well I have no idea what he had to be embarrassed for! Dont think for a second that he was even my only attempt, I have tried it all, subtle, not so subtle….neither have yielded results. Lord how many times have I tried to smile pleasantly at a member of the opposite sex, only to be met with blushing and them hurriedly trying to look away,even if it's only at the imaginary red dot on the ground?

    I'm tired, fed up and I have decided to be celibate….not that I was given much choice in the matter but it sounds better than saying " I think I have failed as a woman at being a woman"

    I never expected it to be a walk in the park, and I have always enjoyed pursuing men I was interested in, as opposed to always being pursued, but I never expected…..this. Anyways that is just my tidbit, my contribution to the ongoing dialogue of foreign women woes in Japan. Maybe I should blog about it too, it'll give me something to focus on while I am alone in my apartment watching God he knows what, browsing for simillar stories so I don't feel so bad and eating overpriced and unhealthy conbini food. But just one last word in though….usually if so many people are talking about it after living in Japan, it is unlikely to be true. So many people can't be lying, there has to be some truth in it….and I just heard the chorus of lonely voices in my head say "hear hear!"

    1. So basically, you had the same experience 90% of straight men in America have experienced and experience every day. You and the author got to see how the other half lives. Hopefully, you learned something from it.

  423. What you experienced, my fellow lady, was just like being part of the 95% of men in the USA.

    Or almost any country really.

  424. The double standards here are ridiculous, I can’t believe you are actually jealous of these people you wouldn’t give a second glace to actually getting something done in a foreign country.

    Western women are trained to hate any attention cat calls ect, all aggression in men is demonized to the extreme and now you miss it, oh my god the irony is insane!

    Please have a long hard think about what you are saying

  425. No offence, but when I went to Japan I was INUNDATED with attention from Japanese men, like they were lining up to take photos with me. Could it be you did not get any attention due to your masculine facial features and older age? Japanese men value feminine facial features and you have um ‘stronger’ facial features, you also appear to be around 40 and Japanese men Value youth in women too.

    1. This is exactly what I was thinking. When I saw the author’s pictures……she is not attractive at all. She is older, heavier, tall, and masculine looking. Even by western standards , she would not,be considered higher then a 3. The beautiful foreign women get loaded with attention….this woman looks like someones mom and def not a milf. She didnt get attention because she is ugly and masculine, not because she is foreign.

  426. Come visit me, I’ll throw you one, maybe even two. But I would never want to be with you more than that. You complain about men not wanting to be with you but in the same story you spend 4 paragraphs objectifying nerds. You are not a very nice person.

  427. Did you really have to spend about 4 paragraphs insulting “nerds”? That nearly seemed like the main topic of your essay. Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps the problem lies with you?.

  428. To quote you: “Who could blame them for taking advantage of a magical loophole that allowed them to date women out of their league? If such a nirvana existed for Western woman, I’m sure I’d have moved there too.”

    I love how western women don’t realize: “America, Canada, Australia, etc.” is this nirvana you speak of. It’s the only place on the planet where a fat lazy hoe that dresses in sweats, never wears makeup, eats a tub of ice cream everyday, and shops in the plus size section can get a fucking date.

  429. You described something similar to being an average western guy in the west.
    I don’t attract average women, i don’t attract ugly women. I attract no women at all, they never even look at me.

  430. The opening passage really set me back:

    “We usually have a tough time keeping female teachers here,” my boss informed me on my first day of work as an English teacher in Tokyo. “They usually don’t last more than six months.” I looked up from studying the roster list of teachers (30 — all male), in surprise.

    “You mean at this school?”

    “No, I mean … in Japan.” He shrugged. “Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … If you’re, you know … a western woman.”

    Wow. It’s really a different world over there for women isn’t it?

    In the following part though, she is just doing shit wrong.

    “But the ‘come hither’ stare or conversation starter doesn’t work if the other person refuses to look at you. If they met my gaze at me at all, it was just to shoot me this panicked look, like I’d just asked them to father my unborn children. My boss had been right. It was hard to be a single, western woman in Japan. But why?”

    I know strong eye contact is important in America but in Japan it’s just weird, offensive, and threatening. They will think you are a crazy psycho staring them down like a criminal stares down his victim. Instead, she should have done the back and forth eye contact dithering that Japanese people do. That would have gotten her better results.

    “This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”
    Does it really defy evolutionary law? I got news for you, humans have been evolving more towards nerdiness since humans began. Humans have half the muscle strength of chimps pound for pound. Humans have continually been decreasing in testosterone since the dawn of humans. It’s true that women prefer manly men (cavemen) but evolution has preferred nerdy men. You could consider ALL humans to be super nerdy compared to cavemen.

    “And through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes, they viewed relationships as an equal partnership, which was something the more traditional, close-minded of Japanese men still struggled to do.”
    It’s a pure lie that women like egalitarian men. They actually despise and detest them. They like superior men who are manly and dominant. Japanese women are not any different than western women in this regard. The real reason these guys were doing so well is because white guys are regarded as being higher social class than asians by asians themselves. This is a sort of reverse racism that prevails all over the world. Because the most powerful and richest countries in the world are mostly white, being white confers upon white people and increased level of social status. Women are drawn to social standing more than they are to looks.

  431. “But as I realized a few weeks into my stay in Japan, I was also mysteriously, frustratingly invisible.”

    Welcome to the life of an average American man living in America. However, when we go to Japan, Korea, the Philippines, the tables seem to change. The women are much easier to talk to, much more approachable. In America it’s like walking in a desert littered with landmines trying to find a few drops of dew. In Asia it’s completely different. Why would I want to go back to the walking-on-eggshells that is dating American women? When I was in the Philippines (visiting my Filipina fiance) I noticed that 9/10 of the white expats I saw… were with a Filipina, and half of them had an adorable mixed child with them. 1/10 was either single or with a white woman. 9/10 of the white women I saw… were by themselves. And honestly, I have no sympathy for them, especially after reading your judgmental post.

    “It was hard to be a single, western woman in Japan. But why?”

    Because Japanese women are just better to date. They don’t create these artificial social stratifications such as “nerds” that you seem to operate from so much. A man is just a man. Being interested in computers and science and smart people things is an advantage in Japan. In America women consider you a “nerdy, unsexy loser” for it. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but American women are just one big chore to deal with – so picky, so choosey, so argumentative, so much drama. You take a western man and put him in Asia… he dates 1 or 2 Asian women and he’s sold. He will probably never date another western woman again. Relationships with Asian women are just so much more easy going and fulfilling. The thing Asian women understand, that western women have forgotten, is *the other person in the relationship*. American women are just too self-centered.

    “The pervading theory though, among expats and Japanese alike, was that Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it.”

    Ah, the old go-to ego-saver. Men don’t want to date you because they’re “intimidated” by how assertive, independent, and successful you are. These men are actually SO ATTRACTED TO YOU that they’re benumbed in your presence. Yeah sure, whatever makes you feel better I guess…

    “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

    And you wonder why, when given the choice between a nice Asian lady who won’t judge him or make him feel like a loser, or an American woman such as yourself who writes such things… he chooses the Asian lady? I mean read what you just wrote.

    “it was easy to understand why Japanese woman saw Western men — even the nerdy ones — as attractive dating prospects… through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes, they viewed relationships as an equal partnership, which was something the more traditional, close-minded of Japanese men still struggled to do”

    No, lol, I’ll tell you right now, the reason American men such as myself choose to date (and marry) Asian women over western women is NOT to have a western relationship, but a more traditional one.

    “Even the socially awkward deserved to love and be loved.”

    Just not by YOU, right? Let some other woman provide that love.

    “Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted”

    You felt like a man?

    “When not even a short skirt or slinky top”

    They probably didn’t want to “objectify” and “harass” you by saying hello.

    It sounds like the author could use a huge dose of humility and maybe get rid of some of the egotistical, critical and judgmental attitude she has towards men. You attract more flies with honey than vinegar and THAT is the reason western men want nothing to do with you. They have better options available to them.

  432. Wow now woman want male attention, and aren’t being harassed enough to their liking. This article puts it into perspective of how most men feel in the west.

  433. Honestly, you’re at BEST average, and at worst, unattractive. Your personality doesn’t come across as too promising either. Work on that.

  434. I personally think western women are very decadent. I blame feminism, it teaches women they are god’s gift to earth and don’t have to do anything to earn respect and that the world owns them everything. It teach American women that they need to be accepted for who they are and to ignore male needs. That’s why 70% of American women are obese.

    I’m a eastern European male who lives in the US and when I go back to eastern Europe the treatment I get from women is completely different. They actually respect me as a men and don’t try to turn me into their personal servant.

    American women on the other hand believe I owe them the world. It’s actually a serious problem. The marriage rates in the US are at their lowest point. 80% of divorces are initiated by women. America’s legal system is stacked against males.

    I hope western women realize that their idea of equality is one sided or else western society will collapse.

  435. You lost me when you insulted Metallica.

    You’re not as desirable as you think. Better invest in boxed wine and cats.

    Sincerely,

    A man going his own way.

  436. Your eyes are too far apart. Nose is definitely crooked. The shape of your face is not aesthetically pleasing at all. You look like a 3/10 with make up in this photo. I don’t even want to imagine what you look like without make up. I actually just threw up in my mouth, just thinking about it.

    Your head is too big (although that may be, because of your giraffe neck posture). As for your hair, lol. Seriously, do something. You look like a horse.

    Stare at your face for more than 5 seconds, and you will see how ugly you are. The eyes which are too far apart is what ruins/damages an already ugly face even further. Unfortunately for you, that can’t be surgically fixed, lol.

    You arms are way too long. lol at how they hang by your sides. Kind of reminds me of lurch. As for your tits, we all know there is extra padding there. Don’t even let me start on your pale complexion. It only works if you look hot. Unfortunately, you do not look hot. Its hard to sum up a creature like you in one word. ‘UGLY’ would be unfair, since it doesn’t reflect how repulsive you look. GROTESQUE is stretching it. But somewhere in between, is where you would be, on the scale of an average man.

    I’m sorry if my words seem a little harsh. Just so you know, I sugar coated this post as much as possible.

    Have a nice day.

  437. “But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king”. That’s racist and evolutionary law went by reproduction with intelligence being the major benefactor for partnership not looks or your stupid Disney princess ideals.
    I bet it’s honestly just you and the way you stand out culturally and socially from what the norms are in Asia.

  438. There is nothing to get upset about dear. Your market value is past it’s expiration date. No worries though, you are just now experiencing life like 80% of males in America live every day of their lives. It can be a shock, I know! Stock up on batteries, cat food and wine and you will be just fine. Best wishes!

  439. You wouldn’t fare better in Hong Kong. :)

    Racist or not, western women have a terrible reputation.

    Western men are going to Asia while the reverse doesn’t happen for a reason. Just think about that.

  440. Who could blame them for taking advantage of a magical loophole that allowed them to date women out of their league? If such a nirvana existed for Western woman, I’m sure I’d have moved there too.

    It does exist, it’s called the entire Western world. Congratulations, you just discovered what it’s like to be an American or European man.

    1. There’s no such thing as “leagues”. This is a concept white western women invented to make themselves feel better than they actually are.

  441. Really? Feminists spend every waking moment telling men “don’t you DARE look at us, talk to us, or acknowledge our presence in any way! We’re tired of your ‘eye rape’!”

    And now, you’re blaming men for not giving you enough sexual attention? Maybe they’ve learned that the benefit of talking to a woman is not worth the risk of being called a rapist.

  442. Damn shame, really. Of course this is what happens when foreigners read about the psychotic American feminists on a crusade to make sex illegal.

    Anyone so much as glancing at the notes from a California college would be afraid to look at an American hag, lest they scream “rape.” Especially when surrounded by a nation of Japanese girls raised to still act like women.

    What you’re seeing is a culture of smart men who’ve learned to avoid the American feminist- they are toxic and dangerous to associate with.

  443. As an American male, it makes me happy to know there is a society where women have to be proactive in order to get a date. Know what it feels like

  444. This article says a lot about western dating values and how it doesn’t automatically translate across the globe just because you’re a white blonde woman.

    Why is it in western society that 8 dates a 8 or 9 or 6 can only get a 5 or 6. Unless there is fame or money or both involved. A 5 with money can have a 9,10 or whatever. Women’s values adjust to the size of the bulge in his pants, and it’s not the front but back pocket they’re interested in.

    So western women have turned to consumerism or having their own money definition of strong woman.

    Gender equality and equal pay will make women feel more independent of men driving more rejection as they compare pay packets.

    Maybe non western women have retained their values of family over consumerism.

  445. Honestly, its because you American women look like livestock in high heels when surrounded by Japanese, Korean, Turkish, Polish women. And your extreme abrasive bitch personality doesn’t help. So stay in those “bubbles” they call the USA or Canada. I teach English in Armenia, and your fat American white asses wouldn’t get any attention here either!

  446. It could be something else.

    When I was in Argentina ( all of Latin America, for that matter) you know the american chicks ’cause they were all fat. All. Fat. Every one of them. FFAATT.

    The natives were feminine and hot…and not fat.

    I was fat, so I lost weight and hooked up. But I’m not aware of any chick that did that. They just said guys were intimidated by them.

    Americans are fat. All of us. Look at the Kardashians. Fat pigs held up as sexy.

    I’m back to being fat again, but nobody notices because I’m in America. We’re the only country in the world where the poor people are fat.

    Fat. Fat. Fat.

    1. Argentina for the win, hermano. But, still, Idk how much it’s been since you’ve been here, feminazism and justicialism (if you ever heard anything about politics while you stayed here, you know who they’re and how cancerous they are) are ruining the country, but we’re trying to fight back. Regards.

  447. ” Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

    Kevin is:

    1) educated
    2) has a good job
    3) treats women well

    Explain to me again why Kevin is the loser women should shun and Ken (who didn’t go to college, doesn’t have a steady job, surfs all day, and treats women like ****) is the kind of guy women should chase after?

  448. The reason Asian women are attracted to western men is because they feel spoiled and precious. The reason western women feel unwanted is because they are not treated the same way. Western women are used to being pandered to daily and STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.

  449. Eh….

    I don’t want to be a dick, but if you look up the author on google images she just isn’t really attractive. So I’m really not surprised she had a difficult time in Japan. It’s just kind of pathetic to lash out at foreign men, who have done absolutely nothing to elicit (frankly cruel) criticism for dating. Her post reeks of entitlement and bitterness.

    1. For someone who doesn’t want to come off as a dick… :) In all seriousness, I’m a western woman who has lived in Japan for a few years. I wouldn’t nitpick about her looks, as many of the western men to be found are not very attractive and lack social skills. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t nice guys, but I can see why they came to Japan.

      I was able to date Western and Japanese men while there. The issue seemed to be that western men have a mistaken preconception of what japanese women are like, and imagine western women to be quite different. Women are women – japanese women are very capable of nagging, fighting, being bossy, and treating men like banks. The difference is that these women hide it better. Not all japanese women are like this, and not all western women are. It doesn’t make any sense to compare the two.

    2. I can’t believe this thread is still alive and well. In reply to Melissa’s comment above, I am in full agreement. Quite honestly, if you haven’t been a female gaijin living in Japan (read: you are male), you simply won’t understand what it’s like. There’s no point in arguing, because this is a case of female perspective versus male perspective. It is what it is, and guys living in Japan can talk ’til they’re blue in the face about why and how and what, but they’ll never quite get it, because they don’t have to.

    3. I guess the point is she thinks these men are not deserving of the attention they get there..and that that attention should be HERS. What kind of person says “Oh, I want this group of people to suffer even though they never did anything wrong to me..and btw, I want their happiness instead of them”.
      She’s had plenty of attention here in the West..why can’t she let other people have their turn ?

    4. I think it’s particularly fair in this context to bring up the author’s attractiveness because her standards are inconsistent with her appearance. This is the author:

      http://imgur.com/176DahN

      Whoa. And she has the nerve to call these foreign guys awkward social rejects that could never get women in their home country? I was in Tokyo for some time and I saw some attractive foreign men in Shibuya with attractive Japanese women. Then again, I definitely saw some really awful looking foreign men in Tokyo as well. However, the author just isn’t attractive, that’s why attractive Japanese men probably weren’t interested. It’s the cold hard truth. It’s also not fair to generalize all foreign men as the same, like the author has. Personally, I’m strongly considering doing a post-doc in Japan because by chance our laboratory has a strong international collaboration with the University of Tokyo. I’m a pretty fit guy, so I do pretty well for myself here in America, yet I guess I would be lazily lumped together with otaku and weaboos because I’m in Japan and foreign.

      I’m certainly not comparing Japanese with American women. Both have their problems. I’ve had positive and negative experiences with American women and wouldn’t write them off as the same. But this particular blog post is dripping with entitlement and unreasonable expectations.

    5. “I can see why they came to Japan.”

      For work?????????????????????????????????????????????

  450. Could make a similar story for Western men.,

    No Sex in the City: What It’s Like to Be Male and Native in the West,

    Would be copy/paste/replace.

    1. Mike, I think one can safely assume that you have not lived in Japan at all or not recently, because it seems that you have a different idea of what it is like for men living in Japan. Gone are the days when Japanese women fawned over Western men. In fact, it is very well known that the only girls that go for Western guys tend to be girls that Japanese men steer clear of, and those that are considered somewhat unattractive by Japanese standards. There are many, many men who have not found that they receive the attention that they believed they would. I worked with several attractive guys who even had trouble finding a decent Japanese girlfriend.

      The issue is not that Western women don’t want men to get attention. The attention they get is mostly like attention from waitresses at Hooters – it’s not real, and you soon part ways. It’s not that Western women begrudge happiness. The problem is simply this: Western women are largely compared to Japanese girls and found wanting, but almost every relationship I knew of was terrible. For example, take a conversation I had with my friend, Pete. He tells me that his Japanese girlfriend refuses to have sex with him. She wants him to buy her things and is only around on payday weekend. She speaks Japanese with her friends and constantly leaves him out of things. She nags him if he wants to go out with his friends. They never talk about anything of substance, ever. He still wants to be in this awful relationship because he thinks she is cute, never mind that her hair is fake, she wears 5 tons of makeup, her feet are deformed because she is always in heels, she wears fake eyelashes and fake contacts to make her eyes look doll-like, and she refuses to do anything remotely active. I remind him that he complained about the EXACT same things with the last 3 girlfriends. Actually, every male friend I have here has complained about the EXACT same things! There is a running joke here that the only men who will date Western women are the men who are already married to Japanese girls and regret it.

      The problem is not the makeup or the heels, the nagging or the refusal of intimacy. You can find a lot of girls of different ethnicities who do the same. Not every Japanese girl is the same – though what is described above is in fashion and tends to be what a lot of guys end up dating. The problem is that we have men who completely stereotype Japanese women, and don’t really understand who they are or see past fashionable clothes or the makeup. Then they put all these attributes on Japanese girls that really aren’t real. Japanese women are not more feminine, more kind, more supportive, more giving than Western women. It’s an act, the way that chivalry can be an act. You put your best face forward in Japanese society, but your natural tendencies are there. So a Western woman who is confident, kind, adventurous, caring, and fun is passed over time and time again for relationships with Japanese women that often end in misery, just because she is not Japanese.

      None of this would be an issue if Western men would choose their mates based on compatibility, attraction, and communication about values, finances, children, etc. Instead, the choosing seems to be “is she Japanese? Then nothing else matters!!!!”

