Can You Survive Reverse Culture Shock?
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Everybody knows about experiencing culture shock when you visit a country with different customs, cuisine or language. But sometimes the worst culture shock of all comes when you return home. Reverse culture shock is the name people give to that feeling of not fitting in to your home country, and you’re especially at risk of it if you return home after living abroad for an extended time.
The best way to beat reverse culture shock is to be aware of how it might strike. Here are a few of the experiences you could expect to have once you return home:
Nobody Cares About Your Travels
Really, you’ll be surprised how few people show even the slightest bit of interest in the life-changing trip or stint abroad you’ve just returned from. If you’re the kind of person who loves to travel a lot, you might have trouble understanding this, because you’re probably the exception to the rule. I’m the exception who always asks to see everybody’s holiday photographs and get the rundown on the kinds of places they stayed in and any interesting people they met.
Basically, until someone asks, just keep your exciting experiences to yourself. You might be lucky enough to have a like-minded friend or two, or a mother like mine who would be interested in my experiences no matter what they were – take advantage of these people and share some of the interesting tales you have with them, but be careful not to overload them. You might need them to still be listening when you return from your next big overseas jaunt.
And a corollary to this: don’t take it personally when people you know and care for have no idea what you’ve been doing all this time. I’ve lost count of the number of people who introduced me to other friends as someone who’d just returned from teaching in Slovenia, or Czechoslovakia … hadn’t they read the dozens of emails I sent from Slovakia? The difference was absolutely clear to me, and I felt almost insulted on behalf of my Slovak friends, but I learned that I wasn’t going to be the one who would change the world. I did correct them, though – gently.
Normality Will Hit Hard
Once you’ve drunk your favorite coffee again or visited the best CD shop in your neighborhood, the routine normality of home could hit you hard. While you were living or traveling abroad, even mundane everyday tasks might have seemed a bit more exotic or interesting, but at home, going to the supermarket is not a place where you’ll find a dozen new foods. And if home is a place you lived most of your life, you probably won’t find any incredible historic attractions that you don’t know about, either.
Every time I’ve returned from long periods abroad in countries where I didn’t speak the language well, one thing that really hit me is how tedious it is to hear everyday conversations in a language you understand well. Hearing people discuss how long it takes to get to the next bus stop or complaining about their partner not putting the toilet seat down sounds a whole lot more interesting in a foreign language.
People Just Won’t Understand You
It’s a pretty common thread that people who have spent an extended time abroad tend to come home with some new opinions. Usually – hopefully – these come along with a big dose of open-mindedness and a heightened interest in other cultures. But for your friends or colleagues who haven’t left your homeland, these kinds of issues just won’t have the priority that they do for you.
Take this as an example. On a short trip back home in between jobs on different continents, someone I knew asked me: “How do you be friends with somebody who doesn’t speak English as a first language?” They already had trouble grasping how I could teach English to Japanese people when I couldn’t speak their language, but when I told them that people like these had become good friends of mine, their understanding completely failed them.
And Some Might Be Jealous
Be careful not to drop your travel tales into too many conversations. After traveling pretty widely, I know I’m guilty of this at times, and there is a clear reaction from some people if I begin a story with “When I was on the Trans-Siberian …”, which seems like one of jealousy. Not everybody has the same opportunity as you to travel abroad, but they might want to – so be sensitive about who you discuss your experiences with.
Worst of All, You Might Feel Stuck
I’d lived in Europe and Asia for six years and taken probably a dozen short trips a year to different countries and regions. In Europe, budget airlines made it affordable to literally fly to Paris for the weekend. When I returned to Perth, the most isolated city on earth, getting away to see something different became much more difficult, and a whole lot more expensive.
Just as I was feeling the most depressed about being back home, my best friend in Germany rang up to ask advice on how she should celebrate her upcoming big birthday. “I’m trying to decide between going to New York or renting a house in Tuscany.” I knew she was serious and that from her base in Germany, where I used to live too, these ideas didn’t sound at all outlandish. But from here in the bottom corner of the southern hemisphere they sounded sky high impossible. In case you’re interested, she chose Tuscany.
Can You Survive Reverse Culture Shock?
My reverse culture shock was so bad on visits home while I lived overseas that I wondered if I could ever return to Australia. Eventually, I met and married a German who convinced me that we should give it a go. And it’s turned out fine, but not without some reverse culture shock.
For me, the best way to deal with all of these problems is to ensure the world around me is both multicultural and supportive. I’ve gone out of my way to make friends with people who speak the languages I’ve picked up, or who have had similar experiences living abroad. That makes all the rest of the crazy reactions and fears of normality subside enough for me to deal with life happily. So far. But I’m still itching to get away again.
