Can You Survive Reverse Culture Shock?

Amanda,

Great post! I, like you, spent many years abroad in Europe and Asia. I was quite surprised by the reverse culture shock I experienced when returning to the States. You’re so right when you say you quickly return to normality and no one really cares about your travels. What a letdown that was. Very anticlimatic. No matter how I tried to describe my adventures, no one was interested. At first, I chalked it up to their unworldliness but soon figured out it was me. As much as they’re not interested in traveling overseas, is how uninterested I am in living in one place all my life. Actually I think my reverse culture shock or discomfort is rooted in the fear I may not get to live overseas again. But I won’t let that happen!

~Jamie

Thanks Jamie and Anna. This definitely seems to be a problem many travelers face. It does always work out in the end and I guess we should be very grateful we get to have lots of great experiences in other countries – even if nobody back home cares to hear about them!

Thanks for the feedback, Clarice. I’m glad you’re brave enough to risk another bout of reverse culture shock. I guess every time it gets a bit easier (hopefully) … and the benefits far outweigh the problems, I think.

[...] phenomenon. Almost every traveler has had at least one pretty severe bout with what seems to be reverse culture shock. If you don’t address the problem quickly after your return, the apathy or aggression you feel [...]

[...] blog Vagabondish has a list of advice on how one traveller dealt with her shock of coming home, Christian at nomad4ever has some other musings on returning home. However, although the initial [...]

I spent a year teaching English in South Korea, and just returned back to Canada at the end of August. I was so anxious to get back to Canada, and it’s great to be home. However, it’s very strange to be back home…nothing has changed here, but I know I have changed. That makes it quite difficult at times. But thanks for your insights into reverse culture shock…I’m glad that there is such a thing…I thought I was going crazy or something…lol. Thanks!

Thanks to all for sharing your experiences. I’m actually right in the middle of a reverse culture shock after returning from a 5- year stay in the States to Europe. So it was a huge relief to read about what other people have felt like in similar situations, and to find out that this problem is so universal.

Great article, I’ve been back home in New Zealand for a week after travelling throughout Asia and Europe for the past year, and reading this really helped. I’d heard of culture shock etc before and never experienced anything like the reverse culture shock that I got when getting back home; It’s getting better now but there was something unsettling about returning ‘home’ and feeling like you just didn’t quite fit in.

I just got back last night from my first-ever big trip, to India for three weeks. Now all I want to do is see the world, and can hardly wait to get out of Canada again. You seem to have done very well for yourself travel-wise, which I love! I can feel how hard adapting to the structure of returning to work and school again is going to be..but the gains outweigh the pains.

Oh my goodness! So good to hear I’m not going crazy!! I thought it was depression too. After living in china for 3 years and the states for 1 year moving home to Australia has been odd. All my friends are married, with homes and babies. They are the same people with different priorities. I feel like an outcast. So, I have no friends… then I have my own business so I have to build all my clients back up. So right now I have no money. I am borrowing furniture off friends and raiding goodwill. Now I’m not the ‘aussie’ with the cool accent… I fall into the background here… sigh… planning my next overseas holiday in between panic attacks. Reverse Culture Shock is horrid!

I am happy to read all these stories. I was having such a rough time today, completely secluding myself from my family because I was sad and because they think the problem is just a mere change in diet! ha! I have just returned from a year and then some in South America and Europe. I feel the “stuck” mode every time I return to the US or even just to my home town. I have been bit by the travel bug and only hope that I can maintain the changes and person that I have become. It is hard when everyone wants you to be the same and sees the changes you have made as only bad ones. I know I have been called “mouthy” a number of times in the 2 weeks I have been home but thats because I left without an opinion and came home with one! ha! I am glad I stumbled across this and a couple other webpages. They have really helped tonight!

So, I spent the rest of my 20s after graduating college, living in Asia. Turning 30 last year, I thought it was time to return to the homeland (USA). I’m now 7 months into my reaclimation into society and still don’t know where I fit in back here? When job hunting, I have experiences in many different areas, so this is frowned upon, because I don’t have the solid 5-10 years in one field. It frustrates the hell out of me. I’m not working for the summer for a small start-up company, making less than I did in Thailand! How do people who have been abroad for so long, get back into the job market in their home country?

Hey Sara,

Thanks for the advice.

