Why The Idea of “Growing Up” is Nonsense

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I read BNT’s recent post The Hardest Part Of A Journey Is Coming Home by Brendan Moran and found myself quietly, emphatically nodding along. Especially to bits like this:

Maybe I’m naive, but I was hoping for a “eureka!” moment on the trip where all of the sudden my life would make sense. I would find my calling and hopefully some peace.

Maybe I’d be on a boat somewhere watching the sunrise, or laying in a hut listening to frogs chirp outside: something cinematic.

While nothing quite like that ever happened, after a year away, I think I’ve become a different person. I’m more sure of what I want and less angry. I take better care of myself and I feel more in control.

… and this:

While we were gone I tried to stay unplugged and happily ignorant about pop culture and other non-weighty matters, and now that I’m back, I realize I should have done that a long time ago.

My interest level for “shallow things that do not matter” remains below zero.

Then, right at the end, Brendan pulled the rug out from under me:

The hardest part about travel isn’t coming back, it’s staying back. Sure, we can always take smaller trips that last a few days or weeks, but I can’t shake the idea of another long odyssey.

Responsibility keeps wanting to get in the way. Bills, a wife, and no money are waking me from my dream of riding a motorcycle across Asia.

I just don’t want to grow up yet.

Huh? The phrase “grow up” has always made my teeth itch.

What exactly does it mean? What’s the predefined, socially accepted, neatly-wrapped-up-in-a-cardboard-sandwich-box definition? Is it having a mortgage? A BMW? 2.3 kids? The perfect dog and a white picket fence? Sitting behind a desk for forty years in a perfectly starched, collared shirt and tie to feed your 401K in the hopes that maybe - just maybe - you’ll have enough saved to travel the world when you’re 65?

My girlfriend, her family, and more of my friends than I care to count seem to think “growing up” and “being responsible” are somehow synonymous. And it seems they’re not alone as Brendan’s wife would agree:

I just don’t want to grow up yet. A point of view lost on my wife who wants a family, a house, and no motorcycles. One can still dream, right?

To what and whom are we ultimately responsible? My only responsibility is to ensure that I and - to the extent that I have any influence - my family and friends are happy and healthy. Nothing more.

If one is happy with the aforementioned “grown-up” or “responsible” life with a BMW and a desk job, so be it. But if my personal happiness is found in a vague ’round the world itinerary and a one-way ticket to [fill-in-the-blank]-istan, what right does anyone else have deeming me irresponsible?

Aside from my parents, I haven’t told anyone of my RTW travel plans. But I know enough of my coworkers, extended family and girlfriend’s family to foresee the inevitable eye-rolling and know that their responses will be a collective mix of disbelief and tsk-tsk “You’re throwing everything away” condemnation.

The disbelief will of course only last until the moment they’re waving goodbye to me from a terminal at Logan Airport.

The condemnation on the other hand runs much deeper. And it all circles back to their limited ideal of what “growing up” is and the notion that it’s somehow irresponsible to step outside “the norm” to find happiness. I can’t see how anyone can be so narrow-minded as to think that there is some singular, objective goal of happiness towards which everyone must strive.

Why can’t they just accept another person’s choices, however different from their own those choices may be? Why must people be so judgmental of others?

I’ll never live vicariously through my own dreams or attempt to live up to someone else’s ideal of happiness. I, for one, reject the notion of “growing up” and I’m forever hanging up that phrase on the hat rack of hollow, meaningless lexicon.

As for responsibility, what could be more responsible than casting aside every thing and every place you’ve ever known for the opportunity to travel the world and see and do more than you ever dreamed possible - all in the pursuit of happiness? At the end of the day, that’s the only responsibility we have to ourselves and our families.