    2. Having been in Tokyo for a bit I think your analysis matches up with my observations. There are some foreign men, but if they’re unattractive they aren’t dating a Japanese bombshell, but someone that is on par with their own physical appearance. What is offensive about the author’s post is the fact that it ignores that there are actually a fair number of attractive western men that are dating very attractive Japanese women and actually attacks foreign men the author wouldn’t be interested in dating anyway. What’s the point?

      I do pretty well in America, but when I went to Japan it was an unusual experience for me. Japanese girls were very interested to the point where I would be groped at bars (happens in America too), girls giggling around me on the subway, and being stared at excessively every day. I would be a fucking billionaire for every time I heard ????????? It’s simply untrue that attractive Japanese women won’t date western men and that the ones who do are unappealing to Japanese men, but you just have to be attractive as well. Since I know enough conversational Japanese, it was a breeze for me to date attractive Japanese women, confirmed by my Japanese bros (who are brutally honest).

      Wow, Pete sounds like a bit of a bitch. Like you said in another post, women are women and Japanese are generally better at hiding their problems. I completely agree with you and it sounds like Pete got steamrolled by her shit-tests and she quickly lost respect in his value as a man. You can’t be a pushover in any relationship (but you also shouldn’t be a complete asshole either). Some Western women do the same shit.

      I imagine stereotyping is a difficult issue to deal with. Before going to Japan, I had never dated an asian girl before. But since most of the western girls I met there were frumpy hippos (and also awkward otaku), so it made sense to date Japanese women. I definitely saw some attractive western women and it was pretty fun to say hello.

      Yeah, there’s awkward western men in Japan. Most of them I find insufferable to talk to because they are awkward weaboos. But I can empathize with them because it sure would be nice if everyone could find someone they can be happy with. I can’t imagine what it would be like to face a life of rejection from the opposite sex that these men felt like they had to relocate just to find a partner. I can understand the author of this post may have had a difficult time dating, but I don’t feel bad for her because of the manner in which she expressed her problems (effectively blaming everyone but herself). She really comes across as an entitled bitch with that sour grapes attitude. It is almost identical to the fedora tipping neck beards that complain western women date all the assholes and should date them because “they’re nice.” In America, I think it’s probably true that even unattractive women don’t do that bad so they don’t have to develop game. In America, even if you’re a decent looking guy, knowing how to talk to women is a must. So I think what’s happening here is that these 3/10 to 4/10 looking women in America, that don’t have trouble sleeping with 5/10 men (with the occasional thirsty 6/10) are finding that they are no longer worshipped for having a snatch (because frankly, Japanese men are typically interested in more attractive women). For the first time in their lives, they have to learn game, which must be difficult when you’re working against a cultural and language barrier. Oh, but she started smiling at the nice attractive Japanese men? What a bold play. However, if you’re a 7/10+ western woman in Japan, you won’t have a problem finding a date. Oh, but it must be all those SHY Japanese men who are too scared to ask me out on a date! Stop kidding yourself, hunny, most of them just weren’t interested.

      Step 1: Be attractive.
      Step 2: Don’t be unattractive.

    3. Melissa,

      Your friend Pete is a moron. If she speaks Japanese with her friends and he feels left out, AND he wants to be with her, then there is a solution that HE HAS CONTROL over. Learn Japanese. Ive been in Japan for more than 10 years and I STILL get attention, and a large part of it is due to my language ability. Im an ugly dork gamer and can still get attention because I can speak either language, understand the culture, and want to get said attention. Your friend Pete’s previous girlfriend history, according to your description, are the gaijin hunters. They don’t want a boyfriend, they want a gainjin pet. Maybe if he stopped spending all his time in Roppongi or other similarly gaijin flooded areas he wouldn’t be picking up this trash. Ive been married more than 7 years, have had Japanese exclusive girlfriends for more than 12 years, and have had absolutely no experiences like that because I didn’t settle to be a gaijin pet. Japanese women are, whether you like it or not, exactly what most western men want. They understand their role as a woman, and they expect the man to perform his role. (Think America, circa 1960 before feminazis fought for “equality”) On the flip side of that coin, there is some decent women in the west, and there are some shitty ones in Japan, but if we compare having a girlfriend to having a job, you cant expect to find the job of your dreams by applying at Burger King and Mcdonalds. You have to actually learn about a great company you want to work for (Language, social norms, Japanese relationships) in order to get that dream job. (IE the woman who treats you feel like a king, and that feeling makes you want to reciprocate and make her feel like a queen)

  451. I’m a Japanese male. As far as I know, all Asian countries have admiration for Westerners and their culture whether it’s warranted or not. If you have lived in Japan, you know about half or even more of models for clothing and other fashionable items you see in advertisements are Westerners (Caucasians) though they are targeting the Japanese market. Why is it? It’s because the general Japanese population thinks Caucasians are attractive. In what way? That is the point I want to make here. What something appears to be cannot be separated from the assumption or preconception that the observer/perceiver already has. It is a historical fact that European countries, with their unquestionable superiority in technology and militaristic organization, colonized China, and Americans forced Samurai Japan to open up and trade. Japan worked hard to catch up with the Euro-American standard, and managed to become one of the developed nations in less than 100 years. But Japan lost the war to America, and the country remained poor and relied on American support and market to rebuild the country. Therefore, it is no wonder my parents’ generation has such a strong feeling of admiration and intimidation at the same time to all Westerners. My generation (in my forties) does not have as strong a feeling as our parents do. But still by and large, there is some sort of admiration toward Westerners among them. It is my opinion that this skewed observation of what they are seeing results in what the original author is referring to. I think that many Japanese women are “automatically” attracted to Western looking men because of the historical background. I can almost assure you that not very many Japanese women would date or marry Arabic men though they are part of the Caucasian race. Japanese people have no inferiority complex feeling toward Arabians, therefore, no over-inflated admiration toward them either. On the other hand, Western women have a harder time. Don’t get me wrong. they are also admired by Japanese people. In fact both Japanese men and women admire them. Haven’t you noticed how many Japanese girls want to look as Caucasian (white) as they can by using a certain kind of make-up and even plastic surgery? But it works against them. In general, men want to be in charge. They want to be the strong one. They want to be the smart one. They want to be the leader. But how can they have that status with Western women if they have “automatic” admiration/intimidation toward them? It is my opinion that this is exactly the reason why Western women have a hard time finding Japanese dates. As for Western women not being able to find Western dates in Japan, I cannot speculate because I’m not one. But my guess is that Western men are just too busy answering all the cheering they get from Japanese women. Besides, if you want to find a Western date, you should be in a Western country to maximize the pool of potential dates. When I lived in the US and tried to find other Japanese friends, it was difficult. It’s just the wrong place for it.

  452. I think I should clarify. To begin with, yes there are fat, ugly, weird, and entitled women – but there were far more fat, ugly, weird, and entitled men. However, not all western men or women fit this category. There are many people there for university, job opportunities, the military, or are just very interested in the culture. I am fairly attractive with large breasts. Many men do not find the Japanese body with it’s lack of curves to be satisfying. I dated any number of Europeans, Australians, Kiwis, and some Americans while I was in Japan. I think japanese men are attractive, but even though I am a feminine girl interested in filling a more traditional role, I am also very open and honest and do not hide my thoughts and feelings easily. I realized that a Japanese husband would not be ideal for me, though I did date occasionally and I was asked out occasially. Most men were very shy and only asked after they’d been drinking awhile.

    Personally, I sort of like the average looking, geeky type. I would have loved to date some of these guys, but their focus was not on me. At one point I fell for a not so attractive, geeky man. We had amazing conversations and spent a lot of time together. After some time our relationship turned physical. When I told him I was falling for him, he said he liked me a lot but envisioned himself with a Japanese women, so that was the end of that.

    I don’t think you understand what it means to be invisible. It’s not just romantically, though that’s true. When my male coworkers and I first began working together, we had meetings together. We would go out after work. After awhile, and after the addition of a cute japanese girl – who already had a boyfriend – they froze me out. They no longer invited me out, they held meetings in private. When other western women arrived, kind and pretty girls, they froze them out too. When a coworker got drunk and started groping me, I told him no and he began screaming obscenities at me, at how I’m an entitled American b*tch. It took 4 other coworkers to prevent him from hurting me. However, while they helped in that moment, and after he was fired, they still spent more time with him socially than me. This was not the only experience. If I was having dinner and someone wouldn’t stop talking to me and I politely requested they stop, I got the same angry reaction. If a western man asked me out and I said no, the same reaction. Japan can change a man. I saw my male friends target 15 year old schoolgirls, I saw them try to date their 17 year old students. These were regular guys, but this kind of disgusting behavior is more acceptable in Japan.

    what men want from Japanese women is not necessarily what Japanese women want. They hide their thoughts and feelings and go along with what they think you want. They aren’t encouraged to stand up for themselves, to be intelligent, to have opinions. japanese women are encouraged to be dolls. Do you imagine that this leads to happiness? A Japanese man told me he had the perfect life. He comes home and finds his wife sitting on a chair in front of the door. She hands him his slippers and leads him to the table with dinner on it. She does not eat, but simply watches him eat. Then she leads him to the bath, bathes him, and dresses him for bed. After he is in bed, she may eat and clean up his mess. There is no deeper interaction. There is not much laughter. To me, this isn’t a marriage – it’s a maid. I can’t imagine the wife is happy. There is only a certain kind of man who wants this life, and he can try to get it in Japan, but don’t imagine it makes Japanese women happy. Not only that, but this attitude makes it harder for Japanese girls who want to do something more with their lives.

  453. I am glad that these Japanese men are refusing to date foreigners and are willing to preserve their culture. It is unfortunate though that the women are so brainwashed into mating with foreign men hastening their cultural destruction.

    To the writer of this article, If you want a man, stay in your own society. only there will you find men who are far more likely to share your values.

    I do believe that asian women have superior personalities to white women but I would never marry one because to create a well behaved asian man or woman it requires 2 asian parents. Just like to create a brilliant, creative, intelligent white man requires 2 white parents.

    In the end the white women have shown how shallow they are and the white men showed how likely they were to commit miscegenation. both are very bad traits

    1. It certainly doesn’t take two asian parents to raise a well-mannered child. Additionally, it doesn’t require race preservation to produce progeny that is intelligent, creative, or whatever. Plenty of same-race couples have produced completely moronic and intellect deprived children the world has ever seen.

      It’s astounding that interracial couples are still taboo for some people, such as yourself Daniel. Fortunately, you’re a dying breed.

    2. Definitely agree, and I’m pretty disgusted by the assertation that interracial parents are somehow less awesome than parents of the same race. Yes, I was often bitter and frustrated about being ignored by western men in favor of japanese girls, but that had nothing to do with a belief that I was somehow better than a japanese girl. My frustration was purely that western men were stereotyping japanese women themselves and basing a desire for relationships based on that stereotype. I was bitter that western men, who act entitled and spoiled, pretend that they aren’t that way and it’s just the evil western woman. I was upset that a lot of men were extremely sexist and had issues, and instead of bettering themselves, they sought women that they thought would subject themselves to their masculine influence.

      There are some great western guys in Japan who don’t fit that profile, and sometimes they do end up dating wonderful japanese women who are smart and kind and beautiful. It’s not common but it does happen. But when you have decent guys dating japanese girls that you know are only dating them for their money, or to try to be cool, and you see the guys struggle with the relationship and get hurt over and over again, you think – ‘exactly how is this girl better than any western girl?’ All I wanted was for the western men to be open to the possibility of dating anyone based on compatibility and attraction, japanese and western alike.

    3. I used to think like you when I was in highschool but once I got to college and was surrounded by asian girls I saw the truth. Now that I am a junior in college I see it even more. when I was in highschool I had a white girlfriend. She was chubby, kinda homely, but very nice but in the back of my mind I thought mating with an asian would be better because I thought my curly hair, large brow ridge, and big nose were ugly traits and that the asians with small noses, poker straight hair, and non existant brow ridges would be a better choice for a mate and cancel out my traits I viewed as ugly more than sticking with my own kind.

      fast forward a few years I am in college in the city with a bunch of asians. my ex and I had broken up by then for various reasons so I decided to try an asian girl out for a change. unfortunately it was so disconnecting and I just couldn’t fit into the culture. I still can’t use chop sticks to this very day. as time went on I knew I was being superficial and way too far sighted not wanting my male children to suffer with big noses, and curly hair and maybe that I should have stayed with my ex rather than look elsewhere. I then left the asian girl and stayed single. my first ex and second ex now both have bfs now that are the same race as them and I think they may be happier for it.

      Now I am single and probably will be for a while

    4. Oh my, a junior in college. You must know so much about the world. /s

      Daniel, it sounds like you’re only beginning to scratch the surface to understanding what a relationship even is. I mean, c’mon dude. You dated one asian girl and (one?) white girl. You therefore conclude that the millions of asian women out there are exactly the same and people should stick to their own race? Crazy. Nevermind the fact that she was asian, sometimes people just don’t click. It’s not a racial thing.

  454. late to the party but just found this. i wrote about this phenomenon in my 2009 book black passenger yellow cabs. dont take it personally, japanese men (people in general) are socially inept. they worship white, especially blonde. but they have no social skills. c’mon, those “herbevore men” cant even approach japanese women let alone white women. all they can do in their collective social ineptitude is grope your breasts and jack off to you on the train

    1. “all they can do in their collective social ineptitude is grope your breasts and jack off to you on the train”
      What a racist. You watch too many porns.

    2. there is no way to know if you say the truth, anyway. but what happend? and why does it mean “all they can do in their collective social ineptitude is grope your breasts and jack off to you on the train”? you dont know even what the “herbevore men” means. and i think the facial feature would be much more important than the hair color for them

    3. “c’mon, those “herbevore men” cant even approach japanese women let alone white women.”

      They absolutely can.

      They just don’t want to.

    4. Not sure about that. Japan has lots of porn and huge sex industry so you can just pay to have sex so it’s not necessary for a Japanese guy to approach a girl. In a way they are social inept . The culture makes it that way. That’s probably one of the biggest reason why it’s easier for a western guys to pick up Japanese girls but I think Japanese guys don’t care. This is Japan down fall. Their birth rate is down. The Japanese men don’t act like men. And the Japanese girls bunch of sluts towards western guys. Give it sometime Japan will be no more.

    5. and black guys spread STDS or just knock a girl up and run. Now I know for sure Japan is going down a shit hole. They did it to themselves.

  455. Just because you’re white doesn’t make you automatically attractive to everyone. To be honest you’re really, really plain. And your hair isn’t blonde. And your entitled, self absorbed attitude sucks.

    1. Wow Beth, you are pretty nasty. 1. Have you ever lived in Japan, or any other Asian country? If you had, you would know that her experience is common to most every woman who relocates there.
      2. Her being white has nothing to do with it, nor did she ever say anything remotely like that.
      3. She is not plain at all. We can’t all be movie stars. Anyway, very attractive girls report the same situation.

      Look, we all know some awkward or unattractive people in our lives. We are superficial creatures at heart and assess each other at a biological level. When I first moved overseas, I was dating a very attractive man with an amazing body. I mean, the kind of guy who would get a second look from anyone. We broke up and I moved to Japan. I found myself surrounded by Japanese men and westerners who were, more often than not, less attractive and more awkward. That’s not my fault – that’s the type of guy that tends to find themselves drawn here. But when these were my options, I found them more attractive than I would have if they had been surrounded by guys like my ex. It’s like that hot girl at the bar that every guy wants to be with – when she leaves, her less attractive friends look much more attractive. It’s human nature. That doesn’t negate the inherent worth of the less attractive girl, and in this case it didn’t negate the worth of the less attractive guy.

      I met a guy in Japan that a lot of people would not have looked twice at. I fell for him pretty hard, and in the end he rejected me. He was more interested in dating a japanese girl. I was hurt, but that’s how it goes. His not being as attractive as the guys I usually date meant nothing to me. I was wildly attracted to him, as he was. I would not have taken the time to get to know him had we met in America.

    2. You do realize that western women who study Japanese are typically just as awkward and unattractive as their male counterparts? Obviously there are exceptions to both genders, but I think it’s more appropriate to say that it isn’t just awkward unattractive loser men who flock to Japan. Just as many weird western women do too.

      I seriously have no idea where you people stay in Japan. But if you go to international hubs in Tokyo you will plainly see that there are some attractive western men in Japan (perhaps as a tourist, or even living there as well). There are also some attractive western women. But then, of course, there are some unattractive men and women too.

      I saw a few unattractive western men with Japanese women in Japan and you know what I thought? GOOD FOR THEM. They probably wouldn’t be looked at twice by western women such as yourself, but now they have a chance to make the best of not winning the genetic lottery and live a satisfying and fulfilling life. Those men probably don’t have a lot of options when it comes to women, so why attack them? Just let them be.

      I’m also curious about what you women did to meet men in Japan. Did you join clubs? International groups? Meet-up events? School events? Sports? Night-life? That’s where you meet men. You have to realize that Japanese men are typically shy. I know a good number of Japanese men through my university and making friends while in Japan. I knew this one guy, for example. Pretty handsome guy, but a complete wreck when it came to women. He had no idea when a woman was hitting on him, like it just went right over his head. According to my other native Japanese friends, that shyness is typical among Japanese men. So it’s probably safe to say you just have to do a bit of work if your objective is to find some dates. Japanese men probably find you attractive, but also intimidating. You will probably have to make the first move. Sometimes that will result in failure. Rejection sucks. But you get back on your feet and try again. Welcome to the real world.

  456. John, yes, there were some unattractive Western women, but here’s the thing – there are actually VERY few Westerners in Japan. If you hang out next to tourist areas you will see tourists. If you hang out near schools you’ll see Westerners, but the actual percentage of Westerners living and working in Japan is extremely small. Of that small amount, about 90% are men. My male friends used to call Western women unicorns because we were so rare. Of the women I knew, many of them were gorgeous. Some were modeling, some were hostesses, some were in the military. There were more than a few that would have brought any guy to his knees. Yeah, there were some unattractive and weird girls sprinkled in there but most of them were above average.

    So now on to the men. YES, there were most definitely some attractive guys. Most guys had an Asian girlfriend. There’s nothing weird about that, I just established that Western women are rare. However, the gorgeous Western girls could not get dates with Western guys. Some of them ended up marrying Japanese men – you are right that Japanese guys ARE interested in Western girls, but many seem to fear not only approaching women in general, and also they have a concern about communication and whether or not a Western women would really fit in with their cultural way of life.

    As for where Western women would go to meet men, every place you mentioned. Online, meet-up groups, Hub and other international bars, clubs, school, work, through friends. Every time, EVERY TIME the Western men would surround the few Asian girls and ignore the Western girls. I went to a bar for a meet-up. There were about 12 Western guys, myself and a friend, and a Japanese girl. Anyway, we were trying to get to this meetup. We stayed there 2 hours, while the men in the room stood around the Japanese girl in a circle. This particular girl wasn’t even that attractive (I could understand it better if she were!) and she could barely speak English. Finally, one guy came over to talk to us because he felt bad. He was married – to a Japanese woman. :) This was soooo common. I’m not unattractive, and my friend was working as a model for Japanese magazines – she’s gorgeous. Didn’t matter. This is why there are so few Western women. Doesn’t matter if you are attractive or not – like as not you remain single. I was able to date a bit because I went online, but though I met some great guys, nothing stuck.

    The issue is not that Western men are dating Japanese girls. I don’t care – people should fall in love and be happy. That’s a great thing. But it sucks to be attractive and young, and be ignored…and pretty much nothing you can do would change it, for years.