Actually, when I came back to the US, instead of returning to my home state, I went to Atlanta, all new and full of opportunities. I networked and joined different organizations. I met lots of greate people and they were all fascinated about my experiences, however, no job came out of it. Now, I am working in Oregon over the summer for a small start-up that is gracious enough to give me employment, but not really doing something I love. I have definitely wanted to do something geared towards helping companies over here get a better grip on doing business in Asia, but nothing has come of it yet. I will continue the good fight, but I see this with many good people I knew in Asia who have come back and I know that I’m not alone. How do we reintegrate back into society and become an asset to companies???

I, myself just got back from volunteering in India. up utill I googled “reverse culture shock” I couldn’t put a finger on what I was feeling. my ‘real’ life feels upside-down and backwards and I can’t figure out how I feel about anything. so, thank you for sharing your story and advice on how to deal with it.

-Amber

Hey Rebecca,

I hope you find the balance your looking for.I feel like I’m in the same boat. I don’t know how I feel about anything right now. after comming back from such an interesting and peaceful culture, I find myself questioning every aspect of my life. good luck to you!

-Amber

Hey Rebecca (and Amber),

How long have each of you been back in the US?

Me, I came back last mid-October. I now find myself in a small town in Oregon, making less money per month than I did working in Thailand. How is that possible? I went from a corporate account manager, to working for a small business out of someone’s house. I’ve been applying for jobs, contacting companies, joining professional groups, networking, you name it, I’ve done it. It seems that if you don’t have that one defining career, you are invaluable. So what that you’ve worked as a manager, with HR, marketing, and published a magazine all within 3 years abroad. It means NOTHING back here to anyone. Really satisfying.

The answer? I still have no idea. Do I run back to Asia and escape the reality in my home country or do I grind it out and pay my dues like everyone else? It’s a question I ask myself, probably hourly. I have a friend who also came back from Thailand and is an extremely talented individual and he finds himeself in the same situation. It sucks and no one around us understands where we’re coming from.

At least we have this board to vent and know that we’re not alone. Have you seen the Travel Channel’s campaign for the ‘travel bug’ where the people are saying, “I am not alone.” That’s what it feels like here.

Amber,

I was in Bangkok, but I travelled all over the country in my spare time.

I also lived in Japan as well.

So many good comments. I will leave Shanghai next week after 2 1/2 years. My husband will stay here in China while I go back to teach in the public schools in the US. It will be hard to be apart, but economic downturns are a powerful force.
Thanks for the good advice. I will try to keep my stories of this incredible life for those who ask. Trips home in the last couple years have revealed exactly what you describe. If you have not tasted, touched, smelled, and felt Asia, you just cannot relate.

Also, I was wondering if anyone has sought professional help with their depression or anxiety.

An accute case of ‘reverse culture shock’ seems like the sort of thing that only affects the privileged. With all the mental health problems with more serious roots I worry I wont be taken seriously.

I dont want to burden my friends or family by letting this out to them either.

This is a great article, thanks

I returned home to the UK yesterday after 6 months in Asia (3 mnths travelling and 3 mnths working in Cambodia) and it’s certainly hard coming home! Everyone’s busy with work and their lives whilst I somehow need to find a job and figure out what to do next..!

I am also wondering who I am and what my life is suppose to be like. I am 57 and have lived in Shanghai for 11 years. I have a daughter and granddaughter still there. I returned to the states due to my mother passing away last October and my dad living alone. I was working in Shanghai and have now returned to a town of 30,000 people with a very high unemployment rate. I have been trying to find a job but there is nothing. There was an ad for Walmart part-time and there were 600 applicants. I have been working as a secretary for schools in China for 11 years and living comfortably.

When I thought of coming back to the states it was part due to depression losing my mom and of not being here for my dad and also the over-stimulation of Shanghai. (Too much personal stress couldn’t take the fast pace of Shanghai.)

I think even outside your own country you can continue to go through culture shock in the host country. Sometimes the more the think you know, you find the less you know. So, I am lost now. Miss my granddaughter and am thinking of returning to what has been my life for 11 years. 20 mil people compared to 30,000……..now don’t know if I can handle the boredom and no friends here. I haven’t lived here in over 22 years. Was in Oregon before going to China. Lots of thinking to do….. and decisions to make.
Sorry for rambling, I think they call it journaling.

Dee Dee,

Thanks for sharing your story.

