Vagabondish Citizen Of The Week, Bank Heist Supervillians Edition

© Jonathunder

It’s that time of the week, when the line “eh – might as well start the weekend early” gives way to our vodka-assisted roundup of recent and particularly stupid fellow citizens. This week we’ve got a group of four entrepreneurs who tried to take shortcuts on their way to fame and fortune. In all but one of the cases – and you’ll see which one in a second – things went noticeably awry.

Your contestants for this week: the Philly man who hit a 2nd bank after running out of a 1st robbery that morning; the Maryland Einsteins who mistook a funeral home for a bank; the man who has now robbed the same Florida bank four times; and the guy in Wisconsin who tried to rob a bank 6 minutes after it closed.

We can’t really mock the Wisconsin robber who missed banking hours, because honestly who hasn’t had that problem? And it hardly makes sense to denigrate the initiative of the Florida man, who’s now got bank employees saying “he’s here again” when he walks in to rob them (the prize should really go to bank employees and local law enforcement, but they’re not eligible). So it’s between the Maryland morons and the Philadelphia thug, and the panel ended up split. On one hand you have an entertaining story, which is always a plus. But on the other hand you have commitment – fail at one robbery, try try again – which is undeniably praiseworthy. But in the end, as always, stupidity is a tiebreaker:

Calvert County authorities are searching for two men who tried to rob a funeral home that they may have mistaken for a bank. Police said the men robbed Lee Funeral Home, next to a PNC Bank, in Owings on Monday. Lt. Steve Jones of the Calvert Investigative Team said an employee told the suspects they weren’t in a bank. The men assaulted one funeral home worker, whose injuries were not life-threatening… Authorities believe the pair later robbed a SunTrust bank in Dunkirk.

There’s at least an argument to be made that our educational establishment has not done the best job with the previous few generations.