  457. I’m well aware that there are few Westerners living in Japan. I’ve been there twice for business and about to make my third trip there this March. I know how homogenous the population is. I can’t say I trust your opinion about the quality of women living in Japan after taking Japanese courses and seeing some western women in Japan (although they could have been tourists). We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. I would agree with you that the western men are disproportionately unattractive.

    You do realize that the western men probably ignored you because they didn’t realistically think they had a chance with you or your model friend, right? Should they talk to the quiet Japanese girl who might not be that attractive but think they have a chance with, or some Western bombshell that, experiences tells them, they would never have a chance with had they been living in a Western country? Also, I must say the deck is stacked against you. I doubt this experience is unique to my own, but having walked through Shibuya and Harajuku I was literally shocked at how many beautiful women there were. That could just be an evolutionary psychology thing (you know, genetic distance influencing attraction sort of thing). Most women just looked so attractive, and being an above average looking guy that does reasonably well in the U.S., I was being stared at everywhere I went. I felt like an object. It was quite the experience. If I were living in Japan, you bet I would want to date Japanese even though I had never dated an asian girl before.

    But anyway, nobody is forcing you to stay in a country where your social environment is subpar. As far as I’m concerned, living in Japan as a foreigner is a unique luxury that is not afforded to many people. If you’re really that attractive, you could literally go to any other country in the world and be whistled at, lusted over, and hit on by men from all walks of life. But nope, Japan it is. Can’t say I feel bad for you, or other women for that matter who have it so easy in Western countries even if they’re average.

    1. John San, Melissa is perfectly write. Coming here on short business trips cannot provide you with the full scope of japanese social dynamics. Japan has been home for me since 2001. I’ve include this same subject matter in my 2009 book, ‘black passenger yellow cabs.’ Not trying to get you to read it, but it would provide you some important information on Japanese social dynamics.

    2. i read excerpts of your book, you are a racist douchebag who hates white people… and your rambling tangents exhibited as much.

    3. Ok…I’m just going to briefly comment on Japanese women. I’m a bit hesitant to do so, but I think maybe my own experience might show you something that you might not see on a business trip.

      When I first arrived in Japan (I’ve lived there for about 4 years, overall) I was stunned at how beautiful the Japanese women were. I thought the men were pretty unattractive. So, this lasted for awhile, but as I got to know the people better my perception began to change. I became more used to Japanese guys and they became more and more attractive to me because I understood the way in which they were attractive. I prefer more All-American, masculine men and the Japanese are something different. Different does not necessarily mean lacking.

      For the women, it was the opposite. A lot of the way Japanese women seemed attractive to me was in my perception of their personality and their fashion sense. I am very feminine, and I loved the way their clothes fit on them – they seemed so graceful. By contrast, I’m hourglass-shaped and large chested, and I felt anything but graceful. What normally would have gotten me a lot of attention made me feel ugly. However, I realized that Japanese women are lucky and unlucky at the same time. Having bathed with many of them, most Japanese women have very boyish figures. This has the same affect on clothing as it does in the modeling industry – clothes that are meant to hang show off the clothes. Because they have this body type, it seems that Japanese women can look pretty classy and fashionable where someone with curves would not look as elegant. As a woman who is curvy, I don’t find very thin and non-curvy women attractive at all, and if I were a man looking for a woman I would be turned off by it, while still appreciating how they look in clothes. Many men don’t share that opinion, but some do and that’s why I was able to date while I was in Japan.

      As I paid more attention to what made Japanese women so beautiful to me at first, I started noticing how very artificial most of them looked. Most of the women dye their hair, and it’s incredibly damaged. They wear a lot of extensions to make it long. I remember a guy I dated that touched my hair and was shocked at how soft it was, apparently Asian hair is wiry and rough. So, instead of being jealous that they could grow their hair so long I realized I didn’t find bleached out, rough hair so beautiful. I noticed that most of them wore eyelash extensions everywhere – even to the beach. I noticed that many wore contacts to make their eyes look bigger and more doe-like. I noticed that many wear high heels to the point that it deforms their feet and their walk. I noticed that many of them have very uneven, discolored teeth. I also began to notice that most Japanese women were average looking, but with so much makeup (many wear a ton of it) and artifice they end up looking pretty good when they go out. The truly beautiful girls were much less artificial because they didn’t feel it was necessary.

      I had thought that Japanese girls were very sweet and unassuming, but I realized through my male friends that this is an act and that after awhile the truth comes out. And they are just regular women after all: some were cool, some were cheaters and gold-diggers, some were calling and nagging their boyfriend on the phone, some were extremely controlling, some were very sweet and some were just plain nasty.

      So, my point here is that just like in any other country, some Japanese women are nice, and some are not. Some are beautiful, some are ugly, most are average. They have a body type that fits clothing better, and they are better at hiding things that might seem unattractive to others. I think, John, that you might be guilty of stereotyping Japanese women, as I was when I first arrived.

      The Western men were FULLY aware that Western women could not get dates, they were FULLY aware they were ignoring us. Many of them seemed to be very angry at Western women. I recall one occasion that this guy started talking to a friend and I…while we were eating and in the middle of a conversation. He kept talking and talking and talking and finally I tried to say, as nicely as I could, that my friend and I were in the middle of dinner and while we enjoyed his conversation, we’d like to get back to it. He flipped out, screaming that THIS was why he hated Western women. A lot of guys are like this, unfortunately. Some of the men that find their way to Japan do so SPECIFICALLY because they are looking for a certain type of woman. There was more than one occasion that I had to tell a Western man to stop harassing this or that girl, because Japanese women more often than not will not stand up for themselves when it happens.

      As to changing the market, haha. I did end up leaving Japan. Honestly, I had a LOT better luck dating the guys, I was able to have several boyfriends and dated quite a lot in comparison to other girls. For me the difference was that I went online and ended up dating guys who might be a couple hours away, whereas in Chicago I’d get asked out on trains, on the street, once even sitting in traffic! But, a lot of the guys I dated were not looking for anything substantial, many of them were leaving the country soon and didn’t want to really be involved. It’s really too bad, I LOVE Japan and I miss it terribly. Maybe I’ll move back one day when I am married and don’t have to worry about it.

    4. Finally, this is a comment I can agree with and not full of anger and resentment. That’s right. Japanese women are no more beautiful or nicer than Western women. I actually prefer Western women because they are more likely to be straight talkers and I am not good at guessing what women may be thinking but not telling. And it is so true that Western (Caucasian race, that is) women tend to have curvier bodies, and I prefer that too. Many Japanese women have a boyish body shape? Tell me about it. Many of them have bodies like a toothpick. Not attractive to me. No offence to anyone. Just expressing my preferences.

  458. I’m merely relaying what I felt when I first visited Japan. I don’t recall saying Japanese women were superior, or stereotyping them. I don’t know Japanese women because I haven’t lived there. I just pointed out that I felt there were a lot of beautiful women (but these women were typically concentrated in areas like Shibuya), which is probably the reaction most Western men have when they get there which is what you’re competing against. I also saw plenty of average/plain Japanese women as well.

    Having taken Japanese classes in college, I’m well aware of the otaku men that are interested in Japanese. I don’t want to be harsh, but those men typically don’t take care of themselves, their bodies, are socially awkward, etc. Personally, I don’t like being around them, as I find it difficult to relate to them. So I don’t doubt the men who make their way to Japan are typically cut from the same cloth. They aren’t popular with women in the West, and they’re hoping to find something in Japan. I wouldn’t doubt they “hate” Western women based on their history of rejection.

    Honestly, the impression I’m getting from these series of posts is a huge sense of entitlement. Despite the fact that you had several boyfriends and dated a lot while you were in Japan, you are painting living in Japan as a Western women like it’s a huge problem. Several boyfriends and a lot of dates isn’t enough for you? Sounds like a real crisis. How could anyone possibly feel bad for you, or any other Western woman for that matter, when for the first time probably in your life you just have to do what any Western man does to get a date? You are essentially complaining that dates didn’t fall into your lap and you had to do some work to secure one. You realize how entitled that sounds? And Chicago, eh? Wisconsin here.

    I would argue that a lot of caucasian women, although generally have nice bodies, are facially ugly. The asian and latino women I’ve seen in America and abroad are more “pretty” facial aesthetic wise as they seem to have softer facial features and look younger when they’re biologically older. But I would recommend California if you want to see lots of beautiful caucasian women. But unfortunately, caucasians seem to expire quickly. Asian women, however, aren’t typically “sexy” looking. More often “cute” than anything else. But yeah, everyone has preferences. Just find someone you enjoy being with.

  459. Oh, born and raised in Wisconsin! Hello fellow Cheesehead!

    Ahh, Shibuya. I miss that place! Yeah, if you spend any time there you will definitely see a lot of artifice. I missed that you weren’t specifying that Japanese women are superior – I heard it so often I guess I’m reading it into conversation when it isn’t there!

    I can understand that I might sound entitled. I’m fully aware that I did have more luck than most, but that doesn’t negate the fact that most women have a very difficult time and that’s what I was responding to – the fact that it isn’t all in the author’s head, that I did see it time and time again, and it’s eventually what broke me down. If I was only interested in having a good time, it would be one thing. But as I’m getting older, a good time doesn’t quite cut it anymore. I was able to date, yes, but most of the guys were uninterested in actually having a relationship. Some of the ones that were, were the otaku kind (I am perfectly willing to date these guys, but I need to have some kind of physical attraction/personality spark).

    American women have the stereotype of being ‘easy’ so I got attention for that. When it comes to wanting something more it is a LOT harder. To get those dates, I often had to travel a couple hours, or they had to travel a couple hours. It was hard to be surrounded by my male coworkers and be ditched and ignored in favor of the new Japanese teacher, it was hard to come home and prepare for a date in which, more often then not, I was pressured to have sex with someone that I would never hear from again and who had no real interest in knowing me, it was difficult to fall for someone only to be told that they only want to date Japanese women while they are in Japan. It was hard to make friends, hard to date, hard to work, hard to make a connection with anyone. I was incredibly lonely and a passionate night or two with some European man wasn’t worth it. At least in America, if someone likes or doesn’t like me it’s not usually because I’m the correct or not the correct nationality/ethnicity.

    I think it’s interesting that you note that Asian/Latino women differ from Caucasian women facially. I find it hard to argue about softer features in America, because we are such a melting pot that it would be difficult to pinpoint any particular ‘look’. I’m surprised because I normally hear that after a certain age, Asian/Latino women look much older than they are. Though, everyone is different and can’t be held to a single standard.

  460. So Melissa, im curious…. The entire list of those “difficulties” you experienced: welcome to the world of being a western man in the western world. Most of us in Japan who refuse to date western women, or even may say they hate them, isn’t due to Japanese women being cuter, or sexier, or any of that, although that would be a totally valid reason. Nearly every man who I know here (in Japan) who has been married for 5 or more years (IE long term) doesn’t experience the ridiculous level of entitlement which you’ve displayed. Nor do the majority of Japanese women use sex as a treat, as if you were a dog. “good boy, nice paycheck, nice completed chores, I guess Ill let you have a chance tonight” shit never occurred in ANY of my relationships with Japanese, but with American women is was almost expected. Most are also fine with Gender roles, Ill make the cash, you take care of the house = no crybaby feminazis pissing and moaning that shes a slave. Simply put, Japanese women usually make men feel like men.

    1. Whatever777, your comment angered me at first. But, then I just felt sad. I think that you just really, really don’t understand.

      First of all, I’m not entirely sure why I’m being labeled as entitled. I have freely admitted that I didn’t have the same trouble that many other Western women did, while at the same time acknowledging that in general, this has been an issue for Western women. To be entitled means to believe myself deserving of special treatment. Wanting to find a relationship for myself is not desirous of special treatment. How did I display entitlement? Was it that I myself went online to try to meet men? Was it that I tried to go outside of my personal comfort zone to give more men a chance? Was it that I traveled for hours, entertained and paid for a lot of activities involving my dates? Was it that I was tired of being belittled by my coworkers because I was a woman, that I believed that as someone who was in fact more educated and experienced than they, I should be at least respected? Was it because I didn’t want to be used for sex? Please explain in which way I showed entitlement.

      I don’t owe men dates. I don’t owe men sex. If man has a problem finding dates or finding women they are compatible with, it’s not my fault. Fact: Men find 80% of women attractive, across the board. Women find about 20% of men attractive. I’m sure no one is telling men they should be dating someone they don’t find attractive or interesting, so why are women being shamed? I have experienced heartbreak and rejection before, as most have. I’ve been cheated on and even physically assaulted by men, and I’m not on here complaining that every man is a cheater or abusive. I’m sorry that you had a bad experience with some women, but that’s not MY problem. Nor is it most women’s problem. The majority of Western women don’t use men for sex or treat them badly – no more than saying that most Western men use women and treat them badly. If you want to call someone entitled – the ENTIRETY of Westerners are entitled in some way. Men and women.

      You state several things in your comment that I’d like to respond to. You asserted that Western women are terrible. I’m going to disagree with you on that. I’m sure some women are terrible, but I know some pretty terrible men too. I also know some great men and women. I knew some great Japanese women, and some not so great. You claim that men in long-term relationships with Japanese women are so much happier than their Western counterparts. I can’t argue with your experience, but I will say that in MY experience, out of all the men I knew who were married or dating long-term, I knew exactly 3 that were happy. 3. And two of them attributed their success to moving outside Japan after getting married. I actually wrote out a large list of the very, very common complaints that my coworkers and friends had about their marriages, but it seemed to me to be too negative so I’m just listing the most important and the most directly related to your claims:

      * You mentioned sexual relationships with Western women but I’m surprised you said nothing about Japanese women, since this is probably the most common issue – refusal to have sex. At all. Indefinitely. Japan has the highest number of people who identify as ‘asexual’ in the world. Many women do not enjoy sex, many women view it as a means to conceive ONLY. In the event that you do have sex, many women are extremely unenthusiastic, just lying there and acting bored. I know this doesn’t apply to all Japanese women, but I’d say that out of all the relationships I knew of, this applied to about 95%. And these were good guys who really, really struggled with wanting to please and wanting to be physically close with someone they loved. (“…the Japan Family Planning Association reported that 45% of young Japanese women, and over 25% of men, “were not interested in or despised sexual contact.” “) That’s almost half of women that are YOUNG that have no interest or hate sex…and the numbers increase as they get older and have more children.

      * You did mention gender roles, “Japanese women make men feel like men.” Sure, if you believe that your only worth as a man is to make money. Have you heard the old Japanese saying: “Marriage is a woman’s grave?” Once a woman is married, she is practically incapable of establishing her career in Japan’s male-dominated society. It is expected that she quit her job and stay home to take care of husband and eventually children whether she wants to or not. There are no promotions, no flexibility with working hours. Around 70% of Japanese women leave their jobs after their first child. If you work, you are referred to as ‘oniyome’, or a ‘devil wife’. Japan’s Institute of Population and Social Security reports that 90% of young women believe that staying single is “preferable to what they imagine marriage to be like”. So what can you infer about Japanese women? THEY AREN’T HAPPY. They aren’t ok with the gender roles that they are pushed into. They don’t want to cook your meals and heat your bath water and dress you and raise your children alone. They don’t want to sit at home while the men go out. The Western woman ‘pisses and moans about being a slave’ – the Japanese women feel that they are enslaved! And what do many Western men do, but come to a country specifically for women that you believe will be ‘women’ but in actuality are feeling forced to live a life that many of them don’t even want! How is this any better? Maybe you ought to revisit your idea of gender roles and what makes a man truly a man, and a woman truly a woman.

      * In Japan, marriage is a social contract, they still have arranged marriages. It is not uncommon for a Japanese woman to say, “I’m marrying an American, he’s so ugly and fat! But he makes money.” And all her friends will nod and giggle. Love is not important for a Japanese woman to marry. In Japan, there is a lot of pressure to hide your true feelings and to do what is good for the group, not yourself. However, after some time with the same person it can be difficult to hold your true feelings and there can be a lot of problems within the marriage. Many Japanese people don’t ‘date’, they have a hard time making connections or friendships, they don’t initiate conversations with strangers. Western men will initiate conversations, ask them out, and often propose. They accept, but too often the Japanese woman does not actually love the man. If she were to marry a Japanese man it probably wouldn’t matter, but Western men typically want more, and then problems can abound. Nagging. Refusal to communicate. Rampant cheating.
      ____________________________________________________________________
      Japan is full of men who feel that they can’t divorce because once they do they lose custody of their children. No man wants to lose his kids. Some of them face deportation if they divorce, or loss of their business/assets. And what is truly strange, but a lot of guys don’t want to admit that everything isn’t all roses and sunshine. I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every guy who I heard bragging to his family/friends/coworkers about his Japanese wife, and then who privately told me that they aren’t having sex, or he’s miserable, or something like that. Maybe because they want to hold on to the fantasy, I don’t know. The only guy I ever heard being completely honest about it to another guy was a Western men talking about it to his brother. That doesn’t mean that every man is lying and no one is happy, but I am saying that it seems to be common to not discuss problems.

      I’m sorry if I offended anyone here, but I’m so sick of the ‘Western women are bad and __ women are good’. It’s an excuse to not deal with what is usually the person’s issue. Women are women, men are men. People are people everywhere.

    2. Melissa,

      You said many things I agree with. Seems like you are level-headed about this issue. You have researched about it, heard things from others, and even experienced things for yourself first hand. Much of the insight you mentioned above is also my observations and conclusions. That’s right. People are people no matter where you go. I’m a Japanese man happily married to an American wife, and we have two children. We have lived in the US and Japan. Depending on which country or culture we live in, our gender roles slightly change, but the core dynamics between me and her is the same, and that is a relationship between a man and a woman. We sometimes have difficulty understanding each other, and yet we feel attracted to each other. And that is the case anywhere you go. I’m so impresses that you said all Westerners are entitled rather than only Western women are entitled. Now that Japan is a full member of the developed world, even Japanese people are starting to assert their entitlement. If we use the word “entitlement”, it sounds bad, and it can be bad. But if we call it “luxury”, it doesn’t sound bad. We have the freedom to choose. In today’s culture, we don’t have to date or marry anyone you don’t like. There is no real pressure that you have to stay in a marriage you are not happy with. We have that much luxury to choose.

      After having said this, I know for myself that in general Western women have a harder time finding a date in Japan than Western men. I think it’s a fact. If we get into the question of why, there can be many speculations. And I bet different people have different opinions. None of them is universally correct or wrong. It’s subjective. Or we could try to scientifically understand this using our knowledge in sociology, anthropology, intercultural studies, and what not. Then what? Engineer your sexual attractiveness so you can be highly desired in Japan? What for?

      Jun

  461. Melissa, I wasn’t actually attempting to anger you, but ive been told that my writings tend to come off as very aggressive. So lets get that out of the way: That was not my intent, despite it reading that way, so Im sorry if that was the way it was perceived. However, I will address your questions.

    How do you display entitlement: The original writer surely displays more than you do, but “seeking happiness” (or however you would like to phrase it) is a given to any human. To outright state it is indicative that you feel it is expected. Its kind of like saying “Im at the bus stop, and IM waiting for the bus to STOP.” Its a given it will, there is no need to state it or to somehow indicate you are special for wanting it.

    I would agree you don’t owe anyone anything. I would point out that it is socially expected after a few dates, so if you have no intention of going down that road, Id suggest you check yourself out of that situation after the first date, after you should be able to gauge your compatibility.

    I actually never stated western women are terrible, although I will admit I feel that way about the overwhelming majority of them. I did share my experiences though.