Are you in Oregon now? Which part? I am a former Asian dweller, who returned to the US last October. I’m orginally from Ohio, returned to Atlanta, and came out to Oregon in May for a 2 month temp position and am now looking for what’s next.

I’m in Dundee, just outside of Portland. If you’re near let me know and maybe we can meet up.

Jess

p.s. mat- yes i have sought professional help for this, and for the depression/anxiety that has started as a result of the feelings Ive had since returning home.

So far (three weeks in) its been pretty helpful, and have totally been taken seriously!

I wish there was a proper support group for this… I’ve been traveling for the better part of 2 years and just came home a few days ago. My first visit to Wal-mart and the mall left me with a severe bout of social anxiety and I want to hide in the corner and do nothing! I can’t even imagine working at this point. Sigh…

Great post. I just returned from a 3 month trip in South Africa three days ago. I swear I am still trying to get used to everything. I had to drive back to my university and it was so awkward for me to remember which lanes we drove in and passed with. It shall be interesting to see how I feel once the semester begins for me.

Thank you everyone – I can’t tell you how helpful all of your posts are. I just got home from France yesterday, and like every time I’ve come home from abroad, I’m in the depths of all of the feelings you all talk about. But until now, I thought I was the only one who had to go through this every time I came back. I’ve always been baffled how this experience does not translate, even to the best of friends and family back here. (which, of course, just makes you feel that much MORE isolated and lonely!) It’s ironic that surfing the internet, one of the very things I bemoan about returning (along with the other vapid preoccupations of Americans with all their “stuff” like TV, etc, over actual human interaction) is the very thing that’s helped me to see I”m not alone with this. Thank you everyone. It’s truly made a difference for me today.

I don’t know if what I am feeling is reverse culture shock or just me needing change in my life. I volunteered in Africa for only 3 weeks and it doesn’t seem like enough time to need to readjust to my life. I’ve been back for a week and have been unmotivated to do anything but watch TV and tonight I completely lost my temper and was yelling at a stranger. (this isn’t how I am usually). I have had friends and family interested in my trip but I’m not really interested in telling them about it. How do you condense all those experiences into a few cute stories? People on this forum discussed depression but has anyone acted irrationally?

Karen-
You are not alone and 3 weeks, 2 days, 1 hour in a foreign place to make you realize you are not alone in this big world can cause some serious changes. You may even question where you belong in the big of things. I myself didn’t want to talk about my travels, I have still not printed one single picture of my travels nor have I showed them to anyone, and boy did I get pissy with people too at first. I had a hard time with people I thought were “ignorant” just because they didn’t see things the new way I saw things. I went to a county fair and thought that everyone just didn’t realize there were bigger things out there. But really, there are those big things but there are other things too. Being comfortable with were you fit in is the most important and that will take time. I have grown a lot since the first blog I wrote on this webpage. I was outraged at everything and really upset. You don’t have to condense your experiences in short cute stories nor do you have to explain to anyone how you feel. But you do need to realize that every person deals with this kind of shock (and it is not always under this title of reverse culture shock, it can be just the shock of something unfamiliar that has you question previous values and morals you hold) in his/her own way and you will be fine soon enough. Just keep keepin on darlin and everything will be just fine.

Life can really be nice when you travel around the world, but it can be more than difficult by the time you get home! this is what I am experiencing! I lived in a nice city of Berlin (Amanda you were very right) for a year, then in Copenhagen for some time and in Geneva – Switzerland for few months, now its time to go home but can’t figure it out how terrible it is going to be! Tanking into consideration all of your posts, I think it will probably be easy to reverse the shock! Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

Thank god I found this page.

I’ve just got back from a four month stint in Europe. I’ve been back not even a week and I can’t begin to explain how strange and surreal everything feels. Everything grates on me and gets on my nerves. I’m from Perth too and gosh do I feel isolated.
Mere days ago I couldn’t wait to get home and see my family, and now I don’t know what I want.

I was desperate to put a name to how I’m feeling so started googling and final stumbled upon this page.

Nice to know I’m not insane!!