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Amanda Kendle is an Australian travel addict, writer and English teacher who's visited more than thirty countries. As well as regular blogging jobs including Jaunted, HotelChatter and Vagabondish, she writes magazine articles and is working on her first novel. She can be reached at her personal blog - Not A Ballerina.
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December 26th, 2007
Amanda,
Great post! I, like you, spent many years abroad in Europe and Asia. I was quite surprised by the reverse culture shock I experienced when returning to the States. You’re so right when you say you quickly return to normality and no one really cares about your travels. What a letdown that was. Very anticlimatic. No matter how I tried to describe my adventures, no one was interested. At first, I chalked it up to their unworldliness but soon figured out it was me. As much as they’re not interested in traveling overseas, is how uninterested I am in living in one place all my life. Actually I think my reverse culture shock or discomfort is rooted in the fear I may not get to live overseas again. But I won’t let that happen!
~Jamie
December 27th, 2007
Amanda-
thank you for putting into words the problem that so many of us travelers feel so often! I have spent a lot of time crying as airplanes lift off the ground to take me home. But somehow life always seems to balance out in the end. keep up the good work!
December 29th, 2007
Thanks Jamie and Anna. This definitely seems to be a problem many travelers face. It does always work out in the end and I guess we should be very grateful we get to have lots of great experiences in other countries - even if nobody back home cares to hear about them!
January 19th, 2008
Thanks for posting this blog and help travelers to understand some of the confusions and ambiguity in life. I totally agree with you calling yourself a travel addict, i can feel that i am hooked on this unspeakable addiction. Not many people can understand it. I also find it hard to balance out the passion that had grown deeply in our hearts and you want to inspire people around to try this ‘drug’. Life is a learning process, i am not afraid to go through the reverse culture again. I am from Asia and now i am studying in the West. But i guess this time, i know how to handle it better. THanks again!!Great observation!!
January 20th, 2008
Thanks for the feedback, Clarice. I’m glad you’re brave enough to risk another bout of reverse culture shock. I guess every time it gets a bit easier (hopefully) … and the benefits far outweigh the problems, I think.
May 6th, 2008
I’m an exchange student in the Netherlands. I’m here for six months, more of which has already passed. I could never imagine I would live through such feelings, but I think I’m starting to panic (a lot!). I usually don’t want to go back. I have built a life here, and I feel like it will be taken from me when I go back. I can’t even handle the thought! I guess depressive weeks are not so far away, especially the first few weeks (or months?) after I return home.. Thanks for the blog.
May 21st, 2008
[...] phenomenon. Almost every traveler has had at least one pretty severe bout with what seems to be reverse culture shock. If you don’t address the problem quickly after your return, the apathy or aggression you feel [...]
June 23rd, 2008
Nice post. Thanks for sharing. I have a few articles on reverse culture shock you may be interested in reading-
Integrating Two Worlds: Life in America with an Indian Twist
http://studyabroadchronicle.bl.....erica.html
and
Is mine a case of Reverse Culture Shock
http://www.alaivani.com/Defaul.....ntryID=121
Thanks!
July 11th, 2008
[...] blog Vagabondish has a list of advice on how one traveller dealt with her shock of coming home, Christian at nomad4ever has some other musings on returning home. However, although the initial [...]
September 17th, 2008
I have experienced this twice after returning from Paris and Buenos Aires! I had no idea that it just wasn’t depression thanks for the blog and the insight!
November 6th, 2008
I spent a year teaching English in South Korea, and just returned back to Canada at the end of August. I was so anxious to get back to Canada, and it’s great to be home. However, it’s very strange to be back home…nothing has changed here, but I know I have changed. That makes it quite difficult at times. But thanks for your insights into reverse culture shock…I’m glad that there is such a thing…I thought I was going crazy or something…lol. Thanks!
March 5th, 2009
Yes, I definitely suffer from reverse culture shock, too. I am back now in my home country for about 9 months and still feel very much that I somehow don’t fit in here anymore. And I wonder if this is ever going to change and if I even want it to change because it might mean that my perception might change, too. Thank you for sharing your reverse-culture shock experiences with me. At least I know now that I’m not the only one who goes through this!
March 6th, 2009
Thanks to all for sharing your experiences. I’m actually right in the middle of a reverse culture shock after returning from a 5- year stay in the States to Europe. So it was a huge relief to read about what other people have felt like in similar situations, and to find out that this problem is so universal.