    As for the sex, I have also heard some people say what you do, particularly Japanese men, and Western men who found some chick in a bar and married her. Ive also heard, which unfortunately I cannot confirm, that most Japanese men suck in bed and don’t make much of an effort to please his woman. So you have women who have had a few different experiences: either terrible experiences, or a used piece of bar trash who has experience WAY too much. If I were in either of those situations, I probably wouldn’t like to participate much either. BUT, if you aren’t picking up girls at the local bar Roppongi or nearest military base, you can find some nice ones. Most of these (In fact, every one ive ever dated, including a couple from bars which don’t fall into the previous category) were very willing to try anything at least once, and also did very well with some instruction and encouragement. But the kicker to this one is: this isn’t just Japanese women. Regarding your statistics about the %’s of people uninterested in sex, I can only say that I must be looking in the other %’s, because data doesn’t lie. I can also say that one of my ex’s had no interest in sex and was a virgin when we met. Some compliments and courtesy do wonders…. many Men here don’t do that. I wonder If that is a major contributor.

    As for women treating men like men, I would agree with you that the vision of a male role in Japan is to bring home a paycheck and be a walking ATM. However, what comes with that is I don’t get told no unless I am the one coming home too late or the “monthly visitor” is here. I tell her what I want to eat for dinner and she makes it. If we go out, I decide what we are doing. Etc, etc…. Now just to make sure you don’t think im some sort of slave driver, my wife has everything she needs, both material and emotional, and a lot of what she wants. This has been the case with all but one of my ex’s, and is the reason she became an ex. (Coincidentally she was from a bar as well)

    To sum this up, unless you look around for quality candidates, speak the language, understand the culture, and WANT to succeed in a relationship, you will only get overused crap (most bar girls and girls who “Studied abroad” in 4 countries) and the girls/guys who want the trophy foreign partner.

    1. “How do you display entitlement: The original writer surely displays more than you do, but “seeking happiness” (or however you would like to phrase it) is a given to any human. To outright state it is indicative that you feel it is expected. Its kind of like saying “Im at the bus stop, and IM waiting for the bus to STOP.” Its a given it will, there is no need to state it or to somehow indicate you are special for wanting it.”

      This…doesn’t make any sense at all. You are stating that I am ‘entitled’ because instead of just believing that I am going to find happiness I STATE that I want to find happiness? That somehow by my saying the words “I want to find happiness” leads you to believe that I have an expectation of happiness?

      It sounds like you are so desperate to prove that Western women are evil that you feel you need to pick apart a sentence and practically make something up to prove it to yourself. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t have an expectation of happiness. No one EXPECTS to be unhappy, unless they have some issue. By the same token, happiness is not universally granted to every person, and I think most of us have come to terms with that, though we may not like it. Honestly, I feel like I’ve…become stupider even responding to such an accusation. It’s not based on logic or reason, which makes me believe that you have an unhealthy bias that is at work here. If you are so determined to see evil in every Western woman, you will. It’s that simple.

      To continue:

      I have never stated anything about my personal attitude regarding sex, so your advice about when to sleep with a man is not necessary,

      Regarding Japanese men, I neglected to state that they often have the same reputation sexually, you are correct. This is not a Japanese man or woman thing, this is a cultural thing. However, in my experience, while Western men and Japanese women overwhelmingly seemed to be unhappy in their marriages, Japanese men and Western women seemed extremely happy. Again, this is my own experience of the people I personally knew. Especially outside of Japan, Japanese men seem to be more loving, more complimentary, and very understanding that Western women often don’t want to be held to traditional Japanese roles. Especially without the expectation that Japanese men work their lives away, their relationships seem very compatible and they enjoy a relationship built on equality and respect for both parties. Where I see this failing in the Western man/Japanese woman relationship is that while Western men are traditionally more loving, many of them do not treat their wife as an equal partner. The Western man usually has the expectation that his wife will serve him, and while this is what many Japanese women are used to, it is not what they prefer. Secondly, while Western women and Japanese men typically get married because they love each other (neither culturally predisposed to marry so they can survive as they both are capable of supporting themselves) Japanese women traditionally view marriage as a contract for survival and to reproduce. The result is that while Western men tend to marry for love, many Japanese women do not. Of course this doesn’t apply to every situation – I know Japanese women who love their Western husbands, and I know some Western men who got married primarily because their girlfriends were pregnant and they don’t love their Japanese wives. I’m purely speaking of the majority of people that I knew or heard of.

      You tell her what to cook and you decide your plans. You tell her when you want sex and she usually acquiesces. Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you ARE a slave driver. By your account you look to her emotional and material needs, but that doesn’t negate the fact that YOU are holding the reigns. Maybe she doesn’t want to eat what you want. Maybe she doesn’t even feel like cooking every day. Maybe she doesn’t want to have sex when you want to, maybe she doesn’t want to do what you want to do. What does SHE like to do? What does SHE like to eat? In all of this I hear you you you you and you have the audacity, the absolute NERVE, to call Western women entitled? Most Western women aren’t controlling of the men they presume to love. It sounds to me like YOU are the entitled one. I’m sorry that Western women started to come out of the kitchen and attempt to take control of their own bodies, and make your life moderately less easy since just recently. It really sucks that men got to call the shots for so long and now it’s just a little harder for some of them. So, good for you that you were able to find a relationships where you get to be the domineering man, but I hope you don’t REALLY imagine that this is your wife’s ultimate fantasy come true.

    2. Melissa, if you think modern Japanese women are that submissive then you really didn’t interact with them much at all. The fact is that gender roles were historically oppressive for both men and women. You don’t understand this because you are an entitled Western women who sees the world through a reductive lens,

      This ‘power’ you are talking about has not existed for western men for a long time. Men of my generation have no experience of it. We have no idea what it’s like to ‘oppress’ and ‘control’ women because we have neither the sexual or financial capital that is required to be in a controlling position.

  462. You have displayed EXACTLY why western feminism is bad. I did not marry my wife because I was stupid enough to get her pregnant beforehand. I did not marry my wife because I NEED her. I did not marry my wife because she is the perfect person. I did not marry my wife because I wanted a “slave.” I asked her, and she agreed. I stated all of the things I want out of a relationship PRIOR to getting married, and she agreed. Everything was extremely transparent. I care for her, so I wanted to be with her. Simple. She CHOSE to accept my offer. She CHOSE to accept the role of staying home instead of working (I offered many times, and still continue to do so.) She CHOSE to be the woman she is. And that woman makes me feel good. On the flipside, I have CHOSEN to work a job which requires travel, an education level higher than “duh” which is so common in the western world (gender studies anyone?), and to live in a country other than my home. I have told her on many occasions that if she is unhappy and no longer wishes to be around me, then just say the word and I will sign the divorce agreement, no questions. By the way, in case you didn’t catch it, the reoccurring word is CHOSE. Slaves have no choice. (sort of like the “You will pay *insert absurd number here*% of your income to your ex wife for …. nothing. No kids? doesnt matter, pay) I accept that being a walking ATM is part of my role. Should I piss and moan and call the Mens rights activists and tell them im butthurt about it? Probably would do me no good. The only underlying problem which you might be able to stand on is that making tough choices isn’t culturally “normal” if it causes perceived harm, so people suck it up. But, if it makes you feel better, my wife enjoys a particular singer, and she watches her on her 55inch (biggest we could fit with all the crap in our living room) 4K television on her way too expensive blue ray player. She then goes out with her friends if she finds a good schedule with them, while I or G’ma watches our son. She also enjoys movies, the coin games at the game centers, and the occasional dinner out. /Sarcasm Would you also like to know how often we are in the same futon? /sarcasm. That whole “Im calling the underground railroad right now!” rant pretty much perfectly displayed what I was after, even if you didn’t like my Bus stop analogy.

    1. Your point seems to be that, in a culture where women are pigeon-holed, pressured, shamed, and downright forced by family/spouses/friends/bosses/etc to stay at home and serve husband, your wife made a conscious choice to stay at home and serve husband. I know those are aggressive words, so let me temper them with this:

      Sometimes it truly IS what a woman wants. My own mother did this, and she didn’t like it and issues abounded. My friend is currently doing this and she loves it and it’s the best thing for her and her family. I have supported a boyfriend while he looked for work, and he cooked and cleaned for me, and I have in turn done the same for a boyfriend while I was searching for work after receiving my own advanced degree. What two people decide to do for their own happiness is up to them, but my entire point here is that the message is loud and clear from Japanese women, explicitly: The majority are not happy with this arrangement and feel culturally pressured to not only deal with it, but also say nothing about it. This, so that if you have a Japanese wife and she says she is happy about it, you want to be damn sure she TRULY is and not just paying lip service, because this has led to many issues down the road. And again, it may very well be the perfect life for your wife. That doesn’t mean she is somehow less than someone who doesn’t make that choice – we all make the choices right for ourselves and right for our family. And that brings me to you as well – it sucks being seen as an ‘ATM machine’, as you call it. Maybe you feel you don’t have a right to complain, but I would absolutely hate that feeling. But that’s entitlement too – the expectation of your wife that she won’t have to work and husband will provide…and then the entitlement that the wife will serve and you don’t have to it yourself. But unlike you, I don’t necessarily think that entitlement is reserved for a certain gender or a certain race or socioeconomic status – I believe we are pretty much all selfish and entitled to some degree. When you try to state that Western women are entitled and fail to see how hypocritical you are being…I just can’t wrap my head around it. Oh – and as an aside, I do think it’s pretty insulting that you talk about having a large TV and a Blue Ray as though these are indicative of a good partnership…but I understand that this might be just part of your trying to say that you believe you are doing your job as a good provider.

      I think we are way off track. I should not be judgmental of your living situation. I have too many miserable Japanese female friends and I let this cloud my impression. I have too many miserable Western male friends and this also clouds my impression. However, they are not you, and I apologize if I was out of line. I hope that you might recognize that judging Western women because of your experience is a bit harsh as well. I understand that there are some women who take feminism too far. Feminism is a great thing, but there are extremists out there that give it a bad name. However, feminism is also a relatively new concept for us. It wasn’t that long ago that women were considered personal property, to be beaten and sold off, who had no rights or freedom to express themselves or take control of their own bodies, who could not be educated or employed or otherwise treated as other than second class citizens. For this to be equated to alimony payments is a joke, when throughout much of our history men have had all the benefits. Most men see this change as a good thing – men are stereotyped as well, forced to hide their feelings, forced out of child-rearing and other household activities, demeaned as lust-filled violent people when many are not. As women assert themselves more, so do men, leading to a world where we might be more accepting of each other as people. This is another reason that these ‘traditional roles’ bother me. I do not know who has it worse in Japan – the women or the men, and it saddens me to see anyone try to fit into either stereotype.

    2. Your “arrangement” is disgusting and can’t be called marriage…not a real one. You’re just being used, feminist-hater. I grew up in the “3rd world” and know whaty you’re talking about, poor walking ATM. I’m said for ones like you.

  463. Lets be very clear here: The point of the TV and blue ray was stated because you asked if I even know what my wife likes. I stated that my wife likes a particular singer/performer, and because she likes watching her, she is watching in the highest quality, IE I do know what she likes, and I make sure she can enjoy what she likes to the best way I can provide. Perhaps that gives me a feeling of “providing for her” but its more about she loves this singer, and being able to watch her on a crystal clear television with the best blue ray available makes her happy, and I like seeing her happy. Saying society forces them to do anything is just rubbish, unless said person is just that weak. I have friends (Females, some of more than 5 years) who do not want to get married, have a career they love, and don’t fit into the stereotype you present. However, stereotypes exist because a large number of demographic X falls into category Y, so I think there is work to be done there… but to blame it on society or history is just excuses. This is no different from the group of Black folks in the states who demand reparation payments for what their great great grandfather put up with. In this case, and with the case of women being property, I would say this: “What did I as a person ever do to you or any of your family?” The correct answer is “nothing.” So for you or anyone else to hold a grudge against me for something my forefathers may or may not have done is absolutely absurd. And by that logic, we come back to the entitlement argument. You seemed to have blown off the alimony payments because of something that happened before your lifetime. Women in the western world have it better than nearly any human living at any time period with regards to freedoms and privilege, yet they still win an overwhelming % of divorce cases, which an overwhelming number of those cases are brought by them. The reason MANY (note: not all) western women have such a huge sense of entitlement is because they know they can get away with flat out murder and no one will do anything as soon as they turn on the tears. They are tough as shit till stuff gets a bit difficult, then its “Look at these pigtails, im just a little girl!” In Japan, and probably many other parts of Asia particularly, cops don’t get involved with domestic affairs. If you are stupid enough to punch a dude, and you get knocked out, that’s YOUR fault. If you and your husband/boyfriend/whatever have a problem, you have every right and choice to leave said situation. Stalking is illegal. Rape is illegal. Unprovoked physical harm is illegal. Staying in an abusive relationship is totally optional. Going back to that “choice” thing. No white knight mangina is going to come rescue you here. These are all examples of sources of entitlement from western women which don’t exist here. I know (as an example) one particular girl who got married young and found herself in an abusive marriage. She didn’t follow the social expectation you state and stick with that, she left and is better for it. My thoughts are all over the place on this; too much wanting to come out.

  464. Interesting. I have lived in HK for twenty years. Chinese men went crazy for me all the time. Took me a while to sort it out. It was the same in Thailand, Laos…everywhere. Why me?
    Well, I have Asperger’s. So when I talk to people, I find it hard to make eye contact. I duck my head and blush and giggle. I dont do it now, thank God, would look strange in a woman my age. But as a girl of 25, with very very white skin, long curls, short dress…this downcast eyes, and soft giggle thing just enthralled the men. Some Westerners too…but I noticed quite a lot of Western men didnt like it and considered it to be ‘feminine trick stuff” when it really wasnt. It was actually crippling shyness.
    In women, its still considered lovely in the East to act like that..before marriage, that is. Not after.
    Plus, the straightforward stride of Western women, and their rather scruffy clothes…Eastern women are well turned out all the time. All the time. …and the straight eye contact..it intimidates the men. The women are often bigger too, not just heavier, but taller, broader.
    Once, in Laos, I saw two Australians, tall and blonde, go into a hotel and ask for a room..perfectly polite..but you could see the owner didnt like it: their eye contact, their straight-forward behaviour…they want women to look as if they are overwhelmed by the great masculine male…and how can an athletic Aussie do that?
    i can though. He refused them a room! I went in and giggled and blushed and above all, looked at him and dropped my eyes and batted my lashes like he was just such a masculine guy I couldnt look straight at him..well, I got a whole lot of “do come this way, have nice room for you…”
    So nowadays, in HK, things have changed, and Chinese men look different. They look really hot, actually. Big as Western males, broad shouldered, and muscular..I dont know why. It is weird. Lots of 6 footers now. And the girls are bigger too. Hormones in the food? More meat? And I am now seeing Chinese men and Western girls. Never ever used to see it. Chinese young males seem a lot more assertive and the girls dont do that blushing thing..not the international school ones anyway. Local girls are still a bit like that. Its changing.

    1. Very interesting observation and analysis of your experiences in Hong Kong. The cute and shy behavior of young women you described is very familiar to me. Have you ever been to Japan? If so, do you think that tendency is even stronger in Japan than other Asian countries? It is my observation that big, strong, independent, straightforward women are not desired as a potential girlfriend or wife. But as you say, after marriage, it can change. In Japan, often it is the wife who has the bankbook and manages family finance. The husband earns the money, and the money goes straight to their bank account which the wife has total control over. The husband gets an allowance from his wife each month for his entertainment. Interestingly, that cute and shy girl becomes this thinking and controlling woman later. No offense to anyone or any culture, by the way.

    2. I am not saying it’s a good thing, Jay! It isnt good that a woman has to act like a child. And being helpless is likely to bring out the bully. Lets remember that we are all just humans. When a person is weak, some will want to protect and some will want to victimize. It depends on the culture whether the victimizers are shamed or jailed, or not…or even if the victims get blamed. Thai men for example, are often brutal wife-beaters. Those sweet Thai girls are keeping a lot of suffering inside.
      So it isnt good, in any way, Jay, to promote the idea that female helplessness or incompetence is desirable…rendering a woman helpless may just bring out the bully and then she is defenceless. And even if the protector comes out…well, she is then basically a child…
      Ideally, men and women should both be brave, powerful and strong. And they should also be kind to one another. I am horrified to see the cruel words lobbed at women: slut, whore, landwhale, hambeast, old hag”. Men dont get it so bad, but they get called ‘creep’. Not as hideous as calling a woman a slut..that word should be outlawed like n***** is.
      I want you to know just how much those sweet women often suffer. My Thai friends have told me repeatedly what the cost of ‘sweetness’ is and particularly when it comes to Western men. Many are absolutely disgusted by the men who come over form America talking about how they want a very young girl in perfect condition, and how they want a lot of sex from her and how they want her to be ‘obedient’ and ‘subservient’. And because they are poor, and they have big families depending on them, they have to suck it up…in all ways, and smile and smile…it doesnt mean they like it. They are just trained actresses, life-long. But the cost is their own humanity. It is incredibly hard to keep smiling and acting sweet when the gross Westerner is saying appalling things.

      I know a Thai girl and like so many Asian girls, she is using this so-called ‘femininity’ to exploit Western men…before you condemn, remember they are coming to exploit her. They want her youth and her beauty: they arent remotely interested in the actual human being and if she lost her looks, they would discard her. She’s poor, and they know it. She plays a long game and one thing she does is pretend not to have good English…actually, she’s fluent. One day, she sat there and heard the American she’s ‘dating’ say that women must bear responsibility for their own rapes. That he had (he’s about 50) hit on a pretty girl of 18 walking innocently down the road in denim shorts and T-shirt..he hadnt even considered if the girl may have had important things to think of, big decisions to make: no, women only think about fluffy clouds and shoes…he’d stepped in front of her and actually placed his hand on her arm and said “Hi baby, you’re so pretty, let me get your number” and when she’d shaken him off in disgust, he’d angrily followed her, demanding to know why she couldnt ‘take a compliment’ and that she ‘owed him a smile and a thank-you” …owed him thanks for disturbing her and forcing his attentions on her and putting his hand on her. …its this kind of thing that makes women angry..just as it would anger you if every few steps very large powerful men much stronger than you made homosexual suggestions,
      Anyway, the American then turned to my friend (I was at the next table, getting ready to scream) and said “She’d agree with me! A slut like that, entitled little slut, thinks she’s entitled to just ignore me…she has to take some responsibility when she gets raped. Dressing like that, with her goodies in front of me, turning me on , showing me I can have it”…on and on. He forced my friend to agree with it all, using pidgin English, and I could see her getting ready to break. So I got her to the toilet and she just let loose and total tirade…but all in whispers, about ‘Americans” and how very often this stuff comes out and how seething with fury the girls are at being called subservient.
      So many of these girls are actually well-educated but cant find jobs, because the culture is so sexist, the good jobs always go to the men and to support their families, they have to do the ‘sweet’ act, but it is so destructive. You have to smile and smile at the most offensive stuff and butter up these selfish men who never gave a thought to a woman’s feelings…men who will discard them as soon as they hit 22.
      Even when the men arent this bad, when they are lonely men who couldnt adjust to the modern world…or, I will say this, a lot of modern young feminists are just as selfish and demanding as the males…and some of these guys seem to have encountered too many women who make no effort to charm..but its still terribly hard to be ‘sweet’ all the time. It means that you always have to have a smile ready, cant be depressed, or down, cant relax! Always got to be ‘pleasing’ someone else…never yourself. Try and imagine doing that 24 hours a day.
      No wonder that sometimes they explode.