Wow Mona, you’ve got a tripple whammy going on there, and just the culture thing is enough to lay a person up for a year. The best advice I can give would be to keep checking in with this website and other similars (they’re out there, but I found this one the most helpful, thanks to everyone’s input), and just realize how many others are out here who REALLY understand this very particular, crushing, anilhilating staple to the heart. How many times have I wanted to open fire on the doofuses standing in line at the supermarket? Or even better, at the drive-thru at starbucks, one person to one SUV? Or just the total oblivious reactions to some new great thing I’ve come to understand from my time away, followed by a complete change of subject? Yes, you are not alone. And yes, you do change quite a bit while your old world hasn’t, or has changed in a whole different direction from yours. And yes, sometimes the very people you’ve longed to see for so long don’t seem to even make sense any more.
Please, don’t feel humiliated about your situation. You haven’t done anything wrong to have landed where you are. You did something great, lady! You studied fashion in Milan! That alone is a great accomplishment. Now, a BIG readjustment is only natural. It’s okay if it sucks. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Okay, what has helped me also is getting into hosting foreign travellers – there are a few organizations, but I joined Hospitality Club. So once in a while I get to be around/host people from NOT HERE. If it’s not possible to host anyone because of space problems, you can just meet them and go hang out somewhere. It’s a great exchange, and being travellers, they are frequently also people who have had to return to their respective homes, and have had to struggle with similar sadness. Also, whatever you’re into? Get way into it. Hole up in your room and make clothes, every spare minute you can. If you can afford it, go visit Montreal or New York. If not, bookmark some prime inspiring websites, maybe find books. Get a bunch of music you love. Find others who have traveled. They know that things don’t translate, and they understand. Cook your favorite things you ate over there. Plan your next trip, even if you can’t afford it right now. knowing you can and will escape helps immeasurably. It will happen for you.
Also what’s helped for me, is just realizing that when you return you might be having a hard year or so, and that’s all there is to it. Ironically, that has made the adjustment quite a bit easier. I’m not so outraged about things when I just accept it.
And finally, it seems like for you, if you can possibly move from your parents’ house, it might help you to reconnect with the more mature, developed person that you have become in this intervening time. Your own space, even if it’s just a tiny room somewhere, may help you to make sense of everything you’ve seen and done and are experiencing now.
Please excuse the length of this post. It’s just that my heart really goes out to you and everyone else who has been through this. Best. -Joan

hi Joan,thanks alot for your comment…I feel much better knowing that I’m not alone,because I thought I was going crazy…I have been back in Canada for 3 months,and don’t feel at home at all…its been a really wierd homecoming…everything that the author said, from “nobody caring about your trip” to feeling stuck, to “people not understanding” to ‘returning to a mediocre life of familiarity’,is precisely what I feel.,and it can be demoralizing. Eventhough many of my experiences in Europe were negative (like getting raped in Milan by a 22 year old sicilian degenerate who followed me home off the tram)I had to deal with the ugliness independently. Coming home to Canada and my past, just made me feel like what happened, didn’t,and that I couldn’t survive in another country on my own…

There is this French movie called “Spanish Apartment” which is about a Parisian guy who studies in Barcelona for a year, and there’s a scene when he comes back to Paris, he sees the familiarity of his past life, and he walks through the streets, depressed,and lost…it hit me hard to watch that scene!

I am very fortunate to have found you and everyone on this site,and to have read about “reverse culture shock”…its real,and its common…and for once I am not alone on this…thanks Joan

Mona

Hey Mona,
I’m also glad that I read your post…I left Paris because I couldn’t find a job in my field as well. It’s often difficult with the visas and what not if you are not a European citizen. Anyhoo, like you, I left the place that I loved in pursuit of a career….which I HAVE NOT FOUND. That feeling you spoke about “what am I doing here,” is all too familiar to me. It’s sickening. Also, after four years at the American University of Paris, I am 130,000 dollars in debt. I am figuring out ways to pay it off, but the field of journalism is crumbling. CNN, Conde Nast, and the like have all given me the cold shoulder. I should have just stayed in Paris illegally and been a nanny. It beats this.

Thanks Joan, thanks Libby,for your comments,and thanks everyone, for making me feel less isolated in this bone chilling experience. Wow…reverse cuture shock,who would’ve known it was an actual terminology?I feel better knowing that it has been pinpointed. I have been experiencing this “reverse culture shock” since I was 19(first time backpacking in Europe), and have never…never never never NEVER recovered.In fact, the desire to leave to other places just got stronger!