March 13th, 2009
I got back from Japan after being there for 6 months 3 days ago.
The first day was great, beautiful scenery and went driving for the first time in months. But since then, everything is different and strange. Which is what I love when going abroad but here its just bizarre cause it was my home. How people act surprises me a lot more than I thought it was. and I’ve found myself not wanting to do anything. Eat food, read books I’d once read or DVDS I used to love and watch a lot. Never mind go out and see things. I guess its still early days. But looking back on photos just makes me sad cause I miss everyone.. And looking forward.. just makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess its early days eh.
March 19th, 2009
Great article, I’ve been back home in New Zealand for a week after travelling throughout Asia and Europe for the past year, and reading this really helped. I’d heard of culture shock etc before and never experienced anything like the reverse culture shock that I got when getting back home; It’s getting better now but there was something unsettling about returning ‘home’ and feeling like you just didn’t quite fit in.
March 23rd, 2009
I have spent my life travelling overseas then returning to New Zealand, but this last return after 7 months in Central America has been really difficult. I think it is reverse culture shock and reading this article confirms that. Thanks for writing it.
March 24th, 2009
I just got back last night from my first-ever big trip, to India for three weeks. Now all I want to do is see the world, and can hardly wait to get out of Canada again. You seem to have done very well for yourself travel-wise, which I love! I can feel how hard adapting to the structure of returning to work and school again is going to be..but the gains outweigh the pains.
March 26th, 2009
[...] to a once-familiar environment after being out of it for so long. I guess you might call it reverse culture shock. It can strike at any time. (For example, I’m firmly convinced that I’ve become so [...]
March 26th, 2009
Oh my goodness! So good to hear I’m not going crazy!! I thought it was depression too. After living in china for 3 years and the states for 1 year moving home to Australia has been odd. All my friends are married, with homes and babies. They are the same people with different priorities. I feel like an outcast. So, I have no friends… then I have my own business so I have to build all my clients back up. So right now I have no money. I am borrowing furniture off friends and raiding goodwill. Now I’m not the ‘aussie’ with the cool accent… I fall into the background here… sigh… planning my next overseas holiday in between panic attacks. Reverse Culture Shock is horrid!
April 5th, 2009
Thank you for posting this. I’ve been studying abroad in France for 7 months and will return home in 9, and am trying to prepare myself ahead of time. I’m really glad you were straight with us: so many other blogs discuss the issue too lightly and I wanted real advice, no matter how hard-hitting it was. That’s what you provided. I’m now kind of nervous to return home, and will continue enjoying every last minute I have in this country.
May 16th, 2009
I am happy to read all these stories. I was having such a rough time today, completely secluding myself from my family because I was sad and because they think the problem is just a mere change in diet! ha! I have just returned from a year and then some in South America and Europe. I feel the “stuck” mode every time I return to the US or even just to my home town. I have been bit by the travel bug and only hope that I can maintain the changes and person that I have become. It is hard when everyone wants you to be the same and sees the changes you have made as only bad ones. I know I have been called “mouthy” a number of times in the 2 weeks I have been home but thats because I left without an opinion and came home with one! ha! I am glad I stumbled across this and a couple other webpages. They have really helped tonight!
May 29th, 2009
Thank you all for sharing your experiences! I’m having an horrible time since I got back to an Italian middle of nowhere after a year as an exchange student in California…I loved my life over there and I love the States while I hate Italy with all my heart, people don’t know anything about the world, you don’t find any ob unless you are empeached with someone and you feel completely underestimated. I wanna head back to the States but for now I’m stuck here and I don’t wanna go out anymore in here cuz it’ll never gonna be like last year…I hate feeling ike this!
May 31st, 2009
So, I spent the rest of my 20s after graduating college, living in Asia. Turning 30 last year, I thought it was time to return to the homeland (USA). I’m now 7 months into my reaclimation into society and still don’t know where I fit in back here? When job hunting, I have experiences in many different areas, so this is frowned upon, because I don’t have the solid 5-10 years in one field. It frustrates the hell out of me. I’m not working for the summer for a small start-up company, making less than I did in Thailand! How do people who have been abroad for so long, get back into the job market in their home country?
June 2nd, 2009
Jess - maybe you could use all your talents to get your own clients - teach another language, work as a freelancer… you have the knowledge, experience and patients from living overseas - so maybe use it to your own advantage. I did that for 6 months to get by and then met more people and eventually one of them offered me a job. So maybe go out and try a new sport, or join a new club and meet people - it’s all who you know, not what you know. The problem I had was when I moved home from 4 years overseas I went back and did all the same things I was doing before I left and it’s just not me anymore. We change and grow a lot faster living overseas… so it’s time for new things. Let me know how you go…
June 2nd, 2009
Hey Sara,
Thanks for the advice.
