How to Politely Tell Homeland Security to F*** Off

Upgrade: Travel Better points us to the Citizen’s Insertable Swiftness Manifest:

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Citizen’s Insertable Swiftness Manifest

My favorite:

“Do not be alarmed by: Cattle Prod (unfolds into ergonomic pillow)”

Just too delicious.

Founding Editor
  1. “Or in other words: How to get arrested”

    They can’t do shit unless they actually find something. I’ve never heard of someone being charged with pretending.

  2. Where have you been Parker? You can get in trouble for just getting caught SAYING the word “terrorist” or “bomb” in an airport. Even joking about “national security” can get you in some big trouble.

  3. You’ve never heard of it? Do you live under an old vic-20? If you even mutter a word that one of those under-educated, under-paid, over-paranoid TSA workers in the USA misconstrue as suspicious, you’ll be missing your flight, skippy. People get held for “nothing” all the time. They’re generally released eventually, but “innocent until proven guilty” has been gone for years. I can almost guarantee that if you put this in your baggage you’d be questioned. It’s funny, but not for real-world application.

  4. Snerk! That made me laugh out loud. Also with the “Celery” and “Cattle prod.”

    Heheh.. This is just priceless. Thanks for the laugh!

    “It was just.. packed. I got up this morning and it was packed. Don’t ask me how.”

  5. Uhhhhh – yeah okay – let me know how that works out for you. I’d have someone lined to to water your plants for awhile.

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