Joan, I have had many bad experiences(the rape situation occured more than once in Milan) while away in Europe, but eventhough it left a scarred memory, I still feel that living abroad is a part of me now.Your advice and moral support is excellent and very appreciated,and I thank you very much.I did in fact, sign up for hospitality club!What a great idea,never heard of it before!

Libby,I understand exactly what you’re going through,in fact,Paris is the city I love most of all (take a trip to Montreal,which is a very French city in Canada,it may make you feel better!),and I know what it is like, to return to the mundane predictable life that is all too familiar,unprogressive and grey…I highly recommend you watch “Auberge Espanol” (Spanish Apartment) if you havn’t allready…the main character goes through this verrrry thing we are all feeling, as he returns from a year of study in Barcelona,back to Paris (Paris..of all places…who would’ve thought?),and the scene near the end, where he walks down the street in Paris, feeling totally isolated,trapped,confused,lost,
scared,
sad and out of place…well…I think we can ALL relate!Its the first time I have ever seen “reverse culture shock” in movie form. I thought that I was all alone on this, and that my feelings of returning to my homeland were abnormal and ,nobody else but me was getting homesick for the “new country” that I should feel happy and relieved to be back….Libby, somethings gotta give…we need to find out where we want to be,and what makes us happy,and even if some of us would rather live more simply, in a place that we love, maybe thats more important…we are not who we were months ago,or years ago,after living elsewhere,and allways remind yourself that there is a way out…

many thanks for reaching out to me, Joan and Libby…

Mona

hey Karen,

thanks for your post…yes definitely,you are right..I have ptsd, the Milan police made themselves useful and instead of arresting the rapist, they sent me to a psychologist. But since this is an article on reverse culture shock,I’ll just focus on that,because eventhough I’m traumatized, the horrid shock of being back in my regressive past somehow outweighs the violent experience. I came back to a whole lot of nothing, and since time has passed me by, my presence back in Canada doesn’t seem to matter.I left Canada, so I could pursue the arts, and fashion, only to come back to a young, cultureless,cookie cutter,gentrified country,with which I have nothing in common. I am doing my very best to make the most of it…but no matter what I do, it seems that I am feeling empty and unsatisfied,and that I don’t belong here…like a total outcast..I do make it a point to be chatty and nice to people, on the bike paths, in the stores,at parties,etc, but I just cannot relate to anyone! They have local things to talk about… like where they can buy the best salmon in town, and I couldn’t care less,eventhough I pretend to be interested…where their state of mind is,differs from my own…I have become another person…living abroad for over 10 years and then coming back to the past,made me sick to my stomach…most of the time I feel like crying…I just bike around,in a lonely state,going to events, seminars,malls,cafes,museums,etc,and I can’t seem to fit into the Canadian culture….I have to just keep myself busy, and work on my stuff,and wonder why I am here, and why I feel so alienated,and try to remember how to become a Canadian again…I’m really realy not happy to be back…not adjusting at all,unfortunately…:-(

Hey Joan, hey Libby,Karen and everyone…thought I’d peruse youtube,and find a clip of that movie I was talking about,Spanish Apartment…its close to the end of the film, but there is that part of the main character,Xavier,walking through Montmartre,crying and alienated..a scene with which I think we can all identify.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEcMysBna3Q

I there is a book about reverse culture shock, I’d be the first to buy it…

You speak my mind Thanks for the post! It makes me feel that I am not alone. It’s amazing to see how many in the world experienced it.

Coming back to Asia from Europe, it’s a bit diffcult to adapt, especially the meantality, how people judge you with perceptions etc.

I am surviving Thanks for the great sharing!

Hi, I just wanted to say that I know pretty much how you feel. I spent 6 months in Asia too this year (although I’ve been home in the UK for 3 months now). But I wanted to say that it does get easier!

I found Asia was just incredible and so different to my life back here and I’ve found that no-one at home wants to hear any of my stories now but I’ve noticed that I keep mentioning it all the time!

I have found it helpful to start sorting through all my photos and putting them into albums as a bit of therapy

I just had to mention how strange it was to start working in Canada again.

I had managed to arrange a sales job in Calgary, AB (I had lived there until my family moved to the middle east when I was 13) while I was still in Taiwan. My last teaching day was on a Thursday. On Friday evening I arrived in Calgary and I went straight to the store I was supposed to work. My first day of work was on Sunday. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even focus. I just kept thinking to myself “Three days ago I was in Taiwan, teaching my preschool students about sunflowers. Now here I am, trying to sell DVD players and big screen TVs. I think I have made a horrible mistake.”