Actually, when I came back to the US, instead of returning to my home state, I went to Atlanta, all new and full of opportunities. I networked and joined different organizations. I met lots of greate people and they were all fascinated about my experiences, however, no job came out of it. Now, I am working in Oregon over the summer for a small start-up that is gracious enough to give me employment, but not really doing something I love. I have definitely wanted to do something geared towards helping companies over here get a better grip on doing business in Asia, but nothing has come of it yet. I will continue the good fight, but I see this with many good people I knew in Asia who have come back and I know that I’m not alone. How do we reintegrate back into society and become an asset to companies???
June 3rd, 2009
I am studying abroad in Switzerland next semester with my school and I have come across this idea of “Culture Shock.” It is beginning to scare me
I am studying in Europe for 4-5 months and I am really excited. However, I do not want to feel disconnected or different when I return home. I want as much normalcy as possible. As if I wasn’t scared enough, I have a panic disorder and the idea of culture shock is causing me one haha. ANy advice? Thanks!
June 17th, 2009
I, myself just got back from volunteering in India. up utill I googled “reverse culture shock” I couldn’t put a finger on what I was feeling. my ‘real’ life feels upside-down and backwards and I can’t figure out how I feel about anything. so, thank you for sharing your story and advice on how to deal with it.
-Amber
June 18th, 2009
Back again, it seems like the return has been more difficult than not. Despite having spent time abroad, feeling alone there, I feel worse back here. For the past week sadly I have found myself crying myself to sleep and doubting I made the right decision. I just don’t feel well and while I want to turn to my family for help they choose to be indifferent about the subject so I feel more alone and like I am supposed to go back into their way of living. I joined a few meetup groups online and have tried to keep myself busy but it is still painful. I thought about renouncing my stay here in the US and just going abroad again but then I think of the reasons why I came back. I wish it weren’t so difficult. I also understand your difficulties Jess, I have found myself working in a supermarket because no one will hire me either. At least it is something and just as respectable as any other position but it is tiring and not where I had imagined myself to be at this point. Do you have any advice? I seem to have hit a wall here.
June 18th, 2009
Hey Rebecca,
I hope you find the balance your looking for.I feel like I’m in the same boat. I don’t know how I feel about anything right now. after comming back from such an interesting and peaceful culture, I find myself questioning every aspect of my life. good luck to you!
-Amber
June 18th, 2009
Oh gosh…back in USA after my first trip to Europe. I wish i were still there…on the metro..my least favorite place of all. I’m wondering how I will ever survive over here. I have a 16 year old daughter…otherwise I would not have returned..I want to go back there so badly…metro and all.
June 18th, 2009
Hey Rebecca (and Amber),
How long have each of you been back in the US?
Me, I came back last mid-October. I now find myself in a small town in Oregon, making less money per month than I did working in Thailand. How is that possible? I went from a corporate account manager, to working for a small business out of someone’s house. I’ve been applying for jobs, contacting companies, joining professional groups, networking, you name it, I’ve done it. It seems that if you don’t have that one defining career, you are invaluable. So what that you’ve worked as a manager, with HR, marketing, and published a magazine all within 3 years abroad. It means NOTHING back here to anyone. Really satisfying.
The answer? I still have no idea. Do I run back to Asia and escape the reality in my home country or do I grind it out and pay my dues like everyone else? It’s a question I ask myself, probably hourly. I have a friend who also came back from Thailand and is an extremely talented individual and he finds himeself in the same situation. It sucks and no one around us understands where we’re coming from.
At least we have this board to vent and know that we’re not alone. Have you seen the Travel Channel’s campaign for the ‘travel bug’ where the people are saying, “I am not alone.” That’s what it feels like here.
June 19th, 2009
Jess,
I’ve been back a week. today. actually to the hour. LOL.
good luck with finding work, that sounds really frustrating.
Where in Thailand were you? I was there 4 years ago, 30 days before the ‘04 Tsunami. I’d love to go back. Thailand is beautiful!
June 19th, 2009
Amber,
I was in Bangkok, but I travelled all over the country in my spare time.
I also lived in Japan as well.
June 19th, 2009
thats really cool, I only spent a few days in Bangkok then we went down to Puket and Koh Phi Phi Island. it was beautiful! I’d love to back.
I just got back from Dharamsala, India. It was wonderful!