  465. Desperate, pathetic (ugly and rejected kind in the US) “Western males” trying to chase foreign prostiutes, such a disgusting, sad picture.

    1. Yes, men are just flocking to Japan so they can oppress the women there, one 3-week vacation at a time.

  466. PS: Just look at all the migogynist, women-hating male trolls coming out with comments here–must hurt really bad your patriarchy is losing power in the West and you have to crawl somewhere else to oppsress someone.

    1. Wow Ant, you sound like a nasty person.

      I’ve been to Tokyo several times for 2-3 week intervals. I have seen some not so great looking Western guys with girls, but I’ve more commonly seen average looking-attractive Western guys dating Japanese girls. How are these women prostitutes for dating outside of their ethnicity?

      Moreover, if all the men flocking to Japan to pick up an asian wife are just desperate, ugly, and rejected men that you wouldn’t want to date anyway, why are you upset that they’re trying to find happiness in a different part of the world? Japan isn’t some backwater dump where the “benevolent” foreign men are rescuing the women from poverty and enslaving them in the kitchen. Women in Japan have become more independent, educated, and strong.

    2. Japan economy has been bad. I dont think Japanese women has been independent. And to be honest women who are especially attracted to Westerner are not so smart and educated, I think.

  467. i have only gotten a quarter of a way through the comments here and am grateful to see a great number of men with spines straightening out the author… i lived in San Francisco for over 20 years, you remind me of the typical, overly opinionated bigmouth ageist 3rd-wave feminists who inhabit the place…

    but yes, every guy is ‘creepy’, every white guy who chooses an Asian woman over you is a ‘fetishist’ and couldn’t possibly be interested in the woman he chose because she is kind, thoughtful, sweet and FEMININE; and maybe, just maybe, the woman Guy A chose did not put the poor sap through a job interview-type screening process on the first date, like your ilk have a penchant for doing.

    i stopped dating caucasian women a looooooong time ago… not because i am hard up — i’ve never had a problem shmoozing women in the past — i just raised the proverbial bar for myself after realizing i could do far better for myself…

    men here in Japan aren’t interested in you because you’re plain and frumpy; and if they got a load of what an overly entitled, self-important twat you really are then they’d jump off the train platform to get away from you…

    i know this article isn’t recent so you probably already went back to Des Moines/Grand Rapids/St. Paul, wherever by now and settled for the next asshole who noticed and paid attention to you.

  468. From the way it sounds, you wouldn’t want to date these men anyway, so why do you care if the Japanese women will date them?

    1. Easy..feminism is about TOTAL control..over every man. Men going somewhere else BREAKS that control. Doesnt matter who the men is. Their attitude is that this must stop before it spreads. Imagining more men finding out ? The attention they get here in the West would diminish perhaps to, gosh, levels where they would actually have to put in some work in the dating market themselves.

    2. Are you trolling Tom, or do you mean that as a serious comment?

      I’m not sure you understand what feminism means. It means equal opportunity. Feminism means that women are not constantly subjected to sexual harassment and prejudice based on their gender. Femisism is not feminazism. It’s the equivalent of saying all Christians are part of the Klu Klux Klan because a small portion is.

      Because feminism seeks to equalize the genders a bit more, it benefits men as well. Feminists would like to see men able to be nurturing partners without being called ‘pussywhipped’. We’d like men better able to have paternity leave and in general, to not feel they have to look or be a certain way to feel good about themselves. Feminism is intended to take some roles, such as family provider, and lessen the burden on men and the family by also working outside of the home. Every man ought to be a feminist because it directly impacts their wellbeing. Feminism is the opposite of wanting to control or hating men.

      Japanese women are actually in control of men after marriage, FYI. After marriage, you traditionally have no say in the household or childcare, and the typical Japanese man hands his paycheck over and receives an allowance while the wife handles the finances. In return she cooks and cleans, but it’s not an equal partnership where everyone has their say or even where men dominate.

      To address your last point – it would be awesome if women could ask men out on dates. Some women do – I have done it. The problem seems to be though that a lot of men don’t seem to value you unless they feel like they have ‘pursued’ you. Every relationship I have had that resulted in my making the first move ended in disaster, but when I let the man make the first move, even if I contributed equally to the relationship afterwards, it always seemed more healthy overall. So, it really seems like ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ there. Id be interested in a man’s opinion on it.

      In the west, most women believe in equal opportunity in the relationship – a healthy give and take. If you aren’t experiencing that, maybe the problem is that you aren’t dating quality PEOPLE. When men treat me disrespectfully or unkindly, I simply avoid them. That doesn’t mean that every man out there is going to harass me, and it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to stereotype men in that way. In Japan, be prepared to do all the romantic work and all the courting. That’s just how it is. In fact if you are western, a lot of women will take advantage of you because they assume you have money.

      Now, the west is a man’s dream. Where else will a man get a decent woman who will work a job and make good money, who at this time also takes the lion’s share of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare, who also will help with finances and listen with respect to her husband’s desires and dreams, who are more willing to be sexually active(many Japanese wives refuse sex), who you can have in depth conversations with, and who are pressured to maintain a standard of cleanliness and grooming? It’s a pretty good deal if you ask me.

    3. @ Melissa

      Feminists might SAY they’re about “equality” but actions speak louder than words. Feminism has done nothing for men and continues to do nothing for men, except slander, libel, blame, and using shame language when men don’t go along with feminist nonsense.

      – Where is alimony reform? OH WAIT – feminists didn’t care until some women (4% of alimony payers) were ordered to pay alimony.
      – Where is the support and welfare for single fathers?
      – Where are the shelters and support systems for male victims of domestic violence?
      – Do makers of false rape allegations ever get punished in any appreciable way for it?
      – What feminists are actually fighting for male bodily integrity (circumcision)?
      – Where are the feminists fighting for marriage / family court reform?
      – Do any feminists actually celebrate masculinity? No, they call it “toxic masculinity” and say things like “testosterone toxicity”.
      – How come you never hear feminists talk about how men are 4x more likely to commit suicide?
      – We have VAWA and all these initiatives and legislation regarding violence against women… but men make up 80% of murder victims and most victims of all violent crime are men… where is feminism doing, or even TALKING, about that?
      – Are feminists doing anything about the kangaroo court “rape councils” on college campuses?
      – Are feminists doing anything about male social abortion?

      In short – no. And if they are it’s a day late, a copper short.

      Newsflash – men are already able to be nurturing partners. Feminism cannot offer to men what men already have. But your comment about “without being called pussywhipped” is revealing – it seems feminism, according to you, wants a world where it’s normal for a man to be subservient to his partner? No thanks.

      Family roles, support? Hah. You know what happens when a woman earns her own money? Her income level because the standard by which she judges men. Men who earn less than her are seen as “losers” and “bums who lack ambition”. Men who earn more than her are seen as “equals” or “eligible”. All putting women in school and the workforce has done is increase the pressure on men to earn even more money, because we all know women rarely date down, and even less marry down.

      But why get married? Feminism has turned marriage into a dangerous trap for men.

      This is why you have such a large and growing movement of MGTOW (in Japan it’s called “grasseaters”, look it up).

    4. @ Justin

      Wow, you’ve given me a lot to think about.

      Unfortunately, feminazism has really set back feminist culture. They are reacting to fear and anger and use it to justify extremes, which most women do not do. I think that part of the problem is that men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman. As a woman, for me personally, I wake up every day and go to work where my ideas and thoughts are not taken as seriously. The men get together alone and don’t invite the women. They talk shop and make decisions about things and then I get yelled at for not knowing about the decisions they made at the bar. I have more experience and education but I don’t get the same opportunities or respect, even though I’m open to going out with them after hours or on weekends. If I talk in a meeting, they talk over me. I mentored and trained some of these guys! I am getting paid more than most of the men because as I’ve said, I have the education and experience to back it up, but I’ve also been groped by male coworkers. In one situation, we were at a bar and I quietly asked my coworker to stop. He became extremely angry, screaming at me and came at me to hit me. My other male coworkers had to drag him out of the bar, screaming and struggling because apparently I’m a ‘bitch who thinks she’s too good for anyone’. And when that happened, I was extremely upset and confused. I felt very threatened – I’m 5 feet tall and small, this was a large guy. But after the event, my male coworkers wanted to dismiss it and act like nothing happened. How can I work with someone like that? Which brings me to my next point. I fear men. I love men and I fear them at the same time. I’ve been hit by men, I’ve been raped. I know many other women who have been pushed or hit, groped, raped, assaulted by men. It’s not uncommon to look at a man, especially when they get angry, and wonder if they are going to be a danger to me. When I walk down the street, I hear men shouting at me. Men stop in their cars to talk to me. I haven’t yet worked in a place where a male coworker or boss hasn’t tried to forcefully kiss me, spread lies about sleeping with me, discussed my body with others, etc. If I go out with a guy, I have to worry about my safety. If I am talking with friends, men will repeat my joke or point which was ignored previously. Men talk over me, men disrespect me. Even in my relationships, even when I am working 13-15 hour days it is a struggle to get my boyfriends to clean/cook/take care of pets equally. I always end up doing most of the work and I’m exhausted.

      The above has been the experience of most women I know, to varying degrees. The problem is that some women get extremely angry because they live like this and want to hurt men, because they feel men hurt them. A lot of these women have not formed relationships with decent men. When you form relationships with all the wonderful, kind, loving men, you realize it’s unfair to judge an entire gender. Example – I was on the train, and a man came up behind me and started groping me and rubbing his erection on me. The train was so packed I couldn’t move away. When I got room, I told him to stop. I was quite young still, and very scared. I got off the train and heard someone behind me. I sped up, and so did the person behind me. Finally, I gave up and turned to face my attacker. And guess what? It was another guy who followed me, to give me money I had dropped when I sprinted off the train. It taught me something – don’t assume every man is bad. I’ve been beaten with chains, I’ve been choked and punched in the face. But I ALSO had men who were there for me when times were rough, who helped me out when I was in distress. I was raped and harassed, but some men saw and interacted with me as a person, and gave me space. I was disrespected professionally, but some men are very respectful.

      It’s hard to step out of yourself and try to see the world from another perspective. A lot of women live in fear and pain when it comes to men, and they consider that their gender is more in need. When a lot of women who are raped are shamed and ostracized as well as traumatized – and most of their attackers never see the inside of a cell – it’s hard to feel compassion for the comparably small number of men who are falsely accused. When women are more likely to be in danger of their lives when leaving and abusive relationship, when women are, every day, beaten until bones break, it’s hard to feel compassion for the 6 ft 210 pound man getting hit by his 5’3, 110 pound girlfriend. That’s the trap a lot of women fall into.

      But Justin, you ARE right. There are a lot of issues that men face. They SHOULD be addressed, and it shouldn’t matter that women have it worse in a lot of ways. That’s like saying, oh you were abused, well so and so down the street is abused worse so it shouldn’t matter…it DOES matter. Men should be able to fight these issues, and women should be alongside them. There’s not much respect for gender issues. I mean, look at this board. The way that most men on here are talking to women is just…it’s disgusting. Then they turn around and say “But respect ME,” and it doesn’t make any sense. WHY? Why show respect for someone who disrespects an entire gender?

      Men and women need to both come together to solve these issues. Its not going to happen when women say, “I feel fear…I feel disrespect…” and men say, “You’re a bitch and you probably deserved it, you just go shopping and you’re ugly.” But it’s also not going to happen when men say, “There ought to be more protection for men…” and women say, “Oh haha, poor you, guess you aren’t so strong after all!” There has to be a middle ground where we can all work together to respect each other. Men’s Rights isn’t the answer – it’s become what feminazism is. :(

      So Justin, in light of what you said, I’m going to make sure I’m a lot more mindful and I will vocally advocate for men. Thank you for comment, which was enlightening.

    5. “From the way it sounds, you wouldn’t want to date these men anyway, so why do you care if the Japanese women will date them?”

      So much this…

  469. Melissa: You keep saying that there ‘s no respect to women on this thread…don’t forget the angry tone of most post is in response to an extremely provocative article, not in response to women in general.

  470. This article disgusts me. This is the reason I’m disgusted by the majority of western females.

    1. You act entitled.
    wahhhh, there’s something wrong with everyone else and not me
    2. You’re putting down people for an arbitrary reason that is solely based on your shallowness as a person.
    wahhh, these people are nerd and what they do is bad because it’s different. wahhh, they aren’t my type of guys

    1. paige, you disgust me. You clearly have no clue regarding what the article is talking about, and you disparage millions of people. Very immature and unkind.

  471. Reannon, you are simply doing something wrong. The number of Japanese men who would date a white girl, however minuscule, FAR exceeds the number of white girls available. The same could be said of black guys. People always talk about how black guys don’t do well there (though there are tons of blogs, youtube videos etc. that prove otherwise). Even if only .0001% of Japanese girls would date a black guy, there will NEVER be enough black guys to go around.

    You are not making the effort to find them, or properly capture them. What works in one place, or culture, might send guys pounding the pavement in the opposite direction in another place.

  472. so… the ‘nerdy’ western males, which are fairly stigmatized and blacklisted from the dating world everywhere else can succeed in Asia. What’s wrong with that? there is a culture where they have an advantage. just find a country where you have an advantage (the rest of the world). And stop with the ‘league’ shit… love, personality, and compatibility, are not linear concepts.

    just find new approaches to dating, don’t do the stuff in the west, the practices int he west are awkward as hell. you want to get to know some one better, offer english tutoring. set up some posters at a local university, see if the fish bite.

  473. I’m a western female. I’ve lived in Japan for years and I’ve never had this problem. I got approached by guys all the time, both Japanese and foreign, and never went longer than a few months without sex. I’m married to an excellent Japanese man now. Here are my secrets:

    1. I’m not overweight. I’m on the thin side in the west but considered slightly curvy in Japan. Average western women are like whales here.
    2. I wear makeup and dress femininely when I go out. I see most other western women out in jeans and t-shirts, no makeup.
    3. I drink a lot, and Japanese people love drinkers. Most western women have one or two drinks and call it a night. Sticks in the mud.
    4. I speak Japanese fluently. This helps a lot because most Japanese guys are too embarrassed to speak English. Most western women only hang out with other foreigners so their Japanese is crap.
    5. I enjoy living in Japan, so I think that guys pick up on that vibe. If you are miserable here, you look miserable, and make others around you miserable. Act like you are having a great time here, even if you aren’t, and Japanese people will like you a lot more.

  474. I really do think there’s a tremendous amount of white privilege going on, but it is playing out in different ways for the men and women. White women are used to being the preferred race of women for men, period, regardless of whether those men are white or not. The media has held up white women as the ideal. Perhaps many white women, though they might be reluctant to admit it, have an expectation of being the first choice wherever they go because white physical attributes are more valued often at the expense of women of colour. In the case of the author,I guess events did not go the way she thought she would hence this article.

    I think in the case of the “nerdy” men whom I am assuming are white. Whiteness may have worked to their advantage because white men are coded as being superior to men of colour.

  475. I feel you. I am entering my second year in Japan and finally forcing myself to go on dates. It is not going well. I will just say, if you think dating I Tokyo is bad, try doing it in the inaka.

    The bright side is that if you only date Japanese guys without English ability, you get a lot of language practice!

  476. Your post is old, but it’s still up here, so it’s fair game.

    It’s been a while since I’ve encountered such a vile, hate-filled diatribe delivered in such a matter-of-fact, off-handed way. Where to begin?

    “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king.”

    “And through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes”.

    “….my dorky expat brothers expertly flirted for phone numbers”.

    First of all, for someone who’s travelled as much as you claim you have, Asia’s a pretty big place. Stretches all they way to the Mediterranean. If you mean the Orient, then that is what you should say. If you are going to start with the generalizations, at least try to appear to know what you are talking about.

    Your post is fairly dripping with contempt for western men in Japan (your backhanded compliments, few and far between and essentially drowned by it and thus lose any value), and it’s painfully obvious to any of us who count the time we’ve spent in Japan by years rather than months you’re yet another member of the endless legion of sexually disenfranchised western women that have washed up over here. What you spout off about in your impotent rage is nothing new, but as a western man of a dozen years’ residence here, I’m sick and tired of know-nothing dilettantes like yourself trying to tell me (as well as the rest of the world) who I am because you think you’ve got me all figured out.

    I came over here for employment, not romance or sex-that came later. But let me pose a question to you: in a country where about 97% of the population is Japanese, western male expats don’t have much of a choice but to date Japanese women. Are we to fight over the few western women that are here in order to make you feel better?

    Another point to consider is this: hate the game, not the player. Be pissed off at Japanese society, which makes up the rules here, rather than the western guys who play by them. What are we supposed to do-NOT take advantage of them in order to placate pissed-off women like you?

    Guys like me can’t win; if my personal life back in North America was lonely and lacking a relationship, well that’s just too f_cking bad-I must be a loser and that’s just my lot to deal with. If I relocate to another part of the world where I find happiness in meaningful relationships with women, well I’m just a loser who couldn’t cut it back home. Are guys like me to be forever condemned to a lifetime of loneliness in order to satisfy your worldview as to what the “right rules” should be? What a miserable and hateful place your world must be.

    My advice: stay at home. Quit traveling; it’s obvious the experience has been completely lost on you. For all your apparent globetrotting you are an incredibly narrow minded and intolerant person, and I’m glad I’ll never have the misfortune of running into you over here.

  477. I’ve been lurking here for a while, taking all of this in, and I think it’s time I confronted some rather uncomfortable truths the author touches upon. At times, I’ve very nearly soiled myself with guilt when I’ve felt the hate-filled glares of western women boring into me when they see me with some Japanese nubile perched adoringly on my arm. I struggled for a long time to understand why this was, but I think I finally get where the author is coming from.

    You see, I’m one of those gangly, socially-inept nerds. There, I admitted it. Came from a small town in the Pacific Northwest. I was unremarkable in every way; I wasn’t a “smart” nerd, so I for no respect from that crowd. I wasn’t athletic, so the jocks were out. Hell, I wasn’t even bullied because the bullies didn’t even deem me worthy of their attention. I was that invisible. As for women, forget it. I got out of high school and held down a job at the local hardware store. An unremarkable life for an unremarkable person.

    One day, a couple of years after graduation, I was thumbing through my manga collection while one of my Sailor Moon videos was playing in the background of my room in my mum’s basement when I had an epiphany: why go to Japan for real? So I got a job as an English teacher and left for those beguiling shores posthaste.

    After spending a few days adjusting to my new life and job, I started getting a lot of attention from quite good-looking Japanese women. I did absolutely nothing to warrant it, by my God it was like spring water to a man dying of thirst. And it only took a couple of days of this before I really lost my shit.

    Without hesitation I shoved my snout deep into the trough of attractive, willing women. I gorged myself like the sexist white male swine I always knew I was. He was always there, lurking beneath my nerdy exterior, desperate to escape. Now he had the chance, and boy did I let him off the leash. My life turned into an endless carousel of meaningless yet sexually satisfying encounters with women I could never be bothered to learn the names of-or pronounce them right if I did. It was a mutually satisfying arrangement; they got to indulge their sexual curiosity, I got to satiate my sexual needs.

    This went on for quite a few years when a while back, as I was approaching 40, I had my advances to a woman a good 15 years my junior rejected. I was stunned-this had never happened to me before in Japan. I was given pause to think: have I been wrong about all of this? Now that I’m approaching middle age, should I have forgone the sensual smorgasbord I had been stuffing myself on all of these years and looked for a life partner instead? Someone that I could value and respect as an equal and a person?

    I had just about committed to the path of monogamous equality, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered, quite by accident, that women a decade or two younger than me were quite openly sexually attracted to me! So a big shout out and thanks to the hard-working salarymen of Japan for helping turn out generations of male attention-starved females by being distant and disinterested. I picked up where I left off, and my life resembles a perverted parade of sorts; sexual escapades willingly provided for by a seemingly endless supply of younger, supple participants.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that Reannon is right; Japan is a complete waste of time for Western women. I mean, you shouldn’t even bother to come. Japanese men ignore you wholesale and the few Western guys around are so hell-bent on hoovering up every Japanese female they can get their hands on they seldom pause to acknowledge your existence, let alone care about your feelings. I rather shamefacedly admit that whenever a Western woman engages me, my first thought is how quickly I can get rid of her so I can hit on the awesome Japanese woman standing right behind her.

    Take it from me, Reannon-I understand what you went through because as a Western guy back home I know exactly how it feels.

  478. Very good article!! Some people say you are embittered but I did not get that vibe at all. Maybe saddened and a bit frustrated but not bitter. And hey ! You are a human being, so what if this made you feel bitter? Jees! Are we not allowed to be honest about our feelings?
    I actually wanted to thank you for having the guts to put yourself out there and to talk in all honestly, without hypocrisy about your experience and feelings.
    This is very interesting and helpful, it gives a really good insight on japanese dating culture and especially what to expect as a foreign woman in Japan.
    I wish all would have your outspokenness !

    I plan on going to Japan for little less than a year to work while discovering the country and culture.
    But, I guess I am actually VERY lucky I don’t care at all about dating.
    I’m almost 23, never had a boyfriend, never wanted to. I don’t know if it’s due to the fact that, being of Arab origins, I was practically raised like a nun but now, I have no interest in being in a relationship. I’ve done fine all this time without it and don’t feel this need. It actually makes me really uncomfortable when someone hits on me in the West. I always have to explain that I am sorry, not looking for a relationship and all that, and God knows, I haaaaate rejecting people.
    Especially that, because of the way I dress (I love fashion and be feminine), men get the wrong message, and I can’t blame them but that makes me reaaaally awkward.

    If in Japan, I can be expressing all my fashion sense and femininity without any guy getting the wrong message and without ambiguity, I’m all for it !

    The main reason I want to go to Japan is to progress in japanese language, be immersed in the culture and befriend people ! If I have friends, I won’t feel lonely. But making friends is another struggle, I guess :)

    I don’t know how your situation improved but I wish you all the best in your life! <3 You deserve to be happy, and by the way I saw your profile picture and I think you are amazingly cute and beautiful !
    I couldn't help but think japanese men were intimidated by you the whole time, because there is no way it could be possible otherwise ! Also, the way you described them simply furtively glancing at you with a panicked look makes it look like they were really intimidated.

  479. I have read through the 600 and whatever comments, going back the past 4 and a bit years, so here is my take on it all

    1) I am Australian born of Greek-Cypriot parentage who was brought up in the UK. Women there tend to have a very narrow definition of what is ‘hot’ thus I wasn’t as successful as I was in Greece or Cyprus, on the other hand – blond, Anglo Saxon types are not very successful in Southern Europe and they certainly aren’t in Greece and Cyprus, what does this mean? It means women tend to prefer their own sort of men – especially ones who represent the majority of the country of origin. Sure, some women like black guys or foreign looking men everywhere but they will always be a minority and it is the same in the Far East, most Chinese or Japanese women fall in love and eventually marry men from their own culture and society – just like everywhere else on the planet.

    2) There seems to be an entitlement regards the author of this piece, the facts are, though the minority of people in every country in Asia are interested in foreigners – or more accurately – white people – there are still enough interested people in the Far East to go round and then some – there are 1.5 billion people in China, 100 million people in Japan, 60 million in Korea etc – that is a lot of interested people – though, one needs to learn the language where they are living and remember that ‘When in Rome…’ is really part of the ethos of living anywhere in the Far East.

    3) A womans age will disqualify her from a serious relationship in Japan. There is a joke in Japan that goes ‘what do women have in common with Christmas cake? No one wants it after the 25th’ if you look your age then not many men are going to chase after you if you are in your mid twenties, that is the same for Japanese women also and the reason western men are more successful is because they have no problem having a serious relationship with a woman over 25.

    4) Geeks do well, especially amine freaks, cosplay warriors, karate nerds and whatnot is because they do love the culture and LEARN THE LANGUAGE! Learn the language and you will mushroom your social life and love life, if you have the tools of communication then it is how far you can take it, makes sense really.

    I didn’t do well with British women, a below average, balding white bloke will do better than an above average looking black dude, never mind myself, though I did well in Greece – a place where a black dude has no chance and a blond English bloke will strike out more often than not, the problem with a lot of women in the first world is their narrow definition what they consider a man who has an acceptable level of attraction. The reason most western women in Asia are forever single is that they won’t adjust their narrow definition of what is attractive.

    5) Most western blokes in China and Japan just do not give a shit about what you are thinking when you see a local lady on our arm, I wish you well with your lives, I certainly don’t hate you and I do have western female friends (who all tend to be single…) I don’t think you are ‘feminazis’ or that you are feminist shrills but you know… this sense of entitlement is not a gender issue, it is a cultural issue – one that tends to be owned by the citizens of the United States – where the customer is always right, where you have the right to the pursuit of happiness. Which is why you have decent looking but past it (in Japanese eyes) white American women who can’t speak the language lamenting on why average to mediocre western (read American) men are getting laid and they are not. And the men on here defending their position with bile because the thing is – the author is right in what she says, but she has realised that when she points the finger and six point back at her with her entitlement issues, that her accusers are right also.

    6) If you look at Spanish expat blogs – and there are many written by white American women, there are no posts regarding the ‘Loser Back Home’ demographic and what they are up to with the senoritas, why? Because those women are happy dating local. It is a good place to be in, forget what men you don’t care about are doing or not doing, learn the language and get proactive. xxx

    1. Men aren’t attracted to Spain for the women though… it’s entirely different. Nerds are drawn to asia in hordes like nowhere else in the world

    2. Lily, the reason why nerds are drawn to Japan in particular is because one of Japan’s primary cultural exports is their pop-culture. If all that stuff had originated from Spain, I wouldn’t doubt that you would see flocks of nerds traveling there. But then again, Asia also has the added benefit that the women are feminine, thin, and are not culturally encouraged to be enormous sluts that want to fill their fat vaginas with hundreds of cocks. So yeah, cute girls, more chaste, thin, and actually feminine looking? Holy fuck, it sounds like paradise. Sign me up!

      Repeat after me, the vast majority of men do not want to marry or have a relationship with a slut. Slutty women have no value as human beings.

    3. Might it be because the “nerds” of whom you speak actually get treated like like the men they are in Japan? Of course not, that thought never crossed your mind.

  480. This all sounds to me like this: “WAAAH, WAAAH! Nobody wants to have sex with me! WAAAH! Down with the patriarchy! WAAAH, WAAAH!”

  481. Let me translate for you:

    “I had something that the competition didn’t: long, naturally curly, blond hair” I am a racist hypocrite.

    “Four middle-aged White Dudes. All of them were bearded and balding. All of them resembled the aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica. And all of them were pressed up against the model-thin bodies of a heavily made-up Japanese Beauty Queen.” Looks are everything for me for I am shallow.

    “the expat world” fancy word for immigrant I use because immigrants is reserved for non-westerners.

    “While the female expats spent Saturday nights alone, crying into their Ramen bowls, their male counterparts drank freely from the dating pool like they owned it. Which in a way, they did.” Because white men are clearly a commodity to these inferior submissive women and white women liberated women a burden to this shy macho men.

    “If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick.” Not fair *pouts*

    “This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin.” That’s right nerd, fuck you, but please, I need some one to fuck me too while I find my Ken.

    I would translate some more, but you get the idea. I am glad you are so honest in expressing yourself though, it makes it easier for the reader to see who you are and what you are all about, and truth should always bee the paramount of our interests in journalism, in this case, this is hardly about Japan, but about you and women like you, and personally I enjoyed reading this a lot, so thank you very much, I should be reading more from you should I stumble upon it in the near future.

  482. http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=164820101

    JUST LOL
    this is the most entitled cringe feminist write-up I have ever read.

    Woman you are a 3/10 misc standard and a 4/10 real life standards, you wouldn’t get any attention anywhere in the world and your bitterness as you describe what japans average male looks like is just beautiful. AS IF you could accurately judge beauty, let’s just say you’re not very good at it if you perceive yourself as attractive.

    Rot you bitter ugly feminist

  483. I don’t feel the slightest bit empathetic for women like the OP, claiming that even tho she’s cute at best and average at worst, she’s a barbie that Japanese Kens don’t want. So tough for you, lol. She don’t look that attractive to me, (5 out of 10) but even if she was a 10, western women tend to have these very ugly attitudes and personalities that looks something like a decaying corpse. Superficial women of the west are empty headed, emotionally insecure, spoiled brats that can only allure men by caking makeup on their faces and covering their bodies in vibrant clothe. Such a shallow breed of women, which are unfit to bare the children of those who rule the Earth – the nerds.

    1. Actually Asian women can be far more superficial…They cake on their whitening creams with their ten step face products, not to mention their obsession for plastic surgery and money. You better have a good job because they will expect you to make a lot of money to buy them jewelry and hold their hand bags as they take out their mirror every second and take their selfies! See, it’s just as easy to stereotype and generalize for both races…I would say Asians are far more look obsessed than western women!

    2. “I would say Asians are far more look obsessed than western women!”
      And why is that a bad thing ? Western women wants to look like ugly feminists who dont “need a man” and thus “dont need to look good for a man”.

    3. maybe if men spent a bit more time in the gym and actually looked more physically appealing, then Western woman would care more. Goes both ways.

      And if you like superficial woman, than great, but these same woman are also extremely demanding of wanting their men to make a lot of money and buy them things

    4. I spend 3-4 days in the gym a week, I look good. It doesnt really matter though, the better you look the more western women will pretend you’re air. It’s their hobby. Dont act as if you dont know what I’m talking about. You are all so very transparent, too bad it ruins everybodies life in the end and no one wins. No wonder Western men like Japan or Asia in general.

    5. Even if men spent more time at the gym, it doesn’t change the fact that most American women are still filthy sluts that want to fill their meat flaps with as many cocks as possible and as a result are really not worth committing to. Again, men don’t want a skank for a serious partner. At least Japan has yet to be riddled with America’s brand of misinformed sexual progressivism that has ironically left more men and women depressed and unsatisfied (look up studies on college hook up culture).

      Men and women don’t really date anymore in this country and even the steps to starting a relationship have become hopelessly awkward, a game of text tag, are we serious or am I just a fuck doll and has become largely a product of self-interest. At least in Japan, relationships between young men and women are still very much common place and God forbid, there’s actually some romance and sincerity involved. America’s shit worthless dating culture can stay where it is.

    6. Hey Melanie, I will respond to all of your comments here:

      Yes, other races are attractive but white (American caucasian) is more or less being toward the bottom. Your average white girl is overweight, has masculine body features (broad shoulders, deeper voice, and weird masculine shit going on with their face). The average party ready white girl also acts like a man too. No, I don’t need a chick that says she can outdrink me. Seriously, no thanks, that’s what my guy friends are for since they are, well, guys. As for intelligent discussions, lol. The average white girl is almost incapable of having an intelligent conversation these days. The ones that are capable are doctors, lawyers, and graduate students. However, most of those girls look like shit anyway so it’s slim pickings. Then you have to deal with an entitled cunt (I dated a medical student before and a ton of them are still your typical American slut that wants to fill themselves up with a ton of strange cock). Thanks, but no thanks.

      What do you get if you go to Japan. Well, after spending quite a bit of time in Tokyo thanks to research opportunities at Tokyo Uni, people are quiet and more respectful. There are educated women in Tokyo that are attractive but won’t be sluts. Yes, some of them are which is inevitable in any country but it is very dilute in a place like Japan thanks to slut shaming and stuff. Seriously, have you ever actually talked to an average Japanese person? Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, casual dating, Tindr…that shit isn’t in their vocabulary. They literally have no fucking idea what any of that even means, and I’d wager they are a better society (socially) for it. Japanese women also tend to be highly feminine. Yeah, you have some dumb rocks that obsess over make up and stuff, but that is far from the norm. There are more that are loving, caring, and supportive especially if you compare them to American culture. And trust me, I’ve tried in America. I’ve dated upwards of ~25 white women because of how shitty this culture is and how difficult it is to find someone with the really super easy requirement of not being a slut. It has failed, multiple times. So you know what, I’m done. I avoid any girl that has been raised in America unless it’s for a quickie if I’m single. Almost without fail, the best relationships I have had since are the women raised literally anywhere else but here. American asians? Fuck no. Huge sluts. American latino? LOL. Or just any other race raised under the umbrella of this shit culture? No thanks.

    7. Wow. Look at all the whining men on here. It’s an advertisement for the Red Pill.

      I lived in Japan for years. I have many Japanese friends, male and female. I have many western male and female friends. Let’s break this down:

      First of all, your average Japanese person thinks western women are more attractive. That’s because Japanese people all look the same and western is more exotic. Also, I’ve seen many naked Japanese women and they do not in general have many curves. Japanese women and men are both fascinated by western women’s larger breasts or bottoms. Not all western women are fat and ugly, if you think so then yeah, go date Asian girls because we don’t want you. A lot of the Asian girls you date are considered the bottom of the barrel in Japan anyway. No self respecting Japanese woman dates western dudes.

      I know plenty of Japanese girls that sleep with a lot of guys. I know more that refuse sex entirely. Unlike western women, who are more likely to discuss problems with you and work on them, Japanese women will often either nag at you, use sex to control you, or refuse to talk about anything. They certainly are not more feminine or moral. A lot of them wait until marriage to bring out the crazy.

      Of all the men I knew over the years, only one is still happily married to his Japanese wife, and they live out of country. Every other man I knew who dated or married a Japanese woman was very unhappy. There’s no communication, no stimulation, Japanese women don’t work and they nag to get what they want because they haven’t learned how to communicate effectively. I’ve heard plenty of Japanese girls swear and be crude or gross and then they pretend for the men. Then later on I have to hear how my male friends can’t go out with friends anymore, how their wife wants them to get a second job and he is exhausted, how they haven’t had sex in over a year and most of the sex they did have, she just laid there. It gets old, fast.

      I’m not saying that’s going to be every couple. I’ve probably personally known 50 or so married couples through the years, give or take. Interestingly enough, every single western woman/Japanese male couple i have known has been successful. Every. Single. One.

      Japanese women are attractive in their own right. I know a lot of men who don’t desire them, but I personally think they are. I am very feminine and I love the fashion that’s currently in style. I believe that Japanese women can be wonderful but their culture sets them up to be infantile and selfish. That is changing, thank god, as the women are fighting back a bit more against cultural norms.

      Any guy who wants to say one race is better than another, and to especially denigrate another race or gender entirely has pretty much outed himself as ignorant and pretty gross. His opinion doesn’t matter because it’s not a well-thought out and objective one. It’s basically the equivalent of hating black people or Jews. It’s disgusting and says more about the pathetic person holding that opinion than any woman.

      As I said before – if you feel that way, quit your immature whining and get the hell out. Go to Japan and try your luck there. We can improve the gene pool without your misogynistic crap.

    8. @Melissa, I agree. It’s amazing the bitterness and misogyny coming off the responses here. It’s like the bottom of the gene pool of men conjuring here in the comments. They actually just prove the point of the original article and it’s kind of sad that THIS is the quality of white guys living in Asia…not surprising actually, but pretty pathetic. I kind of feel sorry for the poor Asian girls that date these ‘losers’

    9. Hey Melissa,

      I always take what American women who have been to Japan with a huge grain of salt. Like you mentioned about the Western men that usually find themselves in Asia, western women are typically the same bottom of the barrel quality that the men are. The OP of this blog post is a perfect example of that. Not attractive, but thinks she is and deserves high quality men to chase her down the street. It’s truly a bizarre phenomenon, but hey, that’s America where the OkCupid or Tindr profile of a 4/10 is blown into the stratosphere.

      I lived in Tokyo for about a year and also have had many outgoing Japanese friends (men and women). After that, I ended up sharing an apartment with a native Japanese in America who was from Tokyo, so I will try to compare my experiences with yours. I agree, Japanese people tend to find western men and women exotic (probably for the same reasons men find women of other races exotic). My Japanese roommate, for example, told me how much he found western women attractive. But in general like most western men with asian women, they don’t know how to rate attractiveness of white women and typically any one that looks different is considered attractive. No, not all western women are bad looking. Completely agreed. But a lot of western women are not that attractive and do not have nice bodies. Curvy has basically become synonymous with “fat” these days. There are not nearly as many “curvy” women that you claim there are. CDC data indicate that upward of 60% of American women are overweight and, on average, weigh the same as the average man did in the 1970s (160 pounds). Man the harpoons. And frankly, I’m not all that attracted to asses that are just plain fat and unshapely. Some of the asian women I have dated haven’t had flat chests or asses, there can be a large variety as well. Face is #1 for me. That is, hands down, the most important feature for me. Some men have no shame and will stick their dick into a bees nest if it had a pussy. Some of us still have standards.

      It’s so cute when Western girls claim attractive Japanese women will not date western men. I’m significantly taller than the average Japanese guy (who is 5’7”), take care of my fashion/grooming, and work out. Don’t have a bad face either, prob give it a 7/10 by Western standards. It’s helped me date attractive American women, so imagine my surprise when I rolled up into Japan and it was raining pussy. Seriously, it was stupid easy. It might have been true 20-30 years ago that western guys couldn’t date attractive asian women. For some of the girls I hooked up with in Japan I showed my Japanese roommate and man, was he jealous. I’m not fucking retarded like these dumb anime fags that go to Japan to try to become a samurai. I know what looks good for an asian girl (petite, a small round face, big eyes, and pale skin). It’s not rocket science or some big secret that only asian guys know. So sorry, no busu zone here. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I definitely saw some other normal looking western men dating fairly attractive Japanese girls in places like Shibuya, etc. I partied through college, no Japanese guy was going to be able to compete with my delightful personality ;).

      I had a lot of conversations with my Japanese roommate (who also happened to be very outgoing, drank a lot, and had a decent looking wife). I trust what he says a lot more than more nerdy/quiet Japanese men because it’s very clear to me he understands the social workings of Tokyo very well. Not sure what your friends were like, but no offense they sound kinda gay. Anyway what he has told me is the polar opposite of what you’re telling me and what I experienced as well. Japanese women are definitely more submissive and man a lot of them are pissed if they find out they were just a pump and dump. Some of them will try to vet you and call you a, what was the word (chirai, or playboy). Yeah not me babe, that’s not who I am. Anyway, there is no doubt that there are slutty women in Japan. No question at all. But the real question is whether a place like Tokyo is so riddled with sluts that even the native men have reservations of actually settling down with someone. The answer appears to be an emphatic “no.” The proof of that is simply the fact that bottom of the barrel western men can actually find someone to settle down with, even if the woman isn’t conventionally attractive. Even unattractive women in America get overwhelmed by desperate male attention and are increasingly incentivized to act shitty. 10 points for Japan, IMO.

      Am I surprised that the weird Western men that moved to Japan because of manga and anime struggle once they’re in a relationship? Lol, no. Marriage and LTRs require a lot of time investment, compromise, and communication. If a guy can’t do that in his own language, trying to get him to do it in a foreign one could make for a quality reality TV show. I wish I could just get western women to stop tripping over stuff and falling on top of some strange cock. It’s almost a miracle when two 20 something people actually start an exclusive relationship these days. Man, I knew some poor assholes in a peripheral social circle that were in open relationships (at the request of the girl) and getting played so hard while their “girlfriends” were sleeping with tons of other men. The fact Japanese men barely, if ever, have to deal with a scenario like that in Japan already shows there is a huge difference in culture. While open relationships are not the norm here in America, it is not rare. Why you want to ruin a culture with America’s brand of shit dating culture is truly beyond me. A dating culture, which studies have found actually leave men and women MORE depressed and MORE unfulfilled than ever before. I’m sure Japan can’t wait to get on board with that.

      The one problem I have with modern feminism is not that I don’t believe men and women shouldn’t be equal (they should), but it’s how feminism gets packaged and sold that forms a social narrative of debauchery and hypersexualism under the deluded guise of “progressivism.” Feminism says, to be a woman you have to be pro-choice. Now feminism may respect the opinions of all women, but we all know how well that plays out in practice. Herd mentality ensures that fringe feminists that threaten the status quo are completely beaten out. I remember reading about feminists who happened to be pro-life get completely kicked to the curb because it didn’t fit the mainstream narrative. Sexuality is another aspect that was neatly packaged into mainstream feminism. No one ever had to say, in the fight for equality of men and women, that you have to be a shameless and classless slut. But that’s how it happened. Now you have slut marches, hook-up culture, and all the shitty shit that people think they want but studies show they are more depressed for it (hey, this is what you want to bring to Japan?). It does give one a bit of Schauden Freude when you also read from studies that women are actually more negatively impacted by so called hook up culture than men. Truly, a bunch of donkeys.

      Nah, I’m not going to go to Japan to find a wife. I’ll just continue dating attractive international women here in the states that haven’t been tainted by America’s absolute shit culture when it comes to dating. You are clearly overstating the differences between America and foreign cultures to the point that it is disingenuous. “B-b-but Japan has sluts too!” No shit, but it’s not their cultural export.

      Oh, and fuck the red pill. Bitch, please. But they are right about one thing. America is filled to the brim with shameless whores, ugly women wishing they were/could be whores because all their friends are shameless sluts, and all that shit. Barely anyone aspires to have an emotionally fulfilling and satisfying relationship anymore. Just sex, sex, sex. Gotta go to the sex factory and get my buns filled with meat. For the love of god, don’t bring that shit to Japan.

    10. Hey Melanie you can eat a dick. You would be appalled to know how normal I look and you wouldn’t even know I had these views. Was just a passerby in Tokyo for a short segment of my life and relaying my transcultural experiences.

      You do realize though that most women even in the States and Britain don’t identify or call themselves feminist (15-23% or so), but believe in equality between the sexes right (90%+). Even so, one thing that almost everyone did pick up on is the slut culture that came with it (at least in America).

    11. Anonymoose. You state you lived in Japan for a year and then you lived with a real life Japanese person. Wow, you clearly are an authority on the subject and your experiences are definitely much more correct than mine, even though I’ve lived in Japan for years and have had many Japanese friends.

      Yeah I know that’s snarky, but seriously? You barely have dipped your toe into Japan and you are trying to advise on Japanese behavior versus American? For that matter, I’ve barely dipped my toe compared to the people who have lived there for 10 years and over and when someone comes on here and gives their opinion based on that many years of experience I will for sure pay attention.

      You may think I’m the bottom of the barrel, and that’s ok. I’m considered pretty attractive here in America, I’ve dated a couple models, and when I was living in Japan I was able to go on many, many dates. I mostly dated European and Australian men, some Americans. There are many men in Japan, most of them range from unattractive to average, with a very few very attractive. I actually prefer average looks and a bit of geekiness with a good mind, so that was great for me.

      You said that a lot of Japanese people don’t know how to rate attractiveness. It’s the same for Western men with Japanese women. I can tell when a woman is attractive. Arguably I can tell better than a man, because I’m aware of all the makeup, bra and butt inserts, fake lashes, eye tape, dyes, and skin whitening tactics. Most Japanese women are not naturally beautiful. It takes a lot of work to look ‘Japanese beautiful’. A LOT of western men end up dating Japanese women that are severely butt ugly. Like messed up teeth, zits, wonky looking face, emaciated looking. She slaps on a pair of heels and a short skirt and the guy walks around like he won the jackpot. Like any other country, there are more unattractive women than attractive. If you think that starving yourself is beauty, then ok. In America there are actually more fat men than there are fat women. 160 pounds seems like a lot, however women are also taller and some ARE curvier. I had a friend some years back, gorgeous girl, and she was definitely not even slightly overweight and was 160. So you can’t tell based on weight. 160 for a man is very, very thin. Most men don’t weigh that anymore either.

      I didn’t say no attractive Japanese woman would date a western man. I said no decent one would. Japanese women in general want Japanese men. Japanese women who do not are in general outliers and looked down upon.

      ‘Raining pussy’ and yet Japanese women somehow have the moral high ground? Most women are not sleeping with every dude, you know. Most women are in relationships and have fewer partners than men. In Japan, a LOT of the women are cheating on boyfriends and sleeping with multiple men at once. I’d say at a far higher rate than in America because there isn’t any bias against it really. I think maybe you watch too much television if that’s your concept of women in America.

      You partied through college so you think you have a winning personality? I really hope that was a joke. Maybe that’s impressive to a 19 year old. Your Japanese roommate drank a lot? So what, all Japanese men do. Dude, Japanese women are not more submissive. They are ACTING for you. And they don’t say anything negative to your face and then bitch about you to your friends. If I knew a Japanese girl marrying a western dude, she would be saying in Japanese, “He’s fat and ugly but he has money. I hate his nose. Ew he is hairy.” And then she’d cheat on him and ditch him without a word, or get some kids and refuse to have sex with him anymore, etc. It was all so common it was a running joke. If you want to believe otherwise, then fine by me.

      I’m attractive, I’ve got advanced degrees, I’ve traveled all over the world and lived in several countries including Japan. You wrote paragraph after paragraph and I have to say that the kind of person you seem to be is just…repulsive. Your ideas on women, your ideas on what makes someone worthwhile, the way you talk about yourself…you just sound like a major douchebag. I don’t know you, maybe you aren’t, but wow…I think you have a lot of growing up to do. You are completely clueless about feminism, dating, and you overtly lay blame at the door of women for issues that men have contributed as much to, if not more to. Most of the men I knew in Japan would have said your beliefs were weird and gross. Most of them don’t ascribe to your ideas, and would be deeply offended by them. They date Japanese girls, but they don’t have some weird hate on for American girls.

      But of course you lived with a Japanese person once. So what do I know?

    12. ‘Slut Culture’.

      Wow, are you ever backward. Proving my point already I see.

    13. Melissa, yes. I lived near Mizonokuchi and later in Daimon while I was awarded to do research. The irony of accusing me of using anecdotal experiences while you use your own to tell me I’m wrong is really amusing. Clearly we both had different experiences, both of which are obviously valid. My initial guess is that your personal beliefs/convictions/values led you to gravitate more toward likeminded and progressive Japanese over the years at the expense of filtering out the many people who are not like that. That could be Japanese who held more Western values, traveled or studied abroad, or even dated western women as you alluded to in a previous comment. See a pattern? That is not your typical Japanese person that lives in Japan. It is one flavor, but it’s not the whole dish. I’m not relying completely on my own experiences to give me the full picture. Even after living with a Japanese roommate, I’m still only getting part of the picture. With that said, there are some cultural aspects that are so ingrained and mainstream that if you pulled a handful of people from their society out and asked them general questions about what dating culture in Japan is like you would get varied responses like you do in any other culture, but you would quickly begin to see certain patterns emerge. Japanese tend to be more exclusive, almost innocent compared with what you see in America (with exceptions), and relationship minded. Am I wrong? That’s definitely the impression that I took away from everything. If you do the same here, no matter what part of the country you pull someone from they will know without a doubt what hook-up culture, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, and all that shit is. 100/100 people. This is not true of mainstream Japan, as I found these words generally didn’t exist. In fact, they had no idea what those were. Japanese who studied abroad of course know what Tindr is. It immediately shows the contrast between dating culture in America and Japan. Every Japanese knows that girls in Roppongi are skanks though, so there’s that I guess.

      Well Melissa, I don’t recall specifically saying you were ugly just that the many western women I’ve seen in Tokyo typically are. It’s no mystery that a place like Japan tends to attract the misfits of western society, men and women included. My comment was just a tit for tat because people will be quick to disparage the men, but ignore the western women.

      Yes, I know that most Western men don’t know how to rate asian attractiveness, which is something I said. Just look no further at the shitty examples we have in western media of what a “hot” asian looks like. Trust me, I know about the gimmicky make up tricks too. From ugly to beautiful in 1 hour of youtube make up tutorials. Can I just say, holy shit, it’s amazing what make up can do. Yeah, it was a bit of a stumbling block at first. Although some women are taller in America compared to the 1970s, the article I’m referencing refers to the average women and the article did note that the average height from the 1970s of women only increased by an inch. In other words, women barely got taller, just fatter. And really, it’s not hard to see. Tons of fatties walking around. Then you go to Japan and you’re like, holy shit something is different here. 160 pounds for a 5’4” girl (again, CDC data) is fat. Arguably, no one was starving themselves in the 1970s, people just carried a healthy weight. Would you also argue that some European countries (also not fat) starve themselves too? Naw, Americans are just fat (of course, men included. But I don’t date men which is why I didn’t mention it).

      I don’t know exactly what you mean by decent. Personally, an 8/10 is decent to me. Sometimes I get a 9. Can’t say I’ve ever been with a 10 before in any culture (it’s like 1% of women). There are examples of very famous Japanese actresses dating or marrying foreign men. Yes, they are outliers. If you’re talking about a very attractive Japanese woman that comes from money and prestige and hang around Ginza all the time, then you’re probably right. The very top is going to be unaccessible to foreign men for a variety of reasons, but that’s pretty much true of any culture. Can’t say I was that sad considering there was high quality with low effort to be found elsewhere.

      I can’t say I know what Japanese women do in their relationships, but unless you have concrete statistics to back up your statement that “a lot” of women cheat in their relationships I am going to side with my own experiences and the Japanese people I have met. The only statistics I was able to find was from a 2008 poll by the Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare that ~20% of married Japanese men had extramarital sex, but that figure was only 11% of women. Hardly sounds like an epidemic to me. But let’s compare that to what statistics are available here. Some statistics report similar findings (14% of women, 22% of men admitting to an extramarital affair). However, a recent analysis by Buss and Shackelford suggests that the actual number is much higher (an estimated 30-60%) of all married individuals. The lower, conservative numbers posted here really doesn’t surprise me all that much. It’s basically looking at my parents generation, not the younger generation that has yet to reach marriageable age. While I don’t think my parents generation was perfectly chaste or anything weird like that, the number of average sexual partners is way different in their generation compared to what’s reported in college hook up studies. Experts have also noted that practicing infidelity has become more common among people under the age of 30. This study, posted in the Wall Street journal, found that between 1991 and 2006, the number of unfaithful wives under 30 increased by 20% and men, a shameful 45%. Again, remember what I said about how hook up culture harms women more than men? Men have no shame. This is only infidelity in marriages, can’t imagine what it would be if it were just relationships. I’m not arguing that any culture in the world is perfect but already we can see that there is indeed a difference between cultures that will probably just end up getting worse in America since everyone is all progressive and shit now. Thanks feminism. If you aren’t troubled by these statistics and what they say, you should be considering there are no foreseeable movements occurring in this country to reel back some of this shitty behavior in. In fact, the opposite is happening which will ensure this shit behavior will receive safe voyage in the years to come. Every single society will have infidelity statistics, I’m not arguing that Japan is some magical exception. But if you had to place your money on whether an American couple will cheat vs. a Japanese couple, I mean is there even a question? America’s shit brand of dating culture will just fuck countries like Japan up even more. If you had to stick your hand in and pull an M&M out of jar full of poisoned ones containing cyanide, would it be better to stick your hand in the jar with less cyanide candies, or more? And you even said it yourself, “most women are not sleeping with every dude and have fewer partners than men.” No wonder Japan sounds like paradise to nerds. Seriously, can’t blame them. Too bad you’re wrong about what studies and statistics show about cheating in Japan vs. America though. Once again, America has to try to outdo every other country in the world, even at cheating too. Are you surprised when things like hook-up culture and fuck buddies are a thing in America but not in Japan?

      I partied in college, so I know I have a winning personality. Ok, ok, fair enough. What I mean to say is I am well socialized, not awkward, know how to talk to people, be friendly, talk to women, whatever. How do you think I feel being in the sort of graduate program I’m in. Everyone is such an awkward nerd (not everyone, but most people are). Ah, got me there. Japanese men do drink a lot. I guess what I was trying to say is that he has a very atypical Japanese personality. Very outgoing, almost like a bro. Not shy at all. And let’s face it, most Japanese men are shy compared to Americans. I don’t think it’s even up for debate. I’m sure all the Japanese women I was with were singing my praises. Again, fortunately I’m not unattractive (thank god). I have a smaller face, which apparently is the best thing ever in Japanese society and received tons of compliments and ikemen wherever I went. I’m not kidding, the amount of attention was off the charts. I never did bad in America either, so take whatever I get in America and add a few extra points. I don’t believe Japanese women wouldn’t talk to their friends about their gross, fat husbands. But the statistics at least don’t indicate Japanese women are leaving or cheating at epidemic proportions like young Americans are. Statistics and studies are the only arguments that matter in this discussion. Our conflicting anecdotal experiences will take us nowhere. And if anything, the statistics more closely align with my own experiences. Maybe you found more liberal enclaves, which can certainly influence how you see something.

      I’m also attractive, well educated (worked in a top national laboratory and now in a top 10 graduate program). I have traveled a bit, probably not as extensively as you. I have lived all across America, except for the west coast. And years of experience, friend testimonials, personal observations, and the statistics it feels all too grating regarding the state of affairs young millennials have found themselves in. More than double the amount of young married women in America are cheaters than Japanese women. The men in this country are even worse (seriously, 45%!!! Holy shit), but the women have done this to themselves. This is the vision of feminism you fought so hard for. If you ask me, I think cheating is more or less a positive feedback cycle. People exposed to that cycle of marital abuse inexorably find themselves repeating the same shitty behavior and now you have a bunch of shitty people that act shitty to each other and don’t know how to deal with a normal relationship anymore. But that’s just me being cynical, we all know social media is in part to blame. But gosh, 45% of men and 20% of women and that was from the 90s to 2006. I can’t fucking wait to see what the new data says about how shitty people are to each other in the near future.

      The men you knew in Japan would think I’m a total bro and worship my charming personality or probably the fact that I’m white. No joke, the Japanese dudes at the school I went to were practically falling over themselves just to talk to me, invite me out, etc. Again, you would see me in real life and literally have no idea I had these views. I don’t think they are unreasonable, since they truly are well supported beliefs from the statistics we’ve seen mentioned above. Yes, I am passionate about this topic as you can see. That’s because I see a moral failing in this country and the likelihood that it’s just going to get worse, and well, I don’t know, it bothers me a great deal. I am a firm believer in sustainability in all facets of life. American dating culture is not a sustainable relationship model. You’re free to disagree, that’s perfectly fine. Look, obviously not all American women are bad. It’s not even that women are bad. It’s the culture that is to blame for the way women and men act, it’s not just women that are at fault here and it could easily be argued that it’s men leading the charge. But then we have to remind ourselves, where did this come from? Oh right, 3rd wave feminism. As a result most American women are the victims of a shitty worthless culture that promotes unabashed promiscuity. And what does it do for men (but more so women) in the end? According to hook-up culture studies, it just makes them feel like shit. Just imagine the amount of baggage I had to sift through just to find my current girlfriend (by the way, attractive, good family with parents that are top professors in their field, and not a feminist. She had the exact same problems as I mention now when she came to this culture. Completely fucking backward when it comes to dating and youth). And it can’t be stressed enough, I wouldn’t call it backward if people liked dating culture here and maybe it was my own weird outlandish views where I was the outlier. But again, the majority of people do not like hook-up culture but feel compelled to participate because its mainstream. What do third-wave feminists call that? Oh right, “sexual autonomy.” Follows what everyone else does….Autonomous, right. That’s what happens when you realize that most people are morons and buzz words like sexual autonomy only sound great and perfect in theory.

    14. And yes, it is slut culture. It applies equally to men as well. Feminism never had to be packaged this way. I am a firm believer in the equal rights of men and women, but it has come to the point where you can’t criticize any gospel of feminism without risk of being labeled a misogynist or a woman hater. The statistics could have literally been 80% of young men cheat and 60% of women and you would sit there and say, “This is fine.” At what point do we admit there’s a problem? In case you haven’t noticed, feminism has more or less replaced religion and it’s interesting how many parallels there are between the two and its mainstream, college-aged followers.

    15. Are you serious? You lose any claim to intelligent debate when you start calling women ‘fatties’ and yeah, all your other kids of Red Pill shit. You say that you don’t follow them, but you sound exactly like some of those guys.

      When you come from a place of respect, you might earn some respect for yourself. Until then…

      And yeah, I know I’m not exactly being respectful of you. I don’t really care. You clearly hate women, and I’m not interested in winning what might constitute as your ‘respect’.

    16. Perhaps if western women acted with more respect or even just common courtesy towards western men, we wouldn’t have to travel round the world trying to find women.
      Did you ever think about that ? Are you actually thinking that you do NOTHING wrong, that NOTHING is wrong with your behavior ? You seem to have no problem criticizing men calling them losers, but what about yourself ?
      It seems like western women have gained a superiority complex that leaves around 80% of all men in the dustbin. How can you label 80% of the male population as “losers” when in fact they are really not.

    17. I never said any man was a loser. However, men hurt women more, cheat more, abuse more, rape more, and in general cause more emotional and physical harm to women. So to paint men as though they are all hard done by terrible women seems really ignorant and weird.

    18. is the quality of western men in Asia piss poor? Yeah, I suppose it is. Is the quality of western women piss poor in Asia? Yeah, very much so.

      For every single crappy accusation you level at western men in Asia (ugly, dorky, no social skills, can’t get a job back home etc) you can certainly level at the women, two peas out of the same pod.

    19. Apparently, Melanie, you didn’t even bother to read the article, so let me explain it to you.

      The author was complaining about Japanese women’s superficiality, but not in the way you describe. Her problem is not that Japanese women are superficial, but rather they are not superficial in a way that doesn’t conform with her worldview based on contemporary American cultural norms. Which is why she spent part of her article expressing shock/irritation/outrage over what she’s deemed to be “inferior” Western men being involved with Japanese women who were “out of their league”.

      I am quite confident that if Japanese women treated western expat men the same way she does then this article would have never been written. But they don’t, so you and every other entitled Western woman have two choices: suck it up and deal with it, or ignore it because it doesn’t involve you.

    20. you’re not precisely material for an open casket, dear, so, don’t flatter yourself that much

    21. No. They were not ‘progressive’ Japanese people. They were regular, run of the mill Japanese. I had a friend who was Japanese but was raised in Canada. The Japanese girls used to say some pretty incredible things around her before they realized she was not *really* Japanese. I think you’ve been duped, my friend. I find it offensive that you want to paint my experiences as incorrect or I must have been hanging out with ‘different’ Japanese people than you. I’m sure you could tell me something about Japanese men, but you, sir, seem to know absolutely nothing about Japanese women other than the surface. No, they are not ‘innocent’. No, they are not only ‘relationship minded’. Most Japanese girls don’t care about relationships. They care about getting married and fulfilling their social contract and that’s it. They don’t focus on romance like we do in America. I’m really, really surprised you had a different impression. One of my friends I went to school with (I was an exchange student in Japan, then came back to travel, then came back again to live and work for a few more years) was a massive player but he was honest about it. He slept with SO many Japanese girls – and no, he didn’t go to Roppongi. We’d be at a bbq or hanging out with friends, he’d ask a girl if she wanted to have sex, and before you knew it they’d be banging in the bathroom. This stuff happened all the time, with different girls. I found them to be even more promiscuous than American girls because in America there’s a taboo about it and in Japan there just isn’t much of one.

      And yeah, a lot of Japanese girls starve themselves to be thin. No, I don’t condescend to rate people’s attractiveness by number. People in Japan do use Tinder. A great deal of them are married women.

      I’m not going to cite any sources as to Japanese women who cheat. First of all, Japanese women are hardly comfortable discussing such things in a poll. This is why researchers stated that the actual numbers are a hell of a lot higher. I can tell you based on my experience, the experience of people who have lived in Japan for years, and basically any google search. If you know ANYTHING about Japan, and relationships in Japan, you’ll know most people in Japan do not marry for love. They don’t really date and they still have ‘arranged’ marriages. Marriage is a social contract. More than half of Japanese people aren’t having sex in their marriages, many people report not wanting to have sex in their marriages, a lot of women feel that sex is for babies and then you are done having sex with your husband. After this, it’s cheating cheating cheating, which isn’t really taboo in Japan. Men are expected to cheat, women are expected to cheat. Most of my friends have been approached and slept with a multitude of married Japanese women. I couldn’t tell you how many times I was approached by Western men married to Japanese women and the story was the same – we don’t have sex any more, she’s cheating, she’s controlling and nags all the time, I want to leave her but if I do I lose my children. This is a real problem for Western men. Eventually most people cheat. You may find something different relationship to relationship, but my experience is that there is a huge proportion of women who are cheating on their husbands. Just because she is married to a Western man doesn’t mean all her thoughts about marriage and socially acceptable practices go out the window.

      If you want to compare a typical dating couple in America and Japan, fine. In America, men and women find people of relatively equal attractiveness. They court each other. Men and women tend to equally pay for dates, tend to discuss problems that they may have, tend to be in love and affectionate, tend to want to travel together and experience fun hobbies together. They want to be equals and partners. If there’s cheating involved, by either gender, it’s considered to be a negative thing. American couples are more likely to work through problems or seek counseling.

      In the Japanese couple, the parents or mutual friends introduce the girl and boy. They don’t really date. They usually aren’t in love. They don’t discuss issues, they don’t want to go on adventures together, they don’t want to be equal partners. The man is pressured to work work work work work and never be home. He is gone from the home most of the time and doesn’t often see his wife or children. He will often cheat. The wife spends her time with her kids, is bored bored bored. She’s in charge of the household, she takes his money and decides what to do with it. She decides what the kids do and what happens in the household. He doesn’t really get a say. Then she cheats. What you end up having is 2 strangers basically living together. So you’ll forgive me if I think that American relationships are a hell of a lot better. There is a reason that the fertility rate is declining. There is a reason many, many young people aren’t dating. There’s a reason that many women and men are refusing to get married. I really think you have rose-colored glasses on here.

      I keep going back to this and I’m just shocked, SHOCKED, that you claim to have spent any time in Japan knowing Japanese people and yet seem to incredibly ignorant of Japanese relationships and relationships with Japanese women and Western men. It really seems to me like you just see what you want to see. I mean, what is the point of my illuminating you on these points – you were THERE and you remain completely ignorant of anything but the very most stereotypical Japanese woman ‘propaganda’. But what can you expect from a person who calls women ‘fatties’? Clearly you don’t have much respect for women and you’ve somehow got this completely fictionalized idea of Japanese women that you hold up as ideal.

      Look, I’ve dated people from lots of different cultures, and a LOT of men around the world love dating American women because we actually work toward a partnership. A lot of women do not. A lot of them expect you to do all the work and they look at you with an upturned nose. American women do not deserve your disgust, but I sincerely hope you continue to date non-American women because I certainly can’t imagine you’d make any self-respecting woman happy. With every word you write, what I get coming through to me is how deeply insecure and immature you are. When you are ready to be an actual man, you won’t feel the need to talk about ‘fatties’ and ‘sluts’ like some middle school kid. Grow up.

    22. At least I am supporting my arguments with statistics from reputable sources. All you’ve given me is the one time your friend pulled some pussy at the Izakaiya. 30% of a cheating population (considering extramarital affairs only) is still a lot of people. According to a 2015 consensus, there were 51.88 million private households listed, 57.3% of which were nuclear families. That’s about 60 million people in marriages (assuming all of the reported nuclear households represent eloped couples), so about 20 million cheaters. It’s still a large number. In fact it tells you that you will encounter a cheating marriage in about 1 of every 3 (not accounting for the fact that a marriage unit can have 2 cheaters, the man and the wife). It isn’t out of the realm of possibility that your social circle more highly represented people from that 20 million, for whatever reason. It’s a massive amount of people. Why did I encounter the other end of the spectrum, then? It’s probably a reasonable assumption that Todai students and co. are not cut from the same cloth as your average Japanese. Moreover, foreign exchange students coming to the University I attend are going to be highly educated. If infidelity is less common in highly educated individuals (arguably ~4 standard deviations above the mean in terms of test scores), and it actually is reported to be the case in terms of men, that would help explain why we may have had different experiences. Admittedly, while I went out often on weekends, I did not know many average everyday Japanese people. Nonetheless, my argument is well supported by those numbers. We can argue all day whether there is significant underreporting, which is certainly a known phenomenon but I doubt it is massively different than those reported values. It’s anecdote vs. anecdote which is unhelpful and unproductive to compare. No reputable study would ever use either our personal anecdotes as evidence. I mean, surely you see the ridiculousness of saying either of our experiences are invalid. And with ~20 million cheaters and 40 million non cheaters, there’s plenty of room for both sides of the story and with some comical anecdotes sprinkled in. That’s what tends to happen when you’re working with population numbers in the hundreds of millions; you get a spectrum of behavior.

      Now it was never my intention to paint Japan as some chaste, magical, or pure fairy tale land where Western men swoop in to pick up their virgin Japanese brides. I am merely comparing the rather benign (by comparison) statistics of infidelity in Japan with that of modern America. As noted above, the statistics for marriage infidelity overall in America do not deviate all that greatly from those reported in Japan. Older generations in America were also reported to be more religious and may suffer from similar underreporting trends due to guilt and shame. But let me tell you, nothing took me by surprise more than seeing that the rise of reported infidelity increased to 20% of women and 45% of men in marriages under the age of 30 from the 90s. Whoa. And unless the same trend is occurring in the same age group of Japanese, the difference remains staggering and frankly, the numbers speak for themselves. Young married Americans are not simply just getting divorced more often, they are also participating in unhealthy sexual practices. Unless you want to rebrand infidelity as some new healthy behavior? It wouldn’t be the first time! (Fat acceptance movement, tee hee).

      And yeah, I don’t care about the Red Pill. Not that it should matter to you, but I strongly prefer emotionally satisfying relationships built on mutual support, commitment, honesty and equality. Not something that is exactly prized in their community as far as I know. I don’t like sluts, though. Maybe it’s because I see my parents happy marriage of nearly 50 years without a single incident and seeing the work, responsibility, and investment it takes for a successful marriage. Marriage is hard, and being a slut is easy. As a small digression, let me just point out that I don’t see a single stable society built on poly practices. Monogamy is the accepted norm and I believe it would be a damn shame to see it disappear. I think the consequences would be much more severe than you could imagine, but that’s just personal opinion again. If nothing else, our conversation has helped me lean toward culture being the strongest motivator for behaviors we may consider moral/immoral. It’s not men or women that are at fault in a society that encourages them to act like sluts. Men can be sluts too, but I think everyone kind of already knew that.

    23. Melissa , why do you feel so bitter about your experience in Japan ? Just curious. Didn’t you say previously that you had many dates while staying there ? What is the true origin of your resentment ? Why does it matter that some white men prefer Asian ladies ? Some white ladies prefer black men after all…

    24. It’s a no brainer really. Asian women in general are kind, thin, sexy and make good mothers. The exact opposite can, in general, unfortunately be said about Western women.
      And no, it’s not only “losers” who prefer Asian women, unless they, per definition, are losers. I see many young good looking men with Asian women ( I live in Thailand and are married to a Thai).

  484. Now you know how it feels to be a man and always being rejected because you are a nice, welcome to the true age of equality, welcome to a mans world, you constantly bash us for being lames and simps but you already got a dose of your own medicine. MGTOW!

  485. The reason why western women have a hard time in Japan is fairly simple:

    They don’t know how to be submissive.

    Japanese social structure is not egalitarian. Even pronouns have levels of hierarchy and degree of intimacy in Japan.

    The hardest thing for foreigners to accept is being not only okay with, but truly fitting into, a social structure that has hierarchical arrangements.

    Western women don’t want to submit. Japanese women know how to submit, and so if they get someone who’s a bit more egalitarian, then that’s a plus for them, but even then, they still expect the gender roles to be completed. They want the guys to fill their roles also.

    Western women don’t want to do that. They often don’t want to *truly* submit. They might make the motions, make the bows, say the right pronouns or use the right phrases in the right situation, but because western society increasingly doesn’t teach what it *feels like* to *actually* submit, (to truly feel it) most western women have no idea how to get into that mindset, and the Japanese know this, and know that they’d be facing an uphill battle trying to teach this to a western woman.

  486. How narcissistic! I’m not living in a remote part of of the world, and women of my own race and culture never look at me, but I don’t run to write a post about how pitifu I am. In fact, this is the story of most men who are not alpha or rich: either you learn how to behave and look so women notice you, or the only sex you get is on your computer screen. Some of these men eventually give up and go to Asia, where they’ve heard they can get girls even if they are ugly -that’s why you see that kind of men over there. Do you find it hard to be noticed by Japanese men because you are not what they expect? Welcome to this harsh reality -now you get a taste of what it is to be a man.

  487. Ooh, I got so sad looking at all these comments, diminishing women, insisting there’s racism going on. She included asian men in her account of the situation, she didn’t leave them out as if she didn’t want them. And everyone has the right to yearn for some love, especially when they feel left out because of their appearance.

    That aside, though.

    I saw a comment of another girl, like me, that went through the exact opposite.
    I’m a foreign woman, that lived in Japan for a while. While I was there, be it in the town I lived, in Ibaraki, or in clubs in Tokyo, I never had so many guys hitting on me, wanting a date, or just a hook-up. Asian, white, black guys, it didn’t really matter.

    I do understand that, being different, we do get unwanted attention, and I have been through momments in which it was hard to interact.
    But, in general, that wasn’t a problem to me. Maybe because I wasn’t looking for someone, or because I expected being even more cast aside.
    I know stories like yours and like mine, so maybe it’s about luck…

    I was fortunate enough to find love in Japan, with a japanese guy. So, instead of overthinking, looking according to race and overanalizing, try not to worry too much. Enjoy life, invest in your career, go out to have fun with friends, not to get together with someone at random. Love might come when you least expect it! Just don’t give up. :)

  488. I must admit I have nothing at all against white women. But asian women, Japanese and Chinese at least, are simply more beautiful. They correspond more to my personal ideal of beauty. They exude more feminity in general. Anyone who’s had the opportunity to go to China or Japan, seeing wave after wave of attractive women crossing the streets, can attest to this reality. White women don’t really have a fighting chance. Still, I must say I was taken aback a little when I realized that around 95% (??) of western white male expats literally “switch” to asian women when they stayed long enough in east Asia. So, even though this post is about Japan, the same phenomenon is observable from Myanmar to Singapore. There is almost a mathematical quality to this. I’ve heard this is also palpable in Vancouver and Hawaii. White women in asian majority countries become extremely upset by this and start to complain that white men have no love for white women. Just look at Reannon’s post. But at the same time, most of them will not even consider dating local asian men. At least Reannon gave it a try. But most seem to have very little introspection about this and behave like white men belong to them. However, white men don’t owe white women dates…

    1. And other races aren’t attractive? What about European women or tanned Spanish women for example? If you are viewing the woman as sex objects only, then maybe you can say you prefer just one race, but that also seems ‘limiting’, not to mention, what is it like to be married to these hot Asian women? Are they intellectually stimulating? Do they speak well enough English to hold a conversation? Will you feel stuck in Asia for life if you settle into a marriage with them? It sounds like you’re ‘preferences’ are based solely on looks/body alone. From the white men I’ve seen in Asia, they actually don’t attract me…Whereas Asian women tend not to be that picky when it comes to white guys, so they can have ‘those’ kind of men. No issue there. Win/win.

    2. No one is obligated to find everyone attractive-nor are they obligated to explain or defend their preferences. And try as you might, you obviously harbor resentment at how you’ve been treated in Asia. (“Asian women tend not to be that picky when it comes to white guys, so they can have ‘those’ kind of men.”)

      I get the anger-see it all the time. Only difference is you aren’t as adept at hiding it as you think you are.

    3. If I wanted to date someone to have an inteligent conversation, I would date my male friends, amiga. Also, las españolas/latinas bronceadas son un asco, que se las queden los blancos a las indias quemadas esas, ctm.

    4. Her standards are purely based on looks, just look at the terms she uses to describe all the western men in the article, she judges all them on looks in comparison to the women they are with, and from what you have written you has a standard of looks that you find attractive, calling out someone when you have exactly the same bias funny.

  489. Speak about bitterness form both sides. You have white guys bitter about white women back home and you have some bitter white women in Asia. It’s like everyone wants to feel entitled. The reality is that some Asian women will date white guys but it’s not the majority . And for White women in Asia why not date local Asian men? Unless white women are racist . If that is the case I find white people horrible entitled spoiled people. Please leave Asia.

  490. Let me guess you never would date any of the white guys in Asia because they are so called loser in your book. So did you consider dating local Asian guys? Or let me see you probably look down on the local Asian men. Hmm..makes me think white girls are racist and way too stuck up.

  491. I must admit I have nothing at all against white women. But asian women, Japanese and Chinese at least, are simply more beautiful. They correspond more to my personal ideal of beauty. They exude more femininity in general. Anyone who’s had the opportunity to go to China or Japan, seeing wave after wave of attractive women crossing the streets, can attest to this reality. White women don’t really have a fighting chance. Still, I must say I was taken aback a little when I realized that around 95% (??) of western white male expats literally “switch” to asian women when they stayed long enough in east Asia. So, even though this post is about Japan, the same phenomenon is observable from Myanmar to the Philippines. There is almost a mathematical quality to this. I’ve heard this is also palpable in Vancouver and Hawaii. White women in asian majority countries become extremely upset by this and start to complain that white men have no love for white women. Just look at Reannon’s post. But at the same time, most of them will not even consider dating local asian men. At least Reannon was open to it. But most seem to have very little introspection about this and behave like white men belong to them. However, white men don’t owe white women dates.

    1. White women are stuck up or racist. They go to asia look down on asian people and asian men. White women think they are too good for asian men . And get jealous of white men with asian women. Its like an entitlement. White women are not entitled to white men. Why not open your mind and date local asian men but white women dont do it. They are racist thats why.

    2. The funny thing is, those white women would want NOTHING to do with the white men they’re complaining about back at home. But they have no options in Asia and expect these white men to “step up” and be there for them… after decades of mistreatment and neglect back at home… lol

  492. OK..so what foreign guys who luck out at home. Go to Asia and use thier white entitlement to land an Asian girl. So what? Can you blame the white guys? They found a better deal. White women should not be bitter. Just let it go. And white guys shouldn’t feel so entitled just because you landed an Asian girl in Asia. On the average the higher quality Asian girls are with the local Asian men. And white girls..just open your mind to Asian men. Oh wait I forgot it’s all about hyper gamy . White girls are too racist and stuck up.

  493. I wish japan will ban white people. Its white privilege and white guys take advantage of it to get japanese girls. White women think they are the best because of white privilege and look down on japanese or asian men. That’s all racist right there. Just wish japan wise up and ban all of you.

    1. Well, John, they won’t so you have choices-suck it up and deal with it, or leave.

    2. I speak the truth. Your just taking advantage of a situation but just like karma it will come back and bite you. You think these people really like you? I doubt it.

    3. We should ban white women, its white privilege. Or we can let them be themselves while we find something else. They are free of us like they want and we get pussy. Everyone wins it seems.

    4. Not fair to Japanese dudes though. Western guys get Jap pussy but what about the poor Japanese dudes. White women think to high of themselves and are racist. In matter of fact I think all white people are racist. Let’s be real here white guys that can’t get quality white girls go to Asia . Can’t blame white men but feel bad for the poor japanese guys.

  494. I hate you because of the way you painted a Nerd can’t end up with Barbie. Way to push stereotypes, whore.

  495. as a pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy i found this article amusing. why are all my fellow socially awkward nerds so butthurt over this. so much salt. if you can dish out insults then you should also take them, its not that big a deal. people whining and crying over comments on the internet is kind of pathetic, just as bad as those sjw types. anyways this article gives me some hope. i for one thank the author, even if shes somewhat oblivious. if she thinks smiling and asking for help with a menu constitutes taking initiative, i’d hardly call that flirting, dudes probably just thought you wanted help with a menu, like how is that going to work lol.

  496. Whenever I feel down I come back to this article where an entitled white slut is absolutely shocked that the Japanese don’t want to pity fuck an obviously washed up aged woman who doesn’t compare in the slightest to beautiful girls the country has an abundance of. The desperation of walking down the streets with hopes to get whistled at by construction workers is a cherry on top of this shitpile. She was so close to becoming self-aware too but at the last second refused the hard reality and blamed an entire culture for her problems instead. The “flirting attempts” are hilarious as well. The delusion is quite amazing.

  497. Cliffnotes: I’m WHITE, why won’t you people fawn over me damnit?!

    This entire article reeks of entitlement. The same entitlement that western women complain about men having all the time.

    She also seems bitter that dorky anime geeks are pulling hot Asian girls and she can’t even get noticed (unlike in the U.S.A. where there is a guy up even the most mediocre girl’s ass at every corner).

    Stop being upset that others are getting laid and you aren’t and that folks aren’t bowing down to your white privilege.

  498. Also, why use ‘samurai-sword collecting’ as an insult? That shows a sincere interest in the local culture. Perhaps Japanese women think it is important that a prospective partner has a respect for her ancestry and heritage? I understand that such sentiment is alien to the average Western woman, being that they generally have almost no pride in themselves and a congenital contempt for their fathers, brothers, sons, nephews, uncles, etc.

  499. Color me shocked, that they didn’t want to date you, with an attitude as bitter and angry as yours. You deserve to be ignored.

  500. Aww poor little girl is bitter coz the men with standards didn’t find her fat american ass attractive. Sincerely from an European guy: females from the US are the worst of all western women, the majority of you need to splash 3 lbs of paint on your face to look like a 5/10 on a good day, you’re in no position to make derogatory comments about men just because you’re angry a man won’t touch you with a pole from 10 feet.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let's Make Sure You're Human ... * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.

Subscribe to Our 'Under the Radar' Newsletter
If you love travel, you're gonna love this!