If you are in the market for a way to feel completely alienated and isolated, long term travel is the ticket. I was baffled that no one even cared to remember that it was Taiwan, not Thailand!

I arrived back in Sydney at the end of may this year after eing away for almost 15 years. I am so glad I came across this site as i thought i was loosing my mind.
Back in Australia things seem so Micky Mouse. I find it hard to communicate with Family, Friends…ha, thats a joke…and work, well they dont seem to count the 15 years i spent working abroad as actual experience although i worked in the IT industry and but in 12 hour days….
I know I mafde a huge mistake and the dissapointment is killing me…can you imagine the other week I was having lunch with my family and they started making all these racist comments about people from Asia, eg “when are you going to marry a nice white girl…?”
I couldnt believe what i had heard….
I shall spend the summer here and then I think I will hit the road again….see sydney again in another 15 years.

I just stumbled upon this…wonderful posts. I wish I’d found this 2 years ago after my return from a 3 month Europe/Asia backpacking trip! I was depressed for 2 months after returning home. I gained a lot of weight, didn’t see the point of getting out of bed…etc. I wanted to stay in Shanghai, but returned home to finish my bachelors instead. At the time I thought it was a huge mistake. Not to mention in an attempt to save money and get my life in order after returning I lived with my parents which made me feel like a loser, like somehow I had backtracked and was back at ground zero. Living with parents(in the middle of nowhere), no car, no job, no money, no exotic food/people/language/newness/strange experiences=awful and boring. Now I am studying abroad and will return to the USA soon after 5 months abroad. I’m terrified. If I was depressed for 2 months last time after only 3 months abroad will I be depressed for 3-4 months after 5 months abroad! I’m trying to prepare myself mentally. Yes, I’ve been homesick for the people and comforts of home, but I know that I have an unrealistic and fairytale homecoming in my head. It needs to go. It will just make going back harder, no expectations might be the best policy. It is so difficult to understand why no one wants to hear about your trip, and I guess I won’t be talking about it unless someone asks a specific question. Last time no one asked about anything or even tried to hang out, I had to initiate everything. It was exhausting. Everyone was so consumed with their daily lives and I felt as though no one had noticed I’d left. Hopefully, this time will be easier since I’ve done some reading and thinking about my US culture shock. Also, I’ll be quite busy after my return.

Best of luck to all you other homecomers!

Joan, I’m off to the library to check out one of those books.

I can relate to all of this. I just spent 3 months in Thailand and fell in love with a Thai girl named Ying. Everything felt new and adventuress.

Now I’m back home in New Jersey, the sky is grey, the people are cold /distant, and I feel so sad and out of place. I hate these people and what they talk about, I also hate them for not understanding the exhilirating experience I just had.

At least I’m not alone. Tomorrow I go to work for my father at his accounting firm, going to be a tough transition.

I found that cooking delicious foods from the host country helps break the ice when back in hell.

Holy Crap, I’m so glad I found this site through Vagabondish. I never in a million years had even thought about something like reverse culture shock. I have spent the last three years traveling for the most part, with 1 of the 3 living in Bali. I absolutely fell in love with that island, its people, and culture. The waves are not too shabby either. I had planned on staying there forever and creating my vision of the ideal cheap/super cool place to stay. I didn’t care if I made a dime as long as I could pay my staff really well and the business kept rolling. The emphasis on me living in paradise. I imersed myself in the language of Bahasa Indonesia and was starting to work on Balinese. I wanted people to come and stay at my place and go away so stoked that they would tell their friends. I knew it would work because I wanted it to be the kind of place that I would love to spend my money and time. I had the whole thing mapped out (architectual drawings, business plan, etc..). Then my whole world came crashing down upon my head. It’s a lot more difficult than you can imagine to try and move to a foreign country. Especially Indonesia. They are almsot proud to tell you how corrupt they truly are. When you’re working with a smaller budget and don’t have the resources to line a bunch of pockets, and your Balinese partner is not part of the upper caste, your screwed. I know I was being fairly idealistic about my plans but that was what I wanted to do. Create something that was good for me, but especially good for my Balinese friends that I wanted to be involved. They treated me like family and showed me things about Bali that very few if any tourists will ever see or experience. So all in all it fell through. And then so did I. I fell into a huge depressive pit. I have been home about a year now and I’m still struggling with feelings of defeat. I came back to the US, Oregon to be exact, and found myself changing into a recluse. My social butterfly wings got clipped and I crawled back into the caccoon so to speak. I immediately moved back to California mostly to escape the rain and cold. Put myself back into school hoping that would be a nice change of pace. For the most part it has been. But there is not a day that goes by that I don’t have regrets about Bali. But the real deal is the feeling of being alone and no-one out there that understands. I just recently turned the big 4-0 and never thought i was the type to have a mid-life crisis. Mine doesn’t involve the sports car, or the super young girlfriend. Mine is; not feeling like I fit into this so-called civilization anymore (although I never really fit in, I always walked on the sub-culture side of things). Lucky for me school is going on break and I’m off to New Zealand for a month and a half. I wish we could all meet up for a drink so we could all bitch together about how much we all change after travel. Things don’t look the same anymore.

