Finally: Russian Scientists Create Vodka Pills

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The reputation of Science has taken a few hits in recent months. Evolutionary biologists thought they had nailed down the missing link. “Not even close.” Three weeks ago climatologists were at the forefront of “settled science.” Now they’re embroiled in “the greatest scandal in modern science.” And things have gotten so bad in high-energy physics that serious people are blaming time traveling birds for the lack of progress. It’s enough to drive a believer in the muddy pragmatism of scientific institutions to despair.

Not to worry folks. Science is back. We hereby nominate Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev for the Nobel Prizes in chemistry, in medicine, and in peace. Definitely the peace one:

Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint Petersburg Technological University has evolved a technique that allows turning alcohol into powder and packing it in pills. The new technique can solidify any kind of alcohol, including whisky, cognac, wine and beer. “Dry” vodka can be wrapped in paper and carried around in a pocket or a bag. Vodka in form of a pill would come handy at parties when “consumers” would be able to calculate their exact required dosage.

It’s really refreshing how they say that people who pop vodka pills at parties will be able to calculate “dosage.” It’s obviously not true – at least not after the first couple pills – but it’s still refreshing. We’ve sometimes talked about the medicinal properties of vodka – cleaning out your esophagus, etc – but we’ve rarely been able to get doctors to agree. It’s nice to see that there are reasonable medical professionals in Russia willing to view these things objectively. Please join us in celebrating the return of Science. Science!

That picture, by the way, is really how they bottled moonshine in Russia in the early 1920s. Progress!

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