And yes to whoever it was that was talknig about making food. I ran out of balinese coffee long ago, and I refuse to drink it in any other form, but making foreign food is definately a good way to lift the spirits. God I almost sound optomistic. haha

By the way did anyone else notice that there are only about 4 or 5 male bloggers? That is so typical. Thanks ladies for opening the door for us this time. I’m so glad I found this page. Sampai jumpah lagi

I don’t know if I am just a coward, but the moment that I was open to returning to Thailand, my depression lifted. Even if I don’t go back soon, having the option open sure helps my mood. My experience overseas was very successful, Indopunk’s failure in Bali seems like a tough one to work through, maybe he ought to consider giving it another go on a smaller scale to get over it. Peace.

Joan, I agree that the need to travel is just inherent in some of us. Really I think that it’s, well ust for me anyway, a way to try and connect with some sort of culture. I as an american have no discernable culture. Sub-culture yes but no binding-this is who I am and where I came from. Like most americans I’m a heinz 57 so trying to say I’m Dutch, German, Irish, Native American, and Scottish is rediculous. It’s a thin veil. Not that I’m saying I’m one of those that latches on to someone elses culture and claims it as my own, I just have always been fascinated with the outside world. Outside of the states that is. I’ve always considered myself very open-minded and so far from ethnocentric that going to foreign places is never intimidating. It’s a real experience that most people will never know. And what a shame it is too. Travel makes the world so much smaller. I’m studying cultural anthro, and archaeology right now. The idea is to have a skill to get paid to immerse myself into a culture. A lot of anthropologists go about it all wrong, so I want to try and be a part of the changes happening in that field. Sounds like the perfect job to me.

Mark, thanks man I appreciate the comment, unfortunatly it was a fairly small scale to begin with. It wasn’t so much the money part although land in Bali has increased 30% a year for the last couple of years. Shocking…that kind of jump. It went from 3rd world to Maui in a heartbeat. I don’t know if things have changed much over this last year with this economic crisis we’re in, but I doubt it very much. It was the government hoop-jumping that took its toll. The expats who got in early had it way easier. Now they know what they have and they will make it as difficult, and as expensive as possible to do anything without a ton of money. It’s sad because there are enough huge, and expensive boutique hotels on the island. The cheap ones are kinda run-down with no way to attract people. I wanted to do something good. But as we all know; money makes the world go round. The Russians with new money are flooding Bali, and screwing it up. They were getting in all kinds of trouble while I was there with the government. And… they flood the heavy surf spots without a clue of what they’re doing. You can’t strap a boogie board leash to your ankle and expect to go anywhere, although I witnessed this first hand. I hadn’t laughed like that at someone elses expense before and there was no way I was going to help him out. He had 5 buddies that were doing it the right way, I think he thought he’d found some new idea. hahaha. Stand up boogie boarding is extremely difficult and I know he wasn’t pulling it off. He was just clogging the line-up. I’m just glad I’m chasing summer and going to NZ. It’s getting cold and threatening rain here in Santa Cruz. Thanks again.

Beautifully written. I myself is going back to singapore after a year in australia, and i know the “reverse culture shock” is gonna hit me hard.

whats up ppl?? i just got back from 10month stay in korea and a short vacation in china. I too am going through this dreaded experience. i struggle with feeling out of place a lot of times. however i just returned about 5days ago. i was looking forward to comming home and seeing my family and friends. now that i am home all those things that i hoped for overseas dont seem so appealing. i know the feelings of uncertainty and depression can be overwhelming at times. and it truly sucks. luckly for me got a girl out in china so im still trying to figure out my future. and i think everyones experience and insight on this blog can create a safe haven for others. its good when you can relate with others esp in a time of dismay. i guess the only advice i can offer is stay active. join a gym, basketball league, chess club, book club anything you can to stay active. also create a connection with the people you left behind. use skype keep in touch. i know its difficult to juggle two worlds but if you can create a good balance it can help. everything becomes so similar and you develop a new life for self overseas. returning home isnt as exciting as it should be. even though i only spent 10months overseas feels more like 10yrs. you develop and grow in ways you cant imagine. i know the feelings of not having the same joys for your old passions and it sucks. but you gotta think that if you can try to develop a new life where you need to step outside your comfort zone from time to time it could help. i think creating challenges for self is helpful too. i miss the surroundings and smells of asia as well as the people. but i think the key in all of this is patience. i know idle time and boredum can be such a buzz kill. but trying to stay positive and patient is key. i really dislike that my family cant rationalize my feelings or state of mind. its very frustrating and discouraging. but at the end of the day im still young and you gotta roll with the punches and find the little positives through out your day. i will continue to keep in touch on this site. i feel for everyone on this sight. reverse culture shock sucks!! and i wish we didnt have go through such a bad thing. but im glad i found this page. happy holidays to everyone.

wow. i am so glad to have found this blog. it’s been six years since returning from my year trip living abroad and traveling around the world. to this day i still have post trip depression and feel as though no one wants to hear the story of my “experience of a lifetime”. glad to have found you. i no longer feel so alone…
thanks. susan

Hi, I thank you to write about reverse culture shock. I think Im stuck on this issue in my mind and I was nearly gonna cry when I see some ppl who spoken in english. I feel missing the abroad where I was there for more than 3 years. Thank you

OK so its been a month. I have been home for a month. Things seem to be a little bit easier. For example simple things like cleaning, exercise, job searching.. etc. However I still feel very frightened and scared for what is to come in the future. This situation feels extremely difficult because im at another cross roads in my life and im not sure which way to go. At times i feel a loss of interest or true excitement for the things I enjoy the most. I still do them but its not the same. I think i miss my carefree attitude i had not too long ago. Being very young thinking i knew everything. But coming to find out i knew nothing. I still have so much to learn. Sometimes I feel like im bordering on some type of mental disorder because a lot of my peers dont seem to be in the same situation. I know the mental disorder is nonsense but im trying to rationalize my dissapointment and unhappiness with my current situation. The combination of growing into an adult and reverse culture shock has really been difficult. I am just wondering if anyone in here has every been in the same boat as me? What are some things that you recommend? How did you over come your struggles? Any advice or insight is highly appreciated. Im 24 and I feel like im starting my life all over again. Again any wisdom or insight would be great. thanks for listening.

Hi Mike,

I’m glad you know you don’t have a mental disorder. And I definitely know what you mean by it . I was at a different age (37 I think) when I came back for the first time, but it was also like starting all over. Nothing in my old life held any meaning. The whole world just looked like a hollow shell, and there was no place for me in it, and certainly no one who could begin to understand how I felt.
I can just say things do get easier, but they don’t go back to how they used to be before you left. You outgrew what was before. BUT: this is not a bad thing. It just sucks for a while! And I’d definitely repeat what others here have said before – meet some people from other places who know about this experience. I guaranttee you’ll find there’s nothing wrong with your mind and perception. And whatever you love or even like to do, DO IT as much as you can. It doesn’t even have to have meaning. If making mudpies makes you relaxed and happy, that’s all you need to know about it. Make it your habit for a while. It’s really, really important.
Eat, and even better, learn to cook what they ate where you just returned from. That experience belongs to you and the however many millions of people that live there, so you feel a little more connected.
And a really good one, plan your next escape. Even if you can’t do it now, in your mind you’ll know it will happen for you again, and you can get a little excited thinking about the details. LIttle mini trips help, too.
Really, give yourself time. This is definitely like a bad breakup. Over time you’ll feel less raw. It’s completely confusing and seems impossible to know where to begin to pick up the pieces, or how to make yourself feel better. It may be a day-by-day situation for a while, so allow yourself that.
Best